tv pg lv cc entertainment open fireworks typed this before the show what

Rodney Mack (Lafayette, LO, 270 pounds, w/Jazz) vs Rosey (475 pounds) - Your announcers are Al, Coach and what's left of Al's voice. Amazingly, it's better for the live shot. Coach is back, and we've nearly missed him. Voiceover Al: "My voice is coming and going - one moment it's really good, the next moment it's really bad like this." We actually get to see part of Rosey's video, although he's still using Hurricane's music. They're not going to acknowledge SmackDown's Justin Jason Roberts is doing the ring introductions, I bet. I wonder where Fink is. I wonder why they didn't just have Lillian do them - oh, right. Coach says he's doing fine after the Gore - "Even when I win, I seem to lose." So is this about the time when Long wouldn't let Rosey being a playa, or the time where Mack killed Hurricane? Mack waves away Rosey's hand before they lockup. Mack with a waistlock, Rosey frees himself with a back elbow. Circle. Lockup, Rosey walks Rosey back into the corner, break, Rosey charges into another lockup, both guys turning it around and Rosey ends up in the ropes. Not a clean break - right, Rosey right, Rosey pose scares Mack away. Mack wants a test of strength? No, he wants to kick Rosey. No, he actually plays it clean, and Rosey wins for a while - ah, there's the kick. Forearm. right. Running body smash, and now he'll do his dance. Rosey runs him over with a shoulderblock. Eye rake by Mack to take back control. Whip, hiptoss blocked and Rosey knocks him down with a clothesline. Much credit to Al for trying to work through this sore throat, but it's not sounding so well at this point. One two no. Slam, Off the ropes, Jazz grabs the leg. Rosey turns around to yell at her, and Mack clips Rosey's leg. Mack attacking the leg, stomp, toe hold is kicked away. Mack has a gun on the back of his trunks? Okay. Mack's clothesline is blocked and he's clotheslined to the back of the head. Clothesline. Whip, head down too soon, Mack kicks it, right, suplex? No, backdrop by Rosey. What's Rosey going to do? Yell at Jazz wouldn't be my first choice, but Rosey works in a back elbow to Mack. Corner whip, charge, Mack moves out of the way. Kick to the knee, DDT to Rosey as he's kneeling, one two three. (3:13) Rosey kicked out at 3.0000001 there. Jazz and Mack do the their dance in the ring.

RNC coverage. Look at all these people pretending to take them seriously. (2:36)

Next: Orton's not waiting till Unforgiven - he's taking off his shirt right now!

Desk shot with the magical return of Al's voice again. Orton versus Evolution, Orton ordered to leave - why didn't Eric just grab the sledgehammer? (4:35)
RAW: Randy Orton vs Kane

Clearsil return of Christian - "literally came out of nowhere", so he's magic now

Lillian Garcia (oh, that's why) talks to Chris Jericho about Christian. "You want to know about the CLB, Vivian-", well, we don't make it past the catchphrase before Heat GM Steven Richards shows up to interrupt and take the microphone from Lillian. "Excuse me [Lillian backs away] I am SO onto you, Jericho! I know what you're trying to do. I know you're been going out there week after week, dressing like a Mysterious Woman, going out there, helping Victoria, because you can't stand the fact that Trish Stratus dumped you. [Jericho's having a hard time not laughing here.] You can't live without Trish Stratus, so you're dressing up like a mystery woman now." "Hahaha. That's pretty comical, you can't be serious. Are you off your head? Are you WONKY? Have you gone CRAZY, Stevie? You think I'm the mystery woman? Please, c'mon, this is not the first strange looking woman we've seen around here. Remember Chyna? [Jericho grimaces - Steven disbelieves.] "Listen, listen, listen, listen, you mentioned Chyna, don't change the subject. I know you've been dressing like a woman, and quite frankly (1) MISTER, I don't like the tone you're taking with me! And in case you didn't know, CHRIS, I have a lot of stroke on this show. This is STEVIE NIGHT HEAT, this is my show! SO tonight, I'm going to make a match - Chris Jericho and Stevie Richards, in MY RING!" "You're challenging me? First of all, take a step back, you have the worst breath I've ever smelled. And second of all, if you want to challenge me, are you sure you know what you're getting into? I'm CHRIS JERICHO, I'm a sexy beast baby, so tonight I'm going to take you downtown to Chinatown, and change the name of this show from Stevie Night Heat to Stevie Night Suck YAAAA"

Are you off your head? Jericho thinks it's a woman? I'm so confused.

Maven (Charlottesville, VA, 225 pounds) vs Greg Groothuis (Phoenix, AZ, 280 Pounds, already in the ring) - They cut off his name and I think he's grown a beard, but there's nothing you can do to hide the big iron cross on his back. Circle, Greg with an armbar, Maven kips up to a reversal but gets a forearm to the back. Forearm. Whip, clothesline misses, Maven with an armdrag. Armbar. Back to his feet, Maven backed into the corner, Greg throws a punch, maven ducks, armdrag, into an armbar. Talk about Edge's injury, but nothing new. Maven back to his feet, knee by Greg, forearm to the back. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, under, into Maven's wheel kick one two NO. This being a Maven match isn't helping Al's voice, which has gotten worse on it's own since this start of the show. Greg gets a knee, headlock, headlock punch. Al: "You ever stop by Chinatown? There are a ton of Asian people there." Kick to the ribs. Choke. Choke. Right. Corner whip, Greg charges in and connects a jumping kneelift. One two no. Diva Search is termed "controversial", though Coach dug it. Coach: "We've been begging for their personalities to come out, and they, uh, certainty did last Monday night-" Al: "Much to the chagrin of the FCC." Chinlock. Maven getting up and elbowing out, forearm stops him. Maven with forearms back, whip, reversed, Maven back with a jumping fivearm. Dropkick. Dropkick. Maven is pumped for his standard comeback. Greg stops him with a shot to the head. Maven backs into the corner, Greg charges slowly into a boot. Maven to the second rope, second rope jumping DDT one two three (3:25)

Diva Search Lookback. Double middle fingers are cut out. "I met some really cool girls and one skanky girl." Spanks are censored. Wacky bleeps for so many things. Multiple replays of the splits. (1:26) They so love Christie now; she's totally going to win if they're rigging it. And maybe if they're not.

Tonight: Steven Richards vs Chris Jericho
Next: Triple H vs Eugene

Unforgiven: "Survival of the Sickest" by Saliva
Unforgiven: Randy Orton (c) vs Triple H for the World Heavyweight Title

Endgame of Triple H/Eugene, enough so we can see that Triple H clearly could've won the match if that's what he wanted to do. (4:42)
Raw: Randy Orton vs Kane

Next: Steven Richards vs Chris Jericho
Apparently, you can show the double middle finger and bleep less if it's a commercial.

YJ BatistaBomb on Chris Benoit

Chris Jericho (Born in Manhasset, NY, 235 pounds) vs Heat GM Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 235 pounds) - Steven yells in the general direction of the announce both on the way to the ring. Coach doesn't think Steven actually had the power to make this match! Y2J Y2J Y2J Y2J Y2J and so on. Lockup, break. Steven yells, Jericho breaks out the soft shoe. Circle. Lockup, Jericho armdrag, Steven's arm hurts now. Circle. Steven yelling and shoving. Jericho shoving back. Lockup, waistlock by Jericho, takedown, ties the legs and Steven gets to the ropes before anything can happen. Circle. Lockup, Jericho kick, chop, chop, corner whip, Jericho charges in and lands a clothesline. Suplex. C'mon on pose cover one NO. Choke on the middle rope. Jericho backs up, and gets a poke in the eye. Chop. Right. Whip, reversed, Steven sunset flip, Jericho rolls through and grabs the legs, Walls - but Steven is quick to the ropes again. Jericho is backed away while Steven sets up on the apron - and takes the springboard dropkick. Jericho is pumped, but he's got to wait for this break. (2:32)

After an extra long break, we're back with Steven somehow in control and stomping. Reverse neckbreaker. Posing. Axhandle to the side, cover one two no. Forearm to the back of the neck, forearm to the back of the neck, Kathamastevie! Jericho's to giving up quite yet. Jericho fights to his feet, elbow, elbow, elbow, right, chop, pulled own by his hair. Steven checks his chest and takes it out on Jericho's ribs. Knee t the midsection, facelock, YAAAAAAAsuplex works. Full nelson - yes, Rat Trap! Jericho trying to rally, fading, fading, one arm drop, two arm drop, three - no, battling back. Back elbow, back elbow, armdrag out. Jericho's grabbing his arm, charging right into a Steven drop toe hold into the middle rope. Steven notices he's right where Jericho usually put his victims, so he mocks the running in place start to an elaborate degree, off the ropes, and into a Jericho clothesline. Jericho trying to rally. Chop, Chop, whip, reversed, fivearm. Jericho off the ropes, shoulderblock. "C'MON BABY!" Off the ropes, into a boot. Steven off the ropes, into the sleeper neckbreaker one two no. Steven retreats to the corner, Jericho after him with a kick, right hand, and up to the second rope for many punches: one two three four five six seven eight nine wave ten! Wow, he actually got to ten. Corner whip, reversed, Steven charges in, Jericho kips up and out, charges back in towards Steven and eats the StevieKick. Feet on the ropes, one two NO. Steven can't believe that. Double underhook, Steveetee fought out of, Jericho with an armbar, short clothesline by Steven ducked and Jericho lands the climb up enziguri. Steven lands on the second rope, so now he's in position so Jericho can do the running sit. Steven staggers to his feet, but Jericho has him with a bulldog. Jericho takes a second to look at the crowd, Lionsault catches knees! Steven pulls Jericho up - STEVEETEE! Steven lays on top of Jericho one two NO!!!! He's screwed now - he's got no moves with names left! Hooking the legend trying again, one two NO. Steven going to the second rope, missile dropkick caught, right into the Walls of Jericho. Ropes are just out of Steven's reach, and so is this match. (5:03, 7:35 total) I was kinda hoping the Mystery Woman would wander out during this match to confuse us all, but no dice.

RAW: Randy Orton vs Kane