TV PG V CC entertainment open (weekly Rock check - IN)

the Basham Brothers (495 pounds) vs Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas (490 pounds) - no hometown for the Bashams? Maybe they moved. To seperate places. I guess. Your ref is Nick. Call me crazy, but I believe I've seen this match before.

12/12/04 New Years Revolution - Doug & Danny b Hardcore & Haas
01/29/05 Velocity - Doug & Danny b Hardcore & Haas
03/05/05 Velocity - Doug & Danny b Hardcore & Haas

It seems like a lot more than that, but the part of Charlie Haas was played by Billy Gunn previously. Plus three times in seven weeks, are they trying to kill this feud due to over exposure? The nerve of these Velocity bookers. It'll be Charlie and Doug? Sure. Announcers, somehow bereft of anything meaningful to talk about three minutes of the show, discuss JBL calling the Basham Brothers "one of the best tag teams of all time" in SmackDown! Magazine. Perhaps it was just a vague plug. Lockup, fighting over control, backing Haas into the corner, Haas turns it around, clean break? No, Doug shoves Haas away from him, and then charges into a Haas kick. Charlie rushes Doug 3/4rds of the ring over to the opposite corner for a turnbuckle smash, then all the way back to the start for another. Doug sits up, Doug gets kicked in the head. Kick by Haas. Chop. Chop. Haas, emulating his tag partner, is looking the the crowd between shots, and doesn't have the chop force to get away with it - Doug sneaks in a knee to take control. Chop by Doug, Chop by Doug. Pulling Haas out of the corner with a front facelock, and pausing him there with a forearm to the back. Setting up, whip, quick reverse to the release T-Bone. (Doug slightly over rotates and takes it all on his right hip.) Haas pauses to recover, and Danny clothesline him down from behind. Hardcore in yelling at Danny, who's leaving just as fast. Meanwhile, Doug's getting in some cheap punches on Haas until Hardcore scares him off too. Nick settles everything down, and we're back to Doug and Haas. Haas whipped in chest first, and Danny is tagged in. Kicks and stomps midsection. Kneelift, whip, kneelift. Danny can't decide which way to roll over Haas for the cover - right, left, right, let's go with right. Best accidental comedy spot yet. One two shockingly shoulder up. One two no. Smart for Danny to try again while Haas was already on his back, seeing how much trouble he had getting him there. Danny with a bodyscissors and waistlock on the mat. Hardcore rallying the crowd, and Haas trying to break free. Headbutts do the trick, but he's got a long way to go and Danny's got his leg. Danny reaches up to tag Doug, and Haas is quickly elbow dropped. Elbow drop. One two no. Abdominal stretch - yes, he's close enough. Looking for Danny. Waiting, moving closer, c'mon. Reaching - then not reaching. This would be a great tease if this wasn't a five minute match. Since Haas is now breaking free (it's a five minute match!), Doug just tags in Danny to help out, but Haas already has the hiptoss by the time Danny gets there, and Danny takes a hiptoss of his own. Haas performs the second cousin of his Silly Crazy Pumped Up Spin Dance, the So Tired I Will Drunkenly Stagger Around Despite Just Having Pulled Off A Move two step. Double back suplex is sorta escaped when Haas reverses it to fall on his butt, but in reaching distance of Hardcore. Double clothesline, double clothesline. Powerslam for Doug, full nelson slam for Danny, please ignore Romero thru all of this, Doug is clotheslined out. Hardcore going up, Hardcore with a Kane-ish top rope clothesline. One two Doug broke it up. Haas forearms Doug out of the ring and goes after him. Inside, Hardcore with a whip for Danny, slam lift escaped, Brain Damaj (the double chokebomb) escaped with a forearm to the head and now Hardcore will get that Alabama Slam loaded. Meanwhile, Haas must've screwed it up on the outside because here comes Danny with a kick to the midsection to free Danny into a sunset flip one two three? Okay (4:32) I take back my five minutes comment! I guess Danny and Doug figured if they could hold off on that spot to start the Face In Peril segment, it might get them in the win. Meanwhile, Hardcore and Charlie should never ever leave the ring because they always lose thirty seconds later.

Your announcers are Romero and Josh. Steve would like to hype the show, but Josh can't get over that last finish - almost like he's fearful not mitigating a Hardcore Holly loss would result in lots and lots of pain, or something.

Tonight: Barbarian Paul London vs Akio in a number one contenders match for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. Hmm. How about that. 

WM21: 22 Days Away.

Carlito politely asks for an answer from Undertaker about a challenge he's not even making, and he's Tombstoned for it. So unfair. Romero botches the storyline - "Carlito was counting his prayers, hoping not to run into the Deadman on SmackDown!". If that was his strategy, he ought to try not calling Undertaker out next time. On the show I saw, he had to do it to save his job, but then that's what I get for watching the show. (2:19)

SD!: Randy Orton vs the Undertaker in a Contract Signing. Oooooo-eh.

Still to Come: JBL wants all the belts. 
WM: Dirty Harry

WWE Rewind, SmackDown! vs RAW: them there belt got blown to pieces. And we'll never ever see it again. Never. Meanwhile, the best they can get as a sponsor now a days is their own video game that's been out for months? This is better than Juicy Pops, I'll give them that.

The Leader of the Chain Gang likes pipe. (:37) If you want to believe the rumor about a Cena/Orton trade post-WM, they just sent the groundwork for both GMs being willing to part with otherwise 'franchise' guys. If you're willing to believe they're running short on ideas at times, well, you got that one too. 

Scotty 2 Hotty (Westbrook, ME, 208 pounds) vs Spike Dudley (150 pounds) - Someone lost weight. How long would that beard have to be for him to get 151 pounds? Spike's braided his goatee (why?), which leads into a discussion about Josh's tuning fork. (No one liked it.) Your ref is Charles. Call me crazy, but I think I've seen this match before.

08/19/04 SmackDown! - Spike Dudley b Scotty 2 Hotty [WWE CW]
10/16/04 Velocity - Spike Dudley b Scotty 2 Hotty [WWE CW]

Scotty, a man with his own questionable hair decisions in his past, is thrown off his game by the goatee. Is Josh's dog named Lyric? Josh: "I've made that dog tap out more times than I care to remember." Must get awful boring late at night. Not that anyone watching should could relate. Spike's annoyed by Scotty clap. Lockup. Spike headlock. ECW ECW. Shot off, no holding on. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUNZIO. As a present, he doesn't have to appear here. HAPPY BIRTH MAE YOUNG. They don't say how old she is, perhaps because numbers that large can't fit on the screen. Let me look this up while these two accomplish nothing. My computer sure is slow and google is bad for this. W O R M woo woo woo who who who ha-huh? Spike just rolled out of the way? That sucks. Scotty is TICKED. Scotty tries a suplex, in, Spike reverse rollup with tights pull one two three. (4:38) By my thinking, you could've let Scotty finish the move, had Spike put his foot on the rope like a million people have done, and then done the same finish, yet the people would've gotten to see the whole WORM and been happier. Maybe I'm thinking wrong. IMDB says 86, by the way.

Tonight: Barbarian Paul London vs Akio in a number one contenders match for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship.

SmackDown! Live
03/13 - Buffalo, NY [SD!RTWM21T]
03/15 - Savannah, GA [SD!]
03/19 - Knoxville, TN [SD!RTWM21T]
03/20 - Hattiesburg, MS [SD!RTWM21T]
03/21 - Jackson, MS [SD!RTWM21T]

JBL/Orlando vs Rey/Eddie (1:52) Nunzio's 33.
WM21: JBL (c) vs John Cena for the WWE Championship
WM21: Triple H (c) vs Batista for the World Championship
WM21: Jericho vs Benoit vs Christian vs Edge vs Benjamin vs Kane in a Money in the Bank Ladder Match for a Future World Champion Match at a Date Of Their Choosing. (Interestingly, they have generic 'WM21 in Hollywood' type video for Benoit and Christian (!) but not the other four.)
WM21: Trish Stratus (C) vs Christy Hemme for the WWE Women's Championship. (Same generic footage here.)
WM21: Roddy Piper and Stone Cold Steve Austin on Piepr's Pit.
WM21: Akebono vs the Big Show in a Sumo Match (footage from RAW and a still of Akebono in sumo gear with Big Show Hollywood footage.)
WM21: Undertaker vs Randy Orton (video clip vs warehouse footage)
WM21: Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels

Tonight: Barbarian Paul London vs Akio in a number one contenders match for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. The joke is even funnier each time.

My first guess on why some people would have ripped from RAW/SD! clips and some would have specialized produced video clips is WWE expecting the former to do something at WM, and not the latter. But then you have Christian IN and Edge and Jericho OUT, and I wonder if they just haven't gotten time with those people yet. I know, who cares. Notice Orton got a specific background location instead of the generic; when they were planning these, they must've still been thinking of him getting a matchup which relied on more than a Randy Orton speech to get it over . But that's just second hand sleuthing. It'd be really great if they weren't 7 seconds long and repeated 8 times before the hype got over, though.

WrestleMania Recall, sponsored by Snickers Cruncher: WrestleMania I - wait no, just the Rockettes with Liberace.

WWE Cruiserweight Champion Chavo Guerrero is oddly dressed to wrestle, but I don't think he's in our huge main event. Romero figures Chavo just wants everyone to know Chavo Is In The Building - and apparently Chavo Is Going To Do Color Commentary. Listen to the change in audio as we switch from voice over work to taped live stuff for the rest of the show and pray Romero doesn't make a fool of himself. Josh: "Stand up, Steve, and shake the man's hand!" Chavo wants claps, not hand shakes. That's what he wants the people to do, for the best Cruiserweight In The World Today. Romero: "***JOSH!!!!!***, I think, has a different opinion about that, Chavo." Way to completely sell out your partner. Chavo: "He can have anything he wants, no one's listening to him." This is going to be just great.

Barbarian Paul London (Austin, TX, 195 pounds) vs Akio (Japan, 190 pounds) to become the #1 Contender To The WWE Cruiserweight Championship - sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide glare at Chavo. Chavo shows him with the belt looks like! "This is not going to be yours, Paul! This is mine! Chavo's!" Your ref is Brian. Call me crazy, but I think we've see this match before! 

09/18/04 Velocity - Paul London b Akio
12/04/04 Velocity - Paul London b Akio
01/15/05 Velocity - Akio b Paul London
02/12/05 Velocity - Paul London b Akio 

Look at Akio walking to the ring, like he's actually going to win this match. Awful gutsy of him. London's paying attention to Akio more than Chavo this week, but that's mitigated by Chavo not actually being in this match. Josh tries the "uncrowned cruiserweight champion" line on Chavo. "No one's listening to what you believe, no one cares what you believe, Josh. So why don't you go back, go shop at the Gap, and maybe they'll listen to you." Circle. Lockup, no Akio inside cradle one two no. Stop looking at Chavo, London! Circle/hopping. Lockup, Akio ends up with a full nelson, spun around into a fireman's carry, Akio rolls thru and stops on top during the move for a grounded crucifix rollup, one two NO. Now London's paying attention to the man in the ring, good. Circle. Chavo is of the "it doesn't matter who wins - I'd beat either of them" school. Lockup, London with a waistlock, Akio drops down and skates around on his hip to look for a trip, London trying to turn with him to block it, Akio gets a leg for a takedown, but London drops down on him. Front facelock by London, Akio looking for a way out but no luck so far. Akio forcing London to his feet, and escaping out into an armbar. Twist, reverse by London, back into a headlock, shot off, no London holds on to the headlock. Akio tries to use the hair to get out, London cranks the headlock to stop him. Akio with the back suplex, London holds on to the headlock. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock, off the ropes, over, quick turn and back over Akio, who's confused when he stands up and grabbed into the headlock. Headlock, London shot off, either a reversal or a clip as we look at Chavo, Akio decides to slide to the floor. BOOOOO. Akio taking his time coming back in. He's going to use a good six seconds coming in. Lockup, Akio with a kneelift, harsh back suplex, London ain't flipping out of that one, one two no. One two no. Announcers noting Akio's switched up from previous matches, looking for a quick end here. I guess he might as well try a new strategy. Akio with a kick. Forearm to back. Corner whip, Akio goes for the Tiger Mask Flip but no one's home, and he takes a variation of the lucha hamstring bump. Akio struggling up, which gives London his opening. TO the middle rope, Mushroom Stomp avoided (!), Akio misses a clothesline, London ducks the jumping spin kick and lands the dropkick. (Romero: "legdrop!" Josh: "Dropkick there, it was a dropkick." Your prayers weren't answered.) One two NO. London brings Akio in the near/announce corner for a turnbuckle smash, than to the far/announce corner for a turnbuckle smash, then a little faster to the far/ramp corner for a turnbuckle smash, and already around to the near/ramp corner for the complete circuit! Sadly, this is not a strap match. (That's much later in this feud.) Jumping headbutt! One two NO. Chavo: "There's no one in the world who can beat me today. Not these two. Not you [Josh]. Not your mom." Whip, Akio grabs the ropes, and London charges into a clothesline to take him out. Point to Chavo - watch the stompy dance. Josh: "The War Dance, the War Dance." Okay, the War Dance. Maybe he's a Native American Barbarian? No running, instead up to the top rope - top rope frog splash cross body or clothesline or something; impact looked a little bit off and Romero being a moron didn't help. Chavo gives props to that and no one notes the frog action - will they after this break? (4:08)

(probably not) 

Everyone back in as we return. London with a corner whip, Akio rebounds out right into an overhead belly to belly suplex. Stop looking at Chavo! Right hand by London. Corner whip, running forearm to the face by London. Corner whip, running forearm by London. London yells a meaningful word in his tribe's language (or just says 'forearm' again, I dunno), off the ropes and spun out via Akio dropkick to the knee. London's unable to get up right now, so Akio is going to go after that knee. Yanking the left leg around. Kneebreaker! I love kneebreakers. London tries to punch his way out, but he's only getting free because Akio wants to move onto something else, much to Chavo's disagreement. Hop hop hop kick to the bad leg. Knee smash into the mat. Legdrop on the leg, trying to turn it into a crooked figure four. Got enough where London's in pain, and having to get his shoulder up periodically. Akio starts chopping London to keep him down, and London chops back to break the hold. London uses the ropes to get up, and Akio sweeps out the leg. AKIO WANTS THE BELT! No one's paying the slightest bit of attention because the reaction might be interesting. Josh and Chavo are instead debating "your team lost/Akio lost" for the fifth time already. Kick to the inside of the knee. London's leg set up on the bottom rope, sit down on the leg. Romero, oddly helpful, waits till Josh and Chavo shut up, and then conveys Akio's message to Chavo. "He can want- I want a million dollars, doesn't mean it's going to happen." Needs a big WM bonus to make that work. Kicks to London's back. Stretch Muffler! Josh doesn't remember when Jamie used this because - it was Jamie, yea. London crawling, crawling, crawling, got 'em.  Akio breaks the holds - and breaks the tassels off London's boot by accident! That'd be awesome if it didn't end up on his head with the fans laughing at him. WHIPPING HIM WITH THE TASSELS! It is now awesome! Darn no fun having Brian Hebner taking it away from him. Chavo urges Akio to rip off the other ones too. Falling backwards knee snap, and again. One two NO. Josh: "I like those Ultimate Warrior like tassels. They're cool, don't you think?" Chavo, croqueting Josh's wardrobe: "You think that shirt is cool! You think that tie you got on is cool! I'm not listening to anything you're saying, because of what you're wearing." Akio's slapping the back of London's head. Knee to the head. London chopping his way up. Akio tries another sweep of the leg, but London lifts his leg over the top, London forearm, forearm, forearm, Akio kick to the bad left leg to stop him.  Akio off the ropes, right into the Dropsault, but London's hurt himself in the process. Both down. One two three four five six seven, London pulls himself up in the corner, Akio drives into a back elbow. London tries a headscissors, Akio tries to reverse it to a pulling powerbomb, but London beats him around the head, slamming his leg into Akio's shoulder until his backs off. Akio walks in again to a back elbow - he needs another plan. London out with a clothesline. Kick, kick, whip, backdrop, London down to one knee in the process. London trying to be pumped up but hurting to much to do it. Akio picked up, and sneaking in a kneelift. Corner whip, London kips up and out, and Akio charges - into a jumping leg lariat. One two NO. Chavo thinks there was a slow count. London drags Akio into the corner, but stumbles and falls in the process. Going up slowly. Chavo getting up and taunting! STOP LOOKING AT CHAVO ooooh Akio kicked him in the head! Akio sets up London on the top rope - Dragon Punch! Top rope 'rana, rolled thru by London jacknife one two THREE (6:35, 10:43) Chavo is SURE Akio kicked out on there end and is on Brian Hebner's case. Almost like he doesn't want this title matchup. "You can be the #1 contender all you want, I'm still the champion! You can't beat me, Paul! You cant'! You never have, you never will! I'm a FIVE time Cruiserweight Champion, you're a ZERO time Cruiserweight Champion, and I'm gonna keep it that way!" Standoff.

That's it. I think I might have jumped bandwagons somewhere along the way; let's all hope Akio at least gets a WM payday for his work in the field of being awesome. It takes two.