the power is in a hurry. open.

Trevor Murdoch (Waxahachie, TX, TX, 245 pounds) vs Antonio (Panama City, FL, 220 pounds, w/Romeo) in a Royal Rumble Qualifying Match - good to hear Justin Roberts again. Not good to hear Todd and Coach. Coach: "Never has a man with a kisser like this man it in the Royal Rumble match." So many questions. Todd notes he usually doesn't evaluate men's kissers. Gee, wonder who's going to win. Is Romeo injured? Is Romeo about to be cut? I guess the Throbs are faces this week. Coach tries to get us to imagine Antonio winning the Royal Rumble, but I just can't do it. (Neither can he.) Edge vs Antonio headlining WrestleMania would be something. Circle. Todd is running of clichés for fun. They almost actually talk about Coach being on CSTV but no mention of the network. Lockup, Antonio is thrown out, and Trevor out after him. Forearm to the back, Antonio thrown in, look at Romeo, and back in. Elbow smash, back elbow. Corner whip, Antonio rebounds out into a fireman's carry, but slips free for an inside cradle for one. Dropkick, dropkick, and that one sends Trevor out. Trevor stumbles around, and Antonio flattens him with a pescado. Antonio back in, waiting for Trevor. Trevor slips thru the ropes, and Antonio gets him with a knee to the head. Knee must not hurt that much, because Trevor simply pauses, then resumes stepping thru the ropes. Whip, reversed, head down too soon, Antonio kicks it. Antonio off the ropes, into a sit down spinebuster. Trevor's happy. Stomp, forearm, forearm. Choke on the ropes. Coach has given up his spot this year, because he was so awesome last year. Trevor suplex one two no. Trevor pounding Antonio on the back. Corner whip, Trevor charges, Antonio moves, and Trevor spears the post. Antonio with a kick to the midsection, running swinging neckbreaker. Antonio 'rana! Punches to the face! He's still not going to win. Antonio goes on up, top rope cross body one two NO. Corner whip, Antonio charges in with a splash, but Trevor catches him and spinebusters him. Up top, bulldog. One two three. (3:39) He's in. Coach gives all the credit for the win to Coach. Announcers fill for a bit longer than normal.

Rob Van Dam returns in Royal Rumble (0:23)

Rob Conway (Atlantic City, NJ, 230 pounds) vs Michael Youngblood (already in the ring, Phoenix, AZ, 245 pounds) - Coach: "I don't have a lot to say when Rob Conway's in the ring." Youngblood is part stereotypical Indian Native American wrestler, apparently. Lockup, Conway turns him around and forearms to the back. Todd weirdly assures us 'people' are high on Youngblood. Conway mocks his war stomping. Whip, back elbow misses, Youngblood lands a crossbody, one, no. Youngblood ducks a clothesline, inverted atomic drop, we watch Conway bent over and selling for a few seconds instead of whatever Youngblood is doing. Youngblood misses a double chop, and Conway flips him on a clothesline. Conway seems a bit surprised. Conway on him for mounted punches. Turnbuckle smash works? Huh. Conway kicks and punches him in the corner. Whip, back elbow. One two no. Coach marks out about Conway saying "Boy". Chinlock. Why doesn't Vince just fire HBK? Michael elbows up, but Conway stops him with a forearm to the back. Corner whip, Conway charges in to a back elbow. Conway with a sleeper, but Youngblood gets him with a back suplex. Both getting up, Conway first, but Youngblood knocking him down with double chops. Whip, backdrop. Youngblood stomping the mat and running again. Jumping chop to the head. Whip, reversed, Conway with a kick, back suplex. Conway has had enough. Time for a vacation? Ego Trip. One two three. (3:28) Coach: "There are a lot of trips I'd like to go on." And then he starts to list them. The Ego Trip is not one!

The Masterlock Challenge makes it's long awaited return. Hey, Steven Richards! I miss that guy. (1:43)

Snitsky (Nesquehoning, PA, 300 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 244 pounds) - your ref is Chad. Val taking time with his towel, throwing it to the crowd, and I guess it was dropped. Snitsky tries to sneak attack him with clotheslines, but Val ducks it and punches. Chop, right, chop, whip, reversed, Snitsky misses a clothesline, Val does not miss a back elbow. Chop. Right. Whip, running knee, whip, reversed, and Snitsky gets a sidewalk slam. Stomps. "SHUT UP" Turnbuckle smash. Kick. Right. Stomp. Suplex. One two no. Elbow drop by Snitsky. Kicking Val around. Bearhug - no, Val immediately punches and chops his way out. Corner whip, reversed, Snitsky charges into a back elbow. Val charges out into the bearhug. Well, that was a nice way of killing 15 seconds. Val fading, fading, trying to draw form the crowd, crowd kinda goes with him, and Val punches his way out of the hold. Val ducks a a clothesline, and lands one of his own. Back elbow, clothesline. Val with a whip, reversed, crossbody by Val, one two no. Snitsky tries a punch, Val ducks, and drops him with a half nelson slam one two no. Snitsky rakes the eyes, and tries to grab Val from behind, but Val trips him up. Tying up the legs, he hasn't used the reverse figure four in forever but that's what he's trying. He's got it. Announcers are confused, and Snitsky hurting. Snitsky crawling to the ropes, crawling, got the ropes. Val right on him with kicks. Double leg takedown, going back for the hold again, but Snitsky kicks him away. Val runs into the corner, and stumbles back to Snitsky. Snitsky picks him up and loads him on his shoulder, but can't support the weight, and Val slips free. Val with forearms to the back - how about attacking the knee? - off the ropes, into a Snitsky big boot. Snitsky slow to cover, one two three. (5:03) Snitsky has a hard time getting up, his knee hurting. He manages to yell at Val while limping. Todd nearly starts singing One Shining Moment - let's get away from here quick.

Justin Roberts introduces the next match, and Coach and Todd (who aren't getting face time) make fun of him for getting on camera.

Lance Cade (Nashville, TN, 265 pounds) vs Gregory Helms (Smithville, NC, 215 pounds) vs Tyson Tomko (Jacksonville, FL, 285 pounds) vs Viscera (Harlem, NY, 487 pounds) in a battle royal for a spot in the Royal Rumble -

Coach: "Aren't ring announcers supposed to be heard rather than seen?"
Todd: "Unless your name is Lillian. Then we rather see you than hear her."
Todd blames Coach for giving him the idea.

Your ref is Mike. Gee, I wonder who's going to win. Tomko and Helms are immediately strategizing and try to call Cade over, but Cade's a big dummy who doesn't understand that they want to talk and not beat him up. Helms lays out the plan - 3 on Viscera. Viscera senses it, and tries to fight them off as they all fight him. The 3 eventually get Viscera cornered, but they do it in an actual corner, which isn't going to work. They also try to lift his legs over the top rope, which doesn't seem likely. Viscera manages to fight them away again. Cade and Tomko try a double corner whip, but Viscera's too fat for them and instead knocks them down with clotheslines. Helms tries to take Viscera on by himself and pays for it. Backdrop, corner splash. Finally Tomko and Cade gets Viscera down with a double clothesline. They have to pick him back up, which they do manage, but again run him into the corner instead of the ropes. Cade, being a complete moron, goes to the apron to pound Viscera from there. At least he went thru the ropes. Choida informs him that he's a moron and Cade comes back in. Helms is still down, but Cade whips Tomko into a big corner clothesline on Viscera. Cade wants to do it again - oh no, he turned on Tomko with a short clothesline! What a stupid think to do. Cade is very happy with himself because he's a moron. Now he goes after Helms - reverse neckbreaker. Cade thinks he's a genius, but Tomko is up behind him. Cade's punch blocked, Tomko's not. Whip, head down too soon, Cade kicks it, Tomko kills him with a boot. Clothesline, you're gone. (2:08) Tomko figures he might as well throw out Helms while he's at it - except Helms holds on to the top rope. Viscera fighting back when Tomko approaches. Chest slap, Samoan Drop. Helms going to the top rope? Cross body for Tomko, Viscera adds the big splash. Helms gives Viscera props - and an eye poke. Whip, no. Viscera scoops him up, big splash for him, but Helms moves out of the way. Kneeling DDT by Helms. Now, how do you throw him out? Helms charges Viscera, Viscera scoops him up in a fireman's carry, and Tomko boots them both down! Tomko's going to makes sure Helms is gone this time by scooping him up and throwing him out, but Helms escapes in a headscissors and out goes Helms. (3:15) Congrats, you've clinched second. Helms on the apron, and needs to find a miracle. Top rope axhandle doesn't really help, and then he runs into a sidewalk slam. Oh no, Vis is lining him up. Vis teases Visagra, and then just throws Helms out. (3:57) Viscera in the Royal Rumble

That's it.