WWE SmackDown! - 01/29/04

WWE SmackDown! - 01/29/04
Taped: 01/27/04
MCI Center, Washington, DC

Benoit is already edited out of the open. Cena and Eddie take his up front place.
Paul Heyman is in-ring to address the Chris Benoit situation.
- Cole is very obviously edited to set it up
- Paul gets about five words before Vince McMahon shows up.

Obligatory DC injured military personal shot.
the Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 495 pounds, c) vs thug life Billy Kidman and Paul London for the WWE Tag Team Titles

Challengers earned this match by teaming with Funaki some and having their partner quit the company, respectively.
London is still wearing his Spanky/London Blue Lighting shorts. Kidman has new? aquamarine shorts.
They don't know that it's the Dropsault yet.
London takes a crazy bump to the floor through the ropes.
London gets worked over off that.
Tazz picks the Big Show
Cole picks Kurt Angle
Hot tag at 3 minutes.
He's referred to "former Cruiserweight Champion" to remind you how long it's been since he's done anything.
BK Bomb not called such, though Kidman doesn't do the sit down.
Kidman goes for the SSP on Doug, but Danny trips him up and makes the switch.
Hangman DDT one two three. (3:54)
See! They like London! He didn't get pinned.
This was fine but eh.

Backstage, Dawn Marie is handling the complicated duty of spinning the Royal Rumble tumbler as Kurt Angle impatiently waits.

Paul Heyman is more patiently waiting from a seat nearby.
Dawn opens the door for Kurt. "What, I have to pick my own ball?"
Paul explains that he's got to keep this legitimate, so the wrestlers will be picking their own balls.
Angle dedicates this match TOO to the Armed Forces.
Kurt's going to win this time! For sure! And he's going to WrestleMania as champ! And he's got quite the hairy chest!
Angle takes a look at his number and takes off.
Should I note that there are posters of various people with the WWE (SD!) belts around the office?

We can get a good look at Big Show and Brock's, but there appears to be more that just aren't in camera view.
Both pictures prominently feature Paul Heyman, so maybe that's why.

Hey, they've got the graphic already.

Rey Mysterio's music video premieres next week, and there's nothing we can do to stop it
Chavo, bruised and bandaged, tells Chavo that he will get his revenge on Uncle Eddie.

He's the biggest star in the Guerrero family

Next up for a number - Eddie!

Eddie takes time to hit on Dawn. "Do me a favor, blow on my ball for good luck!"
Eddie is happy with his number.
Rey shows up to wish Eddie luck and introduce him to Some Guy.

Eddie keeps saying he's a Two Time Champion, so I'm guessing boxer?
He's got one of those stupid looking Ronaldo haircuts.

That picture I couldn't quite see? Heyman with Austin, when he was champion. Hmmm.
I have no idea out who this is and they keep talking Spanish and then about Dawn and it eventually ends.

Back To The Rumble: John Cena suffered a knee injury when he was eliminated.

We're not sure how hurt he really is.

Back in the tumbler room, Cena is pretending to be doing some sexual acts with Dawn

Hitting on Dawn. "Why don't you reach down there and grab my ball?"
Dawn looks not in the direction of the tumbler, but this goes no further before Heyman shows up to interrupt.
"In my office, Dawn can't grab anyone's balls."
Cena seems okay with his number.
Rhyno is next, and they have a face off.
Rhyno threatens to take out that hurt knee.
Cena is threatened by Rhyno's smell. "Paul, get him some soap." "That's not funny. I find no humor in that."
Rhyno turns to Dawn and asks for a number

Jamie Noble (w/Blind Nidia, already in the ring) vs Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds, c) for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship, 1st Defense

Already in the ring? I don't like these odds.
Rumble: Nidia accidentally trips Noble, thinking he was Rey.
WAIT! That's CHARLES ROBINSON in the ring? He's a RAW REFEREE! Where's my article about a referee trade?

I'm doing this Saturday and I've heard nothing about this. I'm shocked and dismayed by my peers for not talking more about this huge development.
Then again, this could've happened weeks ago and I just noticed.

Tazz picks Noble.
They do give the name of the boxer, but I still don't know who he is. And he's not down here anyway.
Noble pulls out the Atlantida again! He's my favorite non-Havana Brother white luchador.
At 2 minutes in, Rey goes for the 619 and gets elbowed.
Nidia accidentally grabs Noble's leg again ten seconds later, and Rey gets a near fall out of it.
Very much the 'new WWE style' match, with Noble targeting Rey's back.

They did some typical lucha mat spots, like the monkey flip with one guy hanging on.
While it was more body part psychology than CMLL uses, it kinda felt like a stakes match between Super Light guys.

Noble has a near fall off a top rope superplex, but it's after an eight count on the mat recovering himself.
Tazz: "Referee Charles Robinson, if that is his real name"

Maybe Charles and Josh can form a club

Tazz is SURE Noble is winning this.
Rey pulls out the bodyscissors powerbomb he only uses on Noble for a two count.
Rey reverses the Tiger Drive into a 'rana.
619 at 6:30
WCP is ducked under, bodyscissors bulldog is blocked, and Noble rushes and leveraged out.
Right near Nidia.
Noble wants to do a top rope dive, but Nidia's wandered in the way.
Noble climbs down and throws Nidia in the ring, to get her out of the way?
No, to yell at her for being in the way. Which is going to make this very tough to blame Rey this time.
Noble spots Rey climbing back up to the apron and throws Nidia in his direction...
But Nidia pulls up in time! Noble charges at her/them with a clothesline, but Nidia ducks (!!!)
Shoulder from Rey, Springboard Thesz Press one two THREE (7:48)
Tazz, going nuts, wonders if Nidia has "ESP, ESPN, whatever"
Rey takes off with his title, leaving Nidia and Noble in the ring.
Nidia moves over towards Noble, with Noble slowly figuring out.
Nidia takes off her dark glasses. She can see!
Noble tries to explain it away, but Nidia's taking her fur coat and going him.
Tazz: "That's why you can't trust women!"

Your announcers are Tazz and Cole, though they don't get chryon.

Tazz wants to know when Nidia got her vision back? At the Rumble, and she tripped Noble on purpose then?

Rue DeBona talks to us from SmackDown Studios

I guess they don't fly her out to non-PPV events? This is not the usual set - or they added curtains and lighting and a big fancy chair.
I have no issues with Rue's outfit this week. I'm sure you were wondering.
Anyway, she's here to explain the Women Tag Team in Playboy.
And the history of WWE Women in Playboy - Sable, Chyna, Torrie.
Rue has absolutely nothing to say but to repeat what was said before.
I think this was the prototype of a gossip segment?

It seemed like they were trying this out for a weekly segment, but didn't give themselves anything interesting to work with.

UPN Game Over is bad by UPN standards. They had this long commercial to horrify me into writing that.

Big Show's hand won't fit in the tumbler.

Paul: "Dawn, this one time, pick the Big Show's ball."
Big Show: "Heh!"
Dawn notices for the first time that Big Show's hand is big, which allows Show to promote his T-Shirt.
This distracts us from getting a reaction Show's number.

Josh tries not to be killed by Brock Lesnar

Yet, he brings up Goldberg.
RAW: Goldberg had words for Brock.

You know how some sports people do Playoff Beards?
I think Goldberg might have a Till I Leave The WWE Beard.

This is revenge for people calling Brock a Goldberg wannabe.
Now, Goldberg is a Brock Lesnar wannabe.
The people should feel lucky that they're getting Brock tonight.
He's not afraid of Goldberg, Hardcore (who he beat) and anybody.
He's going to put an open challenge out! (for any one on SmackDown!)

As soon as they stop chanting Goldberg
Brock expands it to The Entire World
It's non-title. They should feel lucky Brock is even showing up there.

While Charlie stands nearby, Shelton displays improper workplace etiquette by staring at certain areas on Dawn

Dawn: "Gentleman, pick your balls."
Shelton: [takes a look] "Don't mind if I do." He reaches towards Dawn's chest.
Charlie saves his partner from groping charges. "Those balls."
While Shelton reaches in, Paul Heyman is pulled away by production assistant TE3 Jessie - something's up with Eddie.
They rush into a bathroom, where medical personal, Rey and Fit Finley are surrounding Eddie, who's laid out and getting oxygen.
Los Dos Chavos wander in on the scene, playing innocent.
Rey doesn't seem to believe that - punches for Chavo! Chavo tries to break it up, so he gets punched.
Fit and Nick Patrick (must've not seen him before)
The EMT says Eddie is out and they're going to take him to the hospital.

During the Break: Eddie is loaded in the ambulance.

The EMT says it takes five minute to get there.
Doesn't look like Eddie has regained consciousness.

WWE Champion Brock Lesnar (Minneapolis, MN, 295 pounds) vs ??? in a non-title match

Brock lays his title in the middle of the ring.
His opponent?
Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 240 pounds)? Hahahahahaha.

Brock agrees with me.

Tazz says Brock > Goldberg, and kinda hints that Goldberg > Orlando
Orlando manages to take Brock out of the ring when he's fooling around.
Tazz figures Goldberg was going to lose the Rumble anyway, Brock or no Brock.
Tazz talks about Orlando's upside, making this the NBA Draft!
Brock pulls out his bodyscissors half nelson sleeper move to wear Orlando down.
Cole and Tazz wonder what happens to Eddie's spot in the Rumble.
This goes a lot longer than it would have gone about three months ago.
The dropkicks to the knee don't look right, but it could be an atypical angle we're seeing them at.
Brocklock does it. (4:53)

Earlier Today, WWE Personal (Rey, Matt Morgan and Dawn) visited Military Personal at the Military Hospital

Royal Rumble: GONG GONG
RAW: GONG GONG video
Josh asks Vince what he thinks about it being related to the Undertaker?

Vince doesn't talk to the dead, and since Undertaker is dead, he wouldn't know.
Vince was expecting a question about who will win tonight
So Josh asks him
Vince yells at him for making it his a second question. No answer after that first one.
Vince does say Josh has a nice smile, and he'll be alright. OKAY.

Kurt Angle storms in the tumbler room to yell about what happened to Eddie

Angle is upset about Eddie not being in the Rumble
Heyman says Eddie has regained consciousness, so everything is okay.
Angle is upset that (he assumes) Chavo will get Eddie's spot.
Paul says it's not going to be like that.
If Eddie's here, he gets his spot. If not, no one does.
Paul sells it as Angle having a better shot if Eddie isn't here, so don't be concerned.
Angle still looks concerned, but he leaves.

Tony Chimel explains the rules of the Royal Rumble.

90 second intervals.

SmackDown! 15 Man Royal Rumble!

#1 is Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, PA, 235 pounds)

Is this why he was in a hurry earlier?
Angle was in the Rumble for 30 minutes.
He'll have to go at least that long tonight.

They've left a lot of time for this, but we'll get another break before we start.

#2 is Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds)

Staredown. Neither is in a hurry to lockup.

Rhyno doesn't - kicks and punches.
Angle fights back out of the corner with right hands.

Reversed corner whip turns into the Gore!

Rhyno has to pick Angle up, but it's a lot tougher than when you bodyslam than now, I guess.

Announcers speculate a rib injury off the Gore.

Angle trying to stay low, but Rhyno has him on the ropes.

Angle ducks a clothesline and hits the Olympic Slam.
They're both down as the time expires

#3 is Charlie Haas (1:30)

Tazz: "[music] Which one, which one? [entrance] That's Haas! (I can tell the difference.)"
Haas goes right on Angle, and we point out their old relationship.
Kicks and stomps for Rhyno too.
Haas dropkicks Angle, does the Angle spin celebration, drops his straps, and sets up for the Olympic Slam.
Too bad Rhyno's up behind him. Axhandle, and he's down.
Over? No, Haas has the ropes.
Rhyno trying to push him over but can't.
Angle over to attack him with a forearm.
Rights for both men.
Has gets a shot in while Angle's messing with Rhyno.
Scoop, Angle over the ropes but lands on the apron and lands in.
Stomping as the timer goes off.

#4 is Shelton Benjamin (3:11)

Tazz: "Is it Haas again?" It's Shelton. "The music sounds the same though."
And Shelton is right in after Angle, revering a whip into an overhead belly to belly suplex.
Rhyno gets involved and gets the Broken Arrow from TWGTT.
Haas forget about Angle - German Suplex while Shelton is looking at Rhyno.
German Suplex for Shelton.
All the heels are down in different corner, so Angle walks around and stomps them all.
Suplex for Shelton.
Haas helps out- whip, powerslam.
Rhyno's trying to put Shelton out as Haas boot chokes Angle.

#5 is Bradshaw (4:45)

The heels are fighting among themselves sand don't see him coming.
Haas takes a clothesline.
Bradshaw tries for the Clothesline on Hell for Rhyno, but Rhyno ducks it.
Rhyno repeats his mistake re: corner whipping Bradshaw and charging in, and pays for it.
Big boot for Shelton.

#6 is the Cat (~6:15)

Estimated elimination around 6:26
We'll get to what happened in a moment.
Obviously, all times are estimated at this point, between commercial breaks and whatever they might have clipped.

#7 is Tajiri (7:45)

Tajiri is walking to the ring as we come back.
Lamont is checking on the Cat. Seems they tried the same stunt as the Rumble, and the same thing happened to them.
Neither them realize Tajiri is headed their way.
Just for fun, Tajiri gives Lamont the Buzzsaw Kick to the back of the head.
I guess Akio has some hard feelings about all those Jung Dragons/Cat fights.
Everyone else is still in the ring, and Tajiri and Rhyno immediately are showcased.

Rhyno had eliminated Tajiri from the Rumble.

During the Break: The Cat danced his way in. This time, he was prepped and gave everyone elbow smashes and clotheslines as they tried to attack him.

Cole: "Look at the Cat's moves here!"
Tazz: "He's actually doing offensive moves. I'm very impressed."
Cole: "1986 wants their move back."
Tazz: "They want their robot back. Stat!"
I guess the Cat is still a face? I'm not sure.
Angle gets up behind the Cat and gives the dancing a look.
Out he goes.

Back in the ring, everyone is doing nothing in particular. Next?

#8 is Billy Gunn (9:00)

Tazz is in the mood to sing a long.
Fameasser for Bradshaw. Punches for everyone.
Shelton thrown over the top, but he hangs on and Haas helps him!
Haas thrown over, but he hangs on and pulls himself in too.
Tajiri takes the Concrete Crunch.
Angle and Gunn brawling.
Gunn and Shelton try to get Angle over.
Tajiri with a nice handspring elbow for Haas.
Bradshaw grabs Tajiri by his hair.
Angle manages to get the Anklelock on Shelton, but Gunn breaks it up.
Big pumphandle slam for Tajiri from Bradshaw.

#9 is the Big Show (10:34)

On "WELLLLL", everyone's eyes in the ring turns to the entrance. Nice touch.
Everyone stops fighting and waits for him to get there.
Angle and Bradshaw rally the troops, Bradshaw even getting Tajiri to his feet.
All 7 are waiting for Show in - and they're on him as soon as he's got a foot in!

Tazz calls this the Andre the Giant strategy

Show forces them all the way

That's the Giant Silva strategy.

Cleaning house on everyone.
Tajiri is last, and tries a kick. Caught. Goozle. Chokedroped out. Tajiri out at 11:36

Tazz: "Someone call his momma!"

The other wight try cornering Show again, but again they get roared away.
Bradshaw manages to be let ft standing, and staggers Show with a big boot.
Show falls into the ropes, so Bradshaw charges..
and Show drops down, leaving Bradshaw to throw himself out over lowered ropes. Bradshaw out at 11:59

Instant replay! They're really quick on these today.

Angle tries German Suplex. Nope.

Cole: "And Big Show with the big butt"

#10 is John Cena (12:24)

Cena is wearing a Bionic Knee Brace.
Big Show is the only man standing, waiting for him.
Cena's a little calmer than Sunday, but not scared.
Standoff. Cena trash talks.
Show big right is ducked, Cena right right right right right clothesline but he won't go.
clothesline but he won't go.
clothesline - HE GOES! He lands on the apron! We go to break!

#11 was Nunzio (13:54)

Nunzio was in for about :10 seconds based on live reports, so we'll estimate elimination at 14:04

During the Break: Nunzio and Cena kept their almost feud going with Cena throwing out Nunzio

Looks like Cena hurt his knee in the process.

#12 was A-Train (15:24)

During the Break But Not Mentioned: Rhyno was eliminated by A-Train around 16:09

Show is stepping on Cena's bad knee in real time, as announcers go over their recent history.

#13 is Eddie Guerrero (16:54)

Heh, bad luck.
Eddie is not there - then, 11 seconds after the bell, Eddie hobbles out, holding his head.
Tazz makes the "unlucky 13" joke.
If Eddie is back for revenge, we don't get an idea who - he's immediately attacked by A-Train as he comes in.

No visible reaction from Angle, who is down in the corner not far away.

A-Train tries to press slam Eddie out, but Eddie slips out and ends up backdropping A-Train out. A-Train out at 17:37
Eddie gets shots on Shelton and Gunn, but Show slips underneath and lifts him in an electric chair. Edie manages to slip free.
Show forces him into the corner, but Eddie battles back with punches. Show ends that with a headbutt, Eddie collapses.

#14 is Rikishi (18:27)

Rikishi's turn to go wild on everyone.
WGTT is mugging Kurt Angle, but Eddie breaks it up.
Gunn tries the sunset flip, proving his still a moron.
Thrust kicks knocks Billy over the top, but he hangs on.
Show gets a goozle on Rikishi, but Rikishi punches and thrust kicks him away. It takes two to drop him in the corner.
Angle tries to sneak attack while Rikishi is thinking it over, but gets clotheslined.
Stinkface on Show.
Stinkface on Shelton, who sadly realizes it a second before it's going to happen, but there's nothing he can do.

Haas helps clean off his partner's face.

Stinkface on Billy Gunn.

#15 is Hardcore Holly (20:01)

That's the final one, obviously.
He goes for Angle and Gunn.
Tazz keeps his Big Show pick.
Hardcore tries to throw out Angle, but it's not happening.
Meanwhile, Cena thinks he can FU Show, but not with that knee. Show breaks that up.
Goozle, trying to choke Cena over the top and slowly getting there.
Cena to the apron, and Show boot chokes him off, putting a leg over the top in the process. Cena is eliminated at 20:54
Rikishi and Angle realize Show has a leg over the op rope and try to get him the rest of the way, but Show keep pushing the mover.
Gunn and Eddie help out Angle. Everyone else follows - but Cena grabbing Show from outside to finish it! Big Show is eliminated at 21:27

Now Cena is pumped! He's got his revenge, even if he's limping.

Tazz is ticked that his pick got cheated like that.

Down to WGTT, Eddie, Angle, Rikishi, Gunn and Hardcore.

Rikishi has Shelton over his shoulders and is trying to get him out, but no go.

Gunn mistimes a corner splash on Eddie. and hits no one

Replays:

Cat gets eliminated by Angle.
Tajiri gets eliminated via big choke drop by Show.
Bradshaw self eliminates, sorta
A-Train is eliminated by Eddie

Angle has Gun over the top, but he manages to land on the apron.

Eddie tries a Mexican Armbar into a 'rana to eliminated Haas, but they don't get Haas high enough.

Rather than have him fake it, Haas just goes into the ropes, and then Eddie throws him out next. Haas is eliminated at 23:26

Shelton misses a clothesline on Angle, and Angle clothesline him out. Benjamin is eliminated at 23:43

Either we're supposed to have a lot of suspension of disbelief on Rikishi's punches, or Angle keeps ducking them and Tazz doesn't notice. After the third one, Angle ducks under to an Angle Slam.

FROG SPLASH on Rikishi!

Holly has Gunn on the ropes, but Angle slips behind him - Hardcore thrown out at 24:11!

Hardcore is an unhappy man (NO!) and shoves Angle from outside the ring.

They argue, and Hardcore swings at Angle but doesn't connect.

It almost costs Angle the match, as Gunn waits, watches, and comes charging with a clothesline

Angle drops down, but gets stomped anyway.

Replay of the Hardcore elimination and the argument between Angle and Holly.

Gunn is punching a staggered Eddie.

Corner whip, reversed, Eddie tries a monkey flip, Gunn catches him and tries to throw him out, Eddie swears (bleeped, but I transcribe as "Oh F[beep]K!", Gunn pushes Eddie over the top rope, Eddie bodyscissors Gun over and hangs on to the bottom rope himself! Gunn is eliminated at 25:03

Angle talks Eddie into teaming on Rikishi.

If Angle is the attacker, and Eddie knows it, either he's playing dumb or he's willing to get over it really quick.
This is their first real moment together.

Rikishi takes them both out with punchs and a double clothesline. Thrust kick for Angle.

Chokeslam for Eddie!

What's Rikishi going to do?

Replay of the kicks while Rikishi drags Angle into the corner.

Rump Shaker misses, Angle moving out of the way just in time.

Eddie's up while the other two are down.

Eddie trying to throw Rikishi out, but it's not working.

Rikishi elbows him away.

Angle tries, but he's having no better luck.

Cole is sure one man can't do this.

They both try - and Rikishi is eliminated at 27:05!

Stare. Crowd is split. Cole goes over their recent history.

They slowly move towards each other.

Lockup, no, Angle with a go behind, waistlock takedown, holding on, Angle trying to spin out of it but Kurt stays on top.

Eddie with a back elbow to get him away.

Angle's a little taken back by that. Eddie gives him a look of innocence.

Kurt charges, Eddie drops down and tries to backdrop him over, Kurt hangs on to the bottom rope too.

Angle back in and punching Eddie down. Picking Eddie up to punch him back down.

Eddie fighting back with punches of his own.

Angle ducks one, German Suplex! German Suplex!

Angle lines up - is he going to German Suplex Eddie out?

Eddie trying to back elbow out. Angle ducks, back suplex over the ropes - but Eddie lands on his feet on the apron!

Angle thinks he won, and looks back to find out Eddie's till there.

Angle charges with a boot, but Eddie catches it.

Angle trying to punch Eddie off - EDDIE ANKLELOCK!

Eddie uses it to walk himself into the ring. Angle's in pain, but he manges to reverse to one of his own!

Eddie trying to push up for a reversal, Angle grabs in him with a waistlock, waistlock gutbuster on the top rope, but Eddie won't go over.

Angle locks in the ankle lock as Eddie is hanging there, trying to force Eddie to go forward to get out of the hold but eliminate himself.

Eddie falls forward out of the hold, pulling Angle with him via headiscissors - Eddie's feet dangle inches over the ground as Angle lands on the apron and rolls in

That was extremely close. Eddie had to fold his legs up not to touch, as he grabbed the bottom rope to hold himself up.

Both guys are limping from injuries. Angle battering Eddie with punches.

Whip, reversed, back elbow.

Eddie with a kick, suplex suplex suplex.

Eddie back up. He's pumped. But what's he going to do?

HE'S GOING UP? Tazz thinks this is a horrible idea.

Angle rushes up to the corner for what normally would be a belly to belly suplex, but he hangs there to try and knock Eddie off.

They fight, Angle pushes Eddie's head, they both lose their balance and crotch themselves on the top rope on opposite site of the corner.

Eddie and Angle both end up hanging from the ropes, over the apron.

Angle is right side up, so he's able to slowly pull himself in. Eddie hanging by his leg, so it's a longer road for him but he manages.

Both in, and slow up. Eddie getting the better of the punches.

Whip, reversed, sleeper by Angle. Tazz thinks this is a great idea.

Tazz: "Easy like Sunday Morning."

Taking Eddie all the way down to the mat, Eddie fading all the way.

Eddie tries to rally up, but doesn't have much left.

Getting to one knee, to his feet. Crowd not much in the recovery.

Angle rushes to the ropes to leverage Angle, Angle flies over the top rope but hangs on and land son the apron.

Angle still on the apron though as Eddie gets up. Right, and Angle holds onto the ropes but only with one hand.

He gets back, but another punch knocks him loose.

A third knocks him more loose. Fourth, ducked and Angle gets in a shoulder to stop that.

Angle grabs Eddie - hanging suplex, Eddie fighting going over, and landing back in the ring, now suplexing Angle.

Eddie walks around with Angle hanging, to the ropes, and Angle is dropped over! Eddie wins the Rumble in 35:09

Eddie is ecstatic. Angle is ticked at himself.