WWE SmackDown! - 04/24/03
Taped 04/22/03
Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, TN

• John Cena vs -
  • He's got something to say...but it's not really rapping.
  • In the future, I found www.john-cena.net and can just point you there.
  • Sounds like all of y'all have been playing hooky on the Thuganomics class. Yea peek this - I'm gonna give all you the Cliff Notes on the life and times of John Cena, Volume 1. It goes like this:
    Who's going to be the #1 contender at Backlash?
    Me!
    Who beat Eddie Guerrero?
    John Cena.
    Who beat THE UNDERTAKER?
    The Doctor of Thuganomics.
    Who beat the Rabid Wolverine Chris Benoit?
    This dirty white boy right here!
    And who's going to be the next WWE champion?
    John Cena.
    As for Brock Lesnar, I told you last week he disrespected everybody, including me, by lying to your face. And this week, I got some footage, some footage that ain't never been seen before. After tonight, this footage is so graphic, it's going to expose Brock Lesnar for who he really is. He's disrespectful, he's heartless, and by no means, does he deserve the WWE championship! And as far my match tonight goes-
    
• John Cena vs Rhyno
  • Rhyno rushes to the ring - and does nothing much.
    • Maybe he just wanted a 10 second entrance
  • Cena is apparently a technically vicious rapper.
  • Announcers: PLEASE TAKE JOHN SERIOUSLY. THANK YOU.
  • Cena has apparently raised his game.
  • They have him use just about every match he knows, with him dominating most of the match to show it off.
  • They do a slightly-messy reversal rollup spot with Cena maybe getting some tights for the win (7:38)
    • Why did they do it to the corner and not the ropes? Odd.
    • I think Cena didn't just win with the DVD to create the notion that Cena could cheat to beat Brock, figuring DVD-ing Rhyno doesn't make them believe any more.
      • In that case, you'd think they just have him use the chain.
    • Too bad that the announcers were pushing "he's got SKILLZ! He could beat Brock"
  • This match wasn't anything bad, but not particularly compelling.
  • It probably shouldn't be a big win for Cena to beat Rhyno if he's supposed to have a chance against Brock.

• Mr. America blah blah blah
  • Tazz is more interested in a group of elderly fans for a moment here
• Earlier tonight, the FBI are mad because they lost money betting on Benoit.
  • They share this with him.
    • See, this is why you never bet on wrestling.
  • Anyway, they want the money back from Benoit for losing.
  • Benoit offers for Nunzio to collect in the ring.
  • Nunzio accepts in far more words than "yes"
• Josh Matthews talks to Sable
  • Later, there will be a contest of some kind.
  • And she's judge.
  • And she flirts with the camera and Josh a bunch.

• There's a US Military! Imagine that.
• Nunzio (w/FBI) vs Chris Benoit
  • We go back
    • to Nathan trying to kill Nunzio last week (clips make it look like it went longer)
    • And the FBI dropping the steps on his ankle.
    • Nathan has an unspecified "ankle injury"
  • FBI distracts so Nunzio can hit the pescado.
  • Nunzio distracts while Johnny and Chuck get in shots
  • Nunzio works over the neck, controlling most of the match.
  • Benoit brings out his enziguri, which looks extra painful.
  • Benoit takes care of Johnny and Chuck when they try to come in.
  • Nunzio tries for the Arrivederci, but Benoit reverses it to the Crossface for the win. (4:32)
  • Chuck in, Chuck in the Crossface.
  • Johnny in, breaking that up and the beatdown is on.
  • Jungle Kick may be "the whack"
    • As in "he just got whacked"
  • ForgetAboutIt from Johnny.
    • Tazz acts like this is the first time he's EVER done this.
    • Maybe he did forget about it.
  • Nunzio gets in the slap.
  • Rhyno was unavailable to run-in because of that devastating, um, tights pull of earlier.
    • I dunno. They don't address it.
    • Maybe we're now setting up a Undertaker/Nathan Jones/Benoit vs the FBI match.
    • A Benoit/Undertaker team would work on multiple levels.

• Backstage, Los Dos Japonesse are watching Rey hit the 619 on Show.
  • Rewind, repeat.
  • They do not have my eight second rewind, but Tajiri is good with the remote.
  • He's also got a nice new t-shirt on.
  • They freeze on Show's angry face.
  • Tajiri does his Big Show impersonation.
    • It's not as good as Scott Hall's.
  • Show finds them and is angry.
  • Show breaks the TV and the VCR as the little people scatter.
• Rey Mysterio vs WWE Cruiserweight Champion Matt Hardy
  • Matt only uses low fat salad dressing.
    • Of course, he can't afford the extra weight!
  • Wait, he's not dressed to wrestle.
  • Matt: "Please allow me to introduce to all of you, Rey Mysterio's opponent for tonight. He is accompanied to the ring by the original MFer - Mattitude Follower - Shannon Moore. I give to all of you the newest disciple of Mattitude, CRASH!"
  • This was the one week that Cole watched Velocity, apparently.
  • Tazz explains the whole Mooreon thing, so maybe they watched together.
• Rey Mysterio (4) vs Crash (w/Shannon Moore and Matt Hardy, 6)
  • Shannon and Crash miss a sneak attack double team, but Crash gets early advantage
  • Matt joins the commentators but I guess either we hear nothing from him.
  • Ah, he's not wearing a headset.
    • He's focusing on Crash, according to Tazz.
    • He's focusing on Rey, according to me.
  • Rey out wrestles Crash, but Crash is sneaky enough to stay in to it.
  • Shannon does introduce Rey to the book.
  • Crash blocks the bodyscissors bulldog the first time, but Rey hits it later on.
  • Springboard Thesz press.
  • Spinning headscissors into a DDT for two.
  • Shannon distracts, but Crash can't take advantage.
  • He pulls out an eye rake anyway.
  • Crash gets whipped into Shannon, then headscissored on the middle rope.
  • 619.
  • Crash distracts the ref, and Shannon tries to attack Rey, but gets backdropped off the around to the floor.
  • Slingshot legdrop one two three. (4:03)
  • Matt is not pleased
  • Rey mocks the V1 hand signal, which does not please Matt also.
  • If they hadn't talked about Show/Mysterio, you would have thought Matt/Rey was coming up.
• Backstage, John Cena talks to A-Train
  • Re: Brock's disrespecting everyone.
  • [crowd noise]
    It ain't about a match tonight, Train. It's about hurting Brock. Brock disrespected everybody, man, he disrespected himself [knocks over VCR], what are we going to do about that man? I show you what we're going to do about that! What you going to do tonight is take that boy, G. Reason I brought you here is to show you something. I'm so excited, I'm knocking the VCR. I want you to see what happened the last time you and Brock got in the ring. [video] Peek this, yo. Peek this - that ain't a F5, that's a nose dive, Train! He tried to take you out, tried to ruin your career, try to make you retire early! What you think about that, dawg! What you think about Brock disrespecting you dawg-
    A-Train: DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FELT? DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FELT? HE ALMOST KILLED ME. I TOOK BROCK LESNAR'S BEST AND TONIGHT, HE'LL FEEL MY PAIN!
  • We see an clip from a previous SmackDown, where the F5 was horribly botched and A-Train landed right on his neck.
    • It's not mentioned that it was edited out, or even where it's from.
    • The best part of the replay is watching Tazz and Cole cover their heads in horror.
  • Cena shakes in fear a bit while A-Train yells, which is good for a deep character but not especially making him look tough.
  • A-Train leaves, and Cena is happy about what he's done.

• Rikishi vs Roddy Piper (w/Sean O'Haire)
  • They give us the little graphic: your ring announcer tonight is Justin Jason Roberts.
  • Sean has his coat!
    • Best part about this match.  
    • Only good part about this match.
  • OH NO HE TOOK OFF HIS SHIRT.
  • He probably shouldn't have worn all black if he didn't want to look so WHITE.
  • O'Haire saves Piper from the Stinkface for the DQ (1:40)
  • There's the jumping spin kick.
  • There's the Cruel Intentions, unless we're not calling it that any more.
    • Tazz IDs it as a reverse DVD

• Sable Invitational Bikini Contest
  • This shall be short, because words don't help here.
  • It starts with Nidia and Dawn, but Torrie kinda invites herself.
  • As per rules of SmackDown Bikini Contests, Nidia acts goofy and Dawn wears very little.
  • Torrie, with a mixed case of ethics on her part, tries to use Sable's apparent inundation with her to sway Sable's vote.
    • Including rubbing up on her.
    • She's sucking on a blow pop this week, and gives Sable a taste.
  • Sable rules it a tie for Nidia and Dawn - Torrie is a loser.
  • Torrie takes it well. Good for her.
  • Nidia sets up Torrie for a Dawn forearm.
  • They hold her for Sable to mock. But she doesn't actually attack Torrie.

• Shelton Benjamin (w/Charlie Haas) vs Chavo Guerrero (w/Eddie Guerrero)
  • Earlier tonight, Team Angle talked about dedicating their victory at Backlash to Kurt Angle.
  • "Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuueerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrro"
  • So they wrestle and stuff.
  • I'm totally mailing this in.
  • Except with the mail.
  • What some might call fundamentally sound.
  • What some might call kinda basic at times.
  • Guerrero Lowrider is back to to being an STF this week.
  • Chavo gets a rollup, but Haas kicked it over, and Shelton grabs the ropes and tights one two three. (6:10)
  • Los Guerreros decide to Lie, Cheat and Post Match Beatdown.
• John Cena raps while A-Train warms up behind him.
  • "It's all bad now. You done messed up now! Disrespecting the wrong hood! You want to talk about pain? You want to talk about 'here comes the pain?' Well Brock, tonight, here comes the A-Train!"
    

• Big Show vs Tajiri
  • No one cares when I bring it up, but this match strong follows the formula from Kurt Angle/Billy Kidman match before SmackDown.
  • Big Show had a chokeslam and sure win, but gets distracted by Mysterio flying by.
  • Tajiri gets a CO win because Show gets sent into the pole and is too slow getting in. (3:55)
  • They play Rey's music, that's no fair.
  • Rey bites the ropes in anger.

• A shot of Stephanie's butt leads in
  • She says she's no Torrie Wilson, but she's an All-American girl.
  • That's what makes America great, different body types.
    • You just won't see any of 'em on this show, har har
  • Anyway, Mr. America debuts next week.
  • Tazz tells us his research reveals that Mr. America is an American.
• Backlash lineup
  • Rey Mysterio vs Big Show
  • Booker T/Shawn Michaels/Kevin Nash vs Triple H/Ric Flair/Chris Jericho
  • Team Angle vs Los Guerreros for the WWE Tags
  • RVD/Kane vs Dudley Boyz for the World Tags
  • Trish vs Jazz for the Women's Title
  • Rikishi vs Sean O'Haire
  • The Rock vs Goldberg
  • Brock Lesnar vs John Cena for the WWE Title.
• John Cena is out to rap about.
  • Yo yo yo yo kill the beat - it's time for the Brock Lesnar freestyle session.
    Yo
    Brock, talking to you is like talking to caveman
    I'd be better of drawing with sticks in the sand
    You're soft Brock. You Ben Gay like ointment
    Yea, you own the title - world's biggest disappointment!
    When a knife and a dictionary, you still couldn't cut a promo right
    I'm a new Big Thing, dude, you ain't even a Prototype
    I told you payback's coming, so get ready to tape and tuck
    You careless? Well, I'm fearless, and I just don't give a ---
• A-Train vs WWE Champion Brock Lesnar
  • wait, let's have a break first

• A-Train vs Brock Lesnar
  • We come in with the match a few seconds in.
  • They do Big Guy stuff.
  • Brock and A-Train end up in front of the desk, and Cena has words.
  • Brock doesn't do anything, but gets distracted and kicked off the apron by A-Train.
  • Cena: "You're all about the facts. Let me give you the facts: Brock Lesnar is an idiot."
  • Cole thinks Cena is disrespecting everyone.
  • Cena thinks everyone is disrespecting him, but mostly Brock and Cole.
  • Brock does the suplexes on A-Train.
  • A-Train comes back with the DeRailer, but Brock kicks out.
    • Cena claims Choida was way out of position and slow to the count.
  • F5 one two Cena breaks it up (10:24)
  • Waiting for Brock to get up - there's the chain to the head.
  • Waiting - there's the DVD.
  • Going out to get the belt - to the head.
  • Brock's bleeding now.
  • That's it.