TV 14 DLV entertainment CC Brock wins the rumble (:16) open - guess they need to put Hogan back in these - fireworks

WWE Tag Team Champion Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 213 pounds) vs Smackdown #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) - Cat wonders where Eddie is. Josh ignores him. He should do that always. Cat and Josh seem really less than energetic today. Josh makes fun of Cat's Big Show prediction from last week. Circle. Lockup. Funaki with a waistlock, Chavo with a standing switch, Funaki with a hammerlock into a side headlock takedown, Chavo back to his feet, turning out of it into his own headlock, takedown, RFunaki with a leg scissors reversal, stand off. Circle. Chavo dives for a single leg but doesn't get it, Funaki with a waistlock, Chavo with an armbar and legscissors out, Funaki slips free. Funaki off the ropes, Chavo with a hiptoss but it's blocked and Funaki hits the hiptoss. Armdrag, armdrag, armbar. Chavo up to his feet, tries to armdrag out but Funaki rolls through and holds on. Cat says he lost his voice at the Rumble and it doesn't sound like it's all the way back yet. Chavo runs Funaki back first in the corner, knee, shoulder, Right. Corner whip, reversed, Cat's missed another cue, Chavo with a shot kick and the rope gutbuster that's all the fashion this week - nice dropkick to the head to knock Funaki to the floor. Chavo antagonizes the crowd. It's really quiet between moves. The fog of the fireworks has rolled in. Chavo brings Funaki in to stomp him, then chop him. European Uppercut. Turnbuckle smash, Chavo stomps him down in the corner. The ring action sounds muted. Cat can't fill the time he's supposed to. Someone's VERY OBVIOUSLY feeding him every line he's saying. Back suplex by Chavo one two no. Chinlock by Chavo. Missed Cat cue. River Rat later! Rat joke here. Funaki with elbows out, but Chavo forearms him down. Another. Right. Funaki with a right hand. This match is apparently taking place in a library. Chavo off the ropes, runs into a chop. Chavo misses a clothesline, Funaki with a spinning headscissors. Chavo begs off in the corner, Funaki is after him and gets kick to the gut. Chavo off the ropes, Funaki with a drop toe hold, dropkick to the head one two NO. Suplex, no it's blocked, so Funaki - LA MAJISTRAL one two NO! He's no Negro Casas. Thank God. Boot catch enziguri, and Funaki goes up - top rope cross body one two NO. I guess he's no Randy Orton either. Turnbuckle smash by Funaki, and he's going for the - Josh: "the Rising Sun!" See, this is why I love Josh - Funaki's been in the WWE for FIVE YEARS, and Josh is the first person to bother to give a name to one of his finishers. Sure it's pretty generic but it's shows some effort. Anyway, Chavo's countered out of the off the second rope spinning DDT (though Josh calls it a reverse DDT so maybe I need to take it all back) with the normal push off - Chavo with a kick, Gory Bomb. STF! That'll do it. (5:01) Cruiserweight division is really becoming submission-y.

LATER - Billy Kidman vs Matt Hardy

Up Next, Undertaker Reruns

SmackDown! Live
Sunday - Regina, SK
Monday - Milwaukee, WI
Tuesday - Green Bay, WI

Undertaker returned. This gets the video package treatment. This clips are all Taker until A-Train backdrops out of the Last Ride - so we get the kick out of the DeRailer. (2:23)

Still to come - well, this might give away who that huge surprise is.

Tough Enough 3 final. Not that Josh is bitter or nothing. (2:40)

Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200 pounds, w/Nidia) vs - Josh: "See, you go from a Tough Enough champion to Trailer Trash in no time!" Oh, Noble's talking: "Girl - you sure are looking sexy tonight. What do you people think about my Nidia? I bet there's not a guy wouldn't give anything he owned to have a chance to with my Nidia! [Josh: I'm sure they all have already] Well too bad, because these beautiful lips right here belong to me. [Nidia's kinda surprised by this direction] You people ain't good enough for my girl. And besides that, I'm a hundred times sexier than any person out here. [Cat makes the "my play by play announcer is GAY and likes the MEN" required WWE joke"] And to prove my point, Nidia, huh, who would you rather make out with - me, Jamie Noble, or one of these people out here?" Thinking it over. Scoping the crowd. Another side. Not sure. Too much blush. Ah, there we go, she's making out with Jamie. Well thanks for that. The bell? Huh? I guess that guy must've been waiting outside the ring...

Jamie Noble vs Jeff Starr (already at the ring) - Josh fills in the name. Lockup, Noble with a spin, single leg one no. Drop toe hold, font facelock, spinning around on his back and slapping the head. Jamie taunts, turns to Nidia, and turns into a right. Josh remembers that Nunzio and Noble are related - I think they've already forgotten. Jeff with a corner whip, and Noble rebounds out into a hiptoss. Slaaam. Follow up but double booted away. Jamie with an armbar, but Jeff with a clothesline out. Whip, reversed, Noble with a knee. Noble throws Jeff out and distracts, and Nidia hits a nice kick to the ribs. Spit too, but now Jamie's gonna have to touch that. Jeff crawls up on the apron - and gets a Stunner over the ropes. Noble ties his arms around the bottom rope to stomp him, then goes to the second rope - guillotine legdrop! That was near. Noble poses before pinning, one two no. Forearm to the back. Forearm to the back. Turnbuckle smash is blocked and Noble takes it. How about another. Josh says "500,000 votes - UNIQUE votes" for TEIII. Corner whip, reversed, Noble goes into the corner chest first and bounces out into a reverse bodyscissors cradle one two no. Jamie up with a back elbow to take him down. Starr looks out. Exploder and Starr lands hard on his head and neck, that looked not so good. Whip, reversed, Starr with a tilt-a-whirl, Jamie lands on his feet, Starr his a jawbreaker and immediately follows with a Russian legsweep one two no. Jeff with a front facelock and yell, Jamie spins out, kick to the gut, suplex chaining to a swinging neckbreaker one two three. (3:03) I don't know, it STILL looks like a normal swinging neckbreaker. 

Billy Kidman vs Matt Hardy - Later

JVC 3 on 1 Angle - I understand why Edge makes the save but Benoit? Eh.

Chuck Palumbo (280 pounds) vs River Rat (Albany, NY, 185 pounds) - HEY - if you want me to think he's a random jobber, why does he always get an entrance? I don't get it. At least they changed the weight this week. Josh: "Looks like Mr. X." Same style pants. Chuck points out that he's taller than the River Rat. That Chuck, always observant. Lockup, Chuck throws him down. Cheap shot to the face. Chuck encourages him to try again, and Rat gets thrown down again. Chuck with a hammerlock, slapping the back of Rat's head, Rat with a jumping snap mare - no, he flips all the way behind Chuck, snap mare one two no. Chuck with a big slap upside the head, but Rat answers back with one his own. Off the ropes, Chuck outs his head down too soon, Rat flips of of him, Chuck misses a clothing, Rat with a spinning headscissors. Rat with a dropkick to the knee (doesn't look right). Spank with a forearm, dropkick. Rat off the ropes, crossbody is caught and thrown down at a high rate of speed. OMG JOSH IS PUTTING IT TOGETHER. WOW! Rat is thrown out - no, he's got the ropes and he's skinning the Cat back in, but Chuck notices and kicks him to the mat. Detective Josh has noticed that they've seen three masked guys, and they all have animal names. Chuck out. Bringing Rat back in. Chuck back in. Rat in the corner, kick is caught, Chuck clothesline hits. Powerbomb? Rat doesn't like this idea - oh no it's the dangerous corner powerbomb. I don't like that move. Chuck with a right that hurts his own hand. Corner whip, Rat kip up, but Chuck turns and catches him, overhead belly to belly suplex one two NO. Cat's off. Even for Cat. Chuck with corner shoulders - discus punch is stopped with a kick. Rat's enzugiri is ducked, and the discus punch knocks Rat clear to the floor! FEAR THE DISCUS PUNCH. The Rat has just been eliminated from the Royal Rumble! Chuck is saying it's over, and Rat actually might not make the ten count. He's slowly pulling himself in. Can't get up though. Surfboard by Chuck. He's going for the mask! UN FOUL! We see more of the sandy hair, but Rat slips free and hits a knee. Double boot to Chuck's face. You're supposed to talk here Cat. Chuck with a corner whip, reversed, Rat kips up and Chuck catches him over the shoulder - Snake Eyes. Running boot to the head! Is he done? Pose. One two NO! Josh: "I can't quite put my finger on it, Cat, but River Rat looks kinda like the guys we've seen the last couple weeks." There's hope for him yet. Chuck picks him up, slam, no River Rat slips behind, standing enziguri. Chuck is out of it and has to roll out for a timeout. Resting outside - Rat runs, off the top rope clothesline! That didn't look as good as it sounded, though - Rat didn't get as far as he needed to, and it looks like he took the worst of it. Chuck in first, Rat gets to the apron and waits for Chuck to turn around - springboard missile dropkick! Leg lariat. Corner whip, reversed no Rat with a high front kick (Cat says so). Rat setting up - springboard swinging DDT one two Chuck has a foot on the ropes! That would've been in, surely. Going for That Move but Korderas gets in the way and Chuck pushes him off - Josh almost has a flashback here. Korderas gets out of the corner, tells Rat to back off because Chuck's in the ropes, Rat gets by him and tastes the Jungle Kick. One two three. (5:48) Continuing stories: Masked guy is the same guy, though it doesn't seem to help him when he's not fighting Cruiserweights, check. Chuck gets seemingly inadvertent help from the referees, check. Cat sucks, check.

Up next, Hogan returns.

Sean O'Haire: "Stop the prayers. Hit the snooze. You'll go next week. Hell, don't even go at all. If God is everywhere, why should we even go to Church? He's sitting right next to you on the couch. Who even knows if there is a God anyway? The Church is nothing but a farce, a way to judge you. You have to take control of your own life. You are your only judge. Save yourself the headache. Do something more valuable with your time. And if there's a God, he'll forgive you. Hey, I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know."

He did return. Boo. (8:17)

Up next - Billy Kidman vs Matt Hardy

Stacker 2 Shannon's not-win of Thursday

Matt Hardy (Version One, Cameron, NC, 234 pounds) vs WWE Cruiserweight Champion Thug Life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds) in a non-title match - Matt keeps his checkbook balances, well that's just good financial cents. No Shannon - he's probably still hiding. Josh: "True dat. True dat." Hahaha. Lockup, Matt with a headlock, spun around into a hammerlock, Kidman reverses, Matt reaches for the ropes but he can't get to them. Snap mare but Kidman rolls though and holds on. That's nice. Back to their feet, Matt runs around the ring and drops down, leveraging Kidman to through the ropes and to the floor. VERSION ONE - oh, Kidman tripped him up from behind, that's not fair. Mat back up, Kidman with a shoulder to the midsection, flip over Matt's back into the ring, Off the ropes, Matt's hiptoss is blocked, Billy's is blocked but he manages a knee to the midsection and the Cruiserweight Champion flip out, Matt misses the clothesline, Kidman off the ropes, spinning headscissors. Cat's Mom watches the show! I feel so sorry for you. Kidman with a right, corner whip, Kidman misses a corner splash because Mat moves out of the way. Matt throws Kidman to the corner and Kidman takes his hard bump into the shoulder and to the floor. VERSION ONE! Arm smash into the apron. Stomp on the shoulder. Hammerlock slam! Off the ropes, elbow drop on the shoulder. One two no. Armbar on the left arm. Rights to the left arm. Everyone loves working on Kidman's left arm. Punches to the arm. Kidman battles back but Matt socks him with a forearm to the back of the neck. Corner whip, charge into a Kidman boot. Kidman charges out, Matt grabs him but Kidman slips behind, Kidman with right hands, whip, head down too soon so Matt hits a single arm DDT. All the pressure on the shoulder there. One two NO. Cat has lost his tongue. Armbar. Arm mare, into a cross armbreaker! Kidman pinned down, one two - no. Cat: "Have you noticed that Matt's been working on the same body part the whole match?" Hahahahaha. Choke around the top rope. Choke around the middle rope. DO it on the bottom rope? Nah, double VERSION ONE, running sit but no one's home! Matt is in pain, and both are slow up - he turns, misses a clothesline, Kidman with a spinning back elbow. Clothesline. Dropkick one two NO. Corner whip, rebound clothesline but Matt catches him - Side Effect no Kidman with a bodyscissosrs cradle one two no. Kidman with the Short Powerbomb no his arm hurts too much, Matt grabs him - Reality Check! I've been dying to call that. "Now we go here!" Perhaps he shouldn't pause to yell on the second rope - Kidman up to pounds him low. Kidman with right hands. Kidman going up, more rights, Matt starts fighting back - SECOND ROPE SIDE EFFECT! I think he's dead, Jim! Matt one two NO! HOW! Matt can't believe it! What's Matt go left? NO DON'T TRY A POWERBOMB! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! crap. one two YES. Brian Hebner is having a new kid. Corne rwhip, reversed, kick, wham TWIST no Kidman escaped, backslide is blocked so Kidman keeps turning for the Acid Drop. "Springboard bulldog!" Okay whatever. Kidman going up, but Matt seems to grab Hebner to distract Kidman or crotch him. Hebner gets free - and calls for the bell? (5:50) That SUCKS. Kidman with a missile dropkick anyway,  and Matt gets clotheslines to the floor, but that SUCKED. This is was a pretty good match. Matt can't believe he got DQed for that - far worse hasn't been DQed. Replay of Hebner having a quick whistle. I hope this isn't over - that was a pretty good Kidman match!

Confidential is now.