WWE SmackDown! - 04/17/03

WWE SmackDown! - 04/15/03
Taped 04/15/03
Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, VA

Music video of the tournament, so far.
- Cena did even less in this version, for those who are counting.
Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds) and Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds) vs A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) and the Big Show (500 pounds)
- Cole says "what a tag team these two have become" and we all yell "yea, the one week they teamed."
- That leads to a mention of them beating the tag team champs last week.
- PASS.
- We're in a "Big Show and A-Train are really really really big and impressive because they're big" mood.
- Of course, by relation, Rey and Tajiri are just too small.
- Rey is wearing the mustard colored outfit, of which I am not a fan.
- Nice double dropkick to the knees, double dropkick to the head team up.
- Of course they go for a double clothesline to follow, A- Train breaks that, and that's the end of Rey and Tajir's run.
- A-Train really has to sell for both members of his team.
- Rey goes for a 619, but Big Show gets in a shot from the outside.
- Show comes in at 1:30. Will he take a bump this week?
- The way he's throwing around Rey, no.
- Cole calls Big Show "an amazing athlete" and that second part is at least debatable.
- Someone in the second row loves Lance.
- Tag to A-Train, Show never having left the offense.
- Cole: "Ladies and gentleman, I can not tell you how big the Big Show and A-Train are!"
- What has he been trying to do for the last two minutes?
- Rey turns the momentum with his giant DDT.
  - so called because he's only hitting it on the giants.
- Hot tag to Tajiri at 4:30.
- Buzzsaw Kick hits at 5:00 - Big Show just brings it up at 2.5
- Rey gets pressed with one hand, although he's the one keeping himself balances up there.
- A-Train hits the scissors kick for three (6:00)
- You know that's not one of his finishers.
- Of course you know, why am I telling you that.
- Big Show encourages A-Train to use of his finisher - Train Wreck, but Tajiri sprays A-Train with green mist.
- Big Show clotheslines Tajiri down and throws him out.
- Big Show is out of the ring to check on A-Train
- Rey runs by and gives him the 619.
- Big Show is knocked on to his butt, more angry than hurt.
- Announcers sell it as Big Show getting embarrassed.

Backstage, Big Show is angry that Rey knocked him on his butt and that everyone was laughing at him.
- Remember when Big Show liked people to laugh him?
- Big Show wants a one on one match with Rey.
- That'd make one person.
In ring interview with Brock Lesnar
- He gets extra fireworks - they must've had them on sale.
- Brock is in a happy, excited mood.
- After the WM match, Brock says he was feeling the pain.
- Brock says no one's ever kicked out of the F5, but Angle did two.
- Brock says they really hurt, and offers to show Cole
  - Cole takes a pass.
- Brock is apparently a cool dude for landing on his head.
  - Not a moron. Not a moron at all.
- He respects Kurt and Kurt took him to another level and
- THANK GOD, John Cena's here to save us.
- Cole flees the ring.
- Cena: "Yo yo yo look at you man. [boos] You out here talking about 'I respect Kurt Angle. I respect these people' Not one word of respect for John Cena." Brock mouths that he doesn't respect John Cena. "Yo man, you don't respect these people, you disrespecting these people. Yeah, White boy up in here, lying to all of y'all. That's right Brock. You ain't nothing but a big liar. No, no no, you out here talking about your big Wrestlemania match, watching footage of your shooting star press, spiked yourself, telling everybody "I got a serious concussion.' Man, I watched that footage like 400 times, dog. There's no way you got a concussion. Brock, to a get a concussion, you need a brain! [Brock lurches at him, Cena takes a couple steps back] Chill! Yo. Chill. I'm just here to tell you, Wrestlemania is over. You better focus on the new big thing. You know, I ain't never been nothing more to you than a one-hit wonder vanilla ice wannabe. There's a change in the air. There's a new one hit wonder in the air - Brock Lesnar. 'cause at Backlash, you gonna find out that John Cena is bigger than Brock Lesnar. You gonna find out that John Cena is bigger than these people! You gonna find out John Cena is bigger than that WWE Title. You gonna find out [Benoit's music plays - Cena gives us a 'what'?]
- Benoit: "You know what your damn problem is, Cena? Your problem is you ignore the obvious. You come out here talking about respect - respect? You have any damn idea what respect means? Do you? [Cena: "What are you talking about, dog?" - should I be typing dawg?] Why don't you respect this - before you even think about facing Brock Lesnar, you better worry about going through me, the wolverine, the best man technical wrestler in the world, tonight. And just so you know, not you, not even me, no one is bigger than the title. You respect the championship, even if you don't respect the man wearing it."
- Brock takes offense to that last remark, but Chris says he never said that, unless Brock doesn't respect him.
- Cena: "Yo, yo, yo, chill, y'all better show me some respect on this piece right now."
- They both turn towards him and take a step.
- Brock says they can respect the winner tonight.
- Brock wants a handshake from Cena.
  - Not a moron. Not a morn at all.
- Cena takes it, but punks out Benoit when Benoit he shakes hands with Brock.

Mr. America is coming.
- No shots of whoever it is, just stock American war footage
Eddie Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 228 pounds, w/Chavo Guerrero) vs Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200 pounds, w/Nidia)
- Now added to Backlash: Team Angle vs Los Guerreros for the WWE Tag Team titles
  - You know, their week to week booking wouldn't have as an erratic turn as we're getting tonight if they had some sort of plan
  - Kinda makes you wonder at the meandering they're gonna have when they split PPVs.
- Tazz wonders about the lack of regional support for Jamie, which ends up leading to Cole saying "not everyone in Virginal lives in a double wide!"
- Before we get started, there's the music of Team Angle.
- Shelton [bad hispanic accent]: "What's up holmes! Hey esse vato. We just wanted you to know that we respect you, and your family. The Guerrero family, a great deal, holmes."
- Charlie: "In fact, we just wanted to tell you, your grandmother [Eddie had been watching Jamie and not these two till that moment], she's easily the best housekeeper money can buy!"
- Jamie jumps Eddie with a forearm, turnbuckle smash, and the match starts
- Kicks in the corner, forearm to the head.
- Corner shoulders. Kickdown in the corner
- I think Tazz is mocking Shelton's mocking accent.
- Eddie kicks and punches his way out of the corner
- Whip, quick reverse to Noble's float around swinging neckbreaker.
- Slam, legdrop one two no.
- Corner whip, Eddie goes down.
- Team Angle is watching from the stage.
- Exchange of strikes, with Eddie doing the better of the forearms and hitting the European Uppercut.
- Forearms. Suplex, one two no.
- Corner whip, Eddie charges into a back elbow.
- Noble charges out into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.
- Yelling to the crowd. Eddie's paying no special attention to Team Angle.
- Whip, quick reversed, Noble with the slide under and the pumphandle exploder one two NO.
- Jamie trying for the Tiger Bomb
  - Tazz says Tiger Driver
- Eddie manages a double leg - slingshot into the corner.
- Eddie with a back suplex, and I think he's feeling froggy.
- Nidia over - she grabs a leg, but Chavo grabs her.
- That gives Noble time enough to get up - but he's pushed back down.
- Frog Splash one two three. (3:54)
- Team Angle's seen enough, but Eddie gets the mic
- Eddie: "You know what esse vato, me and Chavito, we respect you too. I mean, c'mon, you're all American. You're a great athletes, esse. I mean, you're constantly practicing, taking each other down. As a matter of fact, holmes, the rumor is you guys go down on each other all the time."
- They take off their jackets in anger.
- Chavo: "And from what I hear, you two give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'you suck'!"
- Team Angle take off their belts and charge the ring.
- The fight is on, but Los Guerreros get the best of it.

The French guys are unhappy with US World Policy
- This one has higher production values.
- Tazz feels like he's back in NATO.
- Cole only feels the need to say UN and not ask about Tazz's time in NATO.
Backlash lineup
- "Remedy" by Cold is your official theme song
- Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Big Show is your official groan match
  - Cole explains to us that Rey is not the same size as Big Show, thinks for that.
- And that's all of that for now.
Later tonight, Nathan Jones vs Nunzio.
- I get the feeling that we're stalling now.
- Look back at the Jones/Undertaker vs FBI stuff.
- Well, look back to last week, only.
- You think in one of these, they'd make Cena look good just to build up the hype for tonight.
Earlier tonight, Nathan Jones choke Nunzio while threatening him.
- Nunzio doesn't admit that he set Nathan up.
- Chuck and Johnny get taken down and Jones gets away.
Backstage, Torrie stretches to show off her breasts for the camera.
- Sable violates her personal space.
- Sable continues working on her sexual harassment.
- Torrie's more polite about it than I might be.
- Maybe she finds it all campy and that's why she laughs it.
- Sable gets top less for Torrie's benefit.
- Torrie gives her a "you are some crazy chick"
- Sable faces the camera, with only her hands covering up her breasts.

To continue the non-wrestling, it's time for Piper's Pit.
- As last week, this takes us over from hour one to hour two.
- Backlash: Rikishi vs Sean O'Haire (w/Roddy Piper)
- Piper calls people who "write on their little computer boards, don't have to own up to anything" simple cowards
  - He's back to being only semi-coherent,
- "People are coming out of their closet and starting to beat people up."
  - I don't know. I think he's saying that his appearance has started to cause chaos.
- Piper gives us the 400th clip in the last 3 weeks of him hitting Snuka with a coconut in May 1984.
- Then we see last week.
- Anyway, Sean O'Haire is Piper's wrestler of the new millennium.
  - O'Haire has a spider thing going on with his entrance and his tights.
- Sean kisses up to Piper.
  - We establish that Piper picked Sean
  - Sean wants to learn "from the only mind in the world that may be more evil than mine."
  - Sean hits the catchphrase.
- oh good lord, it's Jimmy Snuka.
  - Of course it is.
  - In building him up for people who don't know him, I think, Tazz says Snuka is responsible for all the high flying ever.
  - Or something like that.
- It's a nice touch that Sean O'Haire knocks the chairs over now, rather than wait for the inevitable.
- Piper asks Sean out of the ring so he can handle this one on one.
- After Snuka says there's a problem, Piper rants and raves and then extends his hand to bury the coconut - er, hatchet.
  - That was Piper's line.
- Snuka doesn't take it.
- Roddy tries the most telegraphed punch in the history of the world, it's blocked and Snuka takes him down.
- O'Haire is back, his punch ahs no affect but his kick works.
- Rikishi is in but Sean takes him with punches.
- Rikishi fires back. Corner whip, corner clothesline.
- Piper fiddles with a chair and drops it when Rikishi turns towards him.
- He stalls him enough that O'Haire hits a thrust kick to the back of his head.
- Piper and O'Haire make their exits.
- Rikishi gets the microphone and promises revenge at Backlash.
- Rikishi challenges Piper to come take him on.

Torrie Playboy signing in New York.
Torrie Wilson vs Nidia (w/Jamie Noble)
- Torrie has a Playboy logo on her tights, just in case you're unclear on the concept.
- There's no referee - oh that's because Sable is the referee.
- She's changed outfits since the Piper's Pit segment.
  - I guess when you're really bored.
- Cole says Sable has been playing "mind games" with Torrie.
  - Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
- Tazz starts to go off on the "all referees should look like that" tangent before realizing the bad consequences.
- Torrie is distracted by Sable and gets attached by Nidia from behind.
- Northern Lights Suplex! One two no.
  - Sable has immediately established herself as a canalize for worst referee ever.
- Short clothesline. One two no.
  - That was a better attempt at counting.
- Turnbuckle smash, shoulders to the back.
- Chop.
- Corner whip, kip up head scissors, Nidia pushes her to the apron.
- Nidia with a right, it's blocked, Torrie hits one and a turnbuckle smash.
- Torrie to the top rope, flying cross body one two no.
- Nidia with a jawbreaker, but Torrie comes back with a clothesline.
- Torrie chops.
- Whip, was that supposed to be a flapjack or a backdrop or what?
  - There are differing ideas on the subject, but we can all agree that was UGLY
- Torrie with a dropkick one two no
- Corner whip, monkey flip, but Nidia turns and puts her on the second rope.
- Right blocked, Torrie with a slap, off the second rope swinging DDT.
  - I see someone's been hanging around with Funaki.
- Noble reaches in the ring, so Sable hits a sliding dropkick on him
- One two three. (2:10)
- Torrie is getting mixed signals.

Matt Hardy (Version 1, Cameron, NC, 220 pounds, w/Shannon Moore (w/book), 1, c) vs Brian Kendrick (Olympia, WA, 181 pounds, 2) for the WWE Cruiserweight Title
- Matt Facts: Matt REALLY digs his book. Matt's favorite sushi is freshwater eel.
  - Tazz Facts: Tazz's favorite sushi is tuna.
- The speed he's running to the ring, Brian apparently thinks he's running in on his own match.
- Lockup, no Brian with an inside cradle one two no.
- Matt charges backslide one no
  - a moment pause as someone loses track of what's going on - Matt's signaling to Brian is obvious
- Brian off the ropes, foot caught by Shannon, Brian reaches after Shannon, Matt with a forearm.
  - Shannon kinda looks like Christian tonight.
  - I know, a short small blond guy looking like a short small blond guy, what are the odds
- Whip, Matt's clothesline misses and Brian suicide topes Shannon!
- Brian quick up to the apron, snapping Matt's neck over the top rope.
- Going all the way up - top rope missile dropkick but no one's home!
- Matt with a side sleeper neckbreaker one two no.
  - It's not one of his named moves, but he's done that before.
- Matt scoops Brian on to his shoulders- snake eyes, off the ropes, clothesline. One two no.
- Tazz lets us know that Roddy Piper vs Rikishi will happen next week.
  - Thanks for the warning, Tazz!
- Matt with a full nelson on a seated Kendrick
  - If he turned it around into a camel clutch variant, I could go "hey, I bet LITA told him about this"
  - But he does not.
- Shannon yells for Matt to keep it locked in as Brian gets to his feet and elbows out.
- Corner whip, reversed, Matt charges into a boot.
- Brian climbs the corner, but Matt catches him with a forearm.
- Loading him up for Splash Mountain, but Brian kicks off the top rope to flip to his feet.
- Brian misses a right hand, Matt back to that full nelson, Brian climbs up the corner and reverses it to a DDT, I think.
- Brian slow, but rolls Matt over and covers one two NO.
- Forearms by Brian, whip, quick reverse, Brian with a boot that stagers Matt.
- Brian sets up for Sliced Bread #2, but Matt pushes him off into the ropes
- Brian botches back with a leg lariat.
- Climbing enziguri one two no.
- Brian's swinging facecrusher, I'll call it.
- Brian going up - top rope elbow drop! One two NO!
  - Cole: "Shades of -"
  - Me: "Please don't say-"
  - Cole: "Shawn Michaels, his trainer!"
  - Me: "Okay that's fine."
- Sliced Bread #2, no he's pushed off in mid move.
- kick wham Twist Of Fate one two three (4:08)
- Matt Hardy is STILL your Cruiserweight Champion.
  - Unfortunately, with this effectively blown off and Rey having another match, Matt's probably off the PPV.
Backstage, the FBI pumps up Nunzio for his match with Nathan Jones.
- I think they have a plan.

The APA visit solders in a military hospital and various other DC military places
Nunzio (201 pounds) vs Nathan Jones (Australia, 305 pounds)
- Nunzio's lost his hometown. Why?
- Nunzio tries to jump Nathan Jones, who doesn't really make it in the ring for the first twenty seconds.
- Lots of punches, with Nathan's being better.
- This week, Nathan does hit the standing spin kick to the chest.
- Knee, whip, Nunzio off the ropes twice win missing stuff but eventually caught in a choke lift.
- Nunzio's waving someone in - Johnny in to eat a knee as the match is called (DQ :37)
- Gutwrench suplex for Johnny.
- Chuck is outpunched.
- Nunzio tries to attack from behind, no sold but he gets room to back off, get out of the ring, and back away.
- Which gives Chuck the opening to hit him with the Jungle Kick.
- Knee to the midsection.
- Undertaker's not here tonight - he went ahead and got surgery.
- FBI beat down culminates with Johnny dropping the top of the steps on Nathan's left ankle.
- Cole points out this is Nathan's fault for punking out Chuck in the first place
  - Which is right, but isn't something they usually point out.
- Nunzio has to be helped to the back.

John Cena vs -
Yo yo yo, Chris Benoit I hope you're listening
Don't you ever tell me who can and can't respect
You wind up in surgery with another broken neck
At least you all set when you get your release
Whenever you go broke, rent the space between your teeth
No, you don't like what I'm saying, I don't care, you get flipped off
Don't ever judge me, dude, you're just a Dynamite rip-off
Yo, you's a Rabid Wolverine, but you missed a fang
I tie string to acorns, so I can let my [bleep] hang
You ready to settle this? Then come on out fight me.
I ain't allergic to your rabies, dog! Go ahead and bite me [grabs area]
John Cena vs Chris Benoit (Edmonton, AB, 229 pounds) in the finals of the Backlash #1 Contenders Tournament
- Lockup, Cena forces Benoit into the corner, Benoit turns it around and pulls to an armbar.
- Lockup, Benoit with a headlock, shot into the ropes, back with a shoulderblock.
- Snap mare, moving around for an armbar into a hammerlock.
- Cena goes behind for a waistlock, switch, single leg from behind, grapevine into a side headlock.
- Nathan Jones' ankle may be broken.
- Cena pushes Benoit into the corner.
- Break - it's Benoit who uses a right hand, and another, and another.
- Turnbuckle smash. Chop.
- Waistlock, but Cena sneaks in a low blow mule kick one tow no.
- Chinlock.
- Benoit up to his feet, elbow, elbow, armdrag.
- Cena up first though, with a kick to the ribs.
- Elbow drop. One two no.
- Chinlock.
- Benoit battling up, elbow, elbow, elbow, chop, chop, chop.
- Cena misses a right, waistlock, Benoit goes for a German but Cena bullies his way to a bodyscissors rollup one two no.
- Cena misses another right, armbar takedown into the Cross face but right in the ropes, and Cena breaks.
- Cena goes out. Benoit takes a look, start s running - through the ropes suicide tope!
- And while Benoit recovers, we take a break.

We come back in mid Benoit cover one two no.
One two no.
Armbar, now a top wristlock.
Cena pushed into the corner, and Benoit works him over with knees.
Corner whip, charge into a boot.
Cena walks out, picks up Benoit and drops him with a flapjack onto the top rope.
Another one, just to work it in.
Running head snap one two no.
- Cena does his "I'm shocked he kicked out!" face
Chinlock. But now it's part of the strategy.
Now it's turned over into a front facelock, with Benoit trying to battle his way free.
A double leg does just that.
Chop, chop, ch-no, Cena trips him with a drop toe hold, knocking Benoit in the corner.
Cena with kneelifts for Benoit as he's hanging over the ropes and sitting on the apron.
Cena up to the second rope - guillotine legdrop.
Cena brings Benoit in, one two no.
Side headlock on the mat by Cena.
Benoit getting to his feet - forearms to the back, big back suplex.
- Cole thinks this is the turning point of the match.
Both up at five - Benoit gets the better of the punches, but they're tired in between.
Benoit with chops, whip, back elbow.
Snap suplex one two no.
- Benoit is NOT selling the neck damage while he's in control.
Corner whip, quick reverse to a kick, corner whip, and there's the belly to back into a powerbomb one two no.
Choking Benoit.
Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, Benoit rebounds back with a forearm.
German suplex, release. Benoit calls for it.
Swandive headbutt - but no one's home.
Oklahoma roll one two NO.
Crossface is on but Cena is near a corner and has two ways he can go.
- The scissors isn't really on the close arm, too.
- Cena's moving it, he's already almost there after two shifts, and he gets it with the third.
Benoit stomps. Forearms.
Germans suplex, but Cena grabs the ropes to blocks and uses back elbows to get free.
Cena turns, misses a right hand, and Benoit grabs the arm for the armbar takedown into the Crossface
- What I think we're supposed to see next is Cena block that armbar takedown in some fashion.
- What we actually see is Benoit pausing on the takedown for unknown reasons, and Cena lifting him up.
Regardless, Cena gets him up in a fireman's carry.
Benoit desperately uses elbow smashes to the head and comes down the back with a sunset flip.
Cena sits down and hooks the legs - one two three. (3:34+6:39=10:13)
Announcers sell it as a big upset.
Benoit is angry at himself in the ring.
Cena seems surprised a bit at first, confident later.
- I'm less so.