TV PG DLV entertainment video package Mayhem: [new voice over person?] "Tonight, the most dominating force in the WWE returns to action. Brock Lesnar is Back - LIVE. [video clips of recent damage] Here comes the pain!" Marriage [same ol' female voice over]: "Also, destiny has drawn these two hearts together. Dawn Marie and AL Wilson share their love, and their wedding, with the world. [Dawn: 'Al and I love each other. Every time I looked into Torrie's eyes, I saw yours.'] Love knows no bounds. SmackDown! is Live, and it's now." (1:14) open Happy New Year

John Cena (w/B-2) vs - in place of the opening fireworks, we've got noisemakers. (And also some fireworks that aren't visible.) This is the Tingley Coliseum in Albuquerque, NM. "Yo yo yo yo - Everybody know it's 2003, which basically means that it's Y2JC. But I still got some beef with that dude Rikishi. Hey kill the beat kill the beat kill the beat [it's dead] Hey, tons of fun, I know you listening, so I'm about to drop a heavyweight dose of thuganomics on you. Baby. [rapping music starts up] Messy with me, you die slow, and explode, you wide load. Your butt looks like twenty miles of bad road and I'm here to show, everybody where I'm coming from. Your ass looks like two packs of chewed bubble gum. This battle is over, I know you can't win this. You spend your time putting buffets out of business. So please, freeze, you can't hang on these, I get the dry heaves when I see your cottage cheese. You got bad knees, plus you're obese. You're so fat, when you sweat, you sweat grease. SO please, it's over, don't bother trying, call back Jared and get on Subway's diet." "BOOYAH" I don't think that's a LUGZ shirt this week. Tazz: "I dunno, Cole, I guess Cena's a little better from Eminem." What's that about? You know, you can actually hear the Eminem in Cena's works - especially the first line of this rap, you could pick up that accent. Wait - I'm hearing a voice: "the back of my mind, I'm STILL waiting for Public Enemy to come out and kick BOTH their asses." ANYWAY

John Cena (w/B-2) vs Rikishi (350 pounds, no hometown given) - Our catchphrase for the night is "Mayhem and Marriage!" Cole says Cena insulted Rikishi and Albuquerque, which goes to show that they have no idea what Cena is saying either. Cena's punch is blocked and Rikishi is knocking him down with rights. Open hand slap. Whip, clothesline misses, Rikishi manages to throw Cena out by his head. Rikishi is focused by anger tonight, apparently. Announcer desk smash for Cena. Cena thrown shoulder first into the steps. Rikishi breaks the count. Cena thrown in. Rikishi in after him. Patting his own butt. Off the ropes and there's the legdrop. One two NO. Cena is up but staggered - NICE thrust kick to take Cena back down. Cena pulls himself to the ropes to get up - perhaps he didn't want end up in the corner. B-2 is alert to pull Cena out before anything could happen. Later tonight: Benoit/??? vs Team Angle. Rikishi is out after both of 'em - right for Cena, right for B-2. Cena rolls back Rikishi after him and Cena catches him with elbows to the midsection. Thrown out and distracted the ref so B-2 can run him back first. Cena cover one two NO. Baaack suplex! Next Week: (some of the) 15 participants from the SmackDown! side in the Royal Rumble announced. Stomps by Cena. One two no. Chinlock. Weekly discussion of B-2's headwear here. Rikishi elbowing out - Cena misses a right - Rikishi jab jab jab right. We notice that B-2 has picked up the chain as Rikishi misses a corner butt smash on Cena. B-2 hurries to the opposite side of the ring and starts messing with the top turnbuckle - he plays dumb when referee Mike Sparks alertly wanders over to see what happened but Sparks has no problem in finding the chain and grabbing it, walking off to dispose of it. Behind him - was that a Rikishi chokeslam? Bad angle of it - Rikishi's covering but B-2's milking the argument to buy an extra second or two - Sparks finally turns around, counts one kickout. B-2 back on the apron and Rikishi pulls him in. Rikishi has a hold of B-2, Sparks trying to break that out and Cena sneaking up and pushing Sparks in the back, knocking him cross ring. With the path clear, Rikishi now clotheslines B-2 down and goes to pick up Cena, but Sparks pulls him back - he thinks Rikishi pushed him, not Cena. While that's getting cleared up, Cena recovers for an inside cradle one two three (3:48) I think Cena wanted to put his feet on the ropes but figured out he wasn't close enough - he definitely had tights and Rikishi's foot was hitting the middle rope but Sparks saw none of it. Rikishi can't believe that happened - Sparks checks out of the ring rather than argue the point. Cena and B-2 celebrate on the outside and Rikishi's out after them. They take off into the crowd in different directions - B-2 is too slow over the barricade and but Rikishi manages not to catch them. Rikishi and B-2 rush out through the crowd - while the wedding music starts to play. Cole and Tazz are sure that means we're getting the wedding right now. It's Dawn Marie. Tazz stumbles over his lines here but wants to say "It's not a marriage made in heaven, it's a marriage made in Albuquerque!" "I was just looking at myself in the mirror, and I realizes just how beautiful I looked in white. I'm a beautiful bride. I'm a beautiful blushing bride. Do you people like my dress. I love my dress. But don't you people get to used to me wearing this dress. Because, tonight, while I recite my wedding vows to Al Wilson, I - am going to take of my wedding dress. That's right! You people heard me right! Tonight, I'm gonna make history here in the WWE - I am going to marry Al Wilson, IN THE NUDE!" Play that music. Cole and Tazz like the wedding idea a lot more now.

Lugz Bill Beat Everyone Two Weeks Ago

Backstage, Stephanie is walking - to the Bridal Suite (notice the sign on the door.) I bet we don't see the SmackDown! GM office this week - they only have one room of traveling furniture. Inside, we find Jan the Makeup Lady. Oh yea, Dawn too. "You know you really do look beautiful, Dawn." "Oh, thank you." "And I want you to know that I have absolutely no problem with you getting on SmackDown! I do, however, have a problem with you getting married in the nude. [boos]" "Stephanie, you don't understand. Stephanie, all I wanna do is show how much I love Al, that's all. And nobody, especially that ingrate Torrie Wilson, is gonna stop me from doing it." "Well, Dawn, I'm not gonna try to stop you. Tonight, as far as I'm concerned, the wedding is on. But so is the dress." [boos] "What if it happens to come of?" "Well, if the dress happens to come off - just try me Dawn; there will be some very serious repercussions." [Stephanie EXITS] "Jan, ha, I wonder how serious those repercussions could be?"

Chuck Palumbo (already in the ring) vs Bill DeMott (280 pounds, no hometown given) - I should note that THIS holiday's modifications to the chryon are festive "W" balloons exploding into fireworks behind the names. Your announcers are Tazz and Michael Cole who are all over Bill facing someone his own size. I think Cole has looked forward to this for over a month. Lockup, Bill's got the strength advantage. Cole doesn't know how much Palumbo weighs. Pushes back and we have a stalemate. Bill with a headlock, shot into the ropes, back with a shoulderblock. Yelling at Chuck to get up. Staring and circling. Lockup, headlock, Bill spins into a hammerlock, forearm to the back, Chuck with a clubbing forearm to Bill's head. Bill stares angrily. Lockup, Chuck with a headlock, Bill pulls him down by his hair. Chuck with a right (he hurt his hand doing it!) Coming up: Kurt Angle talks about Team Angle vs Benoit/???. Corner whip no Bill wit a kick, forearms to the back of the neck, kick to the ribs. Another forearm to the neck. Corner whip, running corner smush. Tazz compares Bill DeMott to Warren Sapp. Suplex. Kick to the ribs. Right to the back. Right. Choke on the middle rope, with Bill with a forearms to the face. Headbutt! Chinlock. Taking it all the way down. Crowd is not particularly reacting to any of this - well, now that I say that, they're coming somewhat to life to root for Chuck here. Elbowing out, yelling, off the ropes, right into a knee. Forearm to the back of the neck. Corner whip, DeMott is slow on the charge, Chuck moves out of the way. Back elbow. Bill's punch is blocked, Chuck hits his. Have another. Corner whip, charge in, clothesline connects. Overhead belly to belly suplex! Chuck is fired up - right right discus - no Bill with a clothesline. Slop Drop (Tazz: "Reverse Neckbreaker" - wha) one two three. (3:49) Cole says Bill just shut him up, but not in so few words.

Classic Undertake Vignette footage - you almost see Paul Bearer at points, if you look. Just a montage of stuff, probably taken from a Desire video, with the bell getting quicker and quicker till - "Darkness consumes the light. and Beckons His Return. The Dead Man Walks Again. WWE Royal Rumble" (:35) Hey, I think I know who one of the slots are. 29 to go. Hey, what did that whole "a dance with his mistress" bit mean with Kane? Exactly.

Stacker 2 Los Guerreros are still your WWE tag team champions

Backstage, Billy Kidman walks - Cole let's us know that he challenged Eddie for a match tonight in revenge for being pinned last week. Ah, he meets Torrie Wilson at coffee table (the belt stills works!) and they're gonna talk. 

Kidman: Hey 
Torrie: Hey 
Kidman: Surprised to see to you here. 
Torrie: Well, yea, it's a little surprising to me - as much as I hate that sleazebag Dawn Marie, I will always love my father. And maybe my father was right last week when he told me that I'm not very supportive. You know, I'm not condoning this wedding at all, but, I just want to be here to support him in case he needs me. 
Kidman: Even though Dawn Marie says he wants to get married in the nude.
Torrie: I think Dawn Marie should be getting married in the nude. [Kidman raises his eyebrows in confusion - for a split second you wonder if he's thinking back to what Dawn said about Torrie and the hotel room but I don't think that's what they were going for here] I mean, after all she's the last person in the world who should be wearing white, you have to agree. 
Kidman: ha, that's a good point. 
Torrie: Hey, I don't know if this'll help out, but to cheer you up, I'll do a little preview of how the wedding's gonna go. 
Kidman: Um, okay. [clears throat - deep preacher voice] Do you, Al Wilson, take Dawn Marie to be your wife? [eye brown moving, mouth movement - Al's voice] All right, listen up. I got something to say here. I do. [preacher voice] And do you Dawn Marie, take Al Wilson, to be your husband [Dawn's voice - brushing his own hair] I do - and um - and can we hurry this along, because my little Al-sy walsly needs to take a nap before we go to the reception. [preacher] and by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Al, you may kiss the bride. [makes Al kissing faces - [Torrie's laughed at parts here, but just politely] 
Torrie: That was good - thank you for doing that. [hug] 
Kidman: Alright, take care. [Kidman walks off]

Over in the interview area, Tough Enough One's Josh Matthews asks Kurt Angle (w/Team Angle) if he'll be prepared for a Royal Rumble title match? "Will I be prepared? Will I be prepared? [YOU SUCK] Why? 'cause I have crutches? The question is, will Chris Benoit be prepared? Did you not see what I did to the #1 contender last week on SmackDown!? The man that I'll be facing at the Royal Rumble? Did you not see what I did to him? Well you were going to show the footage, so why don't you show the footage right now? Show it!" Here it is - the post Crossface on Show stuff, highlighting Team Angle (:30) Josh asks if Kurt worried about who Benoit will pick as his tag partner? "Am I worried? No, not one bit. Chris Benoit should be worried. See, I'm Kurt Angle, the reigning WWE champion and the only Olympic Gold Medalist in the history of the business. The only thing that I worry about is keeping my gold polished. See, when I was walking in to this arena tonight - I looked up at the marquee and it read WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment. The key word being Wrestling, because that's what I do best. And that's what Team Angle does best. See, this is Charlie Haas, a multiple time all American from the University of Seton Hall. And over here, this is Shelton Benjamin, who is also a multiple time All American from the University of Minnesota, and Brock Lesnar's former teammate. And Josh - that is your name, right - Josh, you're looking at the three best wrestlers in the history of the spot. And Chris Benoit, where did he go to school? Well, let's see, he's from Canada, so he probably attended the University of Saskatchewan. And I'm sure he didn't graduate, but if he did wrestle, he probably made the practice squad at best. So I'll say it again - the name of the game is WRESTLING, not Entertainment, WRESTLING, and that's what WE do best. So no, we're not worried about Chris Benoit and whoever his tag team partner is tonight. But you know what - if I was Chris Benoit, I'd be worried sick." They walk off.

WWE Tag Team Champion Eddie Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 228 pounds, w/WWE Tag Team Champion Chavo Guerrero) vs WWE Cruiserweight Champion Thug Life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds) in a non-title match - HOLY CRAP WHAT HAPPENED TO EDDIE'S HAIR - the mullet is GONE. He's got a Chavo like cut now. Perhaps Eddie's on a "one major haircut per year" plan and got this one out of the way early. Circle. Lockup, Eddie with an armdrag. Lockup, Kidman with an armdrag, and here's another. Dropkick no it's waved away by Eddie. Stomps. Crowd getting on Eddie. Tazz: "This is Mexico, why don't they like Guerrero?" Headlock, shot in the ropes, back but Kidman leapfrogs him, and Eddie runs into a monkey flip. Right right right but Eddie turns it around in the corner with a mash and a chop. Forearm to the head. Forearm to the head. Picking him up - blockbuster suplex one two NO. Chinlock. Eddie almost tried to bridge that suplex into a pin but couldn't quite get it pulled off, abandoning it before it looked awkward. Kidman elbowing out - off the ropes, into the knee. Armbar - it must be one of those boring ones that Eric didn't like, because we're interrupted by a voice. "Yo yo yo yo - ah, look who it is, it's Los Guerreros. I'll crack your shell and make you huevos rancheros. Don't get upset bro, there's no need to get upset. I heard you got the tip though, you cut the mullet. Don't sweat, it's not my fault you ain't this hard, I call immigration, they tear up your Green Card. I see you're scared by this verbal attack - 1983 called, they want their hairstyle back. Relax man, you in here with the show maker, I leave you stocking shelves at your local bogata. So tell Chavo, and the other esse vatos, we're taking your titles, you go back to serving tacos. That's right esse [Eddie tries to go out after Cena here, but Kidman catches him with a forearm to the back to take back control] no more Latino Heat, bro, Taco Bell is hiring." Chavo attacks B-2, with John Cena running for safety. Kidman takes Eddie and himself out of the ring with a cross body, while B-2 throws Chavo in in. Chavo meets B-2 with stomps, right hands, and the crowd is cheering something [probably not a battle between two heels] -  B-2 turns it around just in time to see Rikishi comes in with right hands and now lots of right hands. Hebner and Korderas are in to try and stop Rikishi but it's not gonna work. Chavo pulls Hebner back to yell at him, so Brian tries to get him out of the ring. Rikishi is being restrained by Choida, while Kidman is pounding Eddie outside the ring. Hebner just ejected Chavo from a match he isn't even referring? Huh. Okay, we'll take a break and maybe it'll make sense later. (3:26 before the break)

So we're back - Cole lets us know that Chavo and B-2 have been kicked out from ringside, and we can see that Korderas and Hebner are forcibly removing Rikishi. Cena remains - doing color commentary - probably because he never did throw a punch. Tazz confirms this a couple seconds later. Eddie and Kidman are back in the ring, with Kidman in control, Kidman with the flurry of punches. Kidman points at Eddie and looks at the crowd. Eddie wants a handshake. Please? Kidman pulls the arm into a short clothesline. Whip, reversed, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. one two no. Cena is talking about Thuganomics. GORY SPECIAL! Tazz talks about watching out for Eddie's Splash Mountain (that's probably the name I was supposed to call the Black Tiger Bomb from last week, but that wouldn't have been near as fun for me), but after switching to a crucifix lift, Eddie opts for the airplane spin variation. One two no. Chinlock. Tazz and Cena are friends now. Kidman elbowing out, right, off the ropes, Eddie's head down too soon and it gets kicked. Eddie staggers into the ropes, Kidman slowly walks over and Eddie backdrops him to the floor. Eddie brings Kidman back in for the Hilo one two no. Whip, sleeper. Cena is kinda rapping throughout. Kidman elbows out - back suplex. Kidman out on the apron, going up, but Eddie with right hands, top rope superplex! The wedding is next if you don't like this wedding this stuff. Eddie slow up, but he's going to the top rope - FROG SPLASH but no one's home. Kidman trying to draw from the fans but they're not there for him this time - kick, powerbomb one two NO. Kidman trying to be intense. Whip, backdrop. Dropkick. Picking Eddie up, whip, reversed, tilt-a-whirl but Kidman lands on he feet Short Powerbomb one two NO. Cena's talking more - is that an Eddie chant? Not as loud as the sucks one before but still there. Eddie with a knee lift, powerbomb no Kidman with the progressive more horrible powerbomb reversal. Cole: "That was unique" - yea, uniquely bad. Kidman going up but he'll have to go a go a long way to do this - Eddie is up, horrible top rope cross body by Kidman (too low) one two no. Cena raps that Choida was out of position. Eddie with right hands, corner whip, Eddie kips up and out, kick, brainbuster no Kidman lands behind, Kidman pushes Eddie in the corner chest first and then oddly runs right into him, knocking heads. Choida checks on Kidman and like a (Funkmaster) Flash, Cena is over and giving Eddie the chain punch. Did Kidman see it? He's pulling Eddie into position, going up, shooting star press. (10:31 shown) As Kidman's music plays, I wonder how much a coincidence that really was - but I'm the only one, so ignore me.. Let's see a replay.  

Here's one more look at the invite. It's next.

Who is the greatest superstar in RAW history? RAW X, live in 2 weeks.

Here's a short version of that Mayhem promo we saw earlier. "Brock Lesnar - In Action Tonight" (:27)

In the ring, they're setting up for the wedding with the help of TV PG DLV. Here's the How We Got Here video package (1:33)

Cole and Tazz are in full snark mode already. "Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome the groom, Al Wilson." Al is not exactly dressed in a tuxedo - "cheap suit" would be much more accurate. Tazz has to try twice to get Cole to pick on his "[Al]'s so old" joke - Al's so old, he knew the dead sea when it was just sick. That sure sounds like a Lawler joke. Here's Dawn Marie - what, she gets no introduction? They've put a pink carpet on the ramp. Sign notes that Al is a fool, but I think Dawn really has older men issues. Cole notes that the wedding of the year is on January 2nd. The preacher doesn't appear to be Eric Bischoff in makeup, but very excitable. 

Preacher: Dearly beloved we are gathered here tonight to celebrate the union of these two fine fine people and the lovely Dawn Marie.
[Didn't Dawn have a last name? I guess not anymore. I guess that went with her job and actual reason for being on this show.]
Preacher: Marriage is a hallowed insinuation, a scared commitment, a blessed journey, a journey that should not be embarked on unless, unless love is present. [Torrie chant?] In all I've experienced with these people, I know deep down in my heart, Al loves Dawn, and Dawn loves Al. But if there's anyone here tonight that believes that these two people [loud yelling starts now] should not be engaged in holy matrimony, or forever hold your peace. 
[Tazz: "About ten thousand people are objecting to this."] 
Dawn: Actually, I object." [Al doesn't look as shocked as you'd think he might/should.] I'm sorry Al, I can't marry you like this. I can't. I'm sorry. [beat] Because, you see, I promised this people here tonight that I would recite my wedding vows to you without my wedding dress on. Now, is there anyone here tonight in this arena that has a problem or would object to me removing my wedding dress. [crowd: No] I didn't think so. So, Al, honey, can you get the zipper. 
[Tazz: She's gonna go all the way, Cole, I can feel it, she's gonna defy Stephanie. Al unzips the back, all the way down. Dawn slides it off. She's wearing white underneath. She's undoing her garters - and then she's redoing them.]
Dawn: Stephanie McMahon said that this is as far as gone, that I'm not allowed to get married in the nude. BUT, Stephanie never EVER said anything about my husband to be in the nude. 
[The earring Al is wearing in his right ear is really distracting.] 
Dawn: So Al-sy, tonight, you're - getting - married - naked.
[LOUD "keep it on" chant and then boos as Al's coat is removed, then his shirt is unbuttoned and taken off. Al's wearing a chain underneath. Oh no, she's going for the pants - belt unbuckled, and taken off. Cole notes that we're live. Undoing the pants. Pants off - Al's wearing either the thickest pair of underwear ever or at least two pairs of briefs. She stars to pull off the back while Al starts to dance, but Dawn stops and keeps that on.] 
Dawn: That's as far as we're gonna go, Al, because I don't want the whole world to see the BIGGEST reason why I'm marrying you. [I'm not doctor, but there are multiple budges down there, that can't be right. Did Alex Wright loan him a sock?] Sir, if you're ready, I'd like to continue with your wedding, so I can become Misses AL Wilson.
Preacher: Well then, I guess we're ready to proceed - Al, will you take this ring and recite your vows to Dawn Marie.
Al: I - Al Wilson - take you - Dawn Marie - to have [LOUD Torrie chants - fans are looking for the payoff] and to hold, on this day forward, forever and for honest, through sickness, and through wa- wellness [Al's badly stumbling verbally here] or whatever, I take all the vows, trust me Dawn, trust me. [he puts the ring on her finger.] 
Preacher: "Dawn Marie, will you take this ring, and recite your vows to Al." [This quickly becoming the new Funniest Thing Cole Has Ever Seen, while it's a huge train wreck in Tazz's eyes] 
Dawn: "I, Dawn Marie, take you, Al Wilson, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till Death do us part. 
[slut chant - ring put on. Tazz: "This is touching, if you're an armadillo" - what?]
Preacher: With these statements born of love and trust that we've just heard, it is my privilege and my pleasure to present Al Wilson and Dawn Marie as husband and wife. You may kiss your bride. 
[The joke is its' Dawn who's all over Al, taking him down tot he mat with his kiss. Play music. Dawn is up first, and beckons Al to follow. Dawn pulls down the bottom rope for Al, and Al dos the same for her. Tazz now notices the one big bulge in Al's underwear, but not the second one] 
(11:03)

Something totally different - Shelton and Charlie check to make sure the hallway is clear before Kurt limps out to lead them to the ring. Who is Benoit going to choose?

PS2 Introduction of Team Angle of Last Week

Team Angle (483 pounds, w/WWE Champion Captain Kurt Angle) vs Chris Benoit (Edmonton, AB, 229 pounds, Benoit vs Angle at Royal Rumble for the WWE Championship) and you think you know Edge (no hometown, no weight given) - Team Angle video, same music. Angle is healthy enough to signal his fireworks. Okay, Shelton's the one wearing Red and Blue, while Haas wears Blue and Red. Edge and Benoit get along? Chris and Edge scare Team Angle out of the ring, where they talk strategy on the floor. Haas and Benoit will start it off - circle, lockup, Haas with a waistlock and takedown, Benoit look for an escape but Haas turning with him, Benoit with a single leg but Haas rolls away, Benoit up with a shoulderblock to take him down. And another. Charlie wants back at Benoit but Shelton holds him back, tries to calm him down and talk strategy. Tag to Shelton. Lockup, waistlock, Shelton with a legdrop, floatover into a headlock but Benoit quickly out in an armbar - CROSSFACE! Shelton squirms for a release (accidentally pounding the mat with his free hand a couple times, but not in a tapping motion) but Haas has to come into break it up. Benoit with an axhandle to take out Haas as he steps out - turnbuckle smash for Shelton, tag to Edge. Edge kicks him down in the corner. Forearm. Turnbuckle smash. Chop. Open hand slap. Open hand slap. Cole focusing hard on the "this is Shelton/Haas' first big match, they're liable to be nervous and make mistakes" angle. Forearm. Forearm. Corner whop, reversed, Shelton charges into a boot (slowing up and getting his hands up before he even gets there), Edge quickly to the second rope, missile dropkick one two NO. Shelton with a right hand to the head. Whip, reversed, Haas catches Edge on the apron with a hair pull, Edge turns and decks Haas but but Shelton hits a running back elbow. (I guess - we didn't get to see it) to knock Edge out of the ring. As Benoit tries to get over there to help and in the process distracts Hebner, Haas throws Edge into the barricade, then back in the ring. Back suplex. One two NO. Chinlock. Shelton lets up to bring Edge to his corner for a turnbuckle smash and tag in Haas. Corner whip no reverse into the same corner chest first. Cole notes that Haas was not just an athletic all-American, but also an academic all-America (though I think they only have those awards for athletes - he's a smart jock, I guess.) Shelton gets some shoulders to the midsection before he leaves. Haas picks Edge back up to choke him on the middle rope in front of Angle. Has is warned away - so Kurt can get in a right hand from the outside. Haas with a stomp. Overhead belly to belly suplex one two no. One two still no. Front facelock, tag to Shelton, Shelton lifts him up suplex style, Haas catches his legs and Shelton drops Edge neck first on the ropes. Haas hold him there hanging, Shelton off the ropes and the running elevated sit has just been pilfered from CMLL-land, but I guess that's okay. This is to the back instead of the chest. One two no Edge grabs the ropes. Tag to Haas. Shelton holds for Haas' right. Haas works over Edge, and a shot to Benoit. Edge battling back with rights, Benoit wants in but just he draws over Hebner in the process, whip, reversed and Edge into a Shelton knee before taking a flapjack. Haas puts on that submission he used last week - I assume this is the Haas of Pain, and I think I want to call it a inverted Indian Deathlock, although that may be off. Benoit quickly breaks it up. Shelton wants in, but then goes back - ah, now Haas tagged him and he can stay in. Shelton awaits for Edge to get up - high spinning heel kick (the Money Clip - well, probably not any more) is ducked, and there's the Faceplant. Kurt is yelling instructions for Shelton - mostly along the lines of "MAKE THE TAG RIGHT NOW" And he does - tag to Haas, but Haas is slow in and Edge makes his tag to Benoit. Clothesline to Haas, clothesline to Shelton. Whip, clothesline for Haas. Kicks in the corner for Shelton, Whip, no short clothesline by Benoit. German suplex for Haas. Right misses from Shelton - German for him too. What's Benoit gonna do now? He's pauses for a moment, but then a snap suplex for Benjamin. Thumb across the throat, and he's going up - swandive headbutt! One two Haas breaks it up. Haas goes for a waistlock on Benoit, standing switch and Benoit pushes him into a clothesline. Edge and Benoit have a plan here - stereo German Suplex stereo German Suplex stereo German Suplex! Kurt manages to pull out Edge, but Benoit catches him and gives him a sliding dropkick. Shelton with a kick to Benoit but it's caught and knocked away - CROSSFACE! Shelton's desperately trying to get to the ropes before it's completely locked in but Benoit turns with him to cut off his closest path to the ropes - Haas up to break it up but SPEAR. Angle has no choice - he brings the belt in and decks Benoit in the back of the head with it (DQ 7:08) Edge is up - right hand for Angle. Haas is back up and Edge hasn't spotted him - there's a clothesline from Haas. Angle gets a crutch to give to Haas - running crutch to the neck. Angle is limping around the ring - and he grabs Tony Chimel?" "WHO WON? WHO WON? GET YOUR ASS IN HERE?" Ring announcer Tony is thrown in, and Angle grabs a mic before coming up. Hebner is knocked to the ground when he tries to get involved, and Angle has Chimel cornered "WHO WON? WHO WON WHO WON?" Angle gets the crutch to choke out Tony, which is gonna make it tough for him to answer "TELL ME NOW? WHO WON WHO WHO SAY IT?" "Team Angle" "Say it - Say it again" "[on mic] The winner is Team Angle" Angle backs off - and then jabs him with the crutch one more time. Play his music - hey, I guess they DID win. Haas and Shelton help the champion get out of the ring, while we survey the damage. They must've got Benoit again when we weren't paying because he's still out of it, but now he's on the floor. Pose on the stage.

SmackDown Live
Friday - San Francisco, CA
Saturday - Fairbanks, AK
Sunday - Anchorage, AK
Tuesday - Tuscan, AZ 

Already in the ring, it's Paul Heyman: "I have to tell you how proud I am of my latest clients. I mean, the extraordinary athleticism of Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas just can not be denied, now can it? I am also so, so, very proud of my client, the WWE Champion, Kurt Angle. And I know you are all proud of Kurt Angle's demonstration of superiority over the #1 Contender, Chris Benoit. now, I also know, how much you are all looking forward to seeing Brock Lesnar in action tonight. But the reason why this entire arena is sold out, and the reason these people paid to come here tonight, is because of my favorite client, a man who stands head and shoulders above all competition. Ladies and gentleman, seven feet tall, five hundred pounds, the Big Show." Cole: "Paul Heyman makes me sick, just for the record." There you go. Someone yelled in Tazz's headset for saying "the largest man in our business" and made him say "the largest man in all of professional sports." Paul has more to say: "I got to let you know - I feel empowered just standing next to you. I mean, just standing here with you makes me feel like such a man. [huh] You are seven feet tall, you are five hindered pounds. There are no athletes that match your dimensions, and you are a competitor that never backs down from a challenge. Which is why, Show, if you don't mind, allow me to announce public ally that my client and I, we would like to announce that we have a challenge for Brock Lesnar. You see, on Sunday Night, January 19th, there is an event called the Royal Rumble. And more so than just the event called the Royal Rumble is the match called the Royal Rumble. And this year will be the greatest Royal Rumble of them all, because there will be 15 superstars for SmackDown! in the very same ring, at the very same time as 15 superstars from RAW. Now what that means is that the RAW and SmackDown can and will fight it out at the very same time, but it also means something so very much more. Because it's every single man for himself, and the winner of the Royal Rumble event gets through 29 other men and goes on for the opportunity of a lifetime - and that opportunity, Big Show, is the chance to fight, the chance to wrestler his respective Brand's Champion at the 19th Annual Wrestlemania." "YEA!" "Now, you may be pumped about it, but I have a problem with that. Because that means that Brock Lesnar may get through 29 other people and get a shot at the title at WrestleMania. [Show shakes his head no] And it's my life's mission that Brock Lesnar never gets near the WWE Title again. So Brock, I say, we raise the stakes at the Royal Rumble. We all know that it's the Big Show that took the WWE Title away from Brock Lesnar! [Big Show is doing posing - signaling the belt to all sides] We all know that the Big Show is the only man to score a one two three over Brock Lesnar and the Big Show is the only man with a pinfall victory over Brock Lesnar! Well, Brock, here's your chance at revenge at the Big Show! I say - at Royal Rumble, it's Brock Lesnar, one on one, against the Big Show. But I say it's for so much more - because I say, that it's winner take all, that the loser of the match falls to the wayside, and only the winner of the match gets into the Rumble itself! And that winner gets to face 29 other competitors for the mere opportunity of a shot for at either brand's title at WrestleMania! It makes so much sense to me!" [Show talks off microphone - he seems to agree] "Which is why Brock Lesnar will never accept, because you see, ladies and gentleman in all honesty, Brock Lesnar Fears The Big Show! Brock Lesnar is afraid of the Big Show! Brock Lesnar trembles and has nightmares about my giant client! Because, Brock - I told you this before I screwed you at Survivor Series, and Brock, I'll tell you this again - YOU CAN'T BEAT THE BIG SHOW! YOU CAN'T BEAT THE BIG SHOW! BROCK LESNAR YOU CAN'T BEAT THE BIG SHOW!" No music, but Brock Lesnar has appeared at the stage and he's slowly making his way to the ring. Paul throws down his microphone and yells from the ring. As Brock gets closer, he sends Show - who taunts form the ropes. Brock is still waking - and NAILED with a chair to back of the head. It's Matt Hardy (Version One) and Shannon Moore helps out with his own chair to Brock's back! Announcers are more surprised that they're together than anything. Matt throws Brock in and Show hits a big clothesline as the other two come in. Show yells to Matt - he and Shannon pick up Brock, and hold him - chair shot is stopped with a kick to Show's massive gut and then kicked into Show's head! Shannon is thrown to the ground, big clothesline for matt and a big clothesline for Show. Brock is in the ring with a chair, but wow he's bleeding pretty bad the back of his head - I don't think he realizes how bad it is till he puts a hand back there and comes up with lots of blood. We go to break as the heels regroup.

Here's the outside of the building - inside it, we saw Brock return a few minutes ago. 

Cole and Tazz let us know - Brock has accepted Big Show's challenge for the Royal Rumble, winner gets in the Rumble. Tazz runs down the Rumble concept again. Next week, they'll be announcing participants.

Meanwhile, it took Al and Dawn over 30 minutes to get from the arena floor to their limo. Still with little clothes on, SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki catches up with them: "Now that you're married, what's next for Misses and Mister Al Wilson?" "Oh, there's so much more Funaki, but don't worry - we're gonna show you, and all our SmackDown fans. Al, do you have the video camera? [Yep] Oh, good, because we're gonna video our entire honeymoon - even the naughty stuff, Funaki. And next week, while we're still on our honeymoon, we're gonna send live updates. So, Torrie, I hope you'll be watching, because I know the rest will be." "C'mon, sweety, let's go - I'm cold, I want to get you in that card and make you hot." They get in - Funaki gets the punch line: "Funaki feel...very very dirty!" The limo drives off.

Nunzio (201 pounds, w/Jamie Noble and Nidia and 3 Week Ago, singles debut) vs Crash (Salisbury, NC, 214 pounds, yellow and the "I Eat Cake" T-shirt inside out, 3) - Josh Matthews is the new ring announcer (that's what you get for taking a week off, Tony) and, well, he's trying but is a much better play by play announcer, if that say something. He does try at a ring announcer voice but it just makes you wonder where Jason Roberts is this week. There when Nunzio debuted, helping to punk out Crash. I keep waiting for Josh to turn to Nidia and go "Hey, don't I know you?" but hoping for that is like hoping for them to remember that Nunzio and Nidia aren't friends. Crash is back to climbing his way in - but catches Nunzio with a boot when he tries to charge - top rope cross body, Korderas counts one two NO despite the fact the bell doesn't ring for four more seconds. Backslide one two NO. Charge, Crash leapfrogs Nunzio, Nunzio hits a clothesline. Stomp, stomp. Armbar, twist. Working the left shoulder with right hands. Crash manages to reverse it to a corner whip that somehow a) doesn't really hurt Nunzio despite going through the ropes and to the floor and b) hurts Crash because he manages to run his own shoulder into the post on the follow through. Nunzio behind Crash now - dropping him shoulder first in the ropes. Armbar, twist. Forearms to the arm. Grinding the forearm into the joint. Twist and taking him down. One two NO. Forearm to the back of the neck. Armbar, forearm to the arm. Again. Crash tries to battle back with a right. Nunzio still mangos to put Crash on his shoulder for a slam, Crash slips behind and pushes Nunzio into the corner, Crash with a reverse rollup one two no and the kickout unluckily vaults Crash into the corner bad shoulder first. He's got all the bad luck this match. Stomping by Nunzio. Corner whip, reversed - Nunzio holds onto the arm while getting to the second rope - off the second rope spinning armbar takedown looks pretty neat one two three. (1:52) Surprised he just didn't put on a submission to get but maybe they haven't decided on one. Or maybe they remember what happened to Jamie's submission, who knows. Nunzio wants Crash some more after they raise his arm but he partners manage to talk him out of it.

Moments Ago, Brock got taken out by Shannon and Matt, but rallied to come back despite bleeding a BUNCH. He's got a red streak going down his back. Matt vs Brock, later. And now, for no obvious reason (seeing as this match was so important they didn't remind us about it till just now), here's the Tale of the Tape.

Tazz sees this as Brock a huge favorite, but with all the other people possibly involved.

RAW Live
Friday - Honolulu, HI
Saturday - Anaheim, CA
Sunday - Colorado Springs, CO
Monday - Phoenix, AZ
Tuesday - El Paso, TX

Is El Paso a RAW show because the building is not good for TV? You'd think when you'd have a set of champion from a city, you'd juggle the lineup so their side gets to go there, but I guess not. 

Backstage, Matt Hardy (version one) rants (hurriedly) to Shannon Moore: "Did you see that? Did you see what I just did to Brock-Brock Lesnar? He's bleeding right now, did you see the way I smashed him? That's what you should've did last week. And that's why I did what I did to you Shannon, I had to teach you a lesson, a tough lesson in Mattitude. Shannon, it was necessary - the only thing I want from you is to be the best Mattitude follower that you can be. So look - remember, I'm the reason you're here. So tonight, don't make the necessary occur, listen to me and don't screw up - let's go." Shannon takes it well, considering how much trouble Matt had remembering...

Brock Lesnar (Minneapolis, MN, 295 pounds) vs Matt Hardy (version one, w/Shannon Moore, Cameron, NC, 234 pounds) - Brock is still bleeding, having refused medical attention. We're not in such a hurry we can't squeeze in this ad for PS2/Royal Rumble (which Tazz stumbles on.) Matt always stays awake until sunrise on New Year's - yea, I remember reading about that. Matt waves Shannon in ahead of him - so Shannon takes the clothesline but then so does Matt. Another big clothesline. Corner whip, Mat rebounds into a scoop - lift and back breaker. Yep, he's still bleeding. Matt tries to battle back but he's knocked right down with a right hand. Again. Kick to the ribs. Knee to the head. Overhead belly to belly suplex. Brock not in a hurry - picking Matt up to slap him down with a bloody hand. Kick to the ribs. Boot choke. Matt's got Brock's blood on his face. Look to Shannon on the floor. Kick to the ribs. Lift, Matt on Brock's shoulder, Brock walks around with him and then runs him in the corner, back first. The blood is drying. Stomp. Clothesline. Taking another look at Shannon, who backs off. Brock picks up Matt, on his shoulder again, running back first into the other corner. Wow, this sure is a squash for a main event. Matt hung in the Tree of Woe - kicking him in the corner. Brock pushes the referee away when he tries to stop this. Kicks to the midsection. Shannon grabs Brock's leg while the ref is getting Matt down - Brock pulls him in and throws him out.  Matt does take the opportunity - clip to the front of the leg (odd - Brock doesn't go down as a result), kick, kick, kick kick, off the ropes, bulldog lariat. Forearm to the back back but Brock is still getting up and he's got Matt - overhead belly to belly suplex. Shannon up on the apron - Brock sees him and throws him into the ring. Corner whip, into Matt - when did he get there? Matt pushes Shannon out - Brock has no problem with that, lifting Shannon up in a fireman's carry, Matt charges and get boot - F5 on Shannon. Shannon is rolled out by the ref - KICK WHAM TWIST OF FATE! one two NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Matt has no idea what happened wrong there and what he's going to do now. Picking Brock up - another one? Brock spins out, picking him up, F5. One two three. (4:34) Well he got more than Nunzio and Noble but then they didn't get their finisher kicked out of. Replay as Brock paces in the ring and checks the back of his head. All considered, he seems happy. Out on the stage, here's the Big Show and (hiding behind the Big Show) Paul Heyman. Who's going to win? Looking at the clock, I don't think they'll mix it up - and we get hype. Wait, Brock's not done, he wants Show to pay attention to something as he picks up Matt - another F5. Say hi to A-Train, would ya? Credits roll.

That's it.