WWE SmackDown! - 01/16/03

WWE SmackDown! - 01/16/03
Taped 01/12/03 - East Rutherford, NJ
Recapped 02/05/03

Dawn Funeral Vignette #1
- See, what I don't get is that they're treating this in a lot ways - acting not alone - like a comedy angle.
  - Yet, they do "please take this seriously" things like the fade to black near the open
  - And then they do "this is just a flimsy excuse to see parts of Dawn's breasts" things like that dress
  - I don't think they really want us to take this seriously, so why do things like that?
- From the start of the recap video package to the end of Dawn's speech, we go 3:59
Los Guerreros (c) vs John Cena/B2 for the WWE Tag Team Titles
- Los Guerreros are in the Rumble
  - Throughout the night, we get vignettes with entries talking about their chances in the Rumble
  - I recapped some of these in the 01/18 Velocity
- Cena does that Eminem "I can't think of a word that works here, so I'll use the first part of a phrase to end the sentence and carry the rest over to the next one" thing mid-rap.
  - It always sounds forced. Always.
  - Cena is slightly better than last week. More Giants insult.
- The principals start, with Chavo getting in a small distraction to help Eddie get the early advantage.
- Chavo does a back suplex very near the corner, with Cena having to lean up and in to avoid hitting the ropes.
  - It's to set up the Hilo, but it ends up being at an odd angle and close anyway.
- Cole says the other two are in the Rumble too. 5 spots down, 10 to go.
- Chavo snap suplexes Cena, but Cena ends up in position for a tag.
- B2 can't turn the tide, though.
- Chavo and Eddie make a distracted non-tag just so they can.
  - Faces and heels are as certain as last week.
  - The crowd isn't as loud for one side, for one.
- Cena finally turns the tide for his side 2:00 in by pulling down the top rope as Eddie bounces off of it.
- Cena gets in offense on the outside (suplex), then throws Eddie in for a B2 Falcon Arrow. 2.
  - Tazz wants to call it a Vertical Bomb, which is no worse than what I'm doing.
- Cena is in to slow it down with a front facelock.
  - Eddie doesn't move much.
  - It becomes quickly apparently that Eddie got hurt on that Falcon Arrow, because he hasn't moved much since.
  - Tazz blames it on the suplex on the outside, but looking back quick, you can see him grab his right shoulder on impact.
- Eddie "pulls Cena to his corner" and Chavo himself in.
  - Cena does a lot of help with moving him along the mat.
  - Eddie is slow to get up, just trying to crawl out of the way.
- Cena gives Chavo a snap suplex as well, but it goes awry
  - Chavo's legs hit the mat first. Not sure who's fault.
- Cena takes in another front facelock to figure out what's next.
  - Eddie is just pulling himself to a seated position
- Chavo makes a quick comeback, tag to B2, tag to Eddie.
  - Eddie is battling but doesn't look to be in good condition.
  - You can tell they're completely on the fly at the moment
- Eddie gets a near fall on a DDT - not a typical move for him.
- All four end up in the ring, and Chavo is able to take out Cena and B2
- Chavo pescado is caught, Eddie knocks them all down.
  - They're down there for a moment, enough to get a new finish in mind, I guess.
- B2 and Chavo back in, with Chavo making the comeback and going up - Frogsplash! One two three. (5:04)
- Cena is upset.
- Chavo is immediately out to check on Eddie, who hasn't moved since where had landed on that pescado.
- Cena pushes B2 - it's not his fault
- B2 doesn't take it well and shoves him down.
- In comes - A Guy We Don't Know, who quickly takes care of B2.
  - Tazz and Cole remember that it was a guy sitting in the front row who tapped fists with Cena before the match.
  - Double battering ram into the ring post, shoulder first.
  - Mystery Man hooks on a Fujiwara Armbar and yells a bunch.
- Los Guerreros having disappeared at some point, Cena's music plays so he can walk off with his new buddy.
- Cole wonders if B2 will make the Rumble.

Sit down interview with Chris Benoit
- This is set up with a Look Back montage of the last month
- Benoit stole Alex Wright's jacket. Again.
- Chris doesn't like to talk about his family much, but does so because it's a title match we're hyping.
- Winning the title will make all those sacrifices he - and they - matter.
- Benoit guarantees that after tonight, Angle won't be going in to Rumble match at 100%
- Benoit say it's not ruthless aggression - it's "toothless aggression".
  - Suuuuure.
Stage interview with Stephanie
- Recap of events you already know
- Since Brock and Show want at it, Stephanie has made a A-Train/Show vs Brock/???
  - Stephanie says "person to be named" instead of a "mystery partner" for whatever reason

Rikishi vs Bill DeMott
- Rikishi is in the Rumble.
  - That's 6
  - Rikishi is reading a cue card very noticeably early on.
- DeMott talks pre-match
  - Rikishi is the supposed answer to him beating up small guys?
  - DeMott is not intimidated.
- I have a hard time paying attention to this match, honestly.
  - Lots of clubbering.
- DeMott works the left arm in ironic foreshadowing.
- Rumpshaker is reversed into a second rope powerbomb, with tights pull, for the win. (4:11)
SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki interviews - well, it's supposed to Matt Hardy
- Apparently we got there a minute or two early, because we cut in on Funaki and Billy Kidman talking.
- Kidman mocks Matt and Shannon.
- Matt arrives and is not happy about the jealousy - of Shannon.
- Matt Hardy Version One is the defintion of a Role Model.
- Funaki asks Shannon why he puts up with the Matt Hardy BS
- Matt wonders who's Funaki to question Shannon
  - For an interviewer, he can't speak much English
  - Shannon says nothing, of course
- Matt decides that Funaki needs some Mattitude.
  - Punch to the head, and a brawl breaks out.
  - Shannon and Matt shove Kidman into the folded up bleachers
  - Funaki manages to run them off.

Nunzio (w/Jamie Noble and Nidia, 3) vs Tajiri (5)
- Nunzio might have new music.
- Nidia's awful supportive of a guy she doesn't really like.
- This is because of Tajiri beating Jamie last week, of course.
- Tajiri mocks Nunzio before the match, and still manages to him.
- Then Nunzio trips Tajiri and the fun is over.
- Tazz knows an awful lot of biographical information about Nunzio for someone he didn't know a month ago.
- Tajiri catches a cross body but Nunzio just uses an armbar takedown into a Fujiwara armbar.
  - Third time I've seen that move tonight. Odd.
- Nunzio works the left arm.
- In an obviously added in later bit, our announcers talk about Tough Enough
  - Tazz is on tonight.
  - Cole promises a surprise about how everyone can get involved.
- Tajiri avoids an enziguri try to stat a mini-comeback.
- Nunzio hits the Sicilian Slicer to take back control.
- Cross Arm Breaker, but Tajiri gets to the ropes before it gets locked in.
- Holy CRAP, Tajiri just pulled out the Circuit Breaker!
  - I know who's been watching their lucha!
    - I wonder what he thinks of Takemura.
    - Probably "that's a nice kick!"
  - That's a spinning body rack move for those not familiar with Shocker
    - It's a Shocker's finisher, sold as back damage and dizziness.
    - Just seemed like dizziness here.
- German for a near fall.
- Tajiri gets in a kicks, and hits the handspring elbow.
- Big side kick is ducked, but Tajiri just brings the leg back and nails Nunzio on the second pass.
- Nunzio comes back with a running armbar takedown.
- Unfortunately, he's new here and runs right into the corner Tarantula.
- Noble up, Noble kicked down.
- Nunzio set up for the KO Kick, but Nidia is on the apron to distract
  - I think she wants a kiss?
  - She gets green mist!
- Unfortunately for Tajiri, that opens the door for Nunzio - arrivederci for the three. (4:52)
- Numbers were too much for Tajiri
RAW X recap
- Making it go fast is probably better.
- "Where else can you have four wedding ceremonies, get drugged on your actual wedding night, marry - a loser, [rapid fire] get fired, fake a pregnancy, get left at the alter and divorced-"
  - I thought about recapping that show but that's the one line I want.
- In this version, Rock was never part of the show.
  - Again, probably better.
Josh asks Cena and ??? what that was about.
- Only the strong survive.
- B2 lived his five seconds. But he was the weak link.
- Now Red Dog is in the game.

Dawn Funeral Vignette #2
- Like last week, a long gap between the first and the second.
- This one is at the wake.
- Tazz and Cole work in "Look at Al" "Look at Dawn" one more time.
- Dawn goes for comedy in her speech to Al.
- The point here is that Dawn will keep Wilson as her last name.
- (3:47) this time.
Stephanie talks on the phone
- She was so bored with that, she called Shane to pump him for information about Eric's status.
- Brock interrupts - he doesn't want a tag team partner.
- Stephanie says she has to protect her investment - so she can't let him be outnumbered.
- Brock doesn't seem to care who his partner is.
It sounds like they're sending us to break after a Show/Train/Heyman walking bit
- They insert a "watch the Rumble at the World" bit and keep going, though
- Cole: "Tonight we're in my hometown, Jersey!"
- I don't want to break that state thing to him
Big Show (w/Paul Heyman) and A-Train vs -
- wait, first Paul's gonna talk
- Show will win at Rumble.
  - He takes a while to explain this
- Heyman points out that he's got a lot of clients in the Rumble.
  - Team Angle is in the Rumble
  - A-Train is in the Rumble.
  - Heyman doesn't mention Matt, so I guess they're not good friends anymore.
Big Show (w/Paul Heyman) and A-Train vs Brock Lesnar and ???
- Who's that jumping out of the sky? It's Rey Mysterio!
- Huge brawl with rivals brawling to start.
- A-Train takes out Rey.
- F5 for A-Train.
- Chokeslam for Brock - no, he slips through out and takes Show out of the ring.
- A-Train stumbles into position - 619, slingshot splash. Three. (:37)
- That was something less than a match.
- Announcers hype up Rey's return and Brock/Show.

Dawn Funeral Vignette #3
- Torrie's arrived. It gets quiet.
- No sign of Al's ex-wife/Torrie's mom.
- They have a staring contest as we leave. :36
Matt Hardy (w/Shannon Moore) vs Funaki (w/Billy Kidman)
- Matt Fact: Matt was in the academically gifted class in elementary school.
  - Me too!
  - Who turned out worse?
  - I was also in the "we need to go slow on this" class too, at the same time.
  - Get this - I'm odd.
- Funaki comes out strong early.
- Cole is on Matt for making for Funaki and his English speaking.
  - Tazz notes he doesn't really speak English well.
  - Cole notes Tazz doesn't either.
  - Tazz notes that's his gimmick.
- Side Effect turn it around for Matt - lazy cover for 2.
- Nice elbow drop.
- Cole disputes that parents and schoolteacher want kids looking up to Matt.
  - Tazz says he looks up to Matt.
  - "He's taller than me!"
- Rope choke chinlock, Shannon choke, Matt running sit.
  - VERSION ONE
- Sleeper into the Reality Chinlock for a 2 count.
  - Tazz is impressed.
- Funaki comes back with a sunset flip and punches.
- Matt ends up catching Funaki on a corner kip, and drops him on the ropes.
- Ricochet for 2.
  - Tazz says, in his opinion, a big time player.
- Matt wears him down with a front facelock, crowd gets behind Funaki.
- Funaki escapes, but walks into the kick wham Twist push Mat into the corner.
- Funaki with corner whip, reversed, Matt charges in but no one's home
- Bulldog! Dropkick to the face one two NO!
- Enziguri is kinda being overdone.
- Funaki sets and hits an off the second rope swinging reverse DDT!
  - Which is his alt-finisher - cooler but tougher to logically get to
  - Tazz really wants to call it a reverse neckbreaker but it's not.
  - I wonder if Josh thought Funaki was going for that when he called the Rising Sun?
  - It does need a nifty name.
- One two NO!
  - I guess it's not his finisher here.
  - What's Funaki got left
- Whip, reverse, head down too soon, Funaki gets it kicked.
- Matt charges and gets a drop toe hold into the middle rope.
  - He went into it, not on top of it, scraping his face.
- Matt goes out, and Funaki hits the pescado.
- Matt thrown back in and Funaki going up - but Shannon grabs him. Kidman is up after him and they fight on the apron.
- Referee watches that as Funaki a top rope cross body for a possible three count but the referees is trying to control Kidman.
- Funaki lets up on the cover, right hand is ducked, Matt shoves him into Shannon...
  - Shannon wasn't looking and gets bumped off the apron
- ...kick wham Twist of Fate. One two three. (4:29)
- I enjoyed that, but I enjoy this two more than most.
- Shannon has never been more useful!
- Kidman checks on Funaki as Shannon celebrates not screwing up.
- Matt: "We did it! Me and you! NO [SLAP!] ME, I DID IT! VERSION ONE"
  - Cole is not a big fan of the Mattitude.

Dawn Funeral Vignette #4
- Dawn doesn't believe Torrie's tears.
- Dawn slaps Torrie.
- Torrie slaps Down.
- Torrie throws down Dawn.
- Dawn hits Torrie with a lamp.
  - People complaining about Al moving here are really missing all the other bad acting
- The end. (2:26, 10:48 total)
- That was the whole segment.

Royal Rumble card
- Kurt Angle (c) vs Chris Benoit - WWE Title
- Triple H (c) vs Scott Steiner - World Title
- Big Show vs Brock Lesnar - Royal Rumble Entry match
- Royal Rumble match
  - SmackDown: Rikishi, B2, Albert, Bill DeMott, Matt Hardy, Edge, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, John Cena, Tajiri, Rey Mysterio, Chavo Guerrero, Eddie Guerrero (plus Brock/Show winner and one more)
  - RAW: Test, Kane, Batista, Goldust, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Maven, Chris Nowinski, Chris Jericho, Christian, Shawn Michaels, Jeff Hardy, Tommy Dreamer, Rosie, Jamal.
- Return of the Undertaker.
- Dudley Boyz vs William Regal/Lance Storm (c) - World Tag Team Titles
- Dawn Marie vs Torrie Wilson - Stepmother/Stepdaugher
  - Tazz: "This may be in poor taste, but you've got to wonder if this is going to be a casket match."
- This was ANOTHER non-match segment.

Team Angle (WWE Champion Kurt Angle, Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas) vs Edge and Chris Benoit - 3 on 2 Handicap Match
- Angle needs one crutch to get to the ring.
  - We never did get an explanation from Benoit, Edge or even Stephanie about why this match is a handicap match.
  - I think we're supposed to infer that Angle is hurt enough that it's fair, but that would cast major doubt on him being able to defend the title on Sunday, and they're certain that match will happen.
- Chimel announces it as Kurt Angle and Team Angle.
  - Is Kurt not on the team named after him?
- Tazz and Cole argue about the seriousness of Angle's injury.
- Edge talks about his Rumble chances in a taped bit
  - I don't know why, but Edge looks smaller than normal here
- Break after Benoit's entrance.
  - Three straight segments without a bell ringing.

Match is joined in progress, with Benoit giving Haas a back suplex and throwing him out.
Benoit would like Angle in, but he isn't coming.
Benoit chops Haas instead. Turnbuckle smash in the opposite corner and more chops.
Haas takes the shoulder throw into the post and Benoit calls out Kurt again.
Whip, backdrop. Snap suplex. Whip, back elbow.
Benoit goes towards Angle and Angle drops off the apron.
Shelton gets in the ring to distract Benoit, so Kurt can sneak in and hit a low blow uppercut from behind.
- Ref has to eject Edge, then counts for Haas - but it's only 2.
Haas with a reverse step over armbar while Angle talks trash from the outside.
Benoit manages an inside cradle reversal for 2, then hits another snap suplex.
He needs to make the tag here - and does.
Edge with a back elbow and backdrop on Edge.
Shelton slows him up with a trip from outside, and Haas hits the overhead belly to belly suplex.
Kurt demands a tag in and gets it, beating up Edge when he's down.
- Angle has a big knee brace but is moving fine.
- Taunt for Benoit
Angle misses a clothesline and Edge comes back with clothesline and the Faceplant.
- Though it's not really a faceplant, as Angle corkscrews into landing on his back
- Maybe he's worried about landing on his knee.
Tag to Benoit, and Kurt rolls out of the the ring.
Choida stops Benoit for a moment but Chris is out after Kurt.
Kurt runs around the ring, gets cut off by Edge, ducks back in and Shelton levels Benoit with a clothesline as he follows in.
Angle gets Shelton back out so he can stomp and punch on the downed man.
Short clothesline one two no. Back to stomping.
German Suplex! Angle celebrates - and a cheap shot to Edge.
Straps are down, AnkeLock - but Benoit spins and kicks him off.
Angle immediately makes the tag to Shelton.
Benoit destroys Shelton with knees, and hits a rebound clothesline to the back of the neck.
Tag to Edge - top rope clothesline one two no.
Edge works Shelton over in the corner with kicks and a choke. Corner spear.
Angle comes in to antagonize Benoit and distract Choida so Haas can attack Edge and throw him out.
- That's some good team work.
Short clothesline for Edge on the outside by Kurt.
Benoit tries to go after Angle on the outside, but Choida cuts him off.
Shelton runs Edge back first into the apron multiple times.
Front slam, legdrop one two no.
Tag to Haas, Edge is tossed neck first on the top rope, and Shelton hits the running high sit on the back.
Haas chokes, then covers for 2.
Haas goes to stomping.
- Cole goes over the Royal Rumble rules and Heyman's Stacked Deck In The Rumble here
Corner whip, reversed, Edge charges into a boot, Haas hits a bad looking bulldog one two Edge has the ropes.
Haas with stomping. Angle gets in a cheap shot as Shelton tags in for stomping.
Whip, clothesline for 2. Chinlock.
Edge elbows out, ducks a clothesline and hits the Edge-O-Matic.
Both looking for tags, Shelton makes it to Haas first, and elbow drops Edge.
Snap suplex one two Benoit breaks it.
10 minute mark.
Haas runs Edge back first into the corner, then distracts Choida so Shelton and Angle can choke from the outside.
Tag to Shelton. Double whip, double back elbow.
Shelton is cocky - Angle wants in. Angle gets to stomping.
Edge battles back with punches.
Angle reverses a corner whip but runs into a boot, but Edge walks into an Angle overhead belly to belly suplex for two.
Tag to Haas, who gets put in a neck vice.
Edge starts to battle out but is stomped back down. Tag to Angle.
Edge reverses a whip, hits a clothesline, and starts crawling for a tag.
Angle gets him in a waistlock - German Suplex!
But Edge is back up and reaching to his corner again - German Suplex again!
One more time - Edge is a hand away, and Angle forearms him in the back and pops Benoit.
But he takes a moment to look at Benoit on the floor and walks into an Edge overhead belly to belly suplex
- right on his head and neck!
Tag to Shelton, who grabs Edge bay the leg to pull him back but gets kicked down.
Tag to Benoit - forearm for Shelton, chop for Shelton, kick, chop for Haas.
Whip, back elbow or Haas. Huge German Suplex for Shelton. German German shove into Shelton German for Haas.
Thumb, but Shelton forearms him form behind, fireman's carry lift but Benoit spins out into the Crossface!
Angle in with the belt but him coming - Crossface on Angle!
Spear on Haas! Angle won't tap, but he's not the legal man and Choida is letting Benita know.
Benoit lets go to kick Shelton and throw him out.
Angle tries to crawl on the ring but Benoit gets the Crossface back on him.
Edge with a nice sliding dropkick on Shelton to keep him at bay.
Choida - calls for the bell? (15:00)
Tazz thinks Benoit got DQed for losing his mind, but I've seen far worse.
Benoit tosses Haas and puts the Crossface on Angle for a third time - he's tapping!
Edge flattens Team Angle with a top rope plancha to the outside.
The referees finally get Benoit to let go of the hold...
but Benoit only goes to the outside to get the crutch! Shots to the bad knee!
They play Benoit's music as Team Angle pulls Kurt to safety - I'm still not sure what happened there.