And 33 months later, we pick up where we left off. Except it's the WWE now, it's not on MTV anymore, it's part of SmackDown! in a move designed to annoy everyone, and I hear they've upped the prize slightly.

Quote the Website: WWE FANS WHO WATCHED THE SMACKDOWN! BROADCAST ARE ASKED TO CONSIDER EACH FINALIST'S PERFORMANCE IN THAT WEEK'S BROADCAST AND WHETHER OR NOT EACH FINALIST HAS THE FOLLOWING QUALITIES OF A WWE SUPERSTAR (1) ATHLETICISM; (2) PHYSICAL FITNESS; (3) PRESENCE; (4) CHARISMA; (5) PERSONALITY; AND (6) TALENT. 

My plan is to just recap the Tough Enough segments within SmackDown, as if they were a self contained show. I don't know how that's going to work, but it's my plan.

In the leading in, Tazz says "I don't think it's about the Million Dollars!" I think someone's gonna have a conversation with Kevin Dunn. And then he says there's not enough time in SmackDown! for Tough Enough, but I don't think he meant it the way you probably think it.

'Official' start of the show is about 75 minutes into SD! Broadcast. Establishing shots of Venice Beach, CA. (beach, beach, beach, $1,000,000 Tough Enough), then Al welcomes us to the MILLION DOLLAR Tough Enough, and I really need a macro for that. Montage of the various people invited down, including Eye Makeup Guy from the hype videos, wearing the eye makeup and cutting the promos. Crazy blue tuxedo guy wears the crazy blue tuxedo, guy who did a flip up a wall does a flip up a palm tree - just a montage of bits you might have half paid attention to before, now with sand! All the contestants in the ring for a group shot while Al reminds them that out of the thousands who entered, only these 50 made it this far. Lots and lots of shots of people as Al talks and I try to ignore the Miz - oh no, he's talking now. Everyone talking about how big and great and important this is. 

Brian Danovich (last names? - he's the guy with the crazy blue tuxedo) notes the different backgrounds - truck lifting, UFC, powerlifting - but he's a professional wrestler, and that's what he's here for. And we hear him cut an in ring promo, and a out of ring interview that sounds a lot like a promo. He's dedicated his life to this, which means he'll be fine after this is over and can go back to indy matches.

More Al Talking. First up will be an Obstacle Course -

Cut to Bill DeMott (yes! no! I can't decide!) yelling at someone: "You're an Olympic athlete! You did it ten seconds faster than the fat kid!"

- after that will be a 225 LB Bench Press test -

Cut to someone doing 36, which sets the record

 - then a 40 yard dash - 

Cut to people running, and being told to run

- and most importantly, a charisma/personality test

Cut to a man defining the phrase "blank stare" while Al tells him he's got the personality of a cadaver. "Show us a million dollars worth of personality, because right now, I see ten cents."

Al warns us that people can be cut at any time (people yelling while doing pushups) and tells them to give it all they got.

Obstacle course montage. We've got a wall climb, one of those "step in all the roped boxes" agility drills, and low ceiling to crawl under among other things. And a lot of people apparently screwing up, that too. "Up is not a number!" The idea seems to be to push people to their limits, to find out where those limits are.

Unfortunately, the trainers (there are more than just Bill and Al - is that Raphael from Season 2? The mean beach trainer, that'd fit) are doing a their jobs excellently. We've got one go who collapses, one guy who is out on the sand, then collapses when walking away, a stretcher being brought in, someone submitting to the dual pains dragging a weight and someone yelling at him on a microphone, the Olympic athlete puking, and the second collapse having his heartbeat checked, and various people trying to regain their breath. 

"Todd" finishes the obstacle course in 1:41. the Miz finishes in 1:36 and DeMott is fired up about it. Some Guy finished in 1:34. "The bar has been set."

Someone we later find out is John Meyer get a new hole torn courtesy of DeMott: [screaming throughout] "I haven't earned a million dollars in SIXTEEN YEARS and you say you're going to step up in front of forty other guys, but you don't have heart because all you want is to win the million dollars! Go buy a [god damn] lottery ticket! You got ONE chance!" "I'm stepping up, let's do it." And he's off.  Up the climb, down the climb, thru the ropes, and a flash back to his Navy past; I don't think that's an official part of the obstacle course. He draws his strength from his time there, and it's helping him sped thru this course super fast. (The editors might have also lent a hand.) He's having no problems with the ending pushups, and he's done in 1:32. John talks about wanting to be a strong individual, though some see it as him being a Tough Guy. Looks like we only caught a small piece of a larger discussion between DeMott and John, and DeMott doesn't give John the same warm welcome the Miz got.

Daniel Rodimer comes off as completely full of himself. He labels himself as "confident" in front of the judges, but as "hot" in front of the cameras. And the ladies. "Why don't you guys make out a little bit?" He runs the obstacle course while we hear about him being wild and crazy growing up. He talked himself out of a lot of trouble in the past, which is a bad sign. "If I had a Million Dollars, I'd probably just increase the fun I'm having now." Hardcore Holly immediately moves Daniel to the top of his favorite list: "People I'd like to punch in the face."

John is in introduced as Big John Studd's son - well, actually Al says more like it's a shocking revelation John may not know. (He does.) John Studd highlights, while everyone talks about what his father and his legacy means to John. "This step is going to make him proud. This isn't about the money for all." Why try to enter WWE this way if not for the money? John makes compelling reasons not to win - "not going to bring you home for your kids birthday, home for your wife's anniversary" - which confuses me on multiple levels. "What makes them great is the passion they have for this business. I'm here to make my own path."

Eye Makeup Guy is Marty Wright, who takes a picture of the cameraman and gets yelled at a lot. Luckily, not at the same time. "Today! I Came! To Entertain!" It's evident that Marty's way into his character, perhaps to a determinate extent. Al warns him that's it's not about the eye makeup or the funny hair do, it's about him. Al says 30 years old (!) is a little to start. Marty: "No! It is what is is! Now is the time! I'm not looking back, I'm looking forward!" And to the big book of clichés.

Lifting. Running. Running. Flipping in the ring. Wrestling in the ring? Looks like they just let two guys grapple in the ring, and some guy named John (different than the other ones) is getting thrown around like a ragdoll. It's not a good sign when someone's pulling off a German suplex and you're not helping at all.

People acting entertaining weird in the ring. You gotta do better than eyebrow tricks, eyebrow man. The Miz says Miz things. "I got the mic in my hand, I got the ring on my feet, I need to get something in here!" Judge: "You just need a brain in your head." "Ouch." He reacted pretty well. Lots of bad bad dancing. Someone does Bruiser Brody. Daniel is challenged to pick up a random guy walking on the beach, and it takes me a second to realize they didn't mean physically. "So, do you like men?" That's a big no. A guy stupidly says "I'll go run buck naked in the ocean if you want me to". Guess what's the next the judges have him do? At least he does. Al: "Obviously, he's already learned the first wrestling move - the small package."

"Is my dogs in the house?!?!? Is my dogs in the house?!?!?!" Small child looks bewildered. "That's right!" Brian tells the judges he wants to impress them, and we head over to the Bench Press, where Brian is lifting - and then he's lifting no more. Bill helps put the weight back up, while Brian is grabbing his shoulder and yelping. Break.

Day 2. So, what, Brian broke his shoulder and everyone just decided that was enough? Al's voice is shot. Two guys have already dropped out, and Al doesn't want any one else wasting their time if they don't want it bad enough.

Josh Mallard tells us he's the best 260 pound athlete in the world, and Al and Bill make fun of him for that weight distinction. John talks about playing college football in Georgia, and in the NFL for the past three years (Colts 68.) "I've done a lot of things in the NFL harder than these guys have even imagined." Which is all fine and dandy, except we see him stumble going up the wall, and then completely trip on an agilty drill. And in during a crawling portion of the course, Josh comes to a complete standstill. He ends up laid out near a cooler, looking near death. "While you were laying there, trying to be resuscitates, brought back to life, you were telling me you were in great shape, you couldn't understand what was happening. I think you they're most delusional man I've ever met." That's saying something, coming from Al. More Josh ineptitude, struggling with bag jumping and another obstacle course run, before he says he doesn't want to waste anyone else time - and quits. Wrestling 1, NFL 0.

Back at the start of Day 2 (and this is obviously all being thrown around in no particular order), Brian Danovich is among those ready to start Day 2, despite a lot of arm pain and a huge bruise on bicep. It hurts to move, he's icing it while they're standing around and he's going to try the obstacle course anyway. He doesn't know if he's going to get another chance, so he's going to do it, even one armed. Of course, first thing up is climbing over many walls. Crawling. Pushups!  Man's about to die, but everyone' giving him credit for finishing. Brian says he's got a torn bicep and a torn pectoral, but he's not going to quit. In the ring, Brian tells Al he wants this more than anything in the world. "I'm going to get this one day" because he's got heart, but future tense means even he knows it's over. Brian's hoping to leave a good impression, even if he wasn't going to make it today. 

Back to the ring
Al: "Today you showed a tremendous amount of heart, a tremendous amount of passion, you showed everybody out here just exactly was about, why we do this. Thank you for that." 
Brian: [proud] "Thank you sir." 
Al: "Brian, I'm sorry [Brian's smile drops]. You're injured. You're cut."
Brian is in shock. He has to stake a step back and compose himself. He takes of his headband. "Take you very much for the opportunity. I really hope that I get the pleasure and privilege one day to be part of this family. Thank you" Yea, I bet that last quote was taken after he was cut. Everyone claps. Al gives Brian a hug.
Johnny Ace (from the judges panel): "Brian. Hey, Brian. You didn't make it here because you're injured. What I'd like to do is pay for your injury to get fixed, and send you down to OVW and give you a developmental deal."
Brian is THRILLED, and then in near tears. He kisses the mat. "At 24 years old, I just got accepted into the only family I ever wanted to be in." Mom must be so proud. Hey, he's a winner.

Mike Mizanin cuts yet another promo. "This is the true story of when the Miz won the $1,000,000 Tough Enough Challenge!" Look, if you've watched MTV reality TV any time in - what, it seems like a decade of Miz appearances by now - you know this guy well and have formed an opinion based on what you've seen already. I'm not too favorable. While Miz chalks up his Real World experience to a silly 7th grade dream (check out Malik's fro on TV Guide) and call it both "stupid" and "corny", which might hurt his chances at being on the next Challenge. He doesn't agree it gives him an advantage. Rather, he's an underdog, (because every hates him and I'm glad we agree.) Al challenges Miz to prove he's here not just to be on another TV show, but for the right reasons. Every since he was on the real world, the Miz decided he wanted to be a professional wrestler. Miz runs the obstacle course, and shocks everyone by not sucking. "I have a feeling this is going to be very toughing.

Back to Marty Wright, who screams he'll never quit. Marty does not look like a Marty. Lots of Obstacle course stuff while I wait for some body part to explode. "I came here for a career!" While in the ring, Marty tells the judges that he works with underprivileged children. He's asked if he teaches them integrity. Marty says he teaches them honesty, respect, love, passion. Which leads into the best give and take so far

Judge (Big?): "How old are you?"
Marty: "Thirty"
Judge (Ace?): "How old are you?"
Marty: "Thirty"
Ace: "Don't lie to us, how old are you?"
Marty: "Thirty"
Ace: "You lying to us?"
Marty: "Thirty"
Ace: "What's your license say?"
Marty: "Thirty"
[hidden cut - they give Marty his license]
Big: "What does your birthday say on your license? Read it to me."
Marty: "My birthday says 7/15/64. That's right, I am forty! [turning away from judges and towards the other contestants] And just to prove to you, as I did today and as I did yesterday!" 
Al eases Marty away from the ropes and towards the center of the ring, and takes the microphone before he can finish his thought. Marty also absentmindly hands Al his drivers license as well, and Al stares at the "64" in disbelief as Marty listens to the judges.
Judge (Fit?): "Marty, I think you're a tremendous athlete, you look great, but we can't stand lying. That's the one thing we can't have. You're cut."
Marty yells for another chance.
Al: "You had your chance."
Ace: "I'd had more respect for you knowing your 40 years old out here, because you know why, you're an incredible athlete. But, in life, as you teach your children you work with, you lie and you're going to get burned."
Al: "You are cut, please leave."
Marty, outside of the ring, tells the camera he just doesn't want to leave.
Al, later: "I'm so disappointed in Marty, because he was such an incredible person, he just stood out all around. It was just sad that Marty chose to lie about his age. And in this business, you live and die by your word, and if your not a man of your word, I don't want anything to do with you."

A young video of Daniel Puder blowing a bubble takes to present day Daniel running. With really bad dyed blond hair. He had ADD growing up, which caused problems. He wrestled in high school, and one year in college before hurting his arm. He does UFC in the summers. "This is the biggest thing that's could ever happen." Daniel, in the ring, cockily: "I could make thirty five minute brownies in twenty minutes!" Daniel notes the promo sucked. Fit: "See that old guy behind you? We're more excited about him crawling up the sand than we are of you." Daniel appreciates the razzing, because it spurs him on - onto the best time on the obstacle course. Next time in the ring, he's order to go pick up a girl on the beach. And it WORKS. She's agreeable but a little weirded out. "And it ended up being a good day."

Final selection. Everyone is nervous. Ace thanks everyone. Al reads off the names. Daniel (picked up a date.) Ryan (didn't see.) Nick Mitchell (ditto). Miz. Justice Smith. John Mayer (Navy). Chris Maloky. And finally, Dan Rodimer. He's so cocky. Everyone, including the people who haven't been name dropped to this point, are excited to be here.

Tazz and Cole are hyped going on, and we'll see all eight of them next week. Cole lets us know that we can vote them off on the website, and we're done a half hour after we started.

Let's see - Justice, Ryan, Nick, and Chris all have to make their own impression, because WWE weren't so interested. People had the Miz keyed as the guy they'll go out of the way to make an example for, but I think that might apply equally well to Dan Rodimer, especially if he can't his cockiness to suitable occasions (and he's been portrayed as unable to do anything but that.) Daniel Puder is smaller than the rest of the guys, and I think they're looking for a more physically imposing person. So, put me down for John Mayer, but I may sing a different tune later.

See what I did there? Okay, I'll stop now. Hope this didn't suck. (It didn't as much as I was thinking.)

Tough Enough episodes air Thursdays on UPN as part of SmackDown!. Tough Enough's website is wwetoughenough.com.