WWE SmackDown! - 05/15/03
Taped 05/13/03
1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, MD

• Vince comes out to talk and talk
  • He's unhappy about America/Hogan continue to exist.
  • And getting two paychecks.
  • Vince is personally offended by the man on woman violence from last week, by Mr. America
  • Vince issues an open contract to face Mr. America and unmask him at the PPV
  • the FBI come out to accept. They have to introduce themselves because Vince doesn't know midcarders.
  • Nunzio has a video resume?
    • Johnny pressing Rikishi is equivalent to taking him out.
    • Undertaker being laid out.
    • There's Nathan Jones.
    • Chris Benoit.
      • They add in sound effects on impact of the moves
    • There's Brock getting trapped last week.
      • I got Johnny and Chuck confused - Chuck was driving the forklift
      • I should have noticed the Hat
  • Vince is impressed.
  • Johnny acts dumb.
  • Nunzio pulls out the old "he's not the sharpest knife is the drawer" Shamrock line.
  • Vince offers to go talk to Nunzio in his office.
  • We transition right into
• Rikishi (no ring announcement) vs Chuck Palumbo (already in the ring, w/Johnny)
  • Nunzio tries to intimidate Rikishi into staying away from Vince as they walk away.
  • Rikishi is dominating, only broken up by Johnny preventing Chuck from being dragged into the corner.
  • Chuck hits the big boot on the distraction.
  • Jungle Kick is ducked, Rikishi hits a thrust kick.
  • Rikishi does the comeback after being out of control for 15 seconds.
  • Stinkface is adverted by Johnny getting involved.
  • No DQ because Rikishi gets in all the offense.
  • Then turns into the Jungle Kick one two three. (3:13)
    • I see the point in not giving the face a lesser DQ win when the interference doesn't matter
    • But if it works as an obvious distraction that leads to a pin, shouldn't there be a DQ then?
  • They're back to saying "he just got WHACKED" this week.
  • Johnny and Chuck beat on Rikishi post match.
  • We see Brock Lesnar arrive, and he hurries to the ring.
  • FBI are laid out.
    • Johnny takes a F5 not perfectly right.

• During the Break, Brock had a moment to take off his shirt and ignore Stephanie.
  • This is supposed to build up a stretcher match.
  • Brock stands and says nothing. Announcers say Stephanie fired them up.
• Mr. America visits a medical hospital
• Torrie shows us what she looks like wearing a bikini
  • Now you have no need to buy the PPV.
  • Actually, wouldn't the magazine be cheaper?
  • Sign: "Torrie is Hot"
• Backstage, Stephanie has gotten flowers from Hulk Hogan and Mr. America.
  • Vince breaks the vases in anger.
  • Obviously, he's worried that Steph is cheating on him.

• Earlier Today, Rey arrived at SmackDown
• Matt Hardy (Cameron, NC, 220 pounds, Version One, w/Shannon and Crash, 1, c) vs Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds, 8) for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship, 5th Defense
  • Matt thinks Tajiri weights too much to be a Cruiserweight. Matt can eat more sushi than Tajiri.
  • While reading the ads, the word metaphorically (as read by Cole) throws Tazz off. The "Click It or Ticket" bit throws them both off
  • Lockup, Matt armdrag, Mat celebration. VERSION ONE.
  • Lockup, waistlock by Tajiri, slide in front for a nifty snap mare, celebration.
  • Matt's up quick though, forearm to the back, kicks to the midsection. Right to the head.
  • Corner whip, Tajiri kips up, Matt catches him on his shoulder ("ha ha ha!"), running but Tajiri slips down and pushed him into the corner.
  • Matt rebounds out into a drop toe hold, Tajiri behind him and kicking him in the butt, walking over his back, and hitting a wheel kick. One two no.
  • Tajiri with a kick. Corner whip, Tajiri charges in but gets pushed to the apron.
  • Tajiri with a high kick from the apron to Matt's head, then sets up for something but Shannon grabs a leg to root him to the apron.
  • Matt hits a forearm to stop Tajiri - suplex in - no, gutbuster drop on the top rope!
  • Running kick to the ribs. And another. Yelling at Tajiri to get up so he can do it a third time.
  • Corner whip, Matt charges in, Tajiri issues a back elbow to stop him.
  • Tajiri charges out but right into the Side Effect one two NO.
  • Abdominal stretch, with Matt holding him lower than usual to work in some shots to the midsection.
  • Corner whip, Tajiri leaps to the second buckle, Matt with a second rope forearm.
  • Pulling him off for a Splash Mountain, but Tajiri slips loose and to the mat.
  • Matt misses a clothesline and Tajiri hits the back thrust kick
  • Both men are down. Crash holds up the Book to inspire Matt.
    • It Exists to Inspire, after all.
  • Both up - Matt's punch is blocked and Tajiri hits him with a flurry of kicks and punches, taking Matt down to one knee and then all the way down.
  • Tajiri with a whip, reversed, and Tajiri back with a handspring elbow.
  • Tajiri off the ropes, ducks Matt's clothesline and handspring's Shannon right back off the apron.
  • Getting space - springboard leg lariat one two NO
  • Matt retreats to the corner, Tajiri charges in for a monkey flip, Matt turns and puts him on the top rope.
  • Matt's right is blocked, Tajiri's is not. Tajiri grabs him in a bodyscissors - there's the Tarantula. Tajiri holds it for 4
  • Tajiri sets up for it, but Crash is on the apron - big kick goes to him.
  • Matt has the opening kick wham Twist Of Fate one two three. (4:16)
  • Matt stops to get a microphone.
    • Matt Hardy, VERSION ONE, has the Mattributes to take care of Mr. America at Judgment Day, if needed.
    • Matt says that if the Mooreons have the Mattitude, they can be as successful as he is.
  • Tajiri ends this by hitting a plancha on Matt and Shannon. Play his music.
• Eddie decorates the Kurt Angle poster
  • With a sombrero carefully placed on top.
  • Eddie lets the picture know that it sure does suck that Chavo got hurt overseas.
  • So he's really going to need Kurt Angle Poster's help tonight, as he takes on Shelton Benjamin.
  • It must be really exciting for the poster to be in Eddie's corner tonight, Eddie figures.
  • The poster is just missing something - Eddie draws in a mustache.
  • Still something more - an Eddie Guerrero like goatee!
  • Now, not only is he ready, he looks like Uncle Chewie.

• Mr. America arrives.
  • Stephanie is leaving, because "Vince has the show"
  • Stephanie kisses him on the cheek before leaving.
  • I guess Vince has reason to be jealous.
• John Cena (West Newbury, MA, 248 pounds) vs Chris Benoit (Edmonton, Albert, 228 pounds)
  • I will squash Mr. America. V-Mac, please pick me.
    I'll change him back to the Hulk so quick, you'd think his name is Bill Bixby.
    And then at Judgment Day, you can throw away that patriotic masked man.
    Don't recycle Hulkamania; throw it in the trash can.
    And Chris Benoit? You think I let your crossface hurt me?
    I cross your face with steel chains - I throw you back like my jersey.
    Have you wrapped you up with so many bandages, they'll think you're Saudi Arabian.
    Instead of the Canadian Crippler, you'll just be a Crippler Canadian.
    Yo, I can't skate, but I still play with my pucks and stick.
    I have them call you John Bobbit because I cut of your [...]
    Word Life"
  • Cole pushes Cena going after a point of weakness as soon as it's exposed
    • In other words, standard WWE match psychology of the day
    • Left arm/shoulder is Cena's target
  • the FBI (Nunzio and Johnny) show up to ringside at four minutes, just as Benoit's taken back control of the match.
  • The distraction eventually leads to Benoit getting knocked out of the ring
  • The FBI are forced away from ringside before they can take advantage, and we go to break.
  • (4:23)

• Tazz calls an armbar/chinlock a very impressive submission
• Benoit battles out after about 15 seconds of what we've seen. But Cena stays in control.
• Cena uses hiptoss like moves to run Cena shoulder first into the corner.
  • Tazz says he can't remember the last time he saw someone use something like that
  • I could've sworn I've seen Cena use the same move not so long ago.
• One too many hammerlock slams gives Benoit an opening for a comeback
• Release German, Swandive Headbutt, Nunzio runs in from the crowd but Benoit throws him out.
• Cena tries to use the FU by surprise, but Benoit reverses to the Crossface.
• Johnny is in to break it up with stomps. (DQ 8:19)
• Rhyno in, Gore on Johnny.
• Nunzio back in, chair shot on Rhyno's injured knee (from Cena, last week)
• Spanky in - jumping side kick to the chair to Nunzio
• Cena after Spanky, powerbomb is reversed into a 'rana!
• Faces hold the ring, Benoit's music played.
• Nunzio tries to get his head around the concept that Benoit and Rhyno were just saved by Spanky.
  • Or maybe that's just me.
• Kurt Angle vignette

• UK Tour Highlights
• Piper's Pit
  • Piper throws his hat into the de-masking Hogan at Judgment Day bit.
  • Piper rants and apparently forgets that Mr. America is his guest, because he's surprised when he comes out.
  • America gives his flag to a person in the crowd, who waves it throughout this segment
  • America says he has no problem beating Piper at Judgment Day, just like "my idol did"
    • Hogan being his own idol is probably not supposed to be that funny
    • Piper again claims Hogan's never beat him for a 1 2 3.
  • Piper protests the lameness of this all, And the guy still waving the flag.
  • Piper sends Sean after the flag wearer.
  • America protests, and gets punked out.
  • America and Piper have another lame fight.
  • O'Haire turns the tide right before the legdrop. Chair shots to the back.
  • Piper goes for the mask, but the flag waving guy runs in the ring for the save, with the pole to Piper's back
  • O'Haire promptly spears the ever loving crap out of him
    • The fan's head hits the legs of one of the chairs on the way down
  • Piper gets in a choke on him before security can get a hold of them, then scares them away.
  • They come back and try to pull the fan out by his arms
  • So of course, Piper grabs a leg to pull him back in...
  • And the leg rips off.
    • It's plastic.
    • Announcers, who'd been selling it as "don't ever go in the ring, fans!", go completely quiet.
  • Piper is beside himself while trying to figure out what just happened there
    • O'Haire: "You ripped his leg off?"
  • Boos, as O'Haire walks out while Piper stays in the ring holding the leg
  • Piper catches up to O'Haire.
    • Piper is still in shock
    • O'Haire can't believe he just did that
    • the crowd gives them the Vince chant as Piper heads for the back
  • the Fan reaches for the flag as we go to break

• Cole uses his "real life serious" voice when describing the replay
  • During the break, Mr. America helped the one-legged fan to the back.
  • You think there would have been easier ways for this to work them him grabbing a leg and limping to the back
• WWE Tag Team Champion Shelton Benjamin (248 pounds, w/o Charlie Haas) vs Eddie Guerrero (228 pounds, El Paso, TX, w/Angle Portrait and Sombero)
  • The announcers say that Chavo got hurt, but the ladder match is still on.
    • There's no talk of a replacement for Chavo, which makes me think he might still do this match
  • Backstage, Vince yells at Piper
    • O'Haire totally sells out Piper and claims no responsibly.
    • Vince is scared of a lawsuit
    • Vince makes like he's thinking about firing 'em, but wants them to stand there and think about it while he goes and stands off camera to think about it.
    • Piper and O'Haire argue about who should be blamed.
  • The match, which visibly doesn't matter, is in progress as we return
  • Cole makes like Tazz does to him what O'Haire is doing to Piper all the time
  • Later, Cole makes a "Los Guerreros should apply for work at the NY Times" joke.
    • How much of the audience got that joke, I wonder?
    • It's sorta funny.
  • There's the chained suplexes, which means we must be almost over.
  • Charlie Haas runs out and...set up the ladder.
  • Eddie, apparently a big fan of ladder construction, stands and watches that.
  • And then turns into the superkick one two three. (3:53)
  • You know, that's not a good weakness to have in a ladder match
  • Shelton ejects the referee and Team Angle sets up for a ladder clothesline
  • But Eddie's getting up slow to set them up, and dropkicks the ladder back into them.
  • As they recover, Eddie gets the Angle Portrait.
  • Smashed over Shelton's head.
    • Shelton gives it the Looney Tunes sell
    • You can almost see the stars over his head
• Back in the GM Office
  • (Where Stephanie probably shouldn't have left early)
  • Vince figures Sean's sad about what happened.
  • Vince figures Piper is only pretending to care, because that's how Piper's like.
  • So that proves to Vince that Piper is the man to face Hogan.

• Confidential segment on Miss Elizabeth
  • This is the Cole narrated piece on the police investigation
  • They hope you please don't blame WWE for her death.
• This was the whole segment
  • On a pre-PPV show

• Backstage, Rey Mysterio gets ready for his interview to come.
• Tale of the Tape: Torrie vs Sable
• Sable comes out to show how she looks in a bikini
• Judgment Day preview
  • Torrie vs Sable in a Bikini Challenge
  • Team Angle vs Los Guerreros in a Ladder Match for the WWE Tags
  • Brock Lesnar vs Big Show in a Stretcher match for the WWE Title
  • Roddy Piper vs Mr. America (no graphic for this match yet)
  • JR and King hype their matches from the same set Cole and Tazz did on RAW
    • I suspect this is how they'll hype other brand PPVs - drop-in bits from the brand that has the PPV
  • IC Battle Royale (Christian, Test, Goldust, Chris Jericho, Lance Storm, Booker T, Kane, Rob Van Dam)
    • "and who knows who else might be added?"
  • Test/Scott Steiner vs La Resistance
  • Trish vs Miss Jackie vs Jazz vs Victoria for the Women's Title
  • Triple H (w/Flair) vs Kevin Nash (w/HBK) for the World Title
  • Cole and Tazz say their title match will be more bloddy than their title match
• Rey Mysterio talks from backstage
  • He'll be back in a couple weeks
  • His goal right now is to win the WWE Cruiserweight Title
  • [Spanish] He's been champion all of the world, but he wants to be champion here, in WWE.
    • I figured that out all by myself! Good for me.
  • He didn't think he'd ever be able to wrestle again after Show took him out.
  • He was wondering if it was it for him, when he got put in the stretcher.
  • For the first time in his life, he was scared.
  • Cole says they were scared for you.
  • Cole asks if Rey would ever consider getting back in the ring with the Big Show
  • Rey takes a deep breath. He doesn't know. He can't answer that right now.
  • Mostly because Show's grabbed him by the throat and pulled him out of camera range.
  • Show grabs Mysterio and walks off with him

• Big Show (w/Rey Mysterio and a stretcher) decides he wants to recreate Backlash.
  • Show never crossed off Benoit's name on the stretcher.
  • Rey's shirt is torn and he's thrown in.
  • What happened to Brock?
  • Rey meanings to knock the stretcher into Show's face, dropkick to the back of the head, 619.
  • Rey goes top rope and he's caught.
  • Show with a huge Samoan Drop.
  • What happened to Brock?
  • Goozle. Chokelift. Holding him up there for a while.
  • Finally, here's Brock - he spears Show
    • Rey's kinda lucky to have ended landing so well.
  • Brock with stretcher shots for Show
  • F5 on the Big Show.
  • Tazz doesn't think Big Show will fit on the stretcher.
  • Tazz doesn't consider that they'll just get a bigger stretcher.
  • STARE. STARE.
  • Oh, there's Rey with a sneak attack bulldog, that's why it we were taking so so long.
  • Brock lifts Rey up on his shoulder to celebrate.
  • Brock is sure getting a lot of offense for a person who is going to win.
  • Tazz, for at least the third time, says the Big Show can't lose, which I guess equally it out.
• Wow, this show ended a half hour ago and no one told me.
  • Laaaaaaame.