the corporate speak is generic. open. 

Val Venis & Viscera (731 pounds) vs Brad Bradley and Jaymin Oliveris (462 pounds, already in the ring) - Viscera looks thinner - obviously, he was on the juice. Apple juice, orange juice, donut juice. Hey, Brad Bradley's a Midwest-type dude, who was obviously on his way to a WWE Developmental contract if he wanted it enough (and apparently he did?) Lillian is thrilled to over pronounce parts of Jay's - can I call him Jay? Sure - name. Todd, doing the WWE.com drop in, asks us to visit WWE.com right now. I wonder how he thinks we're watching this. Coach is sad for Eric. Long entrances for the faces here for whatever reason. I don't really mind. Less to type. Your ref is whatever they're calling Mickey J now. Lockup, Val with an armbar and a twist on Jay. Jay gets in an eye poke to free himself. Whip, reversed, Val clothesline. Tag to Viscera. Atomic drop, into a Vis spinebuster. Val walking, tough for him. Elbow drop. One two Brad Bradley breaks it up. Brad goes back to his corner. Tag to Val. Double hip swivel proceeds Val and Vis making a wish. Armbar, Jay trying to get to the ropes, he's got them. Crowd reacts very weirdly loud to this, or maybe something else. As Jay argues with Mickey about Val taking his time letting go, Brad drops Val from behind with an elbow. Tag to Bradley, who snaps Val's neck over the top rope before coming in. Stomp. Forearm rubbed into Val's face. Front facelock, Val getting up, but Brad turning it around into a reverse neckbreaker. I really want to see Val stand up next to Bradley, just so I can tell how big a giant indy guy is compared to a guy no one considers a giant in Val. I think Bradley's an inch or two taller, but Val's getting beat too much to a pulp to tell. Boot choke ain't helping. Tag to Jay, who takes over with a boot stomp hold on the back of the head. Tag, so Bradley can do the same, grabbing the ropes as they both hand. Switching up the front facelock, stopping the crowd from rallying. Val trying to draw from the fans. Fans not really in a hurry to care. Can't say I blame 'em. Val rallies up anyway. Moving to his corner, moving, moving, forearm stops him. What are the two most powerful moves in all of the WWE? Forearm to the back, knee to the gut, that's it, that's the list. Brad tries a punch to the head on Viscera, not on the list, and so it only shakes Viscera. Val tries a scoop, Brad slips behind, Val does not just turn and make the tag, instead just running forward to duck a Brad clothesline, causing Brad to run into Vis' punch. Backdoor by Val, and there's the tag. Bradley is shorter than Vis, I can tell you that. Right, right, clothesline. Scoop, slam. Jay runs in for no reason, except it's time for Vis to press him. Vis screams. Whip, back elbow. Kick, DDT. Todd: "Not a DDT! A 500 hundred pound DDT, are you serious?" Someone explain to me how being obese makes a DDT better. Actually, someone unexplain that to Todd. Vis teases Visagara on Bradley, but Jay jumps on his back. Sleeper is something less than successful, and he's thrown to the mat. He is successful is preventing the dry humping, so Brad owes him one. Brad does get whipped into Jay, both into the corner, and Val gets whipped in on them. Val holds them in place so Viscera can smash them both. Both stumble out of the corner - Jay falls when he realizes he's not needed. Whip for Bradley, sidewalk slam, Money Shot, Viscera Drop, one two three. (5:08) Shake. Hug. Val wants the belts? What belts. I don't think the belt fit on Vis last time. Don't do the hip swivel. I hate you all. 

Lance Cade (Nashville, TN, 254 pounds, w/Cade & Murdoch music and entrance) vs Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds) - He does have a new CADE jacket. It's quite the outfit. Maybe he can hang out with Coach again? Coach can't remember someone who drunk as much beer as Murdoch doing so well. Was Flair drinking harder stuff? You ref is Jack. Circle. Lockup, Cade shoves Tajiri away. Crane pose. Mocking karate. Coach rips him for not being serious enough. Tajiri warms up a bit more. Coach remembers about fighting Tajiri with Cade at his side, so I guess we're not pretending he's new any more, or Coach is a screw up. I guess the choice is obvious. Circle. Lockup, Tajiri shoved down, bows. Coach beat Tajiri once, did you hear? You needed to know. Circle. Lockup, Cade with a headlock. Tajiri fights free, shoots Cade off, back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, over, Tajiri with a big kick and Cade ducks out of the ring. He'll think this over. "I did my homework!" Show your work. Back in. Tajiri wants a wristlock. Cade's thinking about it. Sure, he'll do it. Test of Strength. Cade winning. "You're kidding me! Just ask him if he wants to give? Lillian, ring the bell!" While Cade's fooling around, Tajiri frees himself, kick to the midsection, kick to the wrist, kick to the side, kick to the midsection. Tajiri whip, reversed, Tajiri ducks a clothesline, and gets a bodyscissors armdrag. Cade goes out - dive? Cade up on the apron quick, but stands there gawking, in place to get nailed by the handspring elbow. Cade falls oddly, hooking a foot on the ring apron and falling back first. Tajiri tries a baseball slide to the outside, but Cade ducks out, and Cade gets Tajiri strong with a clothesline/punch to the head. Is he out? Cade rolls him in, and doesn't go for a pin, instead getting a choke. Tajiri gets free at four, and hides under the ropes to prevent a pin. Cade chokes him around the ropes instead. Cade eventually pulls Tajiri into the middle of the ring, one two no. Cade with an elbowdrop. One more. Pin, one two no. Cade not happy with that count. Neck vice. Tajiri stomps the mat to rally the crowd, but the crowd is slow to get it. They do, and then Tajiri doesn't bother rallying back before Cade shoves him down to the mat and punches him in the head. Cade gloats, and Tajiri kicks him in the head from the mat. Tajiri with punches to the midsection, but Cade overpowers him and shoves him in the corner for punches and knees. Choke. Stomps. He's finally yelled out of the corner, and gets in a long argument with Jack Doan about it. Tajiri's pulling himself up in the meantime. Cade finally gets back to it ten seconds later, and walks into a superkick (must've not been close, the way they showed it.) Tajiri is too tired to immediately follow up. Is he setting up for it like that? Buzzsaw Kick. One two three. (6:46) That was ODD. Coach says Cade blew it. "That's what happens you lose your focus. You want to climb the ladder, but you gotta climb it the right way." Huh.

Will Eric Bischoff be fired? Depends if they're tired of mocking him. Joey says Cena loses or Eric is fired, so I'm thinking neither will happen. (2:02)

Rob Conway (Atlantic City, NJ, 230 pounds) vs Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 220 pounds) - Conway sings along, this time. Conway moved? Huh. Coach: "I'm just going to adlib now." It's the "oooh Chavo" music, and he gets a big pop. Even Lillian's putting a little more into it. "EDDIE" chant. All the hair dye isn't out yet, but he's otherwise back to being the Chavo we know. Coach and Todd explain Chavo's decided to go back to his roots (Todd: "Finally!") They even do say Kerwin White. Even Coach is starting to get a kick out of Todd saying "maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain event." Eddie chant again. Your ref is Choida. Chavo steals Conway's glasses and does a couple of poses. Coach: "Do not touch my sunglasses!" Chavo's wearing a small EG armbar over his left wrist tape. Circle. Lockup, even, Conway armbar, Chavo reveres and armdrags him. Chavo dusts his hands. Circle. Lockup, Conway with a hammerlock, Chavo looking for an escape, getting a drop toe hold, ties the legs. You think Chavo taught Cena the STF? Chavo on Conway's back, into an armbar. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Headlock, top wristlock, Conway wins, and shoves him down. (Or an armdrag didn't work.) Conway with a headlock takedown, Chavo reverses to a legscissors, Conway kips up and out. Todd (yes) and Coach (no) debate if Chavo has more pressure on him now, carrying on the Guerrero name in wrestling alone. Coach says "being the charismatic veteran that he is" and he wasn't being sarcastic, I think. (I love Chavo.) Headlock (Todd: "snap mare") takedown by Conway again, legscissors reversal again. Back up, Conway tries another headlock, Chavo rolls backwards to get free, then gets his own headlock takedown. Conway's shoulders are down for one. Back up to their feet. Chavo shot off, over, under, shoulderblock by Chavo. Chavo takes a look, and gets another headlock takedown. Back up to their feet. Conway with right hands to get free. Conway: "CHAVO SUCKS" Corner whip, Chavo kips up and out, right hand knocks Conway down, and he's out to think about it. He's throwing a bit of a fit. Coach thinks Cena was practicing the STF for a while - I'd hope so. Hope he still is! Right hands by Chavo. European uppercut, check. How about another. Todd, in trying to make the point that Cena had to do more than brawl to stay champ (and did): "This is WWE - world WRESTLING entertainment" He's so lucky no one watches this show. Rob turn sit around for his own corner, right hands, Chavo back out with right hands of his own. Whip, reversed, Chavo back with a spinning headscissors, clothesline takes Conway out of the ring. Chavo happy with himself, even doing jumping jacks as the fans chant his name. This is obviously where a break would happen on televised version of the show - they even clip ahead to Chavo rolling Conway back in with no explanation - and they try to cover it with a distracting Todd WWE.com plug. Chavo with a funny walk and a point at Conway, but Conway gets in an eye poke. Right. Right. Whip, clothesline misses, head = down too soon, Chavo gets in a right, right, off the ropes, into a flapjack. Clothesline by Conway doesn't look so good. More right hands. Whip, kneelift. Conway mocks Chavo. Kicks to the midsection. Suplex onto the top rope. One two no. One two no. Abdominal stretch. Todd thinks that if the STF won on RAW, this could win here. Conway leans - and gets the ropes outside of Choida's vision. Choida checks, but too late. Is he going to do it again? Thinking about it. Elbows to the side. Reaching - and got it. Conway lets go before he's caught. Choida is suspicious of the shaking top rope. More shots to the ribs. Reaching, and got the ropes a third time. The fans are booing, but Choida is late again. Choida takes up a different position to check it out. Reaching one more time, but Chavo's moving him away, and armdrags it out. Chavo with right hands from his knees, trying to fight up. Rights hands while standing. More punches. Point to the sky, knock down. Elbow, kick to bend him over, kneelift to stand him up. Whip, Conway slides under, 'rana (?) blocked into a powerbomb one two th-NO. Chavo up first but now hurting move. European Uppercut, European uppercut, one two no. Right. Whip, head down too soon, and Conway gives him a swinging neckbreaker. One two NO. Corner whip, Conway charges into a knee. Chavo to the second rope, off with a sunset flip, Conway blocks and sits down, one two th-NO. Conway charges right into a dropkick. Chavo gets the crowd d to yell. Kick, loads him up in the Gory Stretch (neither announcer has the slightest bit of clue because THEY ARE COMPLETE MORONS WHO DID NOT DO THEIR HOMEWORK unlike Lance Cade), and drops with the Gory Bomb. One two three. (9:59) Coach: "What do you call that?" Todd: "We've never seen that before?" You both can die horrible stupid deaths, because it'll match everything else. Point to the sky, grab the ribs.

That's it.