the method is bad. don't do it! open.

Johnny Parisi (Long Island, 207 pounds) vs - Johnny gets the microphone? Why? His video sure includes a lot of walking. "It ain't easy being Johnny Parisi! [both announcers lose it] It's because of all of you! Do you know who I am? [Coach does.] I'm a second generation superstar and I want some respect! I'm going ot show all you people here tonight, that you should be chanting my name! I don't care, I can beat anyone beat anyone back there, no matter how big, how strong-" well that was STUPID

Johnny Parisi vs Kane (320 pounds) - Kinda slumming it, aren't we? The things we do when our tag team partners are too busy with actual feuds. Coach thinks it's keep on not being easy being Johnny Parisi. And then he asks ME when we last saw Kane on this show: that'd be the 03/30/2003 pre-WM match with RVD vs Storm and Morely for the tag titles. I guess the Dudleys won't screw him over here? Actually, this is insanely stupid but kinda funny

Kane on Heat, a partial list (since it became B-rific):
02/11/01: w/Taker, vs TAKA & Funaki
02/10/02: vs Christian
03/24/02: w/Show, vs Bubba & D-Von
03/30/03: w/RVD vs Storm & Morely

I guess it's his special Heat time of the year. This match isn't over yet, but that's only because I hit pause. You ref is Mickie James. Coach suggest maybe Johnny knew who he was facing, and Todd points out that would make him a moron. They're still talking about the changes of an upset when Kane's gotten all the moves, and is leisurely holding Johnny for a sidewalk slam. If you're Kane, why are you even bothering with the top rope clothesline here? Maybe, if I read the book, I'd understand it all. NAH Chokeslam. (1:41) 

Backstage and earlier today, someone really likes Snitsky and Tomko segments - Tomko's mad about Snitsky's lack of focus last week and smelling shoes this week. Tomko says if they lose tonight, they're done. Oh boy, WrestleMania got just that much bigger! Snitsky: "It's not going to be my fault."

Road To Triple H Winning The Title highlights. I always thought Vince was about Winners and not non-losers, but he's a complex man. (2:06)

Tyson Tomko & Snitsky (585 pounds) vs Phil Brown & Chris Hammrick (w/o scythe, already in the ring) - Tomko's a genius, because if they lose this match, they have no business teaming together ever again. Coach notes the same thing, basically. Todd: "They're breaking up." Coach: "It's hard to do." Did I mention Jason Justin Roberts is doing ring announcing? I wonder if he'll get to do stuff for WrestleMania since it's in Chicago. Shoving, yelling, and that's just the partners. Phil and Chris attempt to jump them during their warm-up fight, and it doesn't so much work. Chris takes a huge bump over the top rope, and Tomko spinebusters Brown before giving him repeated knees to the head. Brown covers up, as Coach instructed him to do. Roar. Brown run into the corner, tag to Snitsky, running boot by Snitsky. Right. Thrown back in to the corner, pulled out for a double clothesline. Your ref is Chad, by the way. Coach: "Phil Brown is down, and probably feels like a clown." Coach is a rhyming fool this week. Slight adjustment. Slam, elbow drop. Choke. And another. Todd tries to sell Triple H as the underdog in the triple threat match. Snitsky with a clothesline or something. Corner whip, knee to the midsection, kick to Hammrick. Snitsky forces Brown to tag in Hammrick. Hammrick's wearing a t-shirt, at least for the moment, and get tossed in to the ring. Corner whip, Snitsky charges, Hammrick moves out of the way, off the ropes, into a Snitsky clothesline. Todd: "When's the last time you saw a wrestler wrestle with a t-shirt on?" Coach: "Hey hey HEY!" Tomko wants Snitsky to finish him or tag or do something - Snitsky goes for the t-shirt. Brown runs in and forearms Tomko. Dumb. Brown turns around, Snitsky scoops him up and holds him upside down, and Tomko boots him in the head. He's dead. Snitsky waiting for Hammrick, and there's the boot for him. One two three. (2:45) Celebratory slaps to the face. 

Bret Hart at the Hall of Fame (1:36) 

Trevor Murdoch (Waxahachie, TX, 245 pounds) vs Goldust (Hollywood, CA, 260 pounds) - "One of the best movie reviewers we've ever had in the WWE. Maybe the only one!" Coach has sadly forgotten Goldust and Booker reviewing the Scorpion King. This an odd matchup. Todd: "It takes Goldust 3 hours to get ready for a match, it takes Trevor Murdoch 3 seconds. He's just got to find his ballcap." "I'm glad you said CAP." They're having far too much fun this week. Your ref is Jack. Goldust is kneeling again, and Trevor's tactic is just to keep talking until he flinches. Goldust does stand up, and he gets slapped in the face. Trevor still talking, and Goldust kneeling back down. Now Trevor's confused.

Coach: "Has Trevor been doing sit-ups?"
Todd [lighting quick]: "No."  

Goldust standing back up, lockup, shot off, over, into a hiptoss. Trevor talking some more, and Goldust get him with an armdrags, and there' the revenge slap to the face, and slam to the butt. Goldust feels himself up. Whip, reversed, Trevor tries a dropkick  (!) but Goldust has the ropes. Goldust setting up - Catapult, and Trevor carefully falls to the floor. Trevor pulling himself up the apron, and Goldust grabs him for some elbows to the head. Goldust off the ropes, sliding out, and punching Trevor in the head. Trevor falls in the ring, and Goldust climbs the steps back in. Goldust charges, Trevor ducks and pulls down the top rope with him, and out he goes. Trevor goes out, collects Goldust, and brings him in for stomps. Reverse neckbreaker - no, just an elbow to the head. Trevor celebrates,, sits on Goldust's back, and lays in crossface forearms. Kick to the ribs. Trevor yelling at Goldust to get up, but Goldust is leaving. Kick to the back to stop him form crawling out. Goldust fights his way up with chops and kicks. Suplex. Off the ropes, into a back elbow. Rope eye rake. Corner whip, Trevor charges into a boot. Goldust slow out, but gets Trevor with a powerslam one two no. Todd's called him "the Prince of Perv" twice now. Whip, reversed, Trevor puts his head won too soon, and Goldust uppercuts him. Murdoch stumbles around, and Goldust gives him an inverted atomic drop before mocking his groin. Into the corner, corner punches one two three four five six seven eight nine feel himself up, elbow is ten. Goldust setting Trevor up for Shattered Dreams, much to Jack's displeasure. Teasing it, Murdoch trying to get him to not do it, Goldust still teasing it, and Trevor gets free on his own. Is he leaving again? He's leaving again. He's coming back? It's a 9 count, he's at the apron, and he turns around. (CO 6:08) Coach notes this isn't the first item we've seen that.

Rob Conway (Atlantic City, NJ, 230 pounds) vs Viscera (Harlem, NY, 487 pounds) - Coach pats himself on the back. Oddly, in what should be the WWE.com drop, Todd talks about the matchup. Guess you can't plug Byte This if it's dead. Conway attacks Viscera as he's on the apron, and we're off. Viscera won't go down, and Conway charges him - right into a forearm. Vis in now, and there's the bell. Robe off. Scoop, slam. Hard chest slap. Conway hung in the tree of woe, brought up for a chest slap. Viscera backs up, charges, running butt smash. Hip swivel. Double choke - but Conway rakes the eyes to get free. Knee to the midsection. Whip, uh no. Vis whip, Conway slides under, back up with a dropkick. Vis still now down. Conway ducks a clothesline, and kicks Vis in the live. Todd pats him on the back. Forearm to the head, forearm to the head, forearm to the head, Vis pushes him away, and Conway comes back with a hard knee to the head. Elbow drop, elbow drop, bicep pose, elbow drop. Conway on top of Vis and punching. Conway to the middle rope, waiting for Vis to get up, knocking him back down with a top rope clothesline. Vis shoves him off. Chinlock. Conway with punches and stomps to keep him down. Chinlock. Alllll the way down to the mat. Inimical talk about the main event of RAW today, but I assume that's heavy in the two segments they don't include on the webcast; they ought to do a better job of balancing that. Conway with right hands, off the ropes, into a Vis swinging side slam. Vis rolling Conway on his back. Uh oh. Vis riling up the crowd. Tearing it. Hip swivel, off the ropes, splash to the back, slaps to the back, and there's the Visagra. Vis revving up for a big corner splash, but Conway moves out of the way. Inside cradle on two NO. That would've been quite unconvincing, though Coach thinks it was three. Conway charges into the Sex Drive, one two three. (4:17)

That's it.