the electricity is turned back on

open.

Simon Dean (Clearwater, FL, 210 pounds, w/Dean Machine) vs Brian Kendrick (Seattle, WA, 171 pounds) - Your ref is Charles Robinson. Simon has nothing to say? Brian's wearing the new goofy gear. Oh, here we go. "People, my name is Simon Dean. And Simon Says that the people I meet are usually morbidly obese and have eaten way too much food. But before me tonight stands a young man who has apparently never eaten any food in his entire life! You need to bulk up, little man, because if you were any thinner, you'd be invisible. Now look, I'm going to make this one time offer, hollow man, I'm going to give you a one month sup - make that a one year supply - of my patented Lean Dean Mass Plus Bar! Look at me kid. And I suggest you take these bars, you eat them, you put on a few pounds, and you come back here and give me some competition, because I don't want to be responsible for crippling some punk anorexic kid. Now, this offer is only going to last five seconds: four, three, two-" and Brian FINALLY punches him. Rights hands to the face. Whip, reversed, Brian ducks under, and lands a monkey flip. Dropkick, Simon lands in the corner, Brian charges, Simon tosses him to the apron, but Brian slingshots himself back into the ring. Simon fights him off with a big right, but Brian charges at him and gets him with a bodyscissors cradle. Forearms, off the ropes, ducking a clothesline, crossbody caught, and Simon spins him out into a side backbreaker, sorta. That just looked messed up. Simon adds a hard jumping elbow drop to Kendrick's back and is firmly in control as he adds a kneedrop. Corner stomps, with the heel kick on the way out. Knee to the head. Hipchecks to the head. Romero: "What a week it's been, allegations flying [seconds of silence]." Josh [nervous/terrified]: "I don't know what we can say about THAT!" I bet someone forget there's no rape in WWE. Over the shoulder backbreaker, one two no. One two no. Front facelock with knees to the head. "SIMON SUCKS". Simon forces Brian into the corner, tries to hiptoss him out, and Brian turns it into a backslide one two no. Knees to the back. Setting up for it - Curbstomp. It must be really trippy to fighting one of those guys that are on the tapes Simon's watching. One two no. Crossface shots? Simon does it away from the camera so we can't really see. Dean with a double underhook front facelock, but Brian's rallying up to a Simon Sucks chant. Knees, Dean stops that with a forearm to the back. Double underhook whatever gets reversed into a headscissors by Brian, and both men are down. Simon up first, Brian trying to punch his way to his feet but stopped with a forearm. Simon off the ropes, into a leg lariat. Back elbow, off the ropes, running fivearm, running tope! Dropkick, and Simon takes a funny bump off the ropes. Kendrick to the middle rope, and off the middle rope for a DDT. Count is a bit slow to start, one two no. Simon backs Kendrick into the corner, but Brian ducks under a clothesline - Sliced Bread #2, but Simon gets the ropes and Brian goes flying. Simonizer, one two three. (5:00)

Paul Burchill (England, 245 pounds, w/William Regal) vs John Xavier (Hartford, CT, 215 pounds, already in the ring) - Regal has a nice suit this week. Your ref is Nick. Lokcup, Burchill with a back heel trip and a pose. Lockup, Xavier with an sinide cradle, one tow no. Armbar, whip, reversed, Burchill puts his head down too soon, Xavier leapforgs over, and comes back with something in between a knee and a dropkick. Xavier waiting for Burchill to get up, so he can hit a running knee. Corner whip, Burchill kips up and out and rolls, Xavier turns and charges right into a powerslam. "OH YEA!" How about covering? One two no. Burchill working the back with forearms and maybe a knee. Maybe not. Never can tell. Scoop, slam. "THIS IS GREAT!" Maybe he didn't really say that, but that would be great if he did. Suplex - no, Xavier's blocking, we pretend. Xavier with right hands, but Burchill pounds him down with a forearm and stomps. Right. Clothesline to the back. Chinlock for a moment. Back suplex, one two Xavier grabs the bottom rope. USA chant, but it dies by the time Xavier rallies from Burchill's sorta-cobra clutch (that's not right, but pretend) resthold submission. Xavier tries forearms to the midsection, but Paul stops him with a forearm. Scoop, slam. Paul up to the middle rope, pose, pump splash meets knees. Paul's still standing, and charges Daxiver, only to miss. Dropkick. Xavier is pumped and punching, chopping and landing jumping knees. Xavier watis for Burchill to stagger out of the corner, off the ropes, Paul gets him with a punch to the midsection. Paul tries a hiptoss, Xavier blocks it, lands his own punch to the midsection, and flips out of the hold - only for Paul to behead him with a clothesline. "THIS IS IT!" Flipping Rock Bottom better be it, because if you can't win with that, how are you going to win? Why is he going up now? Top rope knee to the side for no reason. One two three. (38-511) Regal is happy with Burchill for winning, but I bet he's not happy with Paul for being a dork.

Paul London (Austin, TX, 190 pounds) vs Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 202 pounds) - sliiiiiiiiiiiide and then zip line? No one's even addressing the masks. Your ref is Brian. This could be, uh, good. Josh says no one like Jamie Noble, except HIM. Lockup, Jamie with a hammerlock, London rolls and reverses into a headlock, headlock takedown, Noble with a headscissors reversal, both up, London with a headlock takedown, back up to his feet, Noble throws him down by the hair. Noble backs London in the corner. Chop. London kicks his way out of the corner, rights and lefts to Nobel's sides, and punching into the other corner. Whip, reversed, London slides under (clips out Noble in the process) and gets Noble with a 'rana. Elbowsmash. Whip, reversed, Noble charges into a back elbow, up, and landing the Mushroom Stomp. London celebrates a tiny bit. Running at Noble, Noble tosses London over, London skins the cat up, Noble dropkicks him while he's hanging upside down! Always fun. That's how he should lose the Rumble this year. Noble collects London, throws him in, and smashes his face into the apron. Noble covers, but London's got the bottom rope. Snap mare, hard kicks to the spine. Elbow drop. One two no. Leaning abdominal stretch by Noble. London trying to get out, but Noble's standing up straight now. Hiptoss finally does it, but Noble kicks him away on the follow up. Whip, both battle for control on the abdominal stretch, London gets it, but Jamie grabs him and drops him with a gutbuster. Knee to the head, off the ropes, into the Dropsault. This is pretty even. Exchange of punches, Noble gets the better one, London bounces off the ropes to land a strong one, Noble tries the same and gets booted in the head, and then gets an enziguri. One two NO. London picking up Noble in a full nelson, but Noble's got the ropes. London lets go to kick him again. Back suplex, Noble lands behind (not quite on his feet), waistlock roll backwards, right back to their feet so Noble can try for the Dragon Sleeper. London's screaming, trying to evade it, managing to turn and run Noble into the corner. Rights. Noble set up on the top rope, London pounding him on the back to soften him up for a superplex, but Noble pushes him off. London stands back up, and superkicks him! Noble's out sitting on the top rope. London out after him - top rope 'rana hits the mat hard, but some how Noble rolls thru one two NO! Noble looks to be really hurting. London tries a clothesline, Jamie ducks under and lifts him up in a fireman's carry, then drops him with the double knee gutbuster. Dragon Sleeper locked on, with bodyscissors - there's no one way London can get out, and he gives. (5:32)

Melina's press conference. That's her serious outfit? It's physically impossible for Mark Henry to appear "out of nowhere". He's kinda hard to miss. (3:19)

Vito & Nunzio (420 pounds) vs Legion of Doom (575 pounds) - Romero: "Every time I say that, you look at me like I'm crazy. Perhaps I am." Perhaps. Oddly, Chimel doesn't call this team Legion of Doom, even though the graphic lists them as such and somehow, they still get fireworks. Vito kicks his own gear out of the ring, how odd. Wait, Nunzio insists on starting. Shove for Animal, off the ropes, shoulderblock, down Nunzio goes. Nunzio rethinking this. Shoulderblock works just as well again. Vito pats Nunzio on the back, which is a tag to me but apparently not to Jimmy Korderas. Crossbody is caught, Animal walks and side backbreakers him twice before chucking him. Tag to Heidenreich. Shoulder to shoulder. Backed into the corner. Tag to Animal. Whip, spinebuster lift, Vito distracts the ref into stopping Heidenreich, and clips out Animal's leg. Nunzio on top, covering, one two nope. Tag to Vito, who's stomping mad. Sit on the leg looks no t so good. Tag to Nunzio, making a wish. Nunzio with right hands, tag to Vito, holding for a right. Vito with a scoop, slam. Double springboard pump splash, Vito's pumped. Tag to Nunzio, one two big kickout takes Nunzio out of the ring. Animal up and pointing at his corner, but Vito in (totally illegally) to kick him until he falls. Nunzio back in and up to the middle rope - crossbody is caught YET AGAIN, and Animal lands the big powerslam. Animal hobbles over to his corner for the tag. Big - something, must've been so bad they had to completely hide it. Clothesline, clothesline for Vito, whip for Nunzio, boot for him. Whip for Vito, boot for him. Heidenreich's boots aren't so great. Whip for Nunzio, spinning side slam for him one two Vito breaks it up. End it already, okay? Vito charges Animal and casually gets backdropped to the floor. Animal calling for it. Nunzio loaded up, and there's the Doomsday Device. One two three. (3:46) Does either guy know what the name of the move is? Ah, Josh finally said it. That's it.