WWE Velocity - 01/17/04

same but different: Uh oh, I'm actually writing coherent thoughts that don't involve matches. So it's long.

Back in the '01, Memphis Championship Wrestling aired on my cable system, thanks the infomercial network known as America One. At the time, MCW was a WWF developmental territory, so the shows featured lots of developmental guys who were trying to make it to the big show, just like OVW today. A fair amount of them did.

A few months in, the WWF started condensing the terrorizes, and it's first big move was to pull it's contract with MCW, which helped lead to their eventually death. When they cut ties with MCW, they also cut ties with many of the developmental guys who were working there - so most of the talent was either being moved to a new location to continuing training, or leaving Memphis to go back home and find another job. In a sorta-response to the WWF actions, MCW opted to air an episode with a couple matches, but mostly with short sit down interviews with as much of the talent, wrestlers completely out of character talking about their time in Memphis and whatever's next. It was a unique feel.

The guy who knew they still had a WWF job pretty much stuck to a "Memphis was great, but it's time for me to move on", and were semi-excited about things, just downplaying it because they knew not everyone was as fortunate. Not Yet Three Minute Warning were going to miss the barbeque the most, Charlie Haas felt like showing off his new sunglasses and Russ Haas gave a shout out to his friends in Water Grove. (Not Yet Garrison) Lance Cade was the saddest of the guys with jobs, as he had come to Memphis as part of a foursome, and was the only one of the group to be moving on. The guys who weren't keeping their contracts were more all over the place - Joey Matthews and Christian York weren't happy, but were used to this drill and understood that it happened, American Dragon had seen this as opportunity and not a destiny given the state of the LH division so he was fine planning for something else, while Joey Abs seemed to feel his chances were slipping away from him.

The interview that I still remember the best was Spanky's. Unlike his frequent tag team partner/rival Dragon, Spanky really didn't have much of a plan for what's next - he had a few opportunities, but you could tell he wasn't particularly excited about them. Where to live next was his big issue. Spanky didn't want to go back home to Washington; after moving to San Antonio and training, and moving to Memphis to wrestle, he figured that if he went back home after leaving the umbrella of the WWF, that meant he was going home a failure. And then he broke down a little bit.

I don't believe Spanky has to worry about where he's going to live this time.

Art Imitating Life Imitating Art: The storyline, as I had a handle on it, was "Shannon Moore gets showcased in revenge for his partner leaving the promotion, except he's not really as much getting showcased as jobbing on a show that more people watch." I have a feeling that in a months time, we'll be subbing in Paul London's name there. (Though, from the all important Velocity stand point, just having Shannon take Spanky's spot and keep doing the fun 6+ tag matches would be good enough.)

tv 14 dlv cc open tape delay fireworks

Ultimo Dragon (Nagoya, Japan, 185 pounds) vs Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 207 pounds) - Or you could team HIM with Spanky, I'll be fine with that too. Are we getting that super close up shot of Ultimo because the fire-works have been reduced? Your announcers are Bill and Josh. Tonight! Orlando Jordan vs Matt Morgan in a WWE Royal Rumble qualifying match! Did I tell you that Royal Rumble Qualifying Matches are one of the best ideas ever and it was killing me that they didn't start doing them last year or sooner? If they were really smart, they'd sprinkle a couple of these on house shows. Hahahahaha, they already forgot Shannon's a face. Of course, Shannon's evil act currently involves a lot of pointing and smiling cockily. Lockup, Ultimo with a waistlock, full nelson, spun around into a snap mare, chinlock, Shannon immediately out into a hammerlock, into a wristlock, Ultimo armdrags out, Shannon with the leg trip for zero cover. Standoff. Josh wasted no time pointing out that Shannon has a dragon (tattoo) on his arm and is wrestling a dragon (irrelevant.) Bill asks if Josh's observation has a point, and Josh more or less says no. With that, they break back in to their award winning "She married the guy from Seinfeld!" routine. Lockup, Ultimo with a headlock, Shannon elbows and shots him off, Ultimo with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, Shannon with a hiptoss. Shannon calls him up, Ultimo gets up and gets armdrag, armbar. It doesn't work for you to walk us through how great you think your segues are, Josh. Shannon with a whip, over, under, Shannon's kick is caught and there's the spinning great. Spine kick, off the ropes, soccer kick to the chest one two NO. Ultimo with a PUNCH! Kicks in the corner, open hand slap. Ultimo with a corner whip, kip up is caught and dropped face first. Shannon aggressively stomps. Back suplex. One two no. One two NO. Kneeling surfboard. Ultimo's rallying up after about fifteen seconds. Ultimo with a kick, open hand slap, open hand slap, open hand slap, Shannon stops him with a knee. Corner whip, Ultimo back with a WOW crossbody, rolling off Shannon. Ultimo rolls to his his feet but grabs his chest - Shannon takes the opportunity to clothesline him. "What about me?" WHAT ABOUT SHANNON. One two NO. Snap suplex, and a kneeling surfboard. Bill has totally derailed Josh, at least the second time already. Ultimo elbows out, but a forearm stops him. Whip, clothesline misses, quebrada does not. Both slow up. Josh reminiscing about Shannon's string of beatdowns. Ultimo blocks your punch, but kicks back. Often. Clothesline ducked, the quicker Ultimo Three Kick Combo one two NO. Ultimo with a right, whip, Ultimo puts his head down too son and gets it kicked. Another kick, powerbomb - no, 'rana reversal one two , Shannon reversal one two, Dragon tries a jacknife but Shannon slips free and reverses it before it's even on, one two NO. Tired, the guys entangle and try to recover on the mat. "Bill, if they're not tired there, they gotta be dizzy." "They're blown up is what they are. How do you breath after all that?" Shannon uses the ropes and corner to pull himself up, Dragon charges right into a boot, and then does it again. MOOREGASM! One two NO! Slam on Dragon. Going up - he's got one more move left. And this isn't it - flying axhandle (NOT) gets dropkicked. Spinning back kick, pose, Asai DDT one two three. (5:54) That pose was longer than usual.

Still to come: Bradshaw vs A-Train
Next: Orlando Jordan vs Matt Morgan in a Royal Rumble Qualifying Match.

Y2J Stinger Just A Splash Between Friends

Matt Morgan (Fairfield, CT, 340 pounds) vs Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 240 pounds) - Josh takes .04 seconds to call him "Blueprint." At this moment, Orlando Jordan has a 1/60th shot of headlining a PPV, which has got to be a huge increase from normal. Bill, showing that he's still insane, picks Orlando on the theory that Orlando wins all the time on this show. "Um, Bill, Matt Morgan's never lost a match on Velocity, either." Josh says Morgan is 1-0 on Velocity, while Orlando is 26 and "according to you [Bill] 6". They just say those things so I'm compelled to look 'em up, right? As best I can figure, Orlando is actually 12-8 for matches that have aired on Velocity. Bill figures that makes Orlando a 6:1 favorite, though Josh thinks it might not work that way. Lockup, Orlando with waistlock, matt tries elbowing out but settles for grabbing the ropes. Orlando tries for a another lockup, but Morgan cuts off the ring and throws Orlando back in the corner. Shoulders to the midsection and a big right hand to the head. Corner whip, Morgan charges in, Orlando steps out. Morgan tries a clothesline, Orlando ducks, right, right, right, corner whip, no Morgan kicks free, big right misses, and Orlando hits a non running WOW crossbody one two NO. Dropkick. Orlando's going up, probably far too soon. Missile dropkick is pushed down by Morgan. Morgan taking his time, and now pulling Orlando up for a short clothesline. Whip, Morgan with a corner clothesline and a clothesline to the back on the rebound. Stepping on Orlando's head to choke him. Morgan relents to pick up Orlando up and headbutt him. Orlando with a right hand, kick, right, right, right, whip, reversed, Morgan puts his head down too and gets it kicked. For the second time, Bill pretends to be shocked that Big Show brought all that police protection to face Funaki. "Is Funaki that dangerous?" Orlando charges right into a side slam one two no. Better cover one two no. WMXX. There's the half crab, awkwardly put on and still not doing anything more than behind a leg. Bill's pointing out how Matt needs to sit down. Orlando is trying to sell it and get to the ropes - he does get to the ropes, and gets a knee smash from Orlando as retaliation. Toehold! Orlando trying to kick Morgan away gets a completely fake sound reaction. Another one actually works, but Orlando doesn't really roll away till Matt tires an elbow drop. Matt is still up first but getting punched. Josh says Orlando thought his best chances were to stay on offense a lot and to start on offense - neither happened, so I guess we don't know if that would've worked. Whip, reversed, Orlando with a five arm one two no. Orlando looking for his spot - kick to the hamstring, kick to the hamstring, kick to the hamstring, swinging neckbreaker! THAT'S SOMETIMES HIS MOVE. One two NOT THIS TIME. Josh did not notice - he busy putting over Orlando's kickboxing background. Orlando off the ropes, under a clothesline, square into a boot. Setting up for it, sit down powerbomb. One two three. (5:20) Matt Morgan is in the Royal Rumble. The Blueprint the blueprint the blueprint.

Tonight: Bradshaw vs A-Train
Up Next: Apologize for Chavo

Angle tells Eddie about his match Chavo. Neither guy in the Rumble. Chavo Sr. on SmackDown! Chavo Sr. looks better than Piper, I think. BEATDOWN. "Was this a setup?" At least Tazz made fun of him. Angle took his sweet time showing up, didn't he? Angle had nothing to do with it. (5:48)

Royal Rumble: Eddie Guerrero vs Chavo Guerrero. Josh: "I never thought I'd see it!"

JVC Jamie wins by any means possible

thug life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds) vs Arch Kincaid (212 pounds, already in the ring) - Bill: "Let's get back to you asking what kind of man Jamie Noble is." Josh: "HERE WE GO!" Bill: "We're not here to judge what Jamie Noble the man." Lockup, waistlock takedown, Arch crawls to get to the ropes. Break, with the fans booing Arch for needing the ropes there, I guess. Circle. Lockup, no, Arch knees free. Right. Whip, clothesline misses as Kidman slides under and clips Arch, Arch stumbles but manages to get up in time in to a spinning headscissors. Arch retreats to the corner, right, corner whip, Kidman charges in with a splash but no one's home, high back suplex by Arch one two no. Arch: "TWO POINT FIVE" Uh, it's still just two. Slam, elbow drop, one two no. Arch has no opinion on the count that time. Hard corner whip, all though Kidman had to take all of two steps by the time Arch let go of him. Snap mare, kneeling surfboard by Arch. Arch added a lot of yelling into the move. Bill: "She's not blind." Every time they show the announcer's desk side of the arena, either the darkness and dark shirts are masking things, or you can see a very big section almost completely empty. I think it's actually the lighting, but it gives a bad impression. Kidman standing up from it, turning, kick, kick, right, whip, reversed into a side backbreaker. One two no. Arch arguing the count, though he's not as quotable. Choke on the middle rope with a boot in the back, that's unique. Side backbreaker. Kick. Axhandle to the back. Kidman trying to punch his way up but gets stopped with a punch. Slam. One two NO. Kneeling surfboard chinlock. Arch: "YAAAA" Fans: "YAAAAA" If Bill's daughter Casey (sp?) was in the same situation as Chavo, Bill would want her to do the same thing. Corner whip, Arch charges into a back elbow. Springboard bulldog by Kidman. Josh: "I'm gonna say it right now - I hope Eddie Guerrero kicks Chavo Guerrero's ass at Royal Rumble." "How do you think Chavo feels about that?" "I don't know, I hope he's not watching, ahahahaha." "I'd like to see Mondo and Hector get involved in this." A GUERRERO IN EVERY CORNER. Both guys are slow up, both up at five. Arch charges into a kick, and another kick. Right, right, right, right, corner whip, rebound clothesline. Kidman is pumped. Whip, backdrop. Kidman's back is really bugging him form the work earlier. Corner whip, Arch kips up and out, Kidman turns into a powerslam one two NO. Nick Patrick: "Two!" Arch: "No no no no - two and a HALF" Ah, Arch has set himself reachable goals. Waiting for Billy tog get up "C'mon Billy! C'mon Billy! C'mon!" and then he misses the clothesline anyway. Kidman nails him with a dropkick. Is this over? Dragging him into position. Kidman a bit slow because of the back. Shooting Star KNEE TO THE HEAD one two three. (5:45) Josh: "You knew it was only a matter of time" That's the saving grace of this show right here.

Up Next: Wash Your Mouth

SmackDown! Live
01/19 - Duluth, MN [SD!RTWXX]
01/20 - Minneapolis [SD!]
01/25 - Philadelphia, PA [Royal Rumble]
01/26 - Reading, PA [SD!]
01/27 - Washington, DC [SD!RTWXX]

Josh and Bill talk about Paul's wacky match making ways. Since Cena was already in the Rumble, he got something different. Cena always turns to the camera to do the FU, huh? We clip ahead to the Sharpshooter. F U F U F U F U F U

Royal Rumble: ALL THESE GUYS. What the heck, here's the list, right to left: John Cena, Kurt Angle, Billy Gunn, Chris Benoit, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, Mark Henry, Goldberg, Chris Jericho (obscured by Goldberg for a moment, ha), Big Show, Kane, Christian, Scott Steiner, Matt Morgan (that was quick!), Nunzio, Rikishi, Booker T. That's 17, with 8 days to go. 10 SmackDown! and 5 RAW. Maybe more on Heat? Benoit's #1, you know, and Josh figures more is in store for Cena
Royal Rumble: Eddie Guerrero vs Chavo Guerrero
Royal Rumble: Rey Mysterio (c) vs Jamie Noble (w/Blind Nidia) for the WWE Cruiserweight Title (in the match that makes Bill happy)
Royal Rumble: Brock Lesnar (c) vs Hardcore Holly
"Nothing Left To Lose" is Holly's mantra and the theme of the Royal Rumble

Bradshaw (297 pounds) vs A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) - obligatory armed forces shot, check. Flashback to 8 Weeks Ago on SmackDown to see what Josh has been alluding to all evening - A-Train hits the DeRailer on the outside and the bicycle on the inside for the in. SHAVE YOUR BACK SHAVE YOUR BACK. Bill keeps talking about size. Lockup, A-Train with a headlock, shot off, big shoulderblock. Circle. Lockup, A-Train turns it and puts Bradshaw in the corner, clean break - no, but A-Trains punch misses and Bradshaw hits punches to the midsection. Chop, punch, repeat. Bill: "I want to see these two big men have at it!" Whip, reversed, A-Train puts his head down too soon and Bradshaw forearms him, but A-Train is still up. Bradshaw off the ropes, right into the double choke, but Bradshaw breaks it, chop, right, chop, right, Josh: "White Russian Legsweep!" "I don't get it." Bradshaw calling him on, coming on instead with a corner clothesline. Swinging neckbreaker one two no. Shave your back chant is rather loud. Bradshaw with right, corner reversed, A-Train misses the corner charge, Bradshaw off the ropes, Clothesline from Hell blocked! That's the sequence Bradshaw uses 90% of the time and A-Train was ready with an axhandle to deflect it. They're both hurting, but A-Train has the better of it and stomps Bradshaw in the head. Bradshaw looks like he hurt his right shoulder on the exchange. Josh: "We're witnessing some of the greatest moments in Velocity history right here..." A-Train attacking the shoulder with the shoulder of his own, before throwing Bradshaw into corner post shoulder first. Bradshaw tumbles to the floor, and A-Train eventually makes his way out after him. A-Train posts Bradshaw's shoulder and stomps at it some more. Bradshaw thrown in, A-Train covers one two no. Bradshaw reclining on the bottom rope, trying to rest, but A-Train grabs the legs - ah, it's the old slingshot into the middle rope move, bruising that right shoulder a little more. Bill says that A-Train's been putting a lot of time in with Fit Finlay and Arn Anderson to get better, and to Bill, it's showing right now. Bradshaw trying to back away, but A-Train kicks him down. FUJIWARA ARMBAR. Call it Josh! He' snot calling it. Bradshaw is in the middle fo the ring a nd a lot of pain, but he's trying to crawl. That' does work, but rolling his body over to get his foot on the rope drops. A-Train isn't happy about breaking. Modified side backbreaker is more of a shoulderblock. No, don't go to the second rope. Pump splash meets boot, since A-Train didn't really attempt to splash. A-Train is stunned but not down. A-Train misses a clothesline, Bradshaw with a kick, DDT, but Bradshaw hurt himself on the landing. Both are down and being counted. One two three four five and they're up. Bradshaw with a chop, right, chop, right, chop, whip, reversed, A-Train misses a clothesline, Bradshaw with a big shoulderblock. Big boot. Bradshaw going up? "It's lucha Bradshaw!" Waiting - top rope shoulderblock hits! One two NO. A-Train with a shot to the throat, big charge into a back elbow but Bradshaw' hurting delivering it. A-Train charges again, but Bradshaw moves, off the ropes, Clothesline From Hell one two three (5:35) obligatory armed forces shot. Bradshaw's still in a lot of pain. Here's some replays of the big clothesline. Hey, we never got the Turning Point? That was the replay they normally use for it.

5 more left for the Rumble on the SmackDown side of things. And that's it.

Average match time on Velocity, this week and last: 5:40
Average match time on Velocity of the two previous weeks*: 4:10

Number of matches on the last two Velocities: 8
Number of matches on the last two Velocities over five minutes: 8
Number of matches over the previous period: 2 of 8, though 3 more were within :15

I don't know? Someone who knows more or pays more to theoretically know more who knows if something is up? Pretty frequent coincidence. Maybe more time is needed to see if it's only chance.