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Hardcore Holly (Mobile, Alabama, 242 pounds) vs Spike Dudley (150 pounds) - your announcers are Steve Romero and Josh, and this match can't possibly be good. TONIGHT: the return of Scotty 2 Hotty! Romero points out we saw this match only a month ago (actually, 8 weeks but whatever), and I bet it'll turn it out the same. I'll let you know if it doesn't - though Spike doing muscle poses is fun. Alabama Crunch, check. Dropkick, check. Actually, I'm now not paying any attention, so I may have ruined Hardcore Holly Bingo Night. Sorry. Spike goes for a top rope cross body, but Hardcore catches, loads, and fires him down with the Alabama Slam. That'll do. (4:01) Steve can't get over how quick the match was.

Tonight: Charlie Haas vs Rene Dupree
Up Next: Kenzo Suzuki vs John Cena.

SmackDown! Live
01/16 - Halifax, NS [HHH tour]
01/17 - Quebec City, QC [HHH tour]
01/18 - Montreal, QC [SD!]
01/22 - Amarillo, TX [HHH tour]
01/23 - Tupelo, MS [HHH tour]

Suzuki vs Cena for the US Title. The 'Too Hot For TV' hat is clipped here. Why do you hold up the microphone for the fans to say your line, and then say your line? What a dork. Wow, the whole match I didn't watch the first time. (3:31)

Still To Come: Big Show asks for an apology
WM Recall: Hogan defeats Sgt. Slaughter for the title, 1991 

SmackDown! vs RAW presents the WWE Rewind: the Bashams use a switch to win the tag team titles. 

Scotty 2 Hotty (Westbrook, Maine, 227 pounds) vs Chet Jablowski (225 pounds, already in the ring) - is anybody going to explain where he was? Not this duo. Wasn't Chet the first person in the Gold Medal Challenge? No answers tonight. Circle, lockup, armdrag by Chet, and he's thrilled happy with that. Circle. Chet really wants people to "shut the hell up". Lockup, Chet backs Scotty into the corner, and Chet punches and kicks him down. Jumping jacks. Wave to the crowd. Whip, Scotty slides under and hops up with a dropkick, dropkick, armdrag, armbar. Chet gets up to his feet, kneelift, and Scotty's thrown into the corner post. Chet pulls Scotty out from the corner, and works over his back with forearms. Armbar, and using it to take down Scotty. Stomp on the arm. Whip, clothesline. One two no. Armbar. Crowd bored with the match. Chet yelling some more. Crowd starts rallying for Scotty as he vibrates. Up to his feet, right, right, right, Chet knocks him down with a forearm. Chet says this is it, as Josh mentions Chet's worked for "IWA in Puerto Rico." Chet charges with a splash, but Scotty dives out of the way. Chet waits for Scotty to get back up, clothesline is ducked, Scotty's superkick connects. Both guys slow up, Chet actually up first, but Scotty does the miraculous recovery kip up to meet him. Scotty controls with punches. Whip, reversed, and back with a jumping clothesline. Scotty charges at Chet in the corner, and Chet trips him into the turnbuckle to take back control. Right. Right. Corner whip, reversed, Chet stumbles into the familiar position and Scotty figure sit out - two handed bulldog. Crowd knows it. Scotty doing the extended remix - W O R M woo woo woo who who who HA! One two three. (4:34) HA! I have nothing to say here.

Subway presents the WWE Slam Of The Week: Funaki beats Nunzio to retain the Cruiserweight Title.

Paul London (Austin, TX, 200 pounds) vs Akio (Japan, 200 pounds) - sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide. Akio's red outfit is cool, and so is no ponytail. Apparently, about a month ago can mean 8 weeks ago, or 6 weeks ago. It's a handy phrase! Josh: "[Akio vs London] is a match people are still talking about, calling it Match Of The Year." Close enough. Steve says Funaki's defended the title against "everyone put Paul London" which is one way of looking at it, I suppose. Josh: "I tried to talk to Akio earlier - unfortunately, I don't speak Japanese." YOU MY DOG, JOSH. What's even greater is Steve and Josh blindly grasping for a punch line to Josh and Akio talking, and coming up completely empty. Circle/hopping. Lockup, Akio armdrag, and he's pointing it out to London. Circle. Steve talks about Carlito distracting attention from the Funaki/Akio match of two weeks (which actually was two weeks ago!), but misses the irony. Lockup, London and Akio battle on the ropes, , with London being pushed into the corner. Akio is very slow to break, and London gets just enough room to shove him away. Shoving match goes nowhere. Circle. Lockup, Akio with a headlock, London steps on the back of Akio's leg to open up a reversal into a hammerlock. Into a headlock. Akio tries to turn out of it as Josh drops "American Strong Style and Japanese Strong Style" without explaining what either means. Akio slips out, and back to the headlock ago. London kicks Akio in the inside of the leg, and shoves him off, but Akio comes back with a shoulderblock. Akio stands over London and stares, so London kicks at him. Akio changes his mind at going to the ropes, and tries to stomp London in revenge, but London rolls out of the way and gets up. Akio tries another kick, but London catches it and gives Akio a fierce back heel trip. Headlock on the mat. Akio battles to his feet and tries a back suplex, but London lands on his feet. Akio turns right into the Dropsault, sending him to the floor. London starts doing the stomps of foreshadowing - pescado, Akio moves, London adjusts and lands on the apron, Akio tries to pick the ankle, London stomps him away - ASAI MOONSAULT. London hit the cement aisle very hard on impact there (and Romero knows what an Asai Moonsault is? Huh.) Both guys are down, but London gets up first and stomps himself back into consciousness. Replay, as London throws Akio back in, and comes in himself with a slingshot splash, one two NO. Akio getting up but grabbing his chest. London with a forearm, whip, reversed, Akio charges into a boot. (Josh mentions Ultimo Dragon's name in the usual 'made famous the Asai Moonsault' bit. Figure if it's significant later.) As Akio reels backwards from impact, London quickly jumps to the middle buckle and tries a moonsault bodyblock, but Akio stops forward and under. London lands on his feet, a little confused, and charges back at Akio. Akio catches and throws him overhead in a belly to belly suplex, causing London's legs to hit the corner ropes and London to fall on his head yet again. Charles Robinson wastes no time checking if London is still alive. He really needs to cut those spots out five minutes ago. London crawls away from the ropes to indicate he still wants in, and Akio stomps him multiple times right on the head. Akio ends up getting London in a sleeper. London battles back, crowd with him, but Akio stops him with a shot to the head. Whip, head down too soon, and London kicks it. Kick catch enziguri is ducked! Akio keeps London grounded with an elbow drop, and works over the back with stomps, and a standing moonsault into a half camel clutch! Akio's using a chinlock with one arm hooked, very odd. London tries to battle up, but Akio sits down on his back to force him back down. Crowd chants USA, and Akio yells at him - weird, because Akio almost never talks, and also it was in English. Josh says Akio doesn't know what "USA" means, because apparently being Japanese also means being half retarded. Corner whip, Tiger Mask Flip, but Akio turns from his celebration right into a London Superkick. London's still grabbing his head and moaning. Akio up first, with a barrage of strikes - the slap to the face apparently ticks off enough London enough to come back with a run of strikes of his own, finishing with many forearms to Akio's back. Whip, backdrop. Kick to the had, kick to chest, corner whip, Akio rebounds out, and London nails him with a leg lariat to the face. One two NO. Corner whip, London charge into a back elbow, Akio quickly up the ropes - YANG TIME! THAT'S HIS MOVE! One two THREE. (6:01) Crowd boos because Akio is awesome. Replay of the finish. Josh: "That's a corkscrew moonsault - Akio wants to call that 'AKIO TIME'" hahahahahahahahahahahahahahawesome. Josh: "All he said to me is 'AKIO TIME AKIO TIME AKIO TIME AKIO TIME AKIO TIME'" Whoa, London's back up and now he's picking another fight with Akio, it seems. Oh, no, London wants a handshake. And - YES! That's a handshake I can appreciate. (Note to self: put on 2005 list!)

Up Next: A Big Show segment I will not appreciate!

JBL vs Angle vs Show. So glad no one explained the joke. That Angle shirt is cool with me. So if it's a felony, Angle's SO getting in trouble next week, right? Quoting Col. John Smith always gets points. (5:31) 
Royal Rumble: JBL (c) vs the Big Show vs Kurt Angle for the WWE Championship in a Triple Threat Match
Royal Rumble: the Undertaker vs Heidenreich in a Casket Match
Can they decide what theme they want to use for the graphics for the Rumble already? This is the third different one. So sad.

Up Next: Charlie Haas vs Rene Dupree

Rene Dupree (Paris, France, w/Fifi) vs Charlie Haas (Edmond, Oklahoma, 238 pounds) - I guess he's a face this week? He should totally team with Shannon. Josh: "I am a big fan of myself, Steve. As all my fans of - Velocity. I got a million fans out there. Hello, Josh fans!" Steve mentions that Haas qualified for the Royal Rumble at the live show in Orlando, and Booker is also in (no show specified.) Lockup, Haas with a headlock, shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, shoulderblock again, and Rene will roll outside and flop around. USA chant displeases Rene for some reason. Rene has a word with the front row fans as he gets to the apron, and Haas slingshots him in. Turnbuckle smash, armbar, wristlock, step over armbar sit, and then another standing armbar. USA. Rene gets back to his feet, bicep poses, and punches Haas. Right. Right. Corner whip, and down goes Haas. Rene poses as Nick Patrick checks on Charlie Haas. Horribly exposed boot scrape. Snap mare. Off the ropes, kneedrop. One two no. Chinlock. Josh compares Rene and Randy Moss. Charlie drawing form the fans, elbow, elbow, elbow, and Rene pulls him down by the head. Rene taking his time going out an dup. Rene posing on the ropes before getting all the way up. Charlie charges, and pulls him off the top rope with an armdrag. Both guys pulling themselves up. Charlie up at seven, right, Dupree right, Charlie right, Dupree right, Charlie right, left, right, inverted atomic drop, and a clothesline. Rene charges into a backdrop, and then a clothesline. Charlie off the ropes, and nails a fivearm. Charlie's pumped up, while Rene gathers himself into a corner. Haas misses the corner splash, and now Rene's dancing. Dupree Driver is escaped, and Rene turns into the T-Bone suplex one two three. (4:55) That's a bit of a surprise.

That's it.