the basketball is far more interesting. open

Eugene (Louisville, KY, 242 pounds) vs Rob Conway (Atlantis, City, NJ, 230 pounds) - your ref is Mickie J. Apparently there was a match on RAW that was one of the best ever - who knew? This was a PPV feud! Well, not really. No mustache for Conway now - trying to cut weight, I guess. Todd: "Eugene's a big fan of Rob Conway" what? That makes 1. Handshake with the ref, Rob refuses the handshake. Lockup, headlock, hammerlock, Conway shoves him away. Circle. Lockup, Conway with a waistlock, reversed, Conway wants to get to the ropes but can't. Coming soon to wwe.com: Eugene's top five WM moments. I'd wager large sums of money that King Kong Bundy squashing a midget would be on there. Coach figures that to be number four, actually. Conway elbows out and puts on a headlock. Down to his knees. This is a slow open. Shot off, back with a bulldog. Nose grab, Conway kicks Eugene in the midsection to get free. Conway with a headlock. Off the ropes, off, the ropes, over, Eugene off the ropes the opposite way and they keep running. Actually, Eugene's supposed to be the mentally challenged one but he's the one who stops and slides out to mock Conway, who's still running. Eugene crawls under the ring, so Conway figure he's coming out the other side and waits for him (in such a way where he wouldn't get anything out of it), but Eugene's doubled back and is behind Conway. Waistlock rollup one two NO. Conway clotheslines him down and points to his head - he knows how to clothesline. Stomps. Rights. Announcers get into an argument over Eugene ever having beat Triple H - Todd says yes, Coach says no. (Coach is WRONG.) Conway whip, back elbow, bicep pose, elbow drop one two no. Talking trash. Hard corner whip. Kneeling chinlock. Eugene rallying back with the crowd, but Conway stops him with a a knee and a forearm to the back. Corner charge, Eugene gets a corner sunset flip one two no. Conway kicks him down, and then takes him across the ring for a turnbuckle smash, but of course that's just powering him up. Two more work just as bad. YOU. right left right left windup right. Airplane spin, both dizzy. Schoolboy trip, inside cradle one two no. Spinebuster, setting up Conway not at all in the center of the ring but anyway, calling for the People's Elbow, off the ropes, into a Conway powerslam. "IT'S OVER!" Going for his spinning DDT, but Eugene slips out and gets him with a backslide one two three. (5:22) Eugene rolls out and celebrates. Conway is sure that was two. Coach can't believe it. Todd quotes Kurt Angle.

Generic WM22 promo.

Lance Cade (Nashville, TN, 265 pounds) vs Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, 210 pounds) - Announcers talk about the IC Title match clips we just didn't see. Coach says Lance is "in a holding pattern." I like to call that "going nowhere." Chavo is going somewhere - to the floor after Lance pushed him off the buckle when he was pointing the crowd. Forearms to the head and the back. Thrown back in. Crow chants for Eddie. Swinging neckbreaker, one two no. Chavo backed into the corner, shoulders to the midsection, forearms, kicks, and a choke. And more kicks. Todd: "Doesn't Lance Cade resemble Big Bird a bit?" Todd says another wrestler pointed it out to him. Lance backs out of the corner and gets booed a bit. When he comes back, Chavo fights back with European Uppercuts (1, 2) and punches. Whip, reversed, head down too soon, Chavo kicks it. Chavo off the ropes, into a side back backbreaker. Cade is bleeding from the nose. Forearm to the back. Abdominal stretch, and Cade has wisely put it on near the ropes. Is he going to? Crowd chants for Eddie. Lance has the ropes!  He lets go quickly. Crowd trying to rally Chavo, but, Lance has the ropes again. This time, he's caught, and throws down Lance. Todd: "We all know that RAW is the A-Show, Heat is the B-Show, and SmackDown is the C-Show!" Coach: "Where's Velocity at?" "Is it still on?" Cade off the ropes, into a Chavo dropkick. Chavo tries more punches, but Cade stops him with a kick. Todd: "We kid - we love Steve Romero." "Who?" European Uppercut (3). Cade begging off, and he gets kicked. Rights. Off the ropes, clothesline ducks, tossed up and down with a flapjack. Chavo setting up and calling for it, snap suplex, holding on, snap suplex, holding on, snap suplex - blocked, and Lance punches and forearms him down. Lance yelling. Hanging suplex, but he Chavo quickly reversed to a DDT. Going up? Yea. Maybe taking too long with the pointing and everything. Frog Splash one two three. (4:09) 

Eddie Guerrero into the HOF. (2:00)

Tyson Tomko (Jacksonville, FL, 285 pounds, w/Snitsky) vs Viscera (Harlem, NY, 400 pounds, w/Val Venis) - Are they going to ever get that title shot? Yea, this is going to work out well. Tyson walks into a double choke, but rakes the eye. Right hand. Whip, no. Vis corner whip, scoop on the rebound, toss to slam down. Off the ropes, splash, Tomko moves out of the way and saves his life. Kneeling DDT. Tomko on top with right hands, and knees to the back of the head. Chinlock lock. Viscera back up to his feet, Tomko stops him with a forearm, off the ropes, nearly running into Chad Patton, into a Vis Samoan drop. Clothesline. Spinning side slam. Snitsky might want to think about doing something. Vis calling for Visagra. Off the ropes, Snitsky grabs a leg, Tomko clips Viscera. Chad was talking with Val at the time, I dunno why. Tomko calling to Snitsky, and Snitsky's getting him a chair. Chad catches it and tells him to drop it, and Tomko turns into the Sex Drive. One two three. (1:52) Val in to congratulate his partner. Val's happier than Vis is here. Snitsky helps Tomko up after they leave, but Tomko's not happy with him. Snitsky stops Tomko from leaving, and gets some pointing. Snitsky's putting it on Tomko and walking off. Well, this isn't going to last much longer.  

Divas in New York DVD

Tournament final triple threat match. For a man who doesn't know how many championships he had, he's awful good at making that 11 pantomime. (1:46)

Trevor Murdoch (Waxahachie, TX, 245 pounds) vs Goldust (Hollywood, CA, 260 pounds) - Justin Jason Roberts is/was the ring announcer this week, by the way. Flash back to last week, and Murdoch walking out - Coach claims Trevor was just thirsty, and it wasn't that he was scared at all. Your ref is Chad again. Trevor's got something to say before Goldust enters, I guess. "Last week on Heat, I got counted out of my match with Goldust. And I come out here to tell each and everyone of you, it wasn't because I was scared, I wasn't freaked out by the Freak. Bottom line is, I got a little something ugly in my eye! It was burning and it was itching and and and it hurt like hell! And I am by no means am I an eye-ologist, but I knew I needed medical attention immediately. You people shut your frigging mouths! So I don't want you people to sit here and think, that I'm freaked out by the Freak Goldust. The media wants to make me out to be a scaredy cat, I don't care. As a matter of fact, lets' do this, you get in her Goldust, come on. I know you're back there." The media? Murdoch stomps Goldust as he comes and we're off. Right hand blocked, Goldust back with punches of his own. Corner whip, back elbow. Trevor rolls out. Todd still thinks Trevor wants to be an IC champion. Trevor wants to come back in, but Goldust won't let him in. Trevor starts to sneak in, and gets beaten down and back out. Trevor pulls Goldust out, but gets kicked away. Trevor does manage to ram Goldust into the apron and the ramp. Trevor to the top rope - plancha! One two NO. Knee to the back. Spine kick. Chinlock. Goldust battling up , shots to the midsection, slam, no, Trevor lands on top, one two no. Corner whip, reversed, Goldust charges into a back elbow, Trevor to the middle rope, somersault bodyblock (!) one two no. Forearms to the back. Goldust fighting back until Trevor stops him with an eye gouge. Hook 'em horns. This is a USC/Texas thing, I guess Forearms to the back. Trevor backs all the way up, charges, and hits the post when Goldust moves. Goldust with right hands. Goldust off the ropes, clothesline. Corner whip, reversed, Trevor stumbles into a Goldust powerslam, one two no. Whip, reversed, head down too soon, Goldust lands his sliding uppercut. inverted atomic drop, mocking, backdrop. Crowd is quiet here, though they've been loud at other points. Trevor places in the corner, now, pulled into another corner for a punch. Corner whip, charge, Trevor moves, Goldust goes in chest first, Trevor with a back suplex on the rebound, both have shoulders own improbably one two Goldust has his up at three. (4:32) No one's quite sure what happened, but Chad walks past Trevor and points at Goldust. Justin isn't sure till Chad raises Goldust's arm. Trevor immediately clotheslines Goldust as Chad gets to safety. Here's a replay. This feud won't end.

That's it.