the medal is gold. open.

Goldust (Hollywood, CA, 260 pounds) vs Lance Cade (Nashville, TN, 265 pounds) - Your announcers are Coach and Todd. Goldust is back, again, again. Coach: "Goldust is back for good!" Well then. You know, Goldust was way ahead of the rest of us on HD. Coach remembers Goldust failing to help him at Taboo Tuesday. Your ref is Mickie Jay. Loud Goldust chant. Cade wants Goldust to stop kneeling and start fighting. Goldust doesn't care much. Just kneeling there, looking at Cade as he walks around the ring. Cade finally walks up to Goldust, and Goldust clothesline him down. Cade shoves Goldust, but it just makes him act weird. Cade manages to force Goldust in the corner, Mickie Jay forces a break. Goldust back to kneeling. Back up, Goldust with a headlock, shot off, under a clothesline, under a clothesline, Cade puts his head down too soon and of course Goldust is going to uppercut. Cade to the apron, so Goldust gets in his elbows to the head, and slides out to get a punch. Coach hates Shawn Michaels because he was partying too much in 1995 and 1996. I can see how it would offend a man who wasn't even part of the company, nor was probably even watching wrestling at that time. Goldust charges Cade in the corner, and gets a boot to the head. Cade on top of hi, talking to him and punching him. Cade backs off to yell about being warned for closed fists. Whip, back elbow. One two NO. Coach is on Cade for complaining and crying too much. Neck vice. Goldust rallied up and elbows his way out. Cade stops him with a foe ram. off the ropes, punch blocked, Goldust jabs and is really obviously with the stomping of the foot. Elbow to end it. Cade stumbling around, and Goldust gives him an inverted atomic drop and then an atomic drop. Curtain Call - no, he's shoved off, Cade puts his head down too soon again (that man is seriously dumb) and Goldust gives him a headscissors it move. Coach: "Goldust hasn't lost a step!" Curtain Call now? Well, eventually, taking a bit - there it is. One two three. (3:49)

Earlier Today, the Heart Throbs rose into camera view.
Antonio: "Good Evening WWE!"
Romeo: "How are you today!"
Antonio: "He's Romeo!"
Romeo: "He's Antonio!"
Both: "And we're the Heart Throbs!"
Antonio "And right here on Heat, triple-threat elimination match, with the winners walking out with a future shot at the world tag team championships.""
Romeo: "You know something Antonio?"
Antonio "What Romeo?"
Romeo: "We have a lot of BIG big opponents in this match tonight. The odds, they're not exactly stacked in our favor."
[Antonio thinks, and then slaps Romeo in the chest]
Romeo: "Well we got a news flash for everybody! Being big doesn't make someone good! Being good makes someone good! And right here on Heat, we're going to find out how good you are!"
Antonio: "'cause Val and Vis, Tyson and Gene, have no fear, the Throbs are on the scene! We'll walk down that ramp, with our tear away pants, and we'll walk back up, with a future shot at the tag title champs!"
Romeo: "And when it's all said and done, when all the blood has been shed, when it's all said and done, etc etc etc."
Antonio: "DOT DOT DOT"
Romeo: "The Heart Throbs will leave everyone saying:"
Antonio: "WHOA WHOA WHOA"
Romeo: "Our opponents saying"
"NO NO NO"
"And all the ladies screaming"
Both "OH OH OH!"

Well now I don't miss them as much.

Earlier today, Tomko and Snitsky talked about the match, and since neither of them are fired, I'm not transcribed. Snitsky has a problem, and hopes Tomko can solve: every time he gets his toenails painted, they stick to the top of his socks. Tomko wants him to focus. "Win the match, and then we'll focus on your toes. 

Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 210 pounds) vs Johnny Parisi Lives (Long Island, 230 pounds) - Todd reminds us how Chavo lost to Triple H and didn't win the Royal Rumble. They changed Johnny's music while he was gone - Todd says Johnny asks for time off so he could hit the gym even harder. Uh huh. Your ref is Chad. Eddie chant. Circle. Lockup, Chavo with a waistlock, headlock takedown. Lockup, Chavo with a single leg, armbar, Johnny flipped on to his back, Chavo with an elbow drop to the arm, elbow lock. Let's Go Chavo. Headlock. Shot off, back with a should block. Chavo over, quick stop, an armdrag, armdrag, armbar. Parisi gets in a knee, corner whip, Chavo kips up and out, Johnny hits the corner, Chavo charges in, Johnny steps out of the way and Chavo hits the corner. Johnny with knees to the midsection. Whip, shoulder to the midsection. Whip, Parisi tries another shoulder to the midsection, but Chavo avoids and gets a sunset flip instead, one two no. Johnny gets in another knee to the midsection. One two no. Armbar, knees to the side. Stomps. Chavo gets in a fee strikes, but Parisi likes him in an abdominal stretch. Not good for rope pulling, very good for looking straight into the camera. Long time in, waiting for something. Chavo starting to draw from the crowd, and gets out with an armdrags. Chavo blocks Parisi's punch and lands his own - four of them, and his first European Uppercut. Bad looking spinning headscissors - Parisi's? Drop toe hold, dropkick to the side one two NO. Chavo a bit annoyed. Kick, Scoop, Parisi lands behind, stands there doing nothing, there's the knee to the midsection. Parisi's looking like he should've spent less of his gym time on the weights and more of it on the treadmill. Parisi with a backbreaker, one two no. Punches to the midsection. Eye rake. Suplex, no, Chavo blocks it, Chavo tries his own, Parisi blocks it, they break.

Coach: "I will not be in the ring at WrestleMania." 

Chavo misses a clothesline. Parisi gets a waistlock, Chavo elbows him away and heads up, moonsault, Parisi moves, Chavo lands on his feet, kick to the midsection, DDT. Chavo points to the sky and jogs around the ring. Chavo taking his time going up, but he lands the Frog Splash one two three. (5:33)

Val and Viscera talk about the big tag match. This is all behind a blank curtain background, but Val's surprised that Vis was showing up for to discuss here. Vis notes they've both been tag champions, but not together. Val has something he wanted to talk about to Vis: He's much more confident than he's been for a long time since he started teaming with Viscera. Val talks about the celebratory porn movie they'll make.

Mixed Tag Highlights from RAW. They completely removed Duggan from the opening segment because this is serious serious. (2:06) No mention of RAW being on Thursday here.

the Heat Throbs (Panama City, 445 pounds) vs Tyson Tomko & Snitsky (585 pounds) vs Val & Viscera (weight not disclosed) in a triple threat elimination match where the winners will get a future title shot (and some of the losers will get fired) - Todd says this is a new serious Heart Throbs we're seeing. Coach thinks Mick Foley will be biased towards Cena because they both "like the kids." Your ref is Jack. Who's going to start? Snitsky just booted Val in the face, so Val ain't going to be to doing much. Val and Antonio. Antonio ducks the lockup and jumps on Snitsky's back for a sleeper, but Snitsky rams him into the corner. Romeo puts his red boa on Snitsky - why? Snitsky plays with it instead of focusing - double drop by the Heat Throbs. Snitsky is in, and he's dropkicked out. Todd talks about the Heart Throbs being on Byte This this week - a show which is now removed. Throbs with sliding dropkicks to the big guys. Antonio goes out (to Val and Viscera's corner?) as Snitsky and Romeo stay in. Punches by Romeo. Whip, reveres, Snitsky misses on a clothesline, Romeo tires a crossbody, but he's caught, and swung around into a horrible side slam. One two three? (1:28) What a way to go. Tomko clears Antonio out of the ring just to be sure.

Snitsky and Tomko slap each other waiting for an opponent. Val comes in front one side, but that's just a distraction from Viscera - double clothesline. Todd is doing a long wwe.com plug. Tomko goes out, Val whips Snitsky, drop toe hold, legdrop by Viscera. One two NO. Tag to Val, headbutt by Vis, atomic drop by Val, spinebuster by Viscera. Val going up, but Tomko pushes him off and to the floor. Val grabs his wrist on landing, and then switches to his usual back sell. Snitsky goes out to collect him. Val thrown in, Snitsky taking his time to get back in but Val is slow up and hurting. Snitsky rams him into the corner, and tags Tomko. Punches and kicks. Choke around the ropes. Shoulder slam. One two NO. Val rammed back first into the corner. Tag to Snitsky. Boot to the midsection. Val with right hands. Val off the ropes, into a bearhug. Snitsky holds up Val, then lowers him to the mat. Val's trying to rally the crowd, but they're not really into it. Val fights out on his own with right hands. Chops. Off the ropes, into a Viscera sleeper - crowd start to boo there, but Val quickly turns it into his back suplex powerbomb. Both men need a tag, but Val's got the longer way to go. Tag to Tomko- Tomko's got Val by his leg, reaching back to tag Snitsky, but not close enough, and Val gets the enziguri. Val crawling again. Almost there, almost, Tomko tags Snitsky back in, Snitsky runs across the ring to forearm Vis, and Vis headbutts him. Val crawls thru Snitsky's legs and makes the tag. Clothesline for Snitsky, back elbow for Tomko, headbutt for Snitsky, scoop slam for Tomko. Snitsky chares into a side slam, and Viscera rolls him onto his back. Viscera asks if the crowd wants to see it - I don't ! Hipswivel, but Tomko forearms him to the back before anything more can happen. All four in, with Snitsky whipped into Tomko, and then Tomko whipped into Snitsky in the corner. Val splashes them both, and then holds them in position for Viscera to corner smash. Val clotheslines out Tomko, Viscera with a Samoan drop on Snitsky, Val Money Shot, Viscera Drop one two three. (7:16) So when are they getting their shot? They hipswivel and we're done. That's it.