delayed reaction: So I probably should tell you that I'm going to be talking lucha on Figure Four Daily (pay version) on Wednesday - except I was already on, last Wednesday, and I forgot to mention it last week. It's still in the archive if you want to check it out, but I kinda figure anyone who'd be interested already reads my website and knew; no one's reading this just at OO who cares, surely. Anyway, it's a site who uses a ~, and I don't want to offend anyone's worldview. In a shocking swerve, I was actually halfway decent on the show - definitely not as snippy as I randomly appear to be here. The lucha stuff for OO is coming Sometime In The Future, when I find out who exactly really needs three articles from me on Mondays.

the power is back (who, the Power Company?) open

World Tag Team Champions Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (511 pounds) vs Val Venis & Viscera (731 pounds) in a non-title match - 3 weeks ago, these two lost to Viscera and Val, but only by disqualification. Uh oh. Justin Roberts gets named dropped because of the massive number for the non-champions. Val's music and Viscera's aisle video, in case you're wondering. Your ref is Mickey Jay. Todd says "Cade and Murdoch have not been pinned", and then realizes how obvious that is, since they have the belts and all. Who's gonna start? Cade convinces Murdoch to go out. He'll start vs Val. Crowd gets loud for no real reason. Coach keeps calling him "L Cade", as if, in some parallel universe, they were best buddies for a while. Val gets Cade into the ropes, break, Cade ticks off Val but hides in the ropes again. Clapping. Coach clarifies; he's the lead announcer on RAW, but he's "the official voice of the people" first and foremost. Val draws from the people, and uses them to run right into a kick. Good work, pal. Right from Cade. Stomp. Stomp. Coach: "Every since Lance Cade has teamed up with Trevor Murdoch, he's as destructive and mean as I've ever seen." Ever seen? He just might remember. Cade works over Val in the corner, but taunts to much and Val takes over with chops of his own. Corner whip, reversed, Cade charges into a back elbow. Val and his green tights are going up, but Murdoch pulls him off and crotches him - ref was busy with Cade, feigning an injury. Viscera complains, Mickey deals with him, and misses Cade covering Val for a while. Now he turns, one two NO. Cade throws out Val, and taunts Viscera while Murdoch works over Val on the outside. Back into the apron. Cover, foot on the middle rope so it doesn't matter. Tag to Trevor. Double whip, double backdrop, one two no. Trevor picks up Val. Elbow to the head. Tag to Cade. Thanks for coming, Trevor. Val's held for a kick. One guy is chanting for Cade. One guy. Whip, head down too soon, Val kicks it and they both fall down. Time for the hot tag? Val is grabbing his back. Crawling, tag. Murdoch got tagged in, but that's not gonna help. Viscera clothesline, back elbow for Cade, slam for Trevor, slam for Cade. Following up with Cade. Corner whip, rebound backdrop. Whip for Murdoch, backdrop for him - that was a bit iffy. Murdoch is corner whipped into his partner, and Val goes to the opposite corner, thrusting while there. Running corner splash, but Murdoch ducks out under it, and Cade hits Viscera with a boot. Murdoch walks right into a Viscera sidewalk slam anyway, and Val trips up and crotches Cade around the corner post. Val going all the way up - Money shot on Murdoch, VD on Murdoch, one two three. (5:03) Coach: "It's too bad this was a non-title match!" I think he might be sarcastic! They didn't actually have anyone say that till just then, but I think it wasn't hard to piece together. We're totally not doing a Taboo Tuesday because I don't want to think about people being asked to pay for this match, right?    

Ah, they've finally gotten around to adding the WWE ads to these things. You'd think they'd have the brains to do them before the matches, since we're closing the window and opening the next one when the match is done. Nah. They must not be getting enough ad views (or don't really care about being annoying), because I get the same Mortal Kombat ad before watching after ever video.

Snitsky (Nesquehoning, PA, 300 pounds) vs Rosey (375 pounds) - Even though I figure they put all US cities in there, I still can't believe my spell check approves of that hometown. You know, Rosey looks a bit thin for 375. Todd talks about how Hurricane "kinda turned" on Rosey. It doesn't really count unless they mention it on actual television. Lockup. Rosey with a headlock, shot off, shoulderblock, no one's going down, but Snitsky's acting like a freak. Snitsky tries a headbutt, but no. Hey, I bet these guys worked together at Afa's at some point? Maybe this won't suck? Nah. Your ref is Jack, by the bay. Rosey with punches, whip, reversed, Rosey goes thru the ropes for no clear reason, but we pretend Snitsky had something to do with it. Snitsky goes for an double axhandle apron dive (!!) but gets punched in the gut. Someone just lost a bet. Rosey with left hands. Announcers pretend this is a New Angrier Rosey based off the thing we didn't see. Whip, reversed, and Rosey meets the pole. It's not a friendly meeting. Snitsky stomps. Back in. Right. Announcers talk "RAW is much greater than SmackDown! after we beat them down on Friday". Elbow drops. One two no. Top armbar. Coach knows all the secret RAW vs SmackDown! plans, but he's not talking. Rosey battling up. Forearms to the back, but Snitsky stops that with the knee to the gut. Rights. Turning him around. Right. Whip, head down too soon, it's kicked. Snitsky sure screams on every punch. Clothesline misses, Rosey with lefts - I've never noticed the lefts from Rosey before. Whip, shoulderblock. Clothesline. Samoan Drop (because he's Samoan.) Time for the legdrop? Taking his time - ASAI MOONSAULT! I mean, it didn't get any air and he missed, but what the heck. No one saw it coming. Perhaps there was a reason for that. Snitsky setting up. Running boot with a bit of a hop. One two three. (2:55)

Austin on RAW (2:01)

"the model of excellence" Rob Conway (230 pounds) vs Greg "the Hammer" Valentine (Tampa, FL, 255 pounds) - Coach SINGS. Todd gets buried on the sound mix, trying to talk about the Big Show and Byte This. Oh, and he's got something to say.

"Seems the Conman is having a bit of trouble with WWE Legends. See, they don't know that their time has past, it's over! Two weeks ago, Doink the Clown took a legendary beating at the hands of the Conman, and tonight, Greg Valentine [!], WWE Hall of Famer, your time is over, you're going to take a beating, the Conway."

Well, on the upside, the Hammer doesn't look like he's aged since last we've seen him. On the downside, when we last we saw him, he looked about 85 years old in the face. They have a Greg Valentine video package, and probably his old music. Coach has fond recollections of IC Champion Valentine. Your ref is Choida. Valentine's taking forever to get the robe off. Valentine's body looks sub-Murdoch, and Coach wastes no time in pointing it out. Lockup. Conway with a knee, right to the head, right, right, right. HAM MER HAM MER HAM MER HAM MER. Rallies back, bringing Conway in the corner and giving him chest slaps. Hiptoss out. Coach: "This is like watching a flashback machine." Nicely mixed thought there. Conway thrown out. Valentine raises his arms. Conway up on the apron, only to get a forearm to chest. Conway reverses, and pulls Greg out. Knee. Right, and Greg is thrown into the post (sorta.) Coach complains about Todd stealing his lines - you shouldn't stall lines. Back in. Elbow drop to the back, elbow drop, elbow drop. Talking trash. Mounted punches. Talking to the crowd, but Conway is back up first and giving him elbow smashes. Headlocks, shot off, grabs the ropes as Conway tries a dropkick. Elbowdrop by Greg. Off the ropes, elbow drop. Greg's pumped up. Headbutt to the midsection. Figure four? Kicked off into the corner. Conway pulls him out, almost pantsing Greg in the process. Conway works over Valentine with kicks and punches. Not letting up until Choida pulls him back a bit, and then he's just bringing Valentine in the middle to finish him off. Time for a trip? Time for Eugene to run in for no reason? Yes. (DQ 3:19) Conway gets away with out really taking much, except the win. Eugene talks to Valentine, who's not talking back. Eugene would really like to see an Elbowdrop. Instead, Valentine shoves him down and leaves. Eugene is sad. Oh no he's going to cry. Valentine walks off.   

Kerwin White & Nick Nemeth (441 pounds) vs Shelton Benjamin & Matt Striker (485 pounds) - So it's come to this. We look at what happened last week. The caddy can also wrestle? Who knew! What a bonus. Are you sure there wasn't anyone better, Shelton? Are you SURE. Your ref is - holy crap, Coach just said "Shelton Benjamin's never been much of a tag team guy, he always likes doing things on his own", and I just lost my mind. My gosh. This man does not need help being a moron. He's got it covered, y'all. TODD CALLS HIM ON IT!!! Give that man ten points. Coach pretends secretly hated all those times when he was tag team champion. Coach: "That's why he was switched from SmackDown! to RAW." Switched? Before it went bad, I was about point out that your ref is Chad. Of course, the guy who's never wrestled is going up against the guy who can't wrestle. Nick, by the way, is still wearing the caddy bib, lest you forget what the crazy concept about him being here. Teasing a lockup. Coach says Striker couldn't afford lobster till he go to the WWE (and he probably still can't.) Nick with a kick. Right. Whip, quick reversed, Striker with an armdrag, armdrag. Crowd reacts to this by chanting CHAVO. Armbar. Nick reverses it. Striker does ther  ope flip reversal, armdrag out, dropkick just barely in time, armdrag, armbar. He's a technical marvel for pulling off an armdrag, the announcers remind us. Nemeth actually pulls off the bib as Shelton gets tagged in. Striker whip, drop toe hold, Shelton elbow drop. Hey, for a guy who doesn't like teaming, that was a fine double team. Shelton right, right, Nick rakes the eyes to get free and tag in Kerwin. Kerwin runs right into the armdrag. Rights. Whip, reversed, Nemeth gets in a knee to the midsection, distracts Shelton, and Kerwin gets him form behind. Kerwin throws him out and distracts the ref so Nick can get in a stomp before Striker cuts him off. CHAVO chants again. Kerwin takes off his shirt and yells at the crowd to call him his correct name. Kerwin collects Shelton, and throws him back in. Kick to the ribs. Right blocked, Shelton fighting back with rights. Drop toe hold by Kerwin, tag to Nemeth, leg bar to hold him in place for Nick stomps. One two no. Rights. Front facelock. Tag to Shelton. Snap mare, cravate by Kerwin. Crowd on Chavo again. Coach: "And it just goes to show how stupid our fans are. I've been saying it for a long time." Shelton with rights. Whip, back elbow misses, Kerwin manages the extra spin headscissors. Todd: "Coach, if one day you came out and said you wanted to be called 'Mr. Motorcycle', it might take the fans a while to get used to it." Kerwin is happy for himself. Tag to Nemeth, who gets lost on his trip from the corner to Shelton. Kerwin helps him out. Double suplex, Shelton slips behind, and lands a double reverse neckbreaker. Shelton crawling for the tag, crawling, reaching - and Striker drops off the apron. He's out of here. TOLD YOU, Shelton. Never team with a lying school teacher. We don't get Kerwin's reaction, but he does take advantage - attacking Shelton from behind and giving him a DDT, one two NO. Striker laughs? Kerwin waves Nick in for a stompdown. Corner whip, Kerwin  whipped in, Shelton ducks out and clotheslines Nick, before backdropping Kerwin. He's hot tagged himself! Rights for everyone. Whip, flapjack for Kerwin. Kick catch Dragon Whip for Nick. Shelton going up? Nick's going for the 9 Iron. Top rope clothesline connects. Nick on the apron with the club, but Shelton decks him. The club flies into the ring, but Chad collects and looks for someone to hand it to. Shelton tries a back suplex on Kerwin, Kerwin lands behind on his knees, Nick comes in to help him left Shelton, and they give him a double team electric chair suplex. One two three. (5:44) After all this time, Matt Striker turns out to be a detestable human being - I'm just completely shocked at this turn of events.

Wonder if they'll tell us next week why he saved Shelton to begin with? Maybe he just had to leave early to make it back for a new teaching gig.

That's it.