WWE SmackDown! - 05/01/03
Taped 04/29/03
Verizon Wireless Arena, Manchester, NH

• Pre-Open, we get a Very Special Look at Big Show throwing Rey into the post.
  • Zoom in on him landing head first.
• They've changed up the credits a bit
  • All the Hogan is out, storyline
  • Quick look seems like Eddie and Benoit are added the most in.
  • Rock is still in; guess they won't take him out
• I have serious doubts this arena is truly Wireless.
• Los Guerreros (El Paso, TX, 441 pounds, w/WWE Tag Team Belts) vs WWE Cruiserweight Champion Matt Hardy (Version One) & Shannon Moore (411 pounds, w/Crash and the Book)
  • Chavo and Eddie make sure to enjoy carrying the belts to the ring
    • We see the finish of the Backlash match and the Guerreros taking the belts.
  • Matt Fact: Have you read Matt's new book? Matt Hardy invented Mattitude.
    • Running a little low, I guess.
  • Is Matt losing more weight? Must be a goof up.
  • Shannon and Eddie circle to start.
  • Lockup, Eddie with a snap mare, tag to Chavo, who's in with a slingshot knee to Shannon's midsection.
  • Stomping, grabbing a leg and holding Shannon down for (a tag and) Eddie's Hilo.
  • Eddie with a single leg, a request for Matt to kiss something, tag to Chavo, double rolling legbar!
  • Chavo holds on to the move, but Choida wants him out of the ring.
    • Eddie tagged Chavo right after he taunted Matt...
    • ..so Choida was trying to stop Matt from coming in and missed it.
  • Eddie picks up nicely though, with a European uppercut.
  • Toe hold as Chavo continues to argue that tag with Choida on the apron.
  • Shannon kicks Eddie off, and Crash uses the Book on Eddie's back.
  • Eddie stumbles and Shannon hits the leg lariat.
  • Tag to Matt. Shrieks.
  • Right hands form Matt. Choke around the top rope.
  • Running sit to the middle rope one two no.
  • Matt back to the full nelson.
  • Tazz is working a "Crash is gay and probably also Shannon" vibe for some reason here.
  • Eddie with back elbows to escape the hold after about thirty seconds - back suplex takes him down.
  • Eddie is in a neutral corner, and Matt is blocking his way
  • Eddie charges Matt, Matt catches him in a spinebuster lift, Eddie leans over and manages the tag to Chavo.
  • BUT, Shannon came in to distract Choida at the last second.
  • So Choida is kicking out Chavo while the V1-ers double team stomp Eddie.
  • Chavo mocks the referee by tagging himself, then charges the other two
  • Back elbow for Mat, clothesline for Shannon, dropkick to Matt's face, duck Shannon's right and dropkick to him.
  • Choida cuts him off again, and now Crash is up on the apron yelling at him - right from Chavo, and a pescado takes them both out.
  • Matt up, charging Eddie in a corner, but Eddie moves out of the way.
  • Eddie with a clotheslines for Shannon, another one, one for Matt, and Shannon's thrown up.
  • Eddie with a kick to the midsection, and there's corner climb 'rana one two NO.
    • Eddie Chant
  • Eddie is pumped - kick, suplex, turning it over for another one but Shannon is in to break it up.
  • Shannon with a whip, reversed, Shannon slides under, kick to the midsection, fireman's carry lift and Matt is over to do the swinging neckbreaker/Samoan drop combo move. Matt covers, one two NO
    • 3 Count will never die.
  • Matt grabs Eddie while Shannon starts to go to the the top, but he stops to argue with Choida.
  • Matt with the yell, Twist of - shoved off, right into Chavo and a Tag Team belt on the apron.
  • Eddie wastes no time in going up - Frog Splash one two three. (4:42)
  • Eddie and Chavo start to collect "their" belts, but Crash and Shannon are on them.
  • Eddie turns the tide on Crash in no time and throws him out.
  • Chavo whips Shannon into a backdrop from Eddie to take him to the floor on top of Crash.
  • Team Angle is out, but they can't get the belts without being hit by the belts.
  • Haas gets knocked down, and the Guerreros use the opening to take off.

• Stephanie is going to see Mr. America, in his locker room, for the first time, when Josh asks her about Mr. America.
  • She signed him with having seen him.
  • Team Angle interrupts to complain that they should have the belts.
  • Stephanie says it's their fault for not knowing the Guerrero's catchphrase.
  • Team Angle will get the belts back after their match
  • But, there will be a rematch at Judgment Day, and it'll be a ladder match.
  • Team Angle is not thrilled.
  • Stephanie goes into Mr. America's locker room
• Very Special Look At Big Show and Rey Mysterio II
• Stephanie emerges from Mr. America's locker room with a worried look.

• Big Show (500 pounds) vs the Microphone.
  • Insert exclusive Backlash footage of Rey being taken out of the arena
  • The abridged Big Show: He's okay with killing Rey, but just to shut people up, he'll take on a bigger guy tonight.
• Big Show (500 pounds) vs Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds)
  • Funaki's not to thrilled to be here. Neither am I.
  • It's nice that they've given Big Show Bill DeMott's gimmick.
    • Well, not for Bill DeMott.
    • Or anyone else.
  • It seems like only last week when were laughing at Tajiri beating him.
    • No one mentions that.
  • Funaki gets pressed in the ring.
  • They go ahead and do a normal 4 minute TV match, complete with Funaki hitting a big move for a comeback
    • running Tornado DDT in this case
  • And Show doing the big kickout.
  • I'm not sure how this is any better than just doing a one minute match.
  • Big Show has a three after a big boot two and half in, but pulls Funaki up.
  • Cole says Funaki is ten feet in the air on the chokelift.
  • Show puts him back down on his feet?
  • Oh, so he can clothesline him one two three. (3:15)
  • Cole says about a billion times that no one in the locker room likes Cole.
    • Wait, I think I mean Show.
• Stephanie is distraught
  • She's told that Vince is showing up.
  • She's more distraught.
  • This is a generic sitcom plot.
    • Barely believable coincidences lead to the Worst Possible Outcome for out heroine.

• Backstage, no one wants to talk to Show.
  • How can Bill DeMott shake his head at him? HOW? THAT MAKES NO SENSE! HE WAS DOING THE SAME THING NOT THREE WEEKS AGO.
  • A-Train's okay with it.
• John Cena is out to converse.
  • Cole builds him up by saying that John was "half a count away" from winning the WWE Championship
    • (almost) Everyone who's ever had a match for the WWE Championship has been a half a count away from winning it, I think we can safely presume.
  • Cena's rap:
    
    Yo, I had to call the cops after Backlash - My ass got robbed!
    I'm here to break it down to all y'all, thuganomics style
    
    Man, I got screwed at Backlash, so I'm out here to discuss this
    I won that match, it was a miscarriage of justice!
    Everybody saw it, Brock was tapping to my headlock
    Hell, I beat Brock like the Mets [shirt] beat the Red Sox
    You, I had him busted wide open, exposing all his weak spots.
    All he had on me was a few fricking cheap shots
    And Everybody saw, man, the ref was my downfall
    He was missing calls like Bill Buckner misses ground balls
    Not only did I beat Brock, I made him quite
    And I got no respect for that piece of [shit]
  • To interrupt, it's - Brian Kendrick in a floppy head and wearing one of Flava Flav's old clocks?
  • Brian shows his street style on the way to the ring.
    • Cena mouths "What the [bleep]"
  • After Brian gets in the ring, and ditches the hat.
  • Cena kids out of the music.
  • "Yo, you coming out on my turf, dog, kids get left out here. Who do you think you are, cat?"
  • "Yo yo yo, the name is Spanky McSpankbarrellSpankyDog, but you can call me Spanky!"
  • While John Cena tries to process that, Brian Spanky mugs for the crowd.
  • "Spanky?" "Spanky, dawg?" "Spanky Dog?" "Just Spanky."
  • "What the hell you want, Spanky?"
  • "Well Cena, I was in the back, and I heard them lies, so I came up with a rap of my own about Backlash-"
  • "Whoa, whoa, chill. I see the goofy ass outfit and the clock, you came up with a rap?"
  • "I came up with a rap, but I'm going to need a beat, Cena."
  • "Huh? You gotta rap and you need a beat? No no no no no, I'll take care of that. Hey, you white boy! White boy, come here. Yea you you, you punk. Come here, come here. Hey, give him a beat!"
    • White Boy in this case would be referee Brian Hebner, hanging out near the announce desk for presumably no reason until now.
    • Maybe they've started stationing them at ringside in case an impromtu match would happen to break out during an interview.
    • It's happen a few times, you never know.
  • Hebner takes the microphone - and becomes the Human Beatbox, much to Cena's amazement and surprise.
  • And Spanky starts dnacing, which doesn't help the situation.
    • Did I mention that he's doing the "one pant leg pulled up" deal?
  • Spanky's turn to rap:
    Yo John Cena, mention Backlash might have put you on the map
    What you telling these people, it ain't nothing but crap
    You must be blind, dawg, I bet you can't see this clock
    But they've seen it, and I've seen it - you got beat Brock
    Now I'm gonna show you what I'm all about
    Gonna need all my homies here to help me out
    Come on and wave your hands in the air
    wave your hands in the air
    wave them like you just don't care
    if you hate New York and you don't [can't make it out] somebody say oh yeah
    Oh Yeah
    Oh Yeah
    Oh Yeah
    Oh Yeah [Cena tosses his shirt at Spanky]
    When I say Cena, you say Sucks
    Cena [SUCKS]
    Cena [SUCKS]
    When I say Cena, you say Sucks
    Cena [SUCKS]
    Cena [SUCKS - Cena is not pleased]
    All right, pump the brakes everybody, pump the breaks, I'm gonna bring it down for a second.
    I'm gonna bring it down for a second.
    [makes records scratching sounds by using Cena's flat top. Cena's feeling a bit not respected.]
    Yo bro, Spanky out, ah cha cha cha!
  • And Cena with a clothesline to make sure it's over.
  • Ripping Spanky's shirt off his back.
  • Picking him up - Cena's modified DVD is now (finally) the FU.
    • It's more of a fireman's carry into a Falcon arrow now
• Backstage, the FBI throws dice and rudely refuses to sign WWE Yearbooks without getting paid in advance.

• Chris Benoit (229 pounds, Edmonton, Alberta, CA) vs Johnny "the Bull" Stamboli (250 pounds, w/FBI)
  • Match is story is Benoit being out numbered.
  • Benoit reverses the press slam into the Crossface, but Johnny gets to the ropes
  • Benoit hits a German and the swandive headbutt.
  • Benoit is slow to cover and Nunzio comes in with a chair.
  • Brian Hebner stops him, and Rhyno is out to Gore Nunzio. Right for Chuck on the apron.
  • After it clears up, Brian Hebner decides it might as well be a tag team match.
  • (5:07) 

• Chris Benoit and Rhyno vs FBI (Johnny and Chuck, w/Nunzio)
  • Thanks to JOE!, we've got PBP
  • Rhyno reverses a whip and hits a Spinebuster on Palumbo and makes the tag to Benoit.
  • Benoit cleans house with clotheslines
  • German on Palumbo, but he blocks a second one by grabbing the ropes.
  • Benoit ducks an elbow from Palumbo and hits a double leg takedown into a pin cover.
  • Rhyno gores Johnny into the ref, stopping the count
  • Nunzio reverses the pin covering, putting Palumbo on top for the awkward looking 1-2-3 ( 5:35 ).
  • Palumbo didn’t even use the ropes for leverage, weird.

• Stephanie is in the parking lot

  • She leaves a voice mail for Vince saying there’s no need to be at Smackdown tonight.
  • Hey, Brock Lesnar pulls up in a Hummer.
  • Steph tells him he’s got the night off, but he says he’s got something to do.
    

• An old NFL Films-style video tells us Kurt Angle will be coming back soon.

• Brock Lesnar comes out for an interview

  • He gives props to John Cena for a tough fight.

  • Tonight, he’s looking for another fight, specifically with the Big Show.
  • What he did to Rey at Backlash was “gutless.”
  • He challenges Show to come out and try bullying Brock.
  • Weeeelllll, it’s the Big Show…
  • Big Show threatens to beat his ass like at Survivor Series
  • He also wants a title shot
  • Brock tells him to come get some
  • Big Show agrees…but not tonight.
  • Big Show walks off as we ponder what to do with the $35 dollars we’re not spending on Judgment Day.

   

• Another Mr. America promo.  He’s here tonight!

• Team Angle vs. John Walters and Erin Stevens

  • Wow, a jobber match on Smackdown.
  • Team Angle still has the portrait of Kurt and his medals.
  • Hass locks up with Stevens, goes behind and takes him down.
  • Another tie-up and an elbow to the gut from Haas.  He sends Walters to the turnbuckle but Walters leaps to the middle rope.
  • Hass hits the mat, thinking Walters will try a cross body, but Walters gets off the turnbuckle and hits an Oklahoma Roll for 2.
  • Hass pops up and crushes Stevens with a spinebuster.
  • Tag to Benjamin, and Team Angle hit the “opponent it draped on the top rope, Benjamin leapfrogs over Hass onto them” move (boy, that needs a name).
  • Benjamin drives Stevens into his corner, Walters reluctantly tags in.
  • Tie-up, Benjamin with a knee to the gut and tosses Walters to the mat.
  • Tag to Haas, Walters starts making a comeback, until Haas reverses a whip and Benjamin clubs Walters with a forearm to the head.
  • Stevens come in and promptly gets tosses
  • Haas with an inverted atomic drop on Walters, Benjamin with the superkick, and Haas finishes with a double leg roll for the pin ( 2:11 ).
  • Haas on the mic says that while stealing may be a Guerreros family tradtion, Team Angle has a tradition of their own: winning.
  • Haas demands that Los Guerreros return their belts.
  • Eddy and Chavo come out with the belts.
  • Eddy on the stick says that they’re sorry they took the belts, and promise that they’ll never steal anything of Team Angle’s again.
  • They lay the belts on the mat.  Team Angle cautiously grab the belts and celebrate.
  • As Eddy and Chavo depart, Haas gets back on the stick and promises to beat Los Guerreros at Judgment Day.
  • Chavo retorts that they may be the tag champs, but he and Eddy are Olympic gold medallists.
  • Team Angle laughs, until they realize Eddy and Chavo lifted Kurt’s medals.
  • Team Angle needs acting lessons, stat.

• Sable paws at Torrie.  Bleh, Cubs can handle this.  I’m outta here.

• Backstage, Torrie stretches in the cold.

  • Sable flirts with her.
  • Torrie doesn't want to be her friend after last week.
  • They're partners tonight.
  • Torrie doesn't trust her, between what happened Thursday and Backlash.
  • Sable doesn't know why Stephanie made this match, but they're partners tonight.
  • Torrie laughs off the double meanings that follow.

• Dawn Marie & Nidia (w/Jamie Noble) vs Torrie Wilson and Sable
  • Nidia and Dawn jump Torrie before Sable gets to the apron.
  • Sable pushes away Torrie before she's escorted out of the ring.
  • Nidia has a good elbow drop but a bad clothesline.
  • Kicks to the hamstring are eh.
  • Typical "can you low blow a women" discussion.
  • Dawn gets in a nice second rope splash
  • It seems like she almost losses Torrie on a slam.
  • Second second rope splash misses.
  • Torrie crawls for a tag, but Sable's not interested.
  • And she walks away.
  • WOW slingshot into a half crab.
  • Torrie has no choice but to give. (3:45)
  • Torrie has enough left in her to scowl at Sable.
• Vince has arrived.
  • Stephanie is worried.

• Piper's Pit.
  • Sean O'Haire is wearing a coat that's okay.
  • Roddy Piper with the mandatory insult for Chris Jericho.
  • Piper introduces Mr. America.
  • Everyone laughs that's it's Hulk Hogan in an obvious disguise.
    • Except the heels
    • They play Real American for his ring music
    • Hogan chants throughout. Then USA chants.
    • Hogan uses a lot of Hogan lines with "American" words subed in.
      • "American Maniacs" and so forth.
  • He's wearing Hogan gear in red/blue/white, with mask.
  • Piper questions him, but Mr. America says he's a lot of good American things, but he's not Hulk Hogan.
  • Vince McMahon is out. He's thinking the same as Piper.
  • Vince says he's going to send Hogan again, but with a lawsuit for breaching his contract.
  • Mr. America denies, saying he's Mr. America and not Hogan.
  • Vince relents, and fires Mr. America.
  • Mr. America explains he has a weak plot device a contract that says he can't be suspended or fired.
  • Vince tries plan #3 - ripping the mask off America's face.
  • America: "Whatcha gonna do when the 24 inch patriots run wild on you!"
  • 3 on 1 doesn't work, because they are 3 and he is Hogan.
  • Lots of fireworks scare the heck out of the heels too.
  • Mr. America waves the flag at the top of the stage for the cheapest heat scene possible