huge TV PG LV CC box entertainment

Maven (w/one half of the weight belt championship of the world) is out not for a match? Uh huh. Todd: "So you're great, and you think Maven is great." Welcome to the program, Grisham. Glad to have you. Coach: "It's going to be a long hour." Your announcers are Coach, Todd, and Coach's guy right there. COACH WILL BE ON THE ECW SHOW! I'm totally buying the show for the assortment of annoying WWE heels that'll be on the show. Don't let me talk over you, Maven. "So, tonight, I was supposed to have a match with Tajiri, but as you people could see, he's nowhere to be seen. He claims some personal reason. But you and I both know the truth, and the truth is that Tajiri was scared. Scared of me, and what the rest of Eric Bischoff's Crusaders are going to do next week at ECW's One Night Stand. Now I know what you're asking, you're saying 'But Maven, why, why is someone with such a beautiful, pretty face as yourself, and such an amazing, irresistible body as you, why would you care about a vile company like WCW', and I'll tell you. Truth be told, I find ECW to be a dung heap, a sewer, a toilet which needs to be cleaned up by any means necessary. Even if I gotta get my boots a little dirty. So right now, I'm inviting any so called 'extreme wrestler' to come down and challenge me, and I'll show you and everybody in this building what a real wrestler looks like." Let's look at the entrance as Coach amens. Who's it going to be? Wow, they still have the WCW video and music for

Maven (already in the ring) vs Lance Storm (Calgary, Alberta, Canada, 224 pounds) - Jason Roberts is on the ball to know the weight off the top of his head, though I think the whole audience might know the hometown. Crowd and Lance are equally thrilled. You know, I love Lance too, but 'extreme wrestler' aren't the words I associate with him. 'Lamest chair shot ever by a male', perhaps. Todd nearly points out the logic flaw. Last time we saw Lance was 04/25/04 against Steven Richards and it's kinda sad I already know no one broadcasting is going to say that. Maven's still in shock he's got Lance as an opponent here. Lance enjoys the ECW chant. Lockup, Maven with a headlock, Lance armdrags Maven over, armbar. Headlock. Shot off, Lance slides under, back elbow. Hanging suplex. Your ref is Jack Doan, since I have a moment. Coach claims hanging suplexes are illegal, huh. One two NO. Maven sneaks in a knee. "Several months" is the closest they're coming. Corner whip, Lance kips up and out, Maven gets in a thump to the eye. Corner whip, forearm to the back on the rebound. Todd says Lance is as cut as Maven is, and Coach calls him on it. Maven stomps. Elbow drop. MAVEN SUCKS. Right hands. Telling Jack to shut up. Forearms. Stomps. Rebound forearm to the back. Back suplex. One two no. High dropkick for Maven. Posing, while Coach quotes Madonna. Knee in the back chinlock. Lance battling up, but stopped with an axhandle to the back. Lance with a kick, right, chop, whip, back elbow. Clothesline. Clothesline. He's excited. Whip, reversed, Lance completely misses on a crossbody when Maven drops down. Maven going for his weight belt? Jack takes it from him, much to Maven's displeasure. While Jack puts it away, Maven reaches out for Lance - and gets a steel chair to the fut. Springboard cross body one two three. (4:01) "In true ECW fashion!" Uh huh. Coach calls Lance "Mr. Canada". Lance takes a bow. Lance is now 2 and 0 in retirement matches!

Tonight: Simon Dean vs Chris Jericho. What, Steven's busy?

Here's the Tommy Dreamer vignette I forget to mention from Velocity. Let's pretend he never came to WWE.

TV PG LV Slam of The Week, presented by Juicy Drop Pop: Christian offers his 3Cs.

William Regal (Blackpool, England, 240 pounds) vs Synn (already in the ring) - Lockup, Synn backs Regal into the corner. Synn tries to break, as ordered by Mike Choida, but can't - Regal has his leg scissor-ed. Choida gets very agitated at Synn, who's thrown off. Lockup. Regal with an armdrag, armbar, reversed, by Synn, twisting, cranking, backing him up, Regal backing him up, escaping, and forearming. European Uppercut. Snap mare, knee to the head. One two NO. Coach mentions Tajiri being off with personnel reasons - in LA? Headlock. Shot off, shoulderblock. Half nelson. They're doing the "it could be the last [x]" bit hard; by week 4 of this, I may go on a cross country killing spree. Just a heads up. Back up. Armbar. Big left hand. Kneedrop to the head. Chinlock. Straightjacket chinlock by Regal. Coach explains that most everyone in the locker room could care less which show they end up on. It's a good thing I don't either! Regal working over Synn with the held knees, and a European Uppercut to finish it. Synn rakes the eyes to take back control. Whip, Synn tries a dropkick, but Regal held the ropes. Butterfly suplex one two NO. Chinlock with a knee to the back. Face yank. Jumping double knee. Left. Corner chest slap. Chest slap. Corner whip, back elbow. Full nelson suplex, Synn trying to flip over and landing on his neck! That's no good. One two NO. Regal smiles. Synn looks to be hurting. Left. Double knee. Single leg, one two no. Huh. Regal pulls him up by the hair, kick, off the ropes, Knee Trembler spins Synn out. One two three. (3:53) What does Regal think about ECW? And his bicep?

Gratuitous Be Cool plug, without even an attempt at a segue. "And just so happens to be gay." Listen to them read the exact same copy and not try to hide it in the least. Someone figured out there was a word to bleep this time. (1:05)

TV PG LV WWE Rewind, presented by WM 21: Tajiri vs Benoit in an ECW Rules match, 2 weeks ago.

Edge vs Chris Benoit in a tables match (6:22)

Here's the random Hogan thing. This is a promise/threat he could be back any time, I guess. (1:26)

Tyson Tomko (Jacksonville, FL, 280 pounds) vs Wavell Starr (already in the ring) - Wavell's very focused, as much as Coach and Todd are on talking over his intro. Todd: "What did Eric Bischoff prove, having four superstars put Chris Benoit thru a table?" Coach cobbles together a reasoning about "doing whatever it takes". Lockup, Tomko walks Wavell into the corner, and slapping him in the face. Lockup, throwing Wavell down. Stomping. Wiping his face into the mat. Crossface forearms. Snake eyes - no, Wavell slips free. Tyson picks him right up, sets him on the top rope, gouges him a bit, and shoves him to the floor. Tyson yells. Coach is sweet on Tyson. Tomko eventually goes out to ram Wavell into the barricade, and slam him (accidentally) into the bottom rope. Pounding Tomko on the apron with punches and knees, until Choida finally pulls him off. Short clothesline. Todd knows Wavell's weight. Choke. Banging Wavell's head into the mat. Wavell trying to kick his way up, but Wavell stomps it out of him. Short clothesline, as soon as Wavell will no, there we go, Wavell ducks, bad looking dropkick to the knee. Crowd entertaining themselves with a We Want Matt chant, which goes unnoted but not talked over also. Tyson with a bad looking running boot, maybe - MAYBE halfway up. Wavell hits the bottom rope with his head on the way down, and Choida checks on him - before calling for the bell. (ref stop 2:56) Would they be giving Tomko a unique finish if he was still going to be Christian's background scenery? Of course, this way, Tyson will never forget to cover.

Tonight: Simon Dean vs Chris Jericho.

Next: an exciting Triple H promo!

RAW Live
Monday - St. Louis, MO [RAW]
Next Sunday - New York City [ECW; this is a clip from the ECW Rules match, closer]
Next Monday - Binghamton, NY [RAW]
Next Friday - Portland, OR [RAW Live]
Next Saturday - Boise, ID [RAW Live]

Ha, I totally swerved you, it's just Triple H's normal promo. What an awesome swerve. (1:28)
Monday: Batista vs Triple H in a battle of signing a piece of paper
I'm not saying they seem to go this a lot, but does Flair hold some Contract Signing record Triple H is also trying to break? 
Monday: Chris Jericho acts vaguely heelish and interviews [first pick in draft lottery] on the Highlight Reel.

Next: Simon Dean vs Chris Jericho

Hey, who put this Dudley Boyz promo here? Bubba: "At One Night Stand, there's only one way out of New York City - thru the tables!" Bubba lights it on fire. "Oh, testify!"

unuseful thought: Jericho's video clip should be him being about to sign an autograph, but aborting so he can turn to the camera and pose. I don't know if it's subtle enough for the angle

Montage: photos of people who won't actually be appearing in the RAW Diva search.

This bit would seem to run from 06/27 to 08/15 if they keep it all on RAW; in an amazing coincidence, that's a eight week stretch without a RAW PPV, which means at least four weeks of no direction coming off of Vengeance. (They could hold it on to announce the winner of SummerSlam, I guess.)

Simon Dean (w/one half of the weight belt championship of the world) Has Something To Say: "Now. [pause - it's on, dude] Being the expert that I am, I can tell by looking around this audience with professional certainty that you Canadians are a bunch of fat hosers. I mean, your midsections are so fat, you could actually tattoo Saskawatchen across your bellies. But, I've got great news. Because if you commit to my patented Simon System, oh yea [steps thru ropes] I can actually get you in shape, and have you looking like your favorite NHL hockey stars on TV. [Simon realizes his mistake] Wait a minute, my fault, I forget - there are no NHL hockey stars on TV, anymore. [look, people in Flames jerseys]" You don't insult hockey without insulting

Simon Dean (already in the ring - this team don't like Jason Roberts saying their name, I guess) vs Chris Jericho (born in Manhasset, NY, 230 pounds) - I guess they the Canada embargo isn't lifted on Heat. Or maybe Justin redid this one - it almost sounds that way. Coach: "He may have been born in New York, but everyone knows he claims to be from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada." Todd: "I don't think the fans care where he was born, he'll tell you to your face, he's Canadian thru and thru!" Then why is he - oh screw it. Y2J Y2J Y2J Y2J. Lockup, break. Simon wish shoving. Jericho shoves back. Simon shoves back. Jericho punches him in the face. Winner. Whip, back elbow. Right. Turnbuckle smash. Chop. Forearm. Whip, head down too soon, Simon kicks him in the chest, Jericho dropkicks him back. Springboard dropkick sends Simon to the floor. Jericho looks to the crowd, and back at Dean - baseball slide dropkick. Simon's dropped on the barricade. Simon thrown in. Kick to the ribs. Jericho looks for Jericho signs. Posing. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Choida finally pulls him away. I just recalled, no Hebner this week on either weekend show. Anyway, Simon uses the opening to get in a heel kick. Forearm to the head. Kick. Pounding Jericho chest. Stomps. Kick. Jericho with aright, chop, chop, whip, reversed, Simon STO (2!) one two NO. Simon going for - haha, he just starts tying legs together for an STF, and the fans boo because it momentarily looks like a Sharpshooter. Actually, not an STF - modified STF, with a big stomp to the mat. Todd: "That was the Curbstomp!" Uh, okay. One two no. Reverse double underhook used as a chinlock. Y2J chant as he rallies. Elbowing out. Simon stops him with a right. Simon charges Jericho, eats knee. Jericho chop, chop, whip, reversed, Jericho back with a forearm. Jericho walks over Simon's back with stomps over his back, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Jericho waiting for Simon to get up, jumping enziguri. Jericho looking to the crowd, looking where Simon's location, off the ropes, running sit is evaded simply by crawling to the side. Jericho throws himself to the apron, but lands there safely. Three Stooges eye poke, slingshot inside cradle, rolling thru for a Lion-Simon weakly kicks him away. Jericho ends up in the corner again, and Simon again charges into a move, this time a boot. Bulldog out. Jericho enjoying the crowd. Quebrada doesn't hit, Simon rolling away and Jericho electing to land on his feet, but hurting his knee in the process. Simon charges - right into a flapjack onto the top rope. Simon gets no bounce, just falling backwards. Jericho waits, double leg, turning him, Walls of Jericho. Simon gives. (5:12)

RAW: Chris Jericho talks to ???
RAW: Batista and HHH sign a contract

That's it.