WWE SmackDown! - 07/17/03
Taped: 07/15/03
Columbus, Ohio

• Video package of Last Week's Main Event
• Tonight: Kurt Angle vs the World's Greatest Tag Team and the Big Show
• Vince is out to kill time
  • Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar interfered in his plans against Zach Gowen, so they had to pay.
  • Brock had the handicap match last week, and Kurt will have one this time.
  • Kurt was told that he'd be taken out of the championship match (and be fired!) if he interfered last week, so that's where he was.
  • Kurt's match tonight is no holds barred and falls count anywhere
  • Vince starts talking trash to Zach, but WWE Champion Brock Lesnar is out.
  • Vince tells him not to cross the boss
  • Brock says he's not here to cross the boss.
  • He's here to beat the boss.
  • Brock challenges for a match. Against Vince. Tonight.
  • Vince is crazy brave. He says Yes.
  • But not tonight.
  • Vince only wants to fight Brock at 100%, and Brock's ribs are hurting from last week, Vince knows.
  • Vince gives Brock the night off, for his own protection.
  • Vince threatens to fire Brock.
    • You'd think Linda would come here to stop out of control Vince, instead of going elsewhere.
  • Vince advises Brock leaves.
  • Brock says his belt means everything to him.
  • Brock says later, Vince will get a F-5, but for not, F-U.
  • No, not Cena's move. I think.
• Announcers discuss this
  • And then the US Title Tournament
  • 4 Weeks Ago: Chris Benoit d. Rhyno
• Chris Benoit (Edmonton, Alberta, CA, 229 pounds) vs Matt Hardy (version one, Cameron, NC, 220 pounds, w/Shannon Moore) in a US Title Tournament Semifinal Match
  • 3 weeks ago, Matt defeats Rikishi.
  • Matt Facts: Matt's beard is much cooler than Benoit's. Matt tans wearing only a sock.
  • Matt hasn't gone up in weight - actually dropped those 2 pounds he had for a couple weeks.
  • "I"m V1!" Benoit grabs the arm for the Crossface, but Matt escapes and gets the ropes.
  • Circle. Lockup, Benoit with an armbar, wristlock. Matt reverses, Benoit revers and cranks him down.
  • Cole talks about Matt having moved up in weight to challenge for the US Title when that's clearly not true.
  • Test of Strength, Benoit breaks one wristlock with a kick and gets a back legsweep into an armbar.
  • Benoit back into a hammerlock as they both get to their feet.
  • Matt looking for a way out but not finding it - backing Benoit into the corner to get free.
  • Back elbow, back elbow, Benoit turns around and hits a big chop.
  • Another big chop in a second corner. Another in a third corner.
  • Matt crawls over to the fourth corner and takes a chop there too.
  • Matt manages an eye rake, but it must've not been a good one because Benoit forearms him a few times.
  • Benoit illegally ties Matt up in the top and middle ropes and kicks him in the midsection while he's hanging.
  • Hebner tries to dislodge him, Benoit off the ropes, Shannon trips him up.
  • With Hebner looking th wrong way, Shannon comes in the ring, jumping neckbreaker.
  • Matt free and now covering one two no.
  • Seated full nelson hold. Benoit standing up in it.
  • Benoit breaks it and switches, but Matt nails him with a back elbow.
  • Matt with a standing surfboard.
  • Benoit getting up, turning it, shoving Matt in the ropes, head down too soon and Matt forearms him.
  • Twist of - no, reversed to a backslide one two no.
  • Matt with a stop. Corner whip, but Benoit comes back with a forearm.
  • Chris with a whip, back elbow, off the ropes, back elbow.
  • Kick, snap suplex.
  • Shannon in, Hebner sees it this time but Benoit takes care of business himself with a kick and suplex to the floor.
  • Whip, reversed into a kick, Twist-reversed into the Crossface!
  • Matt's near the ropes - he's got 'em!
  • Matt's got a busted nose - the blood smearing across the face.
    • The announcers think it might have occurred back on the rebound forearm
    • They make a later joke about not stopping for blood - like boxing.
  • Benoit with a short clothesline but it's ducked into the Side Effect one two no.
  • SIDE EFFECT 2!
  • SIDE EFFECT 3!
  • The lower half of Matt's face is quite covered in blood.
  • Thumb across the throat? Going up! Swandive Headbutt misses! Benoit rolled out of the way.
  • Both down, one two three four five six seven eight nine both up -
  • Benoit wins the punch battle.
  • German suplex, Matt tries to block with the middle rope but Benoit pulls him for another
  • Matt again gets the ropes, and this time is able to leverage Benoit out.
  • Matt to the apron, pose, Benoit trips him up and Matt's bloody face goes into the apron.
  • Back in. Matt misses a clothesline and Benoit hits a release German Suplex.
  • Thumb across the throat - Swandive headbutt but Matt moves!
  • Matt goes to the corner. Second rope, yell, but Benoit gets punches in before he can go anywhere.
  • Matt punches back - second rope Side Effect reversed into the Crossface!
  • Matt has nowhere to go - he gives. (7:27)
  • Tazz thinks Matt used it one time too many.

• Stephanie and Vince discuss backstage.
  • She's looking for Sable.
  • Hey, the lamp's hot!
  • Stephanie says she is too.
  • Sable is in a safe place to protect Stephanie.
  • Sable gave Vince a gift for Stephanie.
  • Midol. Stephanie is not pleased.
• Brock is leaving.
  • Kurt is catching up with him.
  • Brock: "Didn't you just see what happened?"
  • Yea, the show is probably is not worth watching after that match.
  • There's a really bad post production voice over with Tazz explaining they're talking about F5
  • Anyway, Brock tells Angle to beware of that announce table

• Jaime Noble (w/Nidia) is out to...talk?
  • He talks about that offer he made to Torrie last week.
  • Noble apologizes.
  • Nidia is uncertain where this is going.
  • Noble apologizes that he didn't offer more! $25,000 for one night!
  • Nidia is ticked off and walks out.
  • Noble can't believe it.
  • Oh, it is a match.
• Jaime Noble (2) vs Ultimo Dragon (Nagoya, Japan, 185 pounds, 8)
  • Lockup. Ultimo goes to his back and uses a headscissors takedown, holding on to the headscissors.
  • Noble gets to his feet while still in it
  • Ultimo uses Noble to roll to his feet and hits a dropkick.
  • Kick to the hamstring.
  • Whip, reversed, Noble with a backdrop, Ultimo lands on his feet, blocks the kick and sweeps the leg.
    • He probably shouldn't use that exact spot every match
  • One two no.
  • Whip, reversed into a kick, slam, Ultimo lands behind, standing switch, Ultimo runs to the ropes and Jaime is sent to the floor.
  • Ultimo slingshot to the apron, then hits the Asai Moonsault.
    • Replay.
    • Fan: "Kick his ass, Ultimo!"
  • Ultimo brings everyone in.
  • Ultimo to the top rope, flying cross body maybe gets a dropkick.
  • Noble goes for the Tiger Bomb, but he's distracted by Torrie Wilson and Billy Gunn on the stage.
  • Noble lets go and reiterates his offer.
  • Ultimo behind him - reverse bodyscissors cradle with bridge one tow three. (2:15)
  • If nothing else, Ultimo moved up the ladder pretty quick there.
  • Gunn and Wilson walk off, happily.
  • We focus on Jaime being annoyed that they tricked him.
• Into a graveyard, it's...John Cena as Isiah Thomas
  • What? You was expecting someone else? Now you going hate on me? That's out. 'kay I shake you right, that's out, 'kay I'm on fire right now, you heard
    You need to listen up, Undertaker
    See, I've been watching you,
    ever since you debut as dead man
    you're full of more crap
    then a supersized bed pan
    And this whole thing is a front, man
    you were never deceased
    You'd drive from funeral to funeral
    just to hit on the priest
    I heard rumors on you, dawg
    you used to hit on men often
    I two wayed Paul Bearer
    He said you shared the same coffin!
    You was never a dead man
    the whole time you were fakin'
    and you beat John Cena?
    You gravely mistaken
    See, you old news, dawg
    fans won't even miss you
    you ain't a dead man
    you just a dead issue
    and at Vengeance
    I'm gonna prove the big dawg is all bark
    i'm gonna claim the territory
    right on the mark.
    word life [as he shoots a water bottle on the grave - wait no]

• Last Thursday, Rey and Kidman won the #1 Contendership
  • Also, the FBI and the APA fought their way to the back.
• Earlier tonight, Spanky was making balloon animals!!
  • Also the APA were doing something about a bar room brawl at Vengeance and inviting people, but it doesn't seem as important.
  • We have a discussion if Spanky is old enough to even get in a bar.
  • Spanky: "Chicks dig scars!"
  • Bradshaw: "And you're going to have a bunch of scars!"
  • As they leave Spanky, Ron wants to know the real story about Bradshaw's hair, but Bradshaw no sells.
  • They find Kanyon!
  • Bradshaw: "Hey, who betta!"
  • Simmons: "Nice shirt!"
  • They are horrible suck ups. Kanyon is reading the WWE Magazine in his own suck up bit.
  • Kanyon's invited too.
  • Kanyon would love to go, but he's getting his cable hooked up that day.
  • APA decide that it's not as much a request as an obligation.
  • Bradshaw thinks he should just get satellite anyway.
  • APA decide they need to make money at this, so they'll charge admission
• Thug Life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds) and WWE Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio Jr. (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds) vs Los Conquistador (#45, #47, already in the ring)
  • The Conquistadors are just two average guys wearing those generic black masks Los Chihuahuas and Spanky have won recently.
  • #46 is out sick from Mexican food.
  • #47 is apparently the blond one.
  • I'm so not bothering to call this.
  • I don't know if Kidman and Rey purposely miscommunicate early or if they're just not used to teaming again right now.
  • #45 has more of a gut.
  • #47 hits a nice reverse neckbreaker.
  • 619 on #45.
  • Kidman hits the Shooting Star Press to finish it. (2:47)
  • Kidman is extraordinary thrilled about this win
  • Haas and Benjamin are watching this all backstage.

• Vince is out again
  • Sable's in a skybox. For Stephanie's protection.
  • Vince metaphorically talks about having sex with Vince.
  • Wow, that's an awesome typo but I mean Sable. I think.
  • Moving on, Zach is a sickening amputee. And we know it.
  • We don't want to have anything to do with diseased people.
  • We don't want to deal with it.
  • But Vince will deal with it at Vengeance.
  • "I"m going to do with Zach what mother nature should've done to begin with, I'm going to put him out of his misery."
  • Out to interrupt is John Cena as Nate Archibald?
    • Must've gotten back from the cementary quick. With enough time to change jersies.
      • It's unlike Cena to associate himself with the word "Tiny"
    • Maybe he's got a new gimmick twist where he randomly interrupts people each week that he has no issue with.
  • Cena is out here because everyone is going crazy about Vengeance. About his match. Because he's a veteran.
  • So, Cena's gonna use his status to help get over the Vince/Zach match.
  • Zach can't beat you, [my sound goes out]
    He just like Ted Turner, he ain't no competition!
    And the fact that he got a contract is completely pathetic
    Forget about his leg, his whole career is prosthetic
    Yo, this kid is crazy, he's a circus freak, half his body is plastic
    He should do both of us a favor, hop his ass into traffic
    Now, I guess, I guess we both got handicap matches at Vengeance, it seems
    I'm fighting a Dead Man, you're fighting Christopher Reeves
    Yo, yo, this kid is half-assed, you're gonna knock off his block
    What's better than a one letter wrestler? Being able to walk!
    That's right, you do your thing playa, you do your thing.
    • I bet you knew that Vince sold every joke hard.
  • "Quite franky, John, I apperciate you coming out here, Word Life and all that kind of stuff. You sorta remind me of myself, you come out here, you say what's on your mind, you don't give a damn about anyone else. Represent-"
  • Hey, it's the Undertaker. Not in a particular hurry.
  • Wait, the near steps didn't move!
  • Oh, it's so Cena can move them himself, tossing the steps in Undertaker's way.
  • Undertaker shakes his head.
  • Cena tells him to come on, while moving backwards.
  • Where did Vince go?
  • Undertaker is off his bike. Into the ring, Cena misses him with stomps.
  • Forearms, but they don't seem to be working.
  • Whip, reversed and Undertaker hits the big boot.
  • Cena takes off.
  • Wow, that was a lot of nothing.
  • Undertaker does a lot of pointing and Cena does a lot of dramatic gulping.

• Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) vs Sean O'Haire (274 pounds)
  • It sounds like we came back from the break late and I missed something about Cena. Or at least the early part of Rhyno's entrance
  • O'Haire forearms Rhyno out of the ring, and they brawl on the outside without the match starting.
  • O'Haire gets much better of the brawl on the outside, not even taking off his coat.
  • O'Haire chokes Rhyno with the camera cord.
  • the APA are out - for the save?
  • No, to invite O'Haire and Rhyno.
  • Rhyno's too busy being dead at the moment.
  • O'Haire decides he's gone too long without hitting anyone and forearm Bradshaw.
  • Ron is after him, with forearms.
  • One misses, Sean moves out of the way in time, and Rhyno ends up separating Ron.
  • Sean escapes as Bradshaw lays out Rhyno.
  • Sean says he'll see them there. And laughs like a crazy man.
  • Rhyno gets his invite, still being out.
  • This wasn't a match - they made a point of saying the bell hadn't rung.
• Sable gets food in her skybox.
  • Her drink is not cold enough.

• Eddie Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 228 pounds) vs Billy Gunn (265 pounds, w/Torrie Wilson) in a US Title Tournament Semifinal Match
  • Eddie brings out a Cadillac low rider.
  • Gunn and Torrie tease violence to the car to get in Eddie's head.
  • Circle. Slowly.
  • Eddie backs off. Circle.
  • Wristlock, Eddie in control, then Gunn.
  • Eddie rolls to a reversal and gets a standing switch.
  • Shove into the ropes, Gunn back with a back elbow. Eddie backs off again.
  • Lockup, Eddie with a headlock, takedown
  • Eddie shot into the ropes, back with a shoulderblock.
  • Eddie off the ropes, under, jumping into the powerslam one two no.
  • Gunn with the hanging vertical suplex. Floatover one two no.
  • Kneeling surfboard.
  • Eddie kicks him away.
  • Turnbuckle smash and punches in the corner.
  • Forearms. Elbow to the head.
  • Off the ropes, running Blockbuster one two NO.
  • Neck vice by Eddie.
  • Gunn with right hands, and then a back suplex.
  • One two no.
  • Gunn rushes Eddie into the corner and gets a back elbow.
  • Eddie with a kneeling surfboard/chinlock. Lots of work on the back.
  • Gunn getting up slowly.
  • Tazz likes how Torrie's hair bounces when she pounds the mat.
  • Gunn with back elbows, whip, backdrop.
  • Whip, back elbow to the midsection.
  • Hiptoss into a suplex one two no.
  • Gunn puts Eddie on the top rope, hooking his feet on the outside of the ropes.
  • Gunn punches him, then backs up.
  • Running splash but Eddie moves and Gunn posts himself.
  • Eddie hits a missile dropkick one two NO.
  • Severe Thunderstorm warning interrupts the match.
  • Gunn is giving Eddie a flapjack as we come back.
  • Gunn calling for the Fameasser. Off the ropes, and Eddie hits a dropkick to the knee.
  • Eddie almost goes for a Lasso from El Paso, but ends up in a half crab.
  • Gunn gets to the ropes.
  • Eddie picks up a leg to elbow it.
  • Gunn punches his way free.
  • Eddie with a kick to the leg, suplex blocked.
  • Eddie with kicks to the leg to block that, suplex, suplex, only 2?
  • Taunt, and going to the top rope.
  • Taking a lot of time.
  • Frog Splash but no one's home.
  • Both men are dazed.
  • Eddie misses a right hand, Gunn catches him in a cobra clutch - the One and Only! One two NO foot on the ropes.
  • Crowd, previously chanting for Torrie, are now cheering for Eddie.
  • Gunn looks around - I think he's trying to give the impression that he's going for the Fameasser, but with the chant, it looks more like he's confused about why they're chanting for the other guy.
    • Actually, he probably is confused.
  • Jaime Noble is out and he's brought a chair.
  • Mike Sparks cuts him off as he comes in the ring and grabs the chair.
  • Billy stops short of the Fameasser, looking to see what's going on.
  • Eddie takes this moment to shove Gunn into Sparks, with the chair being dropped in the ring and the ref going down.
  • Chair shot to Gunn!
  • Eddie falls down, making it look like either guy got hit.
  • Sparks removes the chair, but can't make a call because he doesn't know who did what.
  • Eddie "recovers", covers, one two three. (8:27)
  • Eddie sells the pain all the way on the way up, permitted himself a bit of a smirk.
  • Speaking of smirking, Noble is too.
  • Replay shows Torrie seeing that chair shot coming and looking away from seeing it. Though that's not the point of the replay.
  • Final is set: Benoit vs Guerrero
• Josh Matthews attempts to interview Sable.
  • Stephanie sneaks in the Sky Box as a waitress.
  • Wine poured on Sable's head, Sable and Stephanie brawl around the sky box.
  • Actually, Sable gets in all the offense, though we get into little more than a food fight.
  • That was a really bad plan by Stephanie.
  • Josh gets slap for being there.
  • Ah, that allows Stephanie to get back control.
  • Security pulls her off.
  • Stephanie promises to kill Sable.

• Replay of most of that last interview
• Vengeance:
  • Sable vs Stephanie
  • APA Barroom Brawl
  • Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero in the US Title Tournament Final
  • Zach Gowen vs Vince
  • Billy Kidman and Rey Mysterio vs the World's Greatest Tag Team for the WWE Tags
  • Undertaker vs John Cena
  • Brock Lesnar vs Big Show vs Kurt Angle for the WWE Title
  • "Price to Play" by Staind
• Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, PA, 237 pounds) vs -
  • Chimel announces that this will be a falls count anywhere match - though Cole said it was earlier.

• Kurt Angle vs the Big Show (500 pounds) and WWE Tag Team Champions the World's Greatest Tag Team (489 pounds) in a falls count anywhere 3 on 1 handicap match
  • I need to learn how to make macros, I think.
  • We saw this match last week, really.
    • Angle can win one on one, and in short bursts against the tag team champions
    • But the numbers and Show keep leading to the heels taking control.
  • Lots more weapon use early. Shelton uses a trash can lid for a near fall.
  • Show teases the same chokeslam spot as last week.
  • Angle lays out Show with a chair shot the back as they head to break. (4:35)

• The match goes on after the break, but I'm distracted by reading an article on Juvi's jump to AAA.
• Angle brawls with Haas into the crowd.
• How can Angle use European Uppercuts? Something wrong about that.
• Angle gets on an anklelock, but Shelton breaks it up.
• Another Emergency Warning breaks up my tape.
• Shelton is in the anklelock when I come back, but Show breaks it up.
• Show threatens to chokeslam Angle on the stage, but Angle breaks it up with a low blow kick.
• Haas and Benjamin beat him down before he can do more.
• Haas tries a trash can lid, but Angle gets a hold of it and goes house of fire on the tag champs.
• Show is only stunned by it but doesn't go down.
• A clip does the trick.
• Angle goes for another and gets a clothesline.
• Zach Gowen is out. Sorta knee to show.
• Nice dropkick to Haas. Lesser dropkick to Shelton.
• Show throws him down by the head.
• Goozle - but Angle breaks it up. Punches for Angle.
• Whip is blocked, then reversed.
• Angle slips down out of the slam and hits the Angle Slam on Show.
• Kick, Angle Slam for Shelton.
• Another warning, but I'm betting Haas got an Angle Slam right now.
• Sounds like Kurt had Haas in the anklelock, and Show broke it up.
• Show throws Angle out, and my cable goes out for five seconds more.
• Angle rallies back on the outside.
• Show cuts him off whit a knee.
• Show with a goozle, but drops it to catch Zach.
• Zach thrown into the barricade.
• Angle runs Show over with the steps, knocking him over the apron.
• Haas and Shelton pull Angle back in the ring.
• Time for the World's Greatest Tag Team Finisher - but Angle catches the superkick.
• Shelton tries for the Dragon Whip, but Haas eats it.
• Anklelock on Shelton - and he taps out. (12:00)
• Angle got some help from Zach (payback) and he did what Brock couldn't (though they don't make a deal of it.)
• Lots of attention to what Vince must think, as Zach and Kurt walk/hop to the back.
• Replays, because we must be running short or something.
• That's it.