Wait, Spike is airing Showgirls? Spike is so Showgirls.

TV 14 DLV CC entertainment open

We are LIVE (surprisingly so) outside the Savemart Center in Fresno, CA, for the Royal Rumble. Outside, as usual, are Ivory (1) and Todd (2). I'm betting on 8, by the way. What a jacket on Ivory. Ivory hypes the Royal Rumble, production throws us to a graphic for

Royal Rumble: Shawn Michaels vs Edge
oops! Ah, now they've got it 
Royal Rumble: Batista, Booker T, Charlie Haas, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Christian, Dan Puder, Eddie Guerrero, Edge, Gene Snitsky, Hardcore Holly, Jonathan Coachman, John Cena, Kane, Kenzo Suzuki, Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak, Muhammad Hassan, Orlando Jordan, Paul London, Rene Dupree, Rey Mysterio, Ric Flair, Scotty 2 Hotty, Shawn Michaels, Shelton Benjamin, Simon Dean, The Hurricane, Viscera and one more SD! wrestler in a 30 Man Royal Rumble Match for a Main Event Championship Match at WrestleMania 21 
That's better, but they still have graphic with heads!

Todd [to crowd]: "Who's going to win?" 
Crowd yells only for Batista and Cena
Todd: "That's right, any of the 30 men could win."

I bet this ran a lot better in rehearsal. Todd does recover by segueing into HBK/Edge perfectly.
Royal Rumble: Shawn Michaels vs Edge
Royal Rumble: Randy Orton vs Triple H (c) for the World Heavyweight Championship
Did the people boo Randy Orton? Maybe a few people. Check out the Aussie flag. 

On to Tazz (3) and Cole (4), who talk about SD!'s superiority.
Royal Rumble: Kurt Angle vs JBL (c) vs the Big Show for the WWE Championship
Royal Rumble: Heidenreich vs Undertaker in a Casket Match

and that's up first up on the video package machine. This the same one as Velocity? I think so. What a burst of creativity by the writers for this one - I'm shocked they didn't find a way for Heidenreich to end up with the urn while they were at it. (2:20) ORDER NOW.

Tonight: Maven vs Rhyno? Last time I pay attention to Michael Cole interviews.

WWE Slam of the Week, presented by Clearasil: Batista earns a spot in the Royal Rumble. So, if Batista had lost, would Hassan/Venis not have been a qualifier? I mean, that's one less spot if Grenier and Conway make it in. Most fortunate for Eric for things to turn out that way. 

Coach (5) says hi from his lofty skybox perch. "High above the rafters" would seem to indicate being on the roof, which Coach is not. He is also not raising the roof, but he IS in the Royal Rumble. Crowd seems less than excited about that. Oh no, they're killing time with the Behind The Scenes of the West Coast Rumble commercial, which was the product of Coach's prestigious intellect.

WCR. I'll watch this when I die. (1:20) 

oh wow, they really ARE bringing back Slammin' Saturday Night. What a revolutionary concept. Guess the car things aren't working?

RAW Live
Monday - San Jose, CA [RAW]
Tuesday - Honolulu, HI [SUPERSHOW]
Friday - Saitama, Japan [RAW]
Saturday - Seoul, South Korea [RAW Road To Wrestlemania 21?]
Sunday - Anchorage, AK

Back outside to Todd and Ivory and the sponsors.
Royal Rumble: Randy Orton vs Triple H (c) for the World Heavyweight Championship
I didn't hear boos this time.
Wow, this isn't the main event video package? Nope. Back to NYR, and then the whole saga. (4:45)
Ivory wants Orton to win, but figures Evolution will get involved.

Tonight: Maven vs Rhyno

Has 'the Warriors' already won best Super Bowl commercial? That's a hard pole to jump. As a fan of the Chicago national league ballclub, I can assure you Puljos looks that way all the time, if you're his opposition. Oh no, not the horrifying Starburst commercial.

WrestleMania Recall, sponsored by Snickers Cruncher: Butterbean knocks out Bart Gunn.

Back to Cole, who talks about the road to WrestleMania.

Royal Rumble: Alter Bridge, "Find the Real" 
Tazz runs out out "off the..." to describe Alter Bridge. You didn't think it was possible!
Royal Rumble: Kurt Angle vs JBL (c) vs the Big Show for the WWE Championship
and a recap (3:48)

Arriving: Big Show and "his companion" Joy.

WWE Rewind, presented by WWE SmackDown! vs RAW: HBK wins the match, and gets speared by Edge before he puts on the yet-to-be-renamed submission. Crowd noise is noticeably altered from the original version here.

Earlier Tonight: Maria (6 - uh oh, now I need no Josh) talks to HBK. Maria looks scarily vacant here. HBK rambles, rambles, gets to Edge, rambles, not too concerned with Edge, Rumble talk, ramble with random yelling, that's a horrible suit for TV, ramble, ramble, odd ending. Was that the second take?

Coach has people chanting for him? Poor people. 
We've got time to pimp Austin in the Movies again. (2:17)
Coach wants to trash Austin's movie career, but he's cut off

Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 255 pounds) vs Maven (Charlottesville, WV, 230 pounds) - This is awful early. Before bell time, I know that, but the crowd filled in pretty quick. Fink is your ring announcer, but he doesn't count. King (7) and JR (8) do - no Josh no Josh no Josh. With the way Maven's been going lately, I can't imagine this one lasting long, so what do we've got left? A long Royal Rumble video package? Crowd into booing the start of Maven's music, then gets bored. Ah, here's a break.

Rhyno vs Maven - and we're joining in progress, in progress of a Rhyno press slam on Maven. Jack Doan prevents Rhyno from following up, and Maven gets in a kick, pause to hurt, DDT. One two no. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Right. Right. Right. Right. Taking his time. "GET UP RHYNO!' So he helps Rhyno up. Rhyno tries to punch his way up, but Maven stops that with an elbow to the head. Swatting the back of Rhyno's head seems to be dumb. Hard corner whip, Rhyno falls down, gets up, gets clotheslined. One two no. One two no. One two no. Crowd agonizingly into "TWO" tonight, and I think Maven was trying to get them sick of it. Forearm choke by Maven. Maven is annoyed with the fans, the fans chant MAVEN SUCKS. Rhyno firing back with punches. Corner whip, charge in but no one's home. Maven covers with feet on the middle rope, one two no. Forearm choke. Too bad Maven never got a moveset. Choke around the middle rope. Hairpull choke around the middle rope. JR notes that everyone from both brands are here today. Reverse neckbreaker one two no. This is the longest Maven match in a month, maybe. Chinlock. JR and King are quickly working thru their bulletpoints. Rhyno trying and succeeding in drawing from the crowd - and then I stop getting a moving picture! Gotta be on WWE's side, because after a moment of a still, we still get the SpikeTV but a black screen, and then back to the still for seconds that feel like eternity for some poor tech people. Fade to graphic:

"We're experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by...

'Cause STONE COLD said so

[spikeTV logo], [WWE logo]"

Wow, that'd be outrageously funny if Austin hadn't come back. The picture of Austin is from the post brand split RAW open, so this is a bit dated.

We quickly get audio, and then the picture back, as Maven's working on Rhyno's lower back, and JR is filled on what just happened. Maven back to the chinlock - you wonder if they told Maven and Rhyno what was up, and that's why we're back to Rhyno drawing for a comeback. (Because otherwise, this match is way too long.) Maven wears Rhyno down with the chinlock slipping into a choke, driving it in. This match is really long and as much as they hate Maven and like Rhyno, it's starting to drain the crowd.  Rhyno battles out with elbows and right hands. Whip, reversed, reverse again into a short fireman's carry - F5, oh MY. Now THAT's the way to get last minute PPV buys. JR doesn't know what to call it, as if it was an amazing mistake. Maven and Rhyno are both slow up, but MAVEN wins the punch battle - and then Rhyno punches him a bunch anyway. Whip, reversed, clothesline. (Maven/UT mention here.) Clothesline. Back elbow. Corner whip, Rhyno charges in with a shoulder. Maven rebounds out, and takes a side belly to belly. Time? Time. GORE is lamely rolled away from by Maven, and dudes, we've kinda got things to do here, c'mon. Maven walks around the ring and in, Rhyno is after him, but bright enough to see the sneak elbow drop as he's rolling in, and Maven just gets canvas. JR: "Smarter than he looks!" Rhyno should punch JR for that one. Rhyno gets in a shoulder the midsection, and a slingshot sunset flip in? Uh - anyway, Maven blocks while holding onto the ropes, sits down, lets go off the middle ropes, regrabs the middle ropes - one two three. (7:13) Jack was so close to Maven and Rhyno (as to not see the rope grab), his last slap of the mat had a little hitch in the delivery to find room, and it made for a "was that three or not?" moment. But it was, was a waste o' time. JR spends no seconds talking about this, because we're in a hurry.

Royal Rumble look back. They give the copyright pretty earlier in this, because now they're scared. This is pretty awesome. Hope the show lives up to it. (3:33)