Let's - not talk about it.

TV PG V CC entertainment open

Scotty 2 Hotty (Westbrook, Maine, 217 pounds) vs Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 213 pounds) - Romero, off to a rocking start, explains that the Royal Rumble PPV features the Royal Rumble match. Your announcers are Steve Romero and Josh DeBona. Your referee is Brian. Romero is really worried we might think this match might suck. Maybe he knows the finish? Why are we showing fans giving Chavo a thumbs down and why is Romero all the sudden remarking on the fans not cheering for Chavo? I sense we're heading down a familiar road. Lockup, Scotty armbar, twist, Chavo forward roll, forward handstand, reverse, Scott forward roll, kip up, corner whip, reversed hard and Scott goes down. Scotty grabs his neck as we talk about surgery. Brian Hebner is checking on Scotty and not letting Chavo follow up. Chavo seems to be indicating he did that on purpose, as part of his match strategy, and he should be allowed to take advantage of a totally legally maneuver, but Hebner backs him up. How unfair. Chavo checks on Scotty himself as Scotty gets back on his feet, talking him up as he stands up - EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! Stomping him down! Taunting the fans now with a wacky Latino Heat dance! Awesome. Scotty's stomped down, and then driven into the top turnbuckle. Snap mare, cravate with half nelson. Josh debates "unethical blindside attack" versus "trying to win the match." I think we all don't miss DeMott at the moment. Scotty railing from the crowd, standing and hopping around on one foot. Scotty elbows, but Chavo knocks him down with a forearm. Kick. Short clothesline reversed into a back suplex, and both are down. This match is waaaaaaaay to fast - they needed five minutes just to open before the uppercut - and now we're about to get the comeback. Chavo's on his knees at seven when Scotty pulls out the HBK recovery kip up, and Chavo's begging off before charging. Chavo blocked, Scotty not. Repeat. Flowing right cross. Whip, reversed, Scotty back with a fivearm. Tarzan chest pound. Corner whip, reversed, and Scotty's sent back towards the corner, but goes in chest first this time. Chavo forearms him in the back, then corner whips him again. (Nothing special this time.) Chavo charges in, but Scotty gets a boot up. Chavo in position. W O R M woo woo woo who who who ha one two FOOT ON THE ROPE. Oh man, I was scared they were going to turn Chavo and have him job to the Worm in the same match. You were thinking it too, c'mon. Romero felt the need to talk over the WORM because he's a MORON. Scotty, also a moron, thinks he's won the match (Brian actually stopped his hand from hitting the mat the third time, and it's not like Scotty's music is playing.) Chavo sneaks behind, rebound waistlock rollup with middle rope grab, one two oh no Brian caught it. Chavo lets go of the pin to argue, Scotty reverses it (and pulls the tights, though no one seems to notice in the moment) one two three. (4:00) oh, that's SO much better. Chavo argues the tights pull, but a rope wasn't involved so Brian didn't see it. Romero, busy pushing the 'what effect will this have on his Royal Rumble chances' (uh, anything times zero is still zero?), does not mention the tights pull.

Tonight: WWE Tag Team Champions the Basham Brothers vs Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas

WWE Slam of the Week: Kenzo Suzuki still can not beat John Cena

Rene Dupree (Paris, France, 260 pounds) vs Biohazard (235 pounds, already in the ring) - Kidman and Rene should form a tag team of people with fabulous outfits they wear to the ring. Or Kidman should just be uninjured, whatever. Fans chant USA - you don't get more American than a biohazard! Rene wants a handshake. He gets it! And then Rene kicks him. It'll be downhill from here. Jab. Jab. Jab. Jab. He's the new Billy Gunn! Whip, back elbow, look at my abs, aren't they great? Hanging suplex gives Josh and Steve to talk about the number draw - seems a bit weird for no one to have used #1 or #30 in an angle, but I guess it's a result of the scaled back GMs. Cover, one two no. Rene shoves Bio in the corner. Chop. Chop. Corner whip, backdrop. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip. Rene walks into a nice Bio kick. Rene is pulled down by the neck, and given a spine kick. Bio to the middle rope, second rope jumping neck snap, one two NO. Bio with a forearm, chop, chop, chop, whip, head down too soon, Rene kicks him, then clotheslines Bio (allowing him to take the flip bump he's been waiting for!) Dance, dance, the magical dance. So bored. Dupree Driver, one two three. (2:53) It was downhill. Rene's backwards roll out of the pin was nice.

NOW they can show the Steve Austin footage. Don't care. (2:17)

Still To Come: last man standing match

SmackDown! Live (still haven't taken RVD out)
01/30 - Fresno, CA [Royal Rumble - show listed as starting :15 before the PPV - enough time for a match?]
01/31 - San Jose, CA [super show - SD!]
02/01 - Honolulu, HI [super show]
02/05 - Saitama, Japan [SD!]
02/06 - Anchorage, AK [super show]

Heidenreich/UT build package. (2:17)
Royal Rumble: Heidenreich vs Undertaker in a Casket Match

Tonight: WWE Tag Team Champions the Basham Brothers vs Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas

WWE Rewind, presented by SmackDown! vs RAW: Paul London wins a spot in the Royal Rumble last Thursday

Nunzio (169 pounds) vs Akio (Japan, 200 pounds) - Steve bills this as "the battle of guys who lost to Funaki." Somehow, no A-Train. Circle/hopping. Lockup, Akio with an armbar, shoulder to the shoulder, crank, slap to the back of the head, twist, twist, slap, twist, you want to get a rope, Nunzio? He does, flipping himself into a reversal, fireman's carry, one no. Nunzio off the ropes, bodyscissors into a small package one no. Nunzio wants more but Akio backs off into the corner. Your ref here is Charles, by the way. Circling. Akio wants a Test of Strength, and goes for the kick as soon as their hands touch, but Nunzio is ready for it, grabbing that leg and sweeping out the other one for a big takedown. Nunzio slaps Akio in the head a bunch, though Akio squirms away. Akio's pants are falling down, great. Nunzio trash talks him for those earlier slaps, and this time down's see the kick coming. Forearms. Whip, and Nunzio shows off a spinning headscissors into a Fujiwara armbar! (and Josh calls it!) Akio's in a lot of pain, but manages to struggle to the ropes. Nunzio gets another armbar, and pulls Akio near the corner for an apparent continuation of his Italian Mysterio act, but Akio breaks free of the armbar, and uses the ropes for a high swinging kick to Nunzio's as he's standing on the middle rope. That causes Nunzio to topple over the ropes, and all the floor. Akio tries to rub some pain out of his shoulder before following up - standard Raven Russian legsweep into the barrier. Akio brings Nunzio back in, and works him over with stomps to the head and neck. Into a chinlock - wish he had something neater, or at least not standard fare, for this part. Nunzio stomps the mat to try and get the fans into this, but Akio stops his comeback with a forearm to the back. Corner whip, Akio charges in, Tiger Mask Flip, and Nunzio rushes out into a superkick. Fans giving it up for Akio, who soaks it in. Finally, a cover, one two no. Neck vice. Nunzio kicking at he mat to get the support from the crowd, but they're not as strong this time. Elbowing out, Akio grabs his hair top stop him, but Nunzio reverses it with a chinbreaker. Akio is up first, and kicking Nunzio in the side. Nunzio responds with a hard chop. Akio chops hard back. Akio chops again, but Nunzio blocks it and gives him the thumb to the eye! Clothesline. Shove down. Whip, backdrop. One two NO. Running swinging neckbreaker one two NO. Slam. Nunzio starts towards the corner, then seems to realize the distance (I guess) and changes his mind. Corner whip, Nunzio charges into a back elbow. Akio starts climbing the ropes, but Nunzio jumps up to join him - Russian Legsweep off the middle rope. Doesn't get a huge reaction, though looked neat. One two no. Now Nunzio goes to the second rope again, dives off looking for something indeterminate, and Akio catches him in a huge gutbuster. Akio positions Nunzio and says it's over - at least some of the crowd cheering for him. Top rope. AKIO TIME. One two three. (5:09) We note the hand marks Nunzio's left on Akio. He's pretty stoked about this win.

Up Next: JBL vs Kurt Angle

WM Recall, sponsored by Snickers: WrestleMania One highlights.

JBL/Kurt. Big Show can see the camera? (3:48)
Royal Rumble: Kurt Angle vs JBL (c) vs the Big Show for the WWE Championship
Royal Rumble: Heidenreich vs Undertaker in a Casket Match
Royal Rumble: Shawn Michaels vs Edge
Royal Rumble: Randy Orton vs Triple H (c) for the World Heavyweight Championship
Royal Rumble: NO GRAPHIC WITH ALL THE HEADS? How wrong. Let's try this again.
Royal Rumble: Batista, Booker T, Charlie Haas, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Christian, Dan Puder, Eddie Guerrero, Edge, Gene Snitsky, Hardcore Holly, Jonathan Coachman, John Cena, Kane, Kenzo Suzuki, Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak, Muhammad Hassan, Orlando Jordan, Paul London, Rene Dupree, Rey Mysterio, Ric Flair, Scotty 2 Hotty, Shawn Michaels, Shelton Benjamin, Simon Dean, The Hurricane, Viscera and one more SD! wrestler in a 30 Man Royal Rumble Match for a Main Event Championship Match at WrestleMania 21 
Royal Rumble: Alter Bridge, "Find the Real" 

WWE Tag Team Champions Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 495 pounds) vs Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas (490 pounds) - your referee is Nick. This can only possibly include another Doug and Hardcore fight, and so they start. Josh: "What will happen if it comes down to Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak?" The universe collapses upon itself! (And Luther wins.) Lockup. Doug pushes Hardcore all the way across the ring, with Hardcore turning it around at the last instant. Choppin' time. Doug tries to get away after one, but you can't have just one. Corner whip, kip up headscissors is caught, and Holly attempts to end this match absurdly early. Doug grabs onto the top rope for dear life, Charlie breaks the grip, but that draws over Nick Patrick and allows Danny to free his brother. Danny kick, Doug DDT. Doug points to his wrist tape - "Now it's time!" Kneedrop. Turnbuckle smash. Right. Tag to Danny. Double short clothesline looks a little off timed, but good enough, one no. Danny stomp. Right. Holly shrugs off everything and chops Danny. Strike battle is won by Danny, improbably enough, and Danny pounds him down in the corner. Boot choke. Danny runs Hardcore's head into Doug's boot, as Romero mentions that it's Hardcore's birthday. Tag to Doug, hold for a punch. Choke on the middle rope. Distraction so Danny can work in a middle rope choke. One two no. Chinlock. Hardcore rallies up, seems to win the strike battle but Doug rushes off the ropes to get kicked in the midsection anyway. Half nelson back suplex? I guess. Weird. Rally for a tag - and just before Haas gets in for the first time, Danny forearms him down. Danny drags Hardcore back to the Basham corner and starts to stomp him, but Haas comes in and attacks Danny and Doug. Nick orders Haas back to his corner, and Danny comes in to switch and cover, one two no. Full nelson by Danny. Hardcore rallies up, but gets fivearmed and punched down. Danny off the ropes, into the dropkick. Now he's going to make the tag, isn't he? This would be so awesome if Haas turned on him, but nah. Crowd really wants to see the tag - and gets it. Charlie with right hands for Doug, whip, back elbow. Right. Clothesline for Doug, dropkick for Danny, spinny dance, and a running shoulder to the gut for Doug.  Danny misses on a clothesline, Haas gives him a fivearm. Haas is pumped and red faced. T-Bone is blocked by Danny's elbows. Corner hwip, quick reversed into a Haas drop toe hold, and he's putting on the Haas of Pain! Doug goes to the top, and breaks it up with a fistdrop, nice. Hardcore kicks Doug out of the ring and follows, but gets posted. As Nick checks on Haas, Doug makes the switch with his brother, and Charlie walks right into the Last Impression. One two three. (5:31) Doug is so carrying this team. Romero thinks this stinks, then flips in a microsecond and thinks "anything you can do to win."

That's it.