same open, same open, same open, same open

Viscera (Harlem, NY, 487 pounds) vs Ty Dalton (St. Louis, MO, 215 Pounds, already in the ring) - your announcers for Heat #447 are Todd and the Coach. Coach talks about it being Royal Rumble Qualifying time of the year, but not it those words since they haven't gotten around to those yet. They will get around to them, right? I wonder if they'll split the spots up 10/10/10 for ECW, or if they'll go like 12/12/6 since it's only one hour (and everyone sucks) or if they've thought this out so far? Anyway, this gives them them to talk about how Viscera would be tough in the match; that must be why he keeps losing. Viscera seems to be under the impression he's a good guy again, or perhaps it's now evil to tell the fans to dance. I could see it. Dalton is a jobber looking skinny dude, which works for the situation. Lockup, down goes Dalton. Ty will try forearms, and Ty will get shoved down again. Forced in the corner. Chest slap. One more. Coach talks about how much it hurts to take a show after you've been taking chops; the water stings on the exposed flesh. He's had some experience with that. Big toss out. Clothesline. Off the ropes, elbow drop. Ty rolls over, so Viscera stands on his back. Viscera is confused about the five count, but he was standing with his arms on the rope. Chest slap. "YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE? Viscera tries, but Ty slips out. Chop doesn't really work, but Ty keeps going. Dropkick doesn't work, and Viscera kinda sort gets him with the kinda sorta wheel kick - that's bad on the Viscera scale, though Ty didn't help. Running corner splash, and Ty's down. Hip swivel. "You want some of me? You want some, huh?" Sex Drive, one two three. (2:33) Coach: "A big win." DRINK!

Still to come: Super Crazy vs Charlie Haas. Still to come? I better not change my internet page.

Royal Rumble: lots of people 

Charlie Haas (Dallas, TX, 249 pounds) vs Super Crazy (Tulacingo, Hidalgo, Mexico, 200 pounds) - they keep saying World's Greatest Tag Team, but it'd be better if they actually wrestled tag team matches on TV once in a while. Your ref is Jack Doan, by the way. Circle. Todd makes a bad joke and Coach rips him for it, yay. Lockup, Charlie backs Crazy into the corner, break. Circle. Coach: "I'm Mr. Diva's Search! I began it all!" You don't need to know - though he does mock Todd for hosting "the lowest rated Diva special of all time." Lockup, Haas goes for a fireman's carry, can't get it, hard takedown instead, and they sort of amateur battle for position on the mat for a bit, with Haas ending up with a front facelock, rolling him around. That was odd. Up, armbar, twist, and pulling Crazy to the mat by his hair, one no. Crazy complains about the hair pull, which is fair, but also odd that he'd complain. Haas with a headlock, shot off, back with a shoulderblock, and Crazy goes all the way out. Haas wants out, but Jack's not letting him out there. Haas yells at Crazy to get in the ring. Crazy eventually does get to the apron, shoulder to Haas' midsection, Haas stops him with a knee to the head. Turnbuckle smash is blocked, and Crazy sends Haas in instead. Crazy all the way up - plancha, one two NO. Armscissors cradle one two NO. Okie roll, one two NO. Dropkick gets Haas hard and makes a loud noise. Crazy to the ropes, setting himself, (testing the middle rope because he's got no idea how it's going to spring), quebrada moonsault - did it hit? did Haas get something up? They're both selling, I dunno. That middle rope gave a lot on the springboard and I don't think Crazy got the height he wanted out of it. Haas is up first. Kick to Crazy's spine. Haas suplexes Crazy onto the top rope, Crazy bounding off the mat. Kick to the back. Bottom rope springboards to the knee. Kick to the side, twice more - Haas grabs Crazy left arm on each one, to open him up. Chinlock with a knee to the back. Crazy trying to rally, and fights up with punches - don't look good, but they're working. Crazy might have snuck in a low blow there, but the ref's letting it go. Whip, clothesline misses, Crazy's holding his left arm tight to his body, Haas kicks the arm on the next pass, armbars it, walks over the ropes, and jumps over them, cranking Crazy's left shoulder in the process. Pounding the shoulder with punches and kicks from the outside. Back inside, with an over head hammerlock, and ramming Crazy into the corner shoulder first. Kicking the arm - now Crazy fights back with right hand punches and forearms. Off the ropes, Haas big boots him down. Haas right back on the left shoulder, kicking it, barring it, and now into an abdominal stretch. That's not what you'd think to work an arm - it is call "Abdominal" after all, and I wonder if it was in Haas' plans back when he was working the back earlier. It takes Haas some great effort, but he maneuvers the hold so he's close enough the ropes to grab it, and does it twice without getting caught. Haas is a little blatant the third time, but holds for four. Haas lifts Crazy up, and runs him chest first into the corner, leaving him seated on the top rope. Haas punching, up to the middle rope, and Crazy shoves him off. I expected Crazy to fly off the top, but he simply drops to the mat, a bit out of it. Haas comes back to the corner and gets kicked away once, and avoided the second time. Back elbow by Crazy, kick, Haas into the ropes, Crazy ducks the clothesline and lands a dropkick. Drop toe hold, off the ropes, dropkick to the face. Crazy showed a bit of speed with that one, but seems winded here. Crazy with a monkey flip out of the corner. Punches by Crazy, Haas stops the run by  yanking Crazy down by his hair as he goes to the ropes. Haas reaches down to pick up Crazy, but Crazy hooks him with into a bodyscissors cradle, one two NO. Haas up and kicking that arm again. Overhead belly to belly suplex, and Haas is fired up. Charging Crazy - and spearing the post Haas stumbles towards the middle of the ring a s Crazy goes up. Top rope dropkick, standing moonsault, those are his moves! One two three! (8:37) Coach: "You've got learn how to finish!" Yea, Haas kinda neglected trying to win the match there.

Still To Come: Shelton Benjamin vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan

WWE Magazine: Best of 2006

the Highlanders (?, Scotland, 34 Stone) vs Dinty Moore & Daniel Cross (510 pounds, already in the ring) - I'm not sure of Lillian got muted, or just moved the microphone too far from his mouth when saying Oben. That's be a good trick if you forget the name. Your referee is Mike Choida, who's having an animated discussion with the Highlanders about something. Maybe where they're drinking after the show? Hard to say. Todd looks over his "ongoing storylines that relate directly with this match" list, only finds "Roddy Piper: please don't die", and goes with it. What are you going to do? Rory and I dunno in the ring. I should remember which guy is Dinty Moore, because his name is Dinty freaking Moore, but I don't. You're missing exciting play by play of wacky skirt bits. Rory back in, and then both and so on. Coach is racist towards black people. Figures. Coach: "You always seem to be right in the middle of things, when it comes to, uh, felonies." As his boss, you'd think Coach has a problem with that, but nah. They're just screwing around here. Oh my god, I just figured it out - Daniel Cross is the guy with the (small) cross on his tights. Genius! Coach talking about how he can't tell the jobbers apart, and Todd decides he needs to bury them more. Anyway, Dinty gets control of Robby long enough you think they might do a hot tag, but it's just not happening this match - they're clearly dominating all the way thru. Rory back in for the Celtic Hammers, thanks Todd for giving me that idea. Slams for everyone. Slam the ref! Nah. Rory does the backbreaker he does in every match and Todd's shocked because he's seen it for the firs time. Jobbers rammed into each other, rebound double inverted superplex, one two three. (3:38) Rory pinned Dinty, adjust your WWE ladders appropriately.

what a coincidence - Roddy Piper DVD ad

Shelton Benjamin (Orangeburg, SC, 228 pounds) vs 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan (Glen Falls, NY, 270 pounds) - Shelton and Charlie wore matching gear - if only we could get them together. Your ref is Chad. Todd played College Soccer? This is what you would call a clash of styles. Coach makes the point that Shelton is a much much better athlete than Hacksaw - he really didn't need to bother. USA chant. Lockup, Shelton shoved off. Circle. Lockup, Shelton armbar, into a hammerlock, Hacksaw can reverse that! Shelton gets the ropes. Just imagine Hacksaw saying HOOO or USA in-between every move. Circle. Shelton rams Hacksaw into the ropes, shoulder to the midsection, right, right, blocked, and Duggan with a right, right, left, right, and Shelton stomps on his feet. Punch to the side of the head, running knee to the head., choke on the ropes. Shelton out to the apron, guillotine legdrop! Shelton back in, one, no, Duggan back up. Right hands by Shelton - Shelton may be a much better athlete, but Duggan's got equally better punches. Duggan pulled up, and battles back with punches. Shelton stops that with an eye rake. Knee lift. Crowd chanting USA on it's own. Neck vice. Crowd quiets back down. One arm down. Two arm down. Three arm - no, thumbs up. Perhaps that shouldn't happen every week. Duggan fights up with punches and back elbows. Off the ropes, into a knee lift. Todd: "Hacksaw has pretty big lungs, and it's hard  to squeeze all the H20 out of those!" Todd immediately realizes he's a moron. Right hands by Shelton in the corner. Shelton warned to back up, so he backs all the way up. Stinger Splash misses - Hacksaw moves out of the way. Turnbuckle smash. Hacksaw three point stance, very slow running, and Shelton moves out of the way, and kicks Hacksaw in the back of the head, one two three. (3:54) "2006 could be year of Shelton Benjamin"

RAW: Edge & Randy Orton vs Shawn Michaels