WWE Heat - 01/09/05

Grievous Continuity Error: I did this before doing Velocity. Please don't be shocked/appalled.

TV PG LV CC entertainment ocean - because, for the first time ever, we've got an hour of people overdoing the r's in San Juan, Puerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrto Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrico. And now here's the open.

Outside, and probably five minutes after they finished taping Experience, it's your hosts Todd, Coach and a whole lotta wind. Coach notes wind does not effect his wind. I believe that's also true for Josh! Anyway, Todd and Coach give us a history lesson on the Fort they're trespassing on today, but giving their wrestling history skills, I don't know if we can really trust them. Anyway, they're hanging out at Fort El Morro for the duration, which kinda prevents them from doing anything relevant for the hour (but does allow any Puerto Rician native sons to make appearances outside the eye of the WWE easily.) The metaphor made with the EC is the 1625 Dutch Invasion, where the Fort would not be destroyed (though everything else was.) Did someone say EC?

NYR: Batista vs Triple H vs Chris Benoit vs Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton vs Edge in an Elimination Chamber match for the World Heavyweight Championship with Shawn Michaels as special guest referee and Batista as the last entrant.
Cut and paste, you're my boy.
NYR: Kane vs Snitsky
NYR: Lita (c) vs Trish for the Women's Championship

And we start off with that, because it's a slow month. I mean, THOSE are the top three matches for an actual PPV. Watch them try to edit out Gail Kim. Oh man, you almost could tell it was Matt there. I had to explain this storyline today to someone, and it kinda just made me hate WWE even more. (2:58) Todd and Coach discuss contrasts. What is Todd thinking about with that outfit? Coach: "This rivalry will come to an end! or at least this chapter of it" - hahahaha.

EC1 highlights. Good to see Shawn Michaels finally get his just due. (1:15)

WWE Rewind presented by WWE SmackDown! vs RAW, Maven pins Shelton Benjamin "two weeks ago" (uh, guess I should've watched that anniversary show!)

NYR: Shelton Benjamin (c) vs Maven for the IC Championship
back to highlights from the last week. Hmm, they got edit this one a bit. We do jump in during the chinlock. "About 63" still kills me. You know, this match sucked before it sucked. Oh no, they're going to leave the blown stuff in. What a hilarious bad choice in judgment - though I almost think the blown kip up spot might have been a designed heel comedy spot the way Grenier and Conway's next spot played into it, and they just blew the two count. They changed the camera angle during the two count to make it appear Grenier could've maybe gotten a shoulder up, but it's quite flimsy. (3:15)

Last Week on Heat, Christian showed up on Heat for no good reason. It was the week of that sort of thing. (:15) Coach threatens physical violence to Todd if he says CLB again! Todd folds his arms passively aggressively.

Eugene/Tomko on RAW. (3:52)
NYR: Eugene & William Regal vs Christian & Tyson Tomko
NYR: Batista vs Triple H vs Chris Benoit vs Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton vs Edge in an Elimination Chamber match for the World Heavyweight Championship with Shawn Michaels as special guest referee and Batista as the last entrant.

EC2 highlights. Good to see Triple H finally get his just due. They don't edit out Goldberg or Nash here. (1:15)

WrestleMania Recall: HBK rides down to the ring. You can tell it's just reused footage from the last two years (for the billionth time), because they don't list the WM (XII) as they do on the newer ones.

Todd and Coach discuss everyone hating HBK
NYR: Kane vs Snitsky
recap (2:31)
Discuss. This is so boring. Not as boring as the 10 minute show they were rerunning all day on Direct TV, but close.

WWE Slam of the Week presented by Subway features a fight at the announce booth from two weeks ago

Coach is APPALLED! at the idea someone would attack an announcer. Oh I how I loathe this promotion. Todd, not being swift enough/allowed to call him on that, also pleads for no announcer/announcer violence. Watch Todd do gun pointing for no reason.
The Debate That Killed Crossfire. Or whatever. (9:53)

NYR: Jerry "the King" Lawler (w/JR) vs Muhammad Hassan (w/to be named later). Why is Hassan signaling a field goal? IT'S GOOD.

WWE RAW
Monday - Ft. Lauderdale, FL [RAW]
Friday - Minneapolis, MN
Saturday- Grand Forks, ND
Sunday - Winnipeg, MB (slight shift from Puerto Rico)
Monday - Toronto, ON [RAW]

Todd and Coach debate dumb analogies and hype. Coach stalls instead of making a pick, LAME. This being all pretaped, it's the rare pre-PPV Heat that gets out right at the top of the hour, and we're done.