WWE SmackDown! - 05/08/03
Taped 05/06/03
Halifax Metro Centre, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

• Vince McMahon is out
  • 15 minutes later, we establish that:
    • Stephanie signed Mr. America to a contact that can't be broken
    • Hulk Hogan is at home, as we see over the satellite.
    • Since Hogan is Mr. America, Mr. America couldn't possibly be here, according to Vince.
    • Hogan says Mr. America will be there.
    • Vince promises to rip his mask off.

• Backstage, Vince is told that Mr. America is here.
• Eddie Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 228 pounds w/Chavo Guerrero and Gold Medals) vs WWE Cruiserweight Champion Matt Hardy (Cameron, NC, 220 pounds, w/Shannon Moore and Crash) in a non-title match
  • Eddie reverses the Side Effect into a under armdrag cradle for three (5:17)
    • Cole calls it a Peterson Roll.
  • While Matt attacks Eddie post match, Team Angle arrives to punk out Chavo and retrieve the medals
• Backstage, the FBI and the Big Show discuss something
  • We're kept from overhearing by a constant flow in traffic between them and the camera
  • As people pass with a translucent window in one direction, a person resembling Hulk Hogan and Mr. America walks in the other.
    • The face is obscured by the window, but it seemed as though he was walking maskless.
    • The heels break up their discussion to be confused by who they just saw pass.

• Brian "Spanky" Kendrick (Olympia, WA, 181 pounds) vs the microphone
  • It's officially part of his name. Good for him.
  • "You know folks, last week, and I had a little rap off with John Cena. And you know what he did - he kicked my butt. And you know why he kicked my butt? Because every time I said Cena, the crowd would says Sucks. Kinda like if I said CENA, you would say [SUCKS] CENA [] CENA [] CENA [] CENA [Jamie Noble's music]
• Spanky (2) vs Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200, w/Nidia, 9)
  • It seems as though they might be changing him to the nickname.
    • Cole focuses on it.
    • Maybe just for the length of the angle?
  • Sliced Bread #2 (4:41)
  • John Cena is shown watching and yelling at this on the interview set monitor.
    • He appeared to have wanted the other guy win, of course.
  • Cena is joined by a fellow who looks a lot of Mr. America.
    • Cena has to check himself, not sure he's seeing what he's seeing.

• Repeat of the Velocity Exclusive footage from last week.
  • Rey is still dead.
  • Cole lets us know that Rey is getting better, not worse.
• Brock does a backstage promo with Josh
  • The title match at Judgment Day will be a stretcher match.
• Vince observes his coffee cup
  • Funaki, stunned to be on this show...
    • though he still hasn't interviewed someone in MONTHS
  • ...lets Vince know that he's thrilled that Mr. America is heading to the ring right this very moment.
  • Vince talks to him like he's a guy with some mental issues.
    • Well, it is Funaki.
  • Vince says it's an imposter, and then makes Funaki get him coffee
    • Anyway to get on SmackDown.
  • Vince annoys Canada and moves on.
• This was a patented nothing segment.

• Mr. America arrives to the ring.
  • They take their time showing a close shot of Mr. America just so we wonder if it's someone else under the mask.
  • It's not.
  • Time killing cheers that are boring to watch. Even in fast forward.
  • Mr. America gives himself away by talking.
  • Mr. America has a irrelevant backstory.
    • It involves Hulk Hogan inspiring him.
    • He got that figure by eating vitamins, hmm.
  • Cole pushes the storyline that if Mr. America is revealed to be Hulk Hogan, the contract is null and void.
  • Vince wants to unmask Mr. America.
  • So he orders her daughter to do it.
    • That's a powerful GM right there.
  • Then Vince uses a low blow and goes for it himself anyway.
    • If there's anything I've learned from lucha, it's that you untie the mask first, then pull.
    • Ripping gets you nowhere.
    • Vince does not watch the lucha libre, of course.
  • Vince accidentally takes down Stephanie in the process, and does not get the mask.
    • This was as contrived as possible.
  • Mr. America hulks up and lays out Vince, before carrying Stephanie to the back.
  • This is another 15 minutes of my life that I'll never get back

• Mr. America has left the building.
  • In that GM office, Stephanie and Vince don't get along.
• Sable is out to watch the next match
• Torrie Wilson vs Dawn Marie
  • Torrie with a sunset flip one three (:48)
  • That was a whole bunch of nothing.
  • Sable gets the microphone and challenges Torrie to a bikini contest at the PPV
  • Torrie strips to her bra to, uh, prove she has large fake breasts? I forget the point.

• NFL Films - Team Angle promo
• WWE Tag Team Champions Team Angle (489 pounds, w/Gold Medals and Kurt Angle portrait) in Rikishi & Tajiri (566 pounds) a non-title match
  • Team Angle wins with their inverted atomic drop/superkick combo from last week on Tajiri (5:28)
  • Instead of Team Angel's music, it's Los Guerreros.
  • They take off with the belts and the Kurt Angle portrait.
  • Team Angle gives chase

• Spanky joins the announcers for the next match.
  • Cole congratulates him on his win earlier.
  • Spanky: "Thanks a lot Michael Cole - long time listener, first time commentator."
• John Cena (West Newburry, MA, 248 pounds) vs the microphone
  • Yo yo yo
    so tonight, John Cena's got to fight a Rhinoceros
    I'll rip out his crotch and make him see a gynecologist
    Half man and half beast - is that supposed to impress me?
    Man, my fist will swell your face - you'll be the white Dizzy Gillespie
    I bet you fans think that Rhyno's going to give me the gore
    I'll beat his ass so sore, it's like he did a prison tour [loud]
    Yo, this is thuganmoics - I excel beyond sports
    He rocks a horn on his head, I rock a horn in my shorts [loud]
    And to that kid Spanky, imitating my flows?
    I'm glad I broke his nose and ripped off his friggin' clothes
    He had the whole crowd chanting "Cena Sucks" [crowd chants]
    You think I do? Because I just don't give a ----
• John Cena vs Rhyno (Detroit, MA, 275 pounds)
  • Rhyno gets an inside cradle when Spanky grabs the chain to prevent Cena from using it. (3:07)
  • Cena throws Rhyno from the ring, then chases Spanky toward the crowd.
  • Rhyno heads him off at the barricade to get his revenge.
  • Rhyno tries to run Cena into the stairs, but Cena moves out of the way and Rhyno goes knee first into the steps.
• FBI finalize whatever plan they made up.

• Backlash lineup
  • WWE Tag Team Titles: Team Angle (c) vs Los Guerreros
    • They way they're pushing this so hard for the Guerreros, they won't win
  • World Title: Triple H vs Nash
  • Bikini Contest: Torrie Wilson vs sable
  • IC Battle Royal
    • No one even hints that SmackDown guys could be involved
  • WWE Title: Brock Lesnar vs Big Show in a stretcher match
• Brock's walking is interrupted by Nunzio.
  • Brock eventually shoves Nunzio around.
  • Nunzio attacks him from behind and takes off.
  • Brock runs right into an trap, locked in a room by a 2x4 (Chuck) and forklift (Johnny).
  • A-Train and Big Show congratulate them on a well down. 
  • Big Show has a stretcher with names on it
    • Rey is crossed out. Benoit and Brock, not yet.
  • Anyway, by the power he has, he's making it a singles match tonight.
  • That would seem to be a dumb move on his part but whatever.

• Big Show (500 pounds, w/stretcher and A-Train) vs Chris Benoit (Edmonton, AB, 229 pounds)
  • Announcers push that Brock's locked in, and Rhyno is getting X-Rays from his knee banging
  • Benoit was momentarily distracted by A-Train, breaking the crossface to take care of him.
  • Another Crossface attempt is turned into the chokeslam. (5:05)
  • Post match bicycle kick and another choke slam.
  • Benoit's attached to the stretcher.
  • Show starts to think about another posting, but Brock Lesnar's out.
  • Brock gets the better of A-Train but takes a chokeslam.