WWE SmackDown! - 04/10/03
Taped 04/08/03
Allstate Arena, Chicago, IL

• Earlier Tonight, Brock Lesnar arrived
  • Shook hands, signed an autograph on a woman's shirt
  • This is just to reminds us that Matt vs Brock is later, and that Brock can still walk, I guess.
• WWE Champion Brock Lesnar (Minnesota, MI, 295 pounds) vs Cruiserweight Champion Matt Hardy (Version One, Cameron, NC, 220 pounds, w/Shannon Moore (w/book)) in a non-title match
  • I guess not much later.
  • The crowd's tuned up very loud.
  • Here's Brock landing on his head again.
    • We're supposed to give him credit for landing on his head and only coming out with a concussion.
  • Matt Facts: Matt's book is a New York Times Best Seller of course. And he is currently the longest reigning singles champion on SmackDown!
  • Tazz pushes his "Matt's picking a good spot because Brock could still be hurt" thought, but Brock isn't showing any sign of it.
  • Matt shows off his belt to Brock. "This is where it's at right here! You do something about it"
  • He places the belt on the mat in front of Brock. Brock slides it away with his foot.
  • Matt is angry about the lack of respect, and Brock shows him his belt, saying it's the big one
  • Brock puts it on the mat. Matt goes to pick up it up, but Brock steps on so he can't.
    • Brock's like "haha, I am so smart!" but dude, aren't you stepping on your own belt? That's not good.
  • Matt looks up and gets clotheslined. Brock kicks him down in the corner as the match starts.
  • Shannon, who grabbed the Cruiserweight belt when Brock pushed it away, tries to sneak in with it now.
  • Brock turns and spots him, so Shannon drops the belt and takes off.
  • While Brock and the ref stare at Shannon, Matt picks up the belt - smash to Lesnar's head!
    • Shannon was doing a muscle pose to distract them.
    • Brian Hebner is leaning on the second rope while yelling at Shannon.
    • Matt jostles the ropes on his follow through, shaking Brian.
    • Brian thinks nothing of it.
  • Matt covers - One two no.
  • Boot choke by Matt. Stomping Brock around the ring.
  • Matt works Brock over in the corner with forearms to the back of the neck, which is the theme.
  • Matt is backed out of the corner, charges in and eats boot.
  • Matt charges again, and gets backdropped to the apron
    • Matt smacks his midsection on the rope that holds the corner to the post in the process, but quickly recovers.
    • He doesn't sell it, so I'm thinking that was accidental.
    • Crowd makes a loud reaction to it because it looked painful.
  • Matt with a reverse rope head snap.
  • Back in with a swinging neckbreaker one two no.
  • Off the ropes, dropkick to the back of the head. And again.
  • Choke on the middle rope, off the far ropes and there's the running sit. Leg choke on the ropes.
  • Brock is standing up out of it - electric chair suplex!
    • Matt falls back faster than Brock falls back, landing a lot more on his head/neck area than normal in this move.
    • Matt's really going to feel this match in the morning. If not now.
  • Both are slow up. Matt off the ropes, clothesline.
  • Off the ropes, the clothesline is blocked.
  • Brock hits a clothesline. And another. And another.
  • Corner whip, Matt rebounds out into a overhead belly to belly suplex. Another.
  • Brock's holding his neck throughout this run, selling the damage from before.
  • Forearm to the back of Matt's neck.
  • Whip, clothesline misses, Brock picks him up over his shoulder but Shannon pulls Matt down.
  • Brock punches, Matt ducks, Shannon does not and gets sent to the floor floor.
  • Kick wham Twist blocked and lifted up - there's the F5.
  • A little slow to cover because he's still holding his neck - one two three (3:49)
  • Brock gets his belt back and shows it to Matt, then goes back to holding his neck.
• Last week, Vince sent Hogan home

• Throughout the night, we get some Piper Pit highlights, which is just chopped off segments from his stuff on Confidential.
• Video package of last week's Vince/Hogan stuff. (1:57) Tazz and Cole discuss.
• Sable (w/Torrie Wilson's Playboy) is out to...um, I don't know. Maybe we'll find out after this break?

• Torrie Wilson and Brian Kendrick (Olympia, WA, 181 pounds) vs Nidia & Jamie Noble
  • Sable is sitting at ringside. Thankfully not on commentary.
  • Torrie's outfit is day-glow pink. She's not sure what's up with Sable.
  • Announcers wonder why Brian gets to team with Torrie
    • I think it's all jealousy than storyline.
    • They pass up the opportunity to let us know what's up with Kidman.
  • Brian's in a wacky pose mood.
  • When Cole notes that Nidia is mad that Torrie got in Playboy and not her, Tazz wonders why we could've just had them both.
  • Nidia and Torrie have words, but Noble backs his partner up and then jumps Brian with a forearm.
  • Turnbuckle smash. Forearm. Elbow smash to the head, forearm to the head.
  • Yell to Nidia to get up her boot - but Brian turns it around Jamie goes into the boot.
  • Victory roll one two Nidia breaks it up with a kick.
  • Brian goes after Nidia, but she takes off, so back to Noble - clothesline misses.
  • Noble goes for a German suplex but Brian lands on his feet.
  • Brian goes for a running Tornado DDT but Noble blocks it and hits a release Northern Lights Suplex into the turnbuckle!
  • Stomps by Noble, and he's warned out of the corner by Jimmy Koderas.
  • Noble occupies Jimmy while Nidia gets in a choke.
  • Noble with a stomp, facelock, tag, drop toe hold, Nidia with a dropkick to the side of the head one two no!
    • Noble and Nidia are a regular Kaientai, I guess.
    • Cole said at the beginning this was a "mixed" tag team (as opposed to intergender) and is a bit confused as to how Nidia and Brian can be in at the same time, but it doesn't really matter much to me.
    • They're not consistent about it ever.
  • Nidia with stomping and mocking of Torrie. Tag back to Noble.
  • Noble with an exploder suplex one two no.
  • Tazz always notes the move, but doesn't call the name.
  • I guess Head and Arm Nobleplex doesn't sound cool to him.
  • Corner whip, Brian goes down. Noble yells to the crowd.
  • Forearm to the back of the neck, cover one two no.
  • Chinlock.
    • I guess Sable is still reading her magazine. We haven't seen her since the start of the match.
    • Probably because Torrie hasn't been in yet. Crowd would like her to be in.
  • Brian elbows out, but gets thrown down by his hair.
  • Brian tries fighting to his feet and gets knocked back down.
  • Jamie with a snap mare and a, uh, inverted chinlock I'll call it.
  • Brian fights out, then turns it into his knee facecrusher.
  • Brian fighting back with forearms, but Noble slides him down with shin kicks.
  • Whip, no Brian with a quick reverse to a climbing enziguri.
  • Brian with the Sliced - no, Jamie with a quick reverse to a reverse neckbreaker.
    • Tazz explains that it's called Sliced Bread #2, because it's the best thing since sliced bread.
  • Noble with a slam and an evil laugh.
  • Crowd wants Torrie but they get Nidia instead
  • Nidia goes up - Rocket Launcher? Wow, though Brian moves anyway.
  • Can he make the tag? Yes.
  • Torrie in, clothesline, Nidia stars to get up a little then stays down, Torrie picks her up - slingshot in the corner.
  • Chop, chop, whip, there's Sable, somehow Torrie gets a Russian legsweep while we're looking away.
  • Off the ropes, Jamie's got her but he's slapped away. Dropkick to Nidia one two no.
  • Nidia pushes Torrie away, forearm, corner whip, Torrie out with a clothesline.
  • Jamie back in - Tiger Bomb on Torrie? No, Brian breaks it up with a missile dropkick.
  • Torrie with a kick, whip, reversed, Torrie with her swinging neckbreaker one two Jamie pulls Torrie out.
  • Brian rushes him with a sliding dropkick.
  • Brian to the top rope, but Nidia pushes him off into the barricade.
  • Jamie throws Torrie back in, Nidia goes up.
  • Nidia top rope cross body, but Torrie moves and Jamie gets it.
  • Torrie with a swinging DDT on Nidia - one two three. (5:29)
  • Sable gets up to clap. And that's that.
• Backstage, Chris Benoit congratulates Brock Lesnar on winning at WrestleMania
  • But Benoit's looking forward to beating him at Backlash.
  • Rhyno walks in, wonders what makes Benoit think he can beat him tonight.
  • Rhyno will be beating Brock at Backlash, too.
  • Brock says they should go beat the heck out of each other tonight, and then he'll beat them at Backlash.
• Chris Benoit (Edmonton, AB, 229 pounds) vs Rhyno (Detroit, MI) in the Backlash #1 Contenders Tournament, Semi-Final 1
  • Tazz says "Benoit and Rhyno, similar styles", while Cena and Undertaker have clashing styles.
  • Yea, this match might be okay but I don't feel like doing it.
  • No big advantage for mat stuff early on.
    • Perhaps Matt should claim that they named mat wrestling after him.
    • or maybe not.
  • Benoit gets a 1 count on an early Northern Lights suplex.
  • Tazz: "Whatever Rob Zombie does is always good!"
    • And he's not even joking.
  • Rhyno uses his strength advantage to take control.
  • Mostly a Rhyno dominated match early, with Benoit getting comeback spots but not sustaining for long.
  • Gore six minutes in misses, but Rhyno stops short of the corner and takes back control after a short bit.
    • Even if he's not worried about neck damage due to the Gore, it would serve Rhyno well to build up another trademark move, for the near fall teases.
  • A rebound back elbow is apparently enough to Benoit to keep Rhyno down for a swandive headbutt.
  • Benoit goes a long way to hit it, one two no.
  • Crossface on but Rhyno gets to the ropes.
  • Rhyno blocks another Crossface attempt, Benoit tries a backslide and it gets the three (8:11)
  • Post match handshake.
• Backstage, Sable drops by Torrie's dressing room.
  • Torrie's taking a shower, and Sable butters her up and steals her towel.
  • She holds it for Torrie to come and get it.
  • Torrie walks out to get it, the towel blocking our view of anything we might see in a magazine. She's not happy.
• As they set up for Piper's Pit in the ring, Vince McMahon comes out to annoy me.
  • And break.
  • Vince is the and Piper's Pit will hopefully keep you tuned in at the bottom of the hour.

• So, it's the Piper's Pit bit
  • Leading into this, we see Piper hitting Snuka with the coconut.
  • Before we get Piper, Vince reminds us that Hogan will never wrestle again.
  • Vince says Piper is just a big of his creation as Hogan is.
    • Piper later disputes this.
  • The WWE Scratch logo is replaced by a Piper's Pit logo
  • Piper's special guest is Vince.
  • Vince insults Piper a bunch, mostly about his weight.
    • Vince brings up Mae Young and the hand, for whatever reason.
    • And then his club. Let's move on.
      • Piper says that he has kids.
      • Didn't JR have kids? Who were there?
  • Piper makes fun of Vince's business failings.
    • This bit is a lot like when Heyman ripped Vince in the ring before Survivor Series.
    • Just like then, Vince takes it with minimal reaction, depriving any enjoyment we might have from the insults.
      • He wasn't taken down a peg, because he obviously doesn't care.
    • This marked the moment where making fun of the XFL went from "I can't believe they said that" to "let it go already"
      • Think of the WBF, which Piper also mentioned.
      • Like I said, due to Vince's reaction. 
    • Piper tries "Junior" as an insult, but no one gets that.
  • Vince makes Piper look like his little toy, although Piper tries to fight that notion.
  • They agree that they both hate Hogan. And Vince created Hulkamania.
  • As Vince leaves, Piper says that, unlike Vince, Hogan never beat him.
  • This is all relatively focused for Piper, though he almost goes off on a weird tangent about Hogan bringing his kid into this.
  • Moving on, Rikishi shows up with a coconut.
  • He's upset about what Piper did to Snuka, 17 years ago.
  • Piper gets the coconut, distracts, and Sean O'Haire shows up to punk out Rikishi.
    • No idea why. Piper is directing traffic.
    • Rikishi is beat with the set chairs.
    • Piper gets the coconut shot in.
    • Piper does a Snuka pose.
    • O'Haire and Piper walk off together.

• Sylvan Grenier and Rene Dupree are coming to the WWE
  • Cole: "What was that all about?"
  • Tazz: "I dunno. Two French guys."
• WWE Tag Team Champions Team Angle (489 pounds) vs uh, let me get back to you on that
  • Kurt Angle undergoes surgery tomorrow.
  • Charlie: "Tonight, we dedicate our match to a truly great man, our captain, Kurt Angle. [Shelton claps] Now Kurt is undergoing neck surgery, that's why we ask - no we demand that you show your respects by lowering your heads in a moment of silent prayer."
  • Boos.
  • Shelton: "You see, this is exactly why the Cubs haven't won a World Series in a like...a 100 years! It's called respecting a winner, people! Look in to it!"
• WWE Tag Team Champions Team Angle (489 pounds) vs Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds) and Rey Mysterio Jr. (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds)
  • Last week, Funaki was apparently hurt by the Haas of Pain, so Tajiri got a rematch but needed a new partner.
  • He did okay with that.
  • Tajiri and Charlie will start.
  • Shelton with a single leg, shoving away Tajiri.
  • Armdrag, underarmbar.
  • Cole and Tazz get into this discussion about Team Angle
    • Cole says they need to establish their non-Kurt identity.
    • Tazz says it's like Snow White.
    • Cole asks Tazz what he's talking about.
    • Tazz: "It's a nursery rhyme!"
    • Cole: "It's a fairy tale!"
    • Tazz: "What a shock, you know it."
    • That sure was a long way to go for that.
  • Tajiri back up to his feet, armbar, but Tajiri rolls to his feet and kicks Haas in the shoulder.
  • Corner whip, reversed, kip up and Tajiri has the Tarantula in already.
  • Tajiri tags Rey while putting it on, and Rey's quickly dropkicking Haas in the face. One two Shelton breaks it up
  • Rey with a forearm, whip, Charlie pulls himself to a stop, Rey charges, Charlie backdrops him, Rey lands on the apron and hits a shoulder to the midsection, but Haas stops him with a rope neck snap.
    • Cole is congratulating his Syrcause Orangeman for wining the NCAA Basketball Championship
    • Cole says Tazz looks like the mascot.
    • Tazz: "Yea, you look like a jerk."
  • Tag to Shelton, Rey slides in and under, spinning headscissors with no takedown, just Shelton getting dizzy and walking into a dropkick.
  • Rey with a forearm, whip, Rey grabs the ropes, Shelton grabs him in a waistlock but Rey gets free with a back elbow.
  • Rey jumps up on Shelton's shoulders and comes down with an armdrag.
  • Whip, reversed, Haas goes for the cheapshot from the outside but Rey slides under him to the floor and drops Charlie chin first on the apron.
  • Rey charges Charlie on the floor, Charlie tosses him up to the apron and Shelton superkicks Rey.
    • Tazz wants me to call it a crescent kick but no.
  • One two no.
  • Knees to the midsection, tag to Charlie. There's the press slam/gutbuster combo. One two no.
  • Abdominal stretch, Rey flip out to a reversal cross body for one two no.
    • It was so obvious that Charlie was really reversing the move on himself, I had to work to figure out what I were supposed to be seeing.
  • Rey off the ropes, Charlie with a knee to the midsection.
  • Corner whip, Charlie charges into a back elbow, and another and a third.
  • Charlie with a forearm that actually works, and puts Rey on to his shoulders.
  • That's the worst thing to do, of course - Rey reverses to a swinging DDT, with Charlie's head hitting Rey's knees in the process.
  • Rey needs a tag - and gets it.
  • Tajiri ducks a clothesline and hits the back thrust kick on Charlie.
  • Wheel kick for Shelton.
  • Chop for Charlie, chop is ducked, Charlie with a German but Tajiri lands on his feet and uses a 'rana.
  • Whip, but Tajiri's back with a handspring forearm one two Shelton saves again.
    • Tajiri half turned and delivered the differing moves - Charlie was too far, maybe?
  • Shelton works over Tajiri, but he manages the tag to Rey that Shelton doesn't see.
  • Shelton misses the clothesline on Tajiri, and Rey hits the springboard Thesz press on Shelton
  • But Haas immediately flips him out with a clothesline.
  • Tajiri tries to get at Haas, but Shelton stops him and Haas throws him out.
  • Team Angle sets up for something - Haas with a powerbomb lift, Shelton goes up but Tajiri kicks him off to the floor.
  • Rey start to punch off, so Charlie drops him with a weak powerbomb.
  • Charlie turns and gets a swinging dropkick to the hip by Tajiri.
  • He's in position - 619!
  • West Coast Legdrop one two three! (4:49)
  • Announcers push this as a big upset, and figure Rey and Tajiri for are in the hunt for the tag team titles.
• Josh Mathews talks to Undertaker
  • Undertaker was hurt by John Cena disrespecting.
  • Undertaker has a sore throat, it sounds like.
  • Anyway, Undertaker is going to beat him and beat him up

• Nathan Jones (Australia, 305 pounds) vs Bill DeMott (280 pounds)
  • You ever notice how they only have hometowns in the US and parts of Canada?
  • Then again, at least Jones has a country.
  • "Nathan Jones will be pushed to the limit tonight!" Yea right Cole.
  • They actually ring the bell! Wow.
  • Cole says this will be interesting, which is also a lie.
  • Nathan Jones has super strength and super power.
  • Nathan Jones took no bumps and didn't even bounce off the ropes.
  • DeMott runs into a boot, one two three (1:21)
  • They didn't even have him spin like they were teasing before.
• Backstage, the FBI are complaining about their stuff being stolen to the police.
  • See, they were eating, and they came back, and their stuff was gone.
  • Shockingly, Johnny did not have a cheese sandwich.
  • Nunzio and Chuck had money stolen.
  • Johnny had "uh......a laptop, a laptop."
  • the FBI have an idea who might have done this.

• So they go bug Nathan Jones and haul him downtown
  • Undertaker's all personally offended.
  • "This is just another example!"
  • Whitey's keeping the tall man down.

• John Cena vs Wait, he's got something to say
  • Yo, it's the new rookie phenomena
    I'm changing the guard
    Dead Man Inc. is bankrupt
    I'm reposing his Yard!
    Yea he's a big dog, and I'm pup
    but I bark this
    for him to beat me tonight
    he needs an army full of darkness!
    Yo, yo, you can't take me
    because if you do I'll trash this
    I hope Paul Bearer's got a new urn
    to bury your ashes!
    I'm worse than the Chicago Fire
    I'll burn your whole town
    I got Chicago running scared
    I turn your White Sox brown
    Yo, I'm a strong as a muscle car
    And this ain't my last ride
    I'll leave you like Chicago when Jordan left
    stripped of your pride
    Yo, my practice is power-pratic
    do not break your back
    so you're a Dead Man?
    I'm a necrophiliac!
    WORD LIFE
• John Cena vs the Undertaker (Houston, TX, 305 pounds) in the Backlash #1 Contenders Tournament, Semi-Final 2
  • Tazz tells us that this isn't Undertaker's first barbecue.
  • What are we cooking? Cena.
  • I'm not doing play by play, nah.
  • Cole notes Undertaker's elbow tape, and says that Undertaker was supposed to have surgery tomorrow, but he's
  • Cole remembers that:
    • Cena debuted here in Chicago
    • After the match, Undertaker shook his hand.
    • That's a couple of turns and one gimmick ago, but valid.
    • Points to Cole or whoever told him.
  • This is all Undertaker early.
  • He hits the chokeslam 2 minutes in.
  • Cena puts his foot on the rope to escape the pin.
  • We take a break 2:58, with Undertaker firmly in control and Cena on the outside.
    
  • We come back, seemingly not that much later.
  • Undertaker's still in control.
  • Cena gets a moment to grab the chain, and a chain punch gets his own advantage.
  • Cena knocks Undertaker out of the ring after, and collapse in the ring.
  • Cena with an arm snap over the ropes on the injured elbow.
  • Undertaker gets back on the apron, and Cena dives at the injured elbow to knock him down.
  • On the outside, working over the elbow on the barricade.
  • Cena encourages the countout on Undertaker.
  • Undertaker is up to the apron by 4.
  • Cena keeps him out of the ring with a sliding dropkick,
  • Cena steps up Undertaker's arm on the stairs, holds one foot down ith his hand and stomps on the elbow.
  • Both back in, Cena working on the elbow.
  • Undertaker's elbow isn't hurt enough for him not to reverse a whip,
  • He hits the flying clothesline with the hurt arm.
  • Old School.
  • Undertaker's selling the move briefly after giving moves, then going on.
  • Setting up for the Last Ride, but Cena slips out drops him with an armbar takedown.
  • Armbar.
  • Undertaker stands up and punches his way out of it.
  • Now his elbow is bugging him a bunch.
  • Cena kicks the elbow, then goes back to the armbar.
  • Undertaker punches his way free.
  • Cena up and working it over again, but Undertaker reverses a corner whip with the bad arm.
  • Snake Eyes, big boot.
  • He's too hurt to call for something.
    • Cole sells Undertaker's show of pain as huge thing.
  • Undertaker tries to corner squash Cena, but he pulls Choida in his way.
  • Where are they? There's scattered boos from the fans because I think they know what that means.
  • Choida rolls out
  • Corner whip, reversed and Cena actually hits a spinebuster.
  • Cena is slow up - DVD?
  • No, Undertake gets free, kick Last Ride. He's got the win.
  • Cover - no, he spots Chuck Palumbo coming in and he gets a right.
  • Right hand for Johnny.
  • Right for Nunzio
  • Right hand for Johnny.
  • Right hand for Nunzio
  • Palumbo with a chair shot and that works.
  • Stomp down in the ring, and they hold him so Chuck can get in a punch.
  • Nunzio with another chair shot to the back, then they take off.
  • Cena crawling over, as Choida crawls back in the ring.
  • Slow count, one two three. 8:24
  • Cena never had a convincing near fall.
  • Announcers push it as he got lucky/stole one, with it being the minor issue relative to FBI/Undertaker/Jones issue.