the switch is off - but the other switch is off too, so it's on.
open
phenomenal Gregory Helms (Smithfield, NC, 215 pounds) vs Jason Pencano (already in the ring and getting beat down) - Todd: "Let's cut to the chase - the WWE is in utter chaos right now." Helms, not in the happiest mood after New Year's Revolution, immediately attacks Jason upon entering the ring. Stomping a mudhole in him. Picking him up, hiptossing out. Now he's not so mad he can't stop to stare at the crowd. Corner whip, Helms charges in, Jason moves and Helms hits the corner sternum first. Is the hard cam not working again? I hate when this happens. Jason with punches. Whip, reversed, clothesline missed, Jason lands a cross body one no. Your ref is Jack, though I can't see him because of these camera angles. Jason with a whip, hiptoss blocked, and Helms reverses to a standing fireman's carry, dropping Jason stomach first on the ropes. Stomp to the midsection, knee to the midsection, knee to the midsection. Have you figured out the body part? Announcers are blown away by the ruthless aggression of Helms. Choke on the ropes. Announcers talk about Kurt winning the SD! World Title here. Helms brings Jason in the corner, and knocks him down with one strike. Corner whip, rebound clothesline. "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" Why do you care? Probably afraid his dad is going to beat him up. Suplex. Suplex. Todd can count to two! Suplex! Todd can count to three! What's with the raised fist? Bringing Jason up to a seated position, measuring him up, and landing the Shining Wizard. One two three. (2:50) This week, Todd doesn't know it's the Shining Wizard. Todd and Coach are living in terror of Gregory Helms.
Antonio (Panama City, FL, 225 pounds, w/Romeo) vs Tyson Tomko (Jacksonville, FL, 285 pounds) for the Florida Championship (or not) - People are awful upset about Tomko for some reason. Guess the Heart Throbs are faces this week. Your ref is Chad. The worst part about watching these things online is you always know exactly how long segments are going to be, and right now, they're teasing this as 5 minute match. I hope there's a video package to come. Tomko shakes his head at Antonio - is he still mad about that time they walked out on him? (No.) Antonio ducks the lockup and does the pelvic dance. Antonio tries again, gets caught in a double choke, and thrown in the corner. Tyson tries a punch, but Antonio ducks out, and jumps on Tomko's back with a sleeper. Tyson rams Antonio backwards into the corner to get free. Tomko's quite relaxed about this match. Shoulder to the gut drops Antonio. Romeo up on the apron to buy his partner some time, and do the stupid dance. Tomko out after him, and the chase is on. Romeo in, Tomko in, Romeo out, Tomko staring at him - huh, haven't accomplished much. Antonio's up and waiting for Tomko to turn. Waiting a while, because Tomko isn't in a hurry and they really need to stretch this. Antonio tries a kick, and Tomko catches it. Maybe he shouldn't have waited! Big clothesline. Stomp. Antonio on the ropes and paying for it, Tomko choking him out. Tomko throws Antonio out, Romeo helps his partner up, but bails when Tomko comes out to work over Antonio more. Antonio and Tomko back in. Tomko has a new move to show off? No, he just spends a lot of time setting up a back suplex, because Antonio's due to land on his feet (sorta) and roll him up - one two no. This match was an awful idea. Speaking of, here's a bearhug. Antonio trying to draw from the fans, but the fans could care less. Fans starting to turn on it, actually, as Antonio tries to slow punch his way out. Tomko ends up just throwing him down, but he's slightly hurt. Tomko ff the ropes, elbow drop, no one home. Romeo up on the apron again, this time for no reason because he drops back down without doing anything, then pulls Romeo out of the way of a corner charge. Antonio with a 'dropkick to the knee', shot from a very wide angle. Antonio tries a monkey flip, but Tomko turns him around and sets him on the top rope to pound. Romeo up on the apron a third time - c'mon, you've got to throw him out by now - and he puts his boa on Tomko. This distracts Tomko, allowing Antonio to get in a kick and a seated Tornado DDT. Antonio thinks he can win this, because he's a moron. Antonio trying corner punches, which never work, and they don't work. Antonio ducks a clothesline, eats the boot. One two three. (4:05) No one gained anything out of that being 4 minutes long.
Edge on RAW recap - or at least the parts they can show us on Heat. It's good they specified it was going to be LIVE SEX, because they're capable of celebrating with DEAD SEX as well. (2:05)
Lance Cade (Nashville, TN, 235 pounds) vs Nick Berg (Hershey, PA, 218 pounds, already in the ring) - Nick is wearing red, not gold. Coach is reminiscing about being running buddies with Cade, but accuses Cade of having trouble keeping friends. Todd talks about a Cade/Coach trading card. Why is Nick clapping? Your ref is Mickey. Lockup, Nick with a headlock, and he's really happy about it. Shot off - or not. Hanging on to the headlock appears to be the happiest moment in Nick Berg's life. If that's even his name. CRANKING IT IN. And getting thrown down by Cade. SLAP. Don't be having fun in Cade matches. Garvin Stomp! Picking 'im up, forearming him down. Elbow drop. Elbow drop. Fixing the hair. Whip, I can jump high dropkick. How are high dropkicks better again? Shoulder to the shoulder. And again. And again. And an armbar. Crowd is dead again, but I won't blame 'em. Knee to the side with this grounded armbar. Cade let's us know that Berg's given up, but oddly, the match goes on. Coach: "Cena's days as a champ are long gone!" Big right hand. Crowd rallies Berg? Berg doesn't rally. Armbar - now Berg punching out of it and the crowd really happy about it. Cade stops this silliness with a knee, and pounds him down with forearms, kicks, and a choke. Yelling at Mickey J for being annoying. Slingshot suplex, one two three. (3:31) Look at that person giving Cade a double thumbs down! They must be very bored. Cade celebrates extra long because this match ended too soon.
This ad sure things we're getting Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels in a (non-title) rubber match on Monday
Trevor Murdoch (Wacahachie, TX, 240 pounds) vs Viscera (Harlem, NY, 487 pounds) - this is an awful show. Todd thinks Trevor still wants the IC Title, which would make one person. Todd remembers Lillian liked Viscera, even if Lillian doesn't appear to. Trevor talking a bunch, and shoving more. Viscera's shove is a big more powerful. Your ref is Mike, who bizarrely has taken up Brian Hebner's old trademark of wearing a wristband around his elbow. Lockup, Trevor with a waistlock and trying to lift, no go. Viscera tosses him off, and tosses him with a hiptoss. Trevor ducks a clothesline and punches Viscera with right hands, but even his big right doesn't knock him down. Trevor celebrates, and walks into a spinebuster. Trevor decides now is a good time to hide in the ropes. Kick, is caught, Trevor is spun and clotheslines. Big chest slap. Corner whip, corner charge meets boots. Trevor clips out to the left leg. Up to the middle rope, waiting for Viscera - BLOCKBUSTER by Murdoch! Didn't see that coming. Should've been more important, but Murdoch just walks around, then does a few mounted punches. Choke, Elbow to the head, elbow to the head, kick to the head, axhandle to the head. Todd figures he's working off the brick to the head. Armbar and quarter nelson on Vis. Vis looking for help from the crowd, and getting it, but a moment too soon. Trevor gives him another elbow and another forearm,, but he's getting up anyway. Trevor off the ropes, into a wheel kick. Sidewalk slam. Viscera far too happy about what's next. Hip swivel, and Murdoch gets Visagra. Corner whip, fireman's carry lift, but Murdoch slips behind, and - rolls out? He's leaving! Viscera isn't going after him, and Murdoch is fixing his tights wedgie and leaving. Hey, another CO for Chioda. (CO 4:41)
That's it.