Coolest Thing I Did Last Week: Ever find yourself exclaiming "who is that masked man!" If he's a current Mexican luchadore of any note, you can probably find a picture of him on my new lucha picture roster pages.

Let me add a special 'YAY for TiVo', because I didn't even bother to check to see if things we're getting recorded right with the UFC special. If they made mention of it last week, it was only on those bottom line adverts and I'm completely desensitized to them. 

tv pg v cc entertainment open - hey, Meixcools! Hassan is gone.

Nunzio (175 pounds, w/well, I KNOW, but they don't list nothing yet) vs Paul London (Austin, TX, 195 pounds) for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship, in a "they're going to keep doing this match until..." match  - Your announcers are Josh and Steve, who proclaims this to be a tremendous night not to have a life. TWO TWO TWO Title matches. Josh: "I don't know who this is with Nunzio." SEE! I knew they were going to do that. You can't see this, but I'm pointing to my head. Maybe Josh isn't sure if he's supposed to call him Von Krus? Nunzio appears to be a heel this week. Nunzio almost gets run over on the sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiide, leapfrogging over and turning to attack, but getting armdragged instead. Your ref is Charles and this match is underway. Hiptoss, shoulderblock, off the ropes, Nunzio drops down, London stops and scissors him into a pin one two NO. London's still wearing the belt, by the way - Nunzio manages to connect his knee high enough to get his stomach instead. The belt falls of there, and Charles collects it before shenanigans can happen. London switches into a waistlock, Nunzio gets the ropes, but turns into a 'rana. London is fired up. Running forearm in the corner. Up to the middle rope. Mushroom Stomp! One two NO. There's THAT GUY. Now that we're on voice over instead of 'live', Josh has had a sudden memory recall (or someone decided it was stupid for him to be playing stupid): "You know who that-That's Vito! I thought that was Vito when he came do to ringside and now I know for sure. A former WCW and ECW wrestler, he's from Staten Island, New York, that's not too far from where Nunzio's from, I guess these guys know each other." Corner whip, reversed, London corner kips up, Nunzio catches and tosses him, London lands on the apron, Nunzio forearms him off the apron. London collects himself, gets back on the apron, and Nunzio dropkicks him down. Nunzio happy to win by countout at the moment - ah, he'll go out at five. London brought in, one two no. Mounted punches. Smashing London's head into the mat. Knee drop to the head. Stomp. Vito hasn't moved since the start of the match. Suplex. One two NO. Chinlock. Steve: "Vito looks imposing, perhaps a bit dastardly." Josh: "..." London battling up, with punches, but one punch back stops him. Kneelift from Nunzio. Whip, dropkick, but London's got the ropes. Oklahoma Roll one two NO. That's the one move Romero knows. London tries to clothesline, but gets caught in a hairpull reverse neckbreaker one two no. Spine kick. Kneeling chinlock. London trying to draw from the crowd, crowd coming with him. London with punches to the head to fight free, but Nunzio gets in a knee. Whip, backdrop, but London lands on his feet. Nunzio charges, spinning headscissors blocked into a face first powerbomb. Both guys are down. One two three (London's in a corner, pulling up) four, both up, Nunzio charges, splash misses. London with a heel kick to the midsection, and forearms to the face. Nunzio pushes him away, but London fires back with the Dropsault. Nunzio stumbles forward, right into London's overhead belly to belly suplex one two NO. London with a forearm. Corner whip, charge in, Nunzio forces London over the top rope (quite a fight on that one.) Forearm for London doesn't knock him off. Nunzio tries to suplex him back in, but it sorta falls apart - London lands behind him, sorta. Whip, reverse, London stops that with a kick to Nunzio's arm, and spins around into a jumping enziguri. Nice. One two NO. London not happy with that count. London trying for a powerbomb, Nunzio sorta turns it around into a faceslam. Like they both lost their balance, and Nunzio took advantage. One two no. Romero thinks London might have a concussion. Corner whip, London goes in chest first, rebound out, but nails Nunzio with a superkick when he tries the clothesline. London dragging Nunzio into position for a top rope move, and Vito, realizing this can not be allowed to happen!, spring to action. He had a stick of some kind hidden underneath his pants, small enough that he can conceal it with his hand now, and he's jumped up on the apron to get at London. Charles yells at him to get back down, as London aborts the move and drops to the canvas to find out what's happening. London having words with Vito, and Vito let's them be distracted by him, so he can underhand throw the object to Nunzio. Nunzio gets it, and smashes it into London's skull. Charles was looking the wrong way. One two three. (5:51) New Champion. First (and probably last) title change on Velocity. Nunzio throws the weapon back to Vito, who hides it back in his sock. Vito wastes no time demanding the belt. Replay of the finish. Vito puts the belt around Nunzio's waist. KISS.

Earlier today, Josh talked to the man who's challenging for the United States Championship tonight: Hardcore Holly. "Well, Josh, the first time I faced Orlando Jordan, he cheated to win. The second time I faced Orlando Jordan, he cheated to win. This is my third opportunity, and I will not be cheated! Tonight, on Velocity, he's going up, and he's down, with the Alabama Slam, and I will be US Champion."

Are they going to promo UFC throughout? I guess someone's gotta to do it. This one could've used a retake.

We're told Paul London left, and came back during the break. Huh. Seems inefficient. "Something's different - isn't it? Something's missing. I gotta it. I used to run to this ring with the Cruiserweight Championship down my waist! Right around my waist, yea, I had the Cruiserweight Cham-. But it's gone! It was stolen from me! By two criminals! Nunzio and Vito! A couple of thieves! [thinking] This is the worst night of my life. This is the worst night of our lives! We were screwed! [appalled] and it's not fair, it's not fair - I'll tell you that again, 'it's not fair!' We know that! But you know what, we're going to protest! Would you let a thief burglar your house, and let him get away with that? Absoutelynot, and we're not going to let them get away with that. So what we're going to do is organize a march, and we're going to the WWE Headquarters, and we're going to strike hard, we're going to strike first, and we're going to show no mercy, because our rights were infringed, and we're going to do everything we can to get my - OUR Cruiserweight Championship back. Now who's with me, c'mon! [mixed reaction] C'MON! People, I know you love it!" Play his music as he tries to urge everyone to come to back with him. London grabs his head again as he leaves. Was that the weirdest heel turn speech ever or just generally weird?

WWE Slam of the Week, sponsored by Juicy Drop Pops, JBL beats Undertaker to get the title shot at SummerSlam, thanks to Randy Orton.

SD: Batista/JBL contract signing (3:16)
SS: Batista vs JBL in a No Holds Barred Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
SS: John Cena vs Chris Jericho for the WWE Championship
SS: Matt Hardy vs Edge
SS: Undertaker vs Randy Orton
SS: Hulk Hogan vs Shawn Michaels
SS: "Remedy" by Seether

Tonight: Orlando Jordan vs Hardcore Holly for the United States Championship
Nunzio won on the third try - can Hardcore do the same?

SD! Live
08/07 - Johnson City, TN [SD! Live]
08/08 - Charleston, WV [SD! Live]
08/09 - Columbus, OH [SD!]
08/13 - London, ON [SD! Live]
08/14 - Owen Sound, ON [SD! Live]

WWE Rewind, sponsored by DB2: Orton gets his answer.

Simon Dean (Clearwater, FL, 210 pounds) vs Mo Sexton (205 pounds, already in the ring) - Simon Dean squash matches? Is that what we've sunk to? I bet you a million billion dollars Simon has something to say. "Now, my name is Simon Dean, and Simon Says I have an offer for you. Now, hold on, you have two choices. You take this delicious Simon System protein bar, and you eat it, because hopefully it will help you in your match with me tonight - but I doubt it. Or choice two, I can beat the fat off of you, and force feed it to you. What's up man, the choice is all yours." Mo, of course, swats the bar away, and Simon, of course, kicks him. Your ref is Nick. Whip, Mo slides underneath and starts punching. Corner punches get to zero before he's given an inverted atomic drop. Kick to the ribs. Stomp. Forearm. Elbow drop. Josh, after Romero points out obviousness for a minute: "Steve Romero, all you're asking for is 'Simon Dean, take off your shirt'". Josh is basically right, though Romero disagrees. Snap mare. Mo slips free of a chinlock, but gets a forearm to the head. Springboard stomp. Kick to the ribs. Forearm. Romero: "The bottom line is [Dean] may be stopping by the fitness buffet a few too many times." Josh promises to tattle to Dean. Simon finding new ways to scrape Mo's face with his boot. Forearm. Mo elbowing up. Right. Right. Whip, reversed, into a reverse flapjack backbreaker. One two no. Stomp. Choke in the ropes. After Simon breaks (due to warning), Mo elbows to try and get control. Clothesline is blocked, backslide is sorta blocked, Simon turns it into a weird camel clutch with legscissors. Mo gets free, and drops Simon with a back suplex. Simon up first, but punched in the gut. Rights. Whip, reversed, Simon lifts him up, Mo dropkicks him down one two no. Mo kicks Simon. Rights in the corner. Bulldog out - no, Simon turns it around and drops Mo with a clothesline. Check the pulse. Romero: "[Simon]'s an idiot." Simonizer. One two three. (3:54) Josh: "He's a victorious idiot!" He's also good on his word - there's the candy bar to the mouth.

Hey look, Christian jobbed. Is there another brand he can jump to? Chapter 2. (7:41)

Earlier Today, Romero talked to OJ. OJ: "Who am I?" Romero: "The United States Champion." [huh] "Smooth as silk and sweet as sugar. Brother, all's fair in love and war. Six weeks ago, I beat Hardcore Holly and tonight I'm gonna beat him again. For fifth months, I've been the United States champion, and Romero, ain't no one gonna take what's mine."

Orlando Jordan (Miami, Florida, 257 pounds) vs Hardcore Holly (Mobile, Alabama, 242 pounds) for the United States Championship - haha no high five for the kid. BURN. This match has peaked with OJ's entrance. All downhill from here. You know, OJ's proving to be an exception to the "debut on B-Show = DOOM!" law. Romero: "One guy who brings them out of their seats time and time again is Hardcore Holly." [punchline here] Eight weeks ago, these two met on Velocity, and OJ took it with his feet on the ropes. The "six weeks ago" match OJ referred to is the one SmackDown! 06/19, and OJ took it with his feet on the ropes. So we know what we're looking for now? Okay. Your ref, as you might expect for a main event title match, is Brian. THIRD TIME THIRD TIME THIRD TIME. Lockup. Battling. OJ gets an armbar. Reversed into a hammerlock. OJ tries a snap mare to get free, but Hardcore holds onto the hammerlock and rolls OJ over with him. Hardcore lets go to cover OJ, one two no. Back up in armbar but OJ kicks loose. Whip, OJ misses a clothesline, Hardcore kicks him, armbar, arm spin takeover. Both back up to his feet. Armbar. OJ with a forearm to get free. OJ forearm. Hardcore gets back the armbar. OJ manages an armdrag, but again Hardcore holds on and gets a hammerlock. OJ tries trolling free, and he's up to his feet. Hardcore reverse to a wristlock. OJ shoves Hardcore into the corner, Hardcore turns it around at the last second, Brian gets between the two to break it up, and OJ gets in the cheap shot. OJ is questioned but says he's innocent. Doesn't matter, as he walks into Holly Chops. Chop. Chop. Chop. Whip, Chop. OJ rolls to the apron. Hardcore pulling him up by the air, and OJ snaps his neck over the ropes. OJ back in as Hardcore is down on the mat. OJ on him, snap mare, elbow drop. Elbow drop. Elbow drop. Choke. One two three four - Brian breaks it up, only for OJ to go right back to it. OJ doesn't seem to understand the concept of five. One two three four, break. Swinging neckbreaker. One two no, big kickout there. Chinlock. Romero says OJ needs to do everything he can do to beat Hardcore "legal or illegal." Speaking of illegal, Hardcore is' trying to get out of the hold by hair pull. No go. Hardcore getting back up. Right. Right. Right. Off the ropes, clothesline misses, Hardcore back with a clothesline of his own. Both slow up. One two three four five - OJ up first. OJ right. Hardcore right. OJ right. Hardcore right. OJ right, Hardcore right, Hardcore right, Hardcore right, Hardcore right. Whip, shoulderblock. Back elbow, whip, backdrop. Hardcore pumped. Whip, reversed, OJ misses the clothesline, Hardcore gives him the half nelson slam, one two NO. Chop. Chop. Corner whip, Hardcore corner clothesline. Corner whip, charge, OJ pulls Brian Hebner in the way, and he gets sandwiched. Brian wastes no time calling for the bell. (DQ 5:21) Hardcore can't believe it, but I don't believe he got cheated out of a victory this time. Hardcore asks the fans if he should beat him up anyway? Yea, there's the Alabama Slam.

That's it.