no Entertainment open? TV PG DV CC Heat open and straight to the fireworks.

the Hurricane & Rosey (565 pounds) vs Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak (535 pounds) - Al and Coach make fun of Rosey's slow climb to the middle rope. Your hosts are Al and Coach. Al is styling in that shirt, while Coach is wearing the free Royal Rumble T-Shirt. Al thanks Coach for securing that big HHH/HBK interview, and asks how Coach's chin is doing. (Coach is sore, but he's gutting it out!) This is actually a close match? I'm not totally sure where the ladder sets these two teams. Hurricane and Jindrak to start. Hurricane ducks under the lockup, puts on a waistlock, Jindrak slowly powers his way out, break, Jindrak pushes his way past Choida for another lockup, Hurricane ducks it, inside cradle one two no. Headlock. Jindrak shots him off, leapfrog just barely works, Hurricane stops behind Jindrak, grabs him for a rebound waistlock rollup but Jindrak holds on to the ropes, only to charge into the armdrag. Armbar. Twist, shortening it up. Jindrak whips Hurricane away, Rosey makes the blind tag, Jindrak puts his head down too soon and Hurricane kicks it. Double whip, double hiptoss. Hurripose, off the ropes, and hiptossed by his partner into a senton on Jindrak. Rosey covers one two no. Arrrmbar. Yes, Al is calling them Jade and Cindrak. Jindrak with a knee to escape, armbar of his own, and tag to Cade. Twist, but Rosey reverses it to his own. Headlock. Coach has finally caught on to Al's "Jade and Cindrak" jokes! He's not as dumb as he looks! Rosey shot off, over, into the big elbow but Rosey does not go down. Cade, being a moron, tries a headbutt and hurts himself. Rosey does one of his own, and that works properly. Slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop but no one's home. Cade with a forearm, forearm to knock Rosey into the corner, Rosey back elbows Jindrak on the apron while he's standing there. Cade finds an opening to get in a shoulder, shoulder. Coach promises he'll be on RAW next week. Corner whip, reversed to go the way they just came, Rosey charges, Jindrak pulls Cade out of the corner and Rosey posts his shoulder. Rosey's shirt get displaced, and the fluorescent orange undergarment draws attention to his massive gut, lovely. Tag to Jindrak as Cade pulls Rosey out of the corner - there's the springboard lariat to the hurt arm. Armbar on the left arm. Arm's hurting s much, Rosey tries to use to power out of the armbar with a slam, but Jindrak holds on and lands back on his feet. Another try, no go but Rosey is moving towards his corner in the process. Rosey, with his mask slipping off, fights out of the armbar with punches and tries a whip. Head down too soon, and the Samoan Hard Head doesn't help when you're being kicked, I guess. Rosey doesn't go down then, which allows Jindrak to get in an armbar takedown, one two no. Later: Steven vs Scott! Royal Rumble Qualifying match! Armbar, tag to Cade. Stomp. Aaaaaaarmbar. Meanwhile, Al is not only taking away friendship, but he's sad to admit that he even knows of Mick Foley, given his (non-)actions of late. Pumping the arm. Rosey armdrags out, but that leaves Cade right in his own corner, tag to Jindrak. Back to the armbar on Rosey, Rosey with a forward roll, and kicks away Jindrak! Rolling to his corner - not quite there, but he can dive from there, tag to Hurricane. Leaping lariat for Jindrak, stiff clothesline for Jindrak, dropkick for Cade, kick for Jindrak - no, it's caught, spin, back suplex but Hurricane turns around and lands on top one two no. Corner whip, Jindrak reverses and charges right into an "uppercut" (I didn't even know it was supposed to be a punch till Al said so.) Hurricane going up, Overcast connects one two Cade breaks it up. Rosey is in to take care of Cade, a single punch causing Cade to roll out, but Rosey is yelled at by Choida to leave. Meanwhile, Hurricane is calling for the Shining Wizard, but Cade's slipped back in and punch Hurricane in the back of head. One two three. (5:05) Did Cade have an object or something? Weird that it ended with a punch to the back of the head. Announcers are pushing a "Hurricane, not Rosey, screwed up." No replay.

Tonight: Steven Richards vs Scott Steiner

The Replay Of Raw Coach Didn't Want To See. But on the other hand, he missed everything after that. (1:00)

Rico (Las Vegas, NV, 248 pounds, w/Miss Jackie) vs Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, NY, 252 pounds, w/cane) in a Royal Rumble Qualification match - Al carefully mocks Coach. New Rico music? They work in the opening better, at any rate. So I'm about to crack a "well, I guess the qualification match is later" joke when Dreamer walks out, but Coach picks that moment to tell me differently. Dreamer has high levels of support tonight. Circle. Lockup, Dreamer into a headlock, Rico reverses into a hammerlock, then a double leg takedown from behind, before riding Dreamer like a horsy, including slapping him in the butt. Rico leaves the mount to celebrate, and Dreamer waits for Rico to wander back over to slap him. Rico  spins , but charges in anger and gets slammed. Clotheslined out. Al notes that we're in Dreamer's backyard, and we segue into more Foley talk. Jackie helps Rico up, but Rico takes time to listen to her on the apron and Dreamer slingshots him in. Dreamer spots Jackie making a move for the cane out of the corner of his eye - she gets a hold of it, but so does he, pulling her in the ring in the process. Rico uses that to his advantage, forearm to the back, wacky move that ends with Dreamer's back landing on Rico's knees. I have no idea how to call that one. Rico working over Dreamer's back with kicks now, before picking him up for punches. Slam. Trademark Rico suggestive cover one two no. Al: "I'm blind! I'm blind! I can't see! Oh, there you are." Meanwhile, try #2 works and Jackie has possession of the cane. Dreamer is too busy getting choked on the middle rope on the other side of the ring to notice. Jackie walks around the ring and Rico spots her, relents on the choke, and distracts the ref. Jackie uses the opportunity to, um, drop the cane and try to choke out Dreamer with her breasts, I guess. Coach debates if that hurts or helps Dreamer. Dreamer immediately reverses a whip into the TD Bomb, so maybe we have our answer. Both men are down, but Rico is up first. Dreamer punches from his knees, winning the battle and knocking Rico down. Rico tries a low block kick, Dreamer catches it (late), Dreamer throws the boot down and gives Rico an inverted atomic drop. Side slam one two no. Al theorizes home field advantage helping Dreamer win here, then Dreamer also having home field advantage (Philly) helping Dreamer at Rumble - you could take that idea all the way to the WMXX, for all the good it would do. Dreamer with a corner whip, charge into a big boot. Rico off the second rope with an axhandle, but Dreamer pushes Rico down as he flies. Cover one two Jackie puts Rico's boot on the ropes. Jackie's got the cane back, but she's arguing with the fans rather than paying attention. Dreamer gets a hold of Jackie and pulls her up to the apron, Jackie dropping the stick in the process. Dreamer teases the Big Kiss, but spots Rico charging. Dreamer sidesteps, Rico pulls up just short of kicking Jackie, and Dreamer rolls up Rico one two NO. Dreamer with a whip, reversed, Rico puts his head down too soon, Dreamer has Rico set up for a DDT, "Rico pushes Dreamer off" (except he totally doesn't and it's the vacuum to the next spot that compels Dreamer to mysteriously run backwards into the ropes), Jackie finally uses the cane to the back, Rico hits the standing spin kick one two three. (3:27) Tommy Dreamer is not going to the Rumble. Rico is going to the Rumble, but probably only for a moment. A front row guy wants a handshake from Rico, so Rico gives it to him - and then tries to kiss the hand. Fan is not amused, although everyone around him cracks up.

Tonight: Steven Richards vs Scott Steiner

Next: Matt Hardy on RAW!

The title of "Nothing Left To Lose" by Puddle of Mudd is misread by Al, but no one cares enough to notice.

So Matt is all the sudden Coach's boy? They did fight, by the way - it was the big tag match, with the Hardys vs HHH/Austin in the days of the Two Man Power Trip that the Hardyz were sure were going to lead to bigger and better things but kinda was the end? In more ways than one. As long as I live (or a dramatically shorter time), I will believe that someone fed JR that Matt's move was the Side Effect right there, because he didn't call it at first and Coach was jumping into call it himself. I'm paranoid, or maybe disbelieving that JR can call non-finishers or any moves for non-main guys any more, since he hasn't really shown that ability for quite a while. (4:36)

Royal Rumble: Make that 18 guys in the Rumble. RAW still has 7 left to decide, while SmackDown has five spots to fill. Rico slides into the extreme right, behind John Cena.
Royal Rumble: Dudley Boyz vs Ric Flair and Batista (c) in a Tables Match
Royal Rumble: Triple H (c) vs Shawn Michaels in a Last Man Standing Match for the World Title

Tonight: Steven Richards vs Scott Steiner
Next: Spike Dudley vs Rob Conway

Raw Live
Monday - Green Bay, WI [RAW]
Next Sunday - Philadelphia, PA [Royal Rumble]
Next Monday - Hershey, PA [RAW]
Next Saturday - Dayton, OH [RRTWMXX]
Two Weeks Sunday - Youngstown, OH [RRTWMXX]

Y2J Kane destruction of Booker T

Rob Conway (233 pounds, w/Ronald Dupree) vs Spike Dudley (150 pounds) - Coach and Al declare Kane the favorite for the Rumble. Rob gives us a salute. Coach yells at Conway for stealing his goatee. Back To Four Months Ago, and we still haven't figured out how Spike isn't dead. Al: "Do we need to keep watching that? That's like - ahhh!" Lockup, no, Spike behind into a waistlock, headlock. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock but Spike's the one going down. Elbow drop but Spike's moved. Jumping headlock takedown one two no. Al reminds us that Spike beat Dupree. Headlock still on as Rob forces them back up. Spike shot off again, over, Rob tries leapfrog but Spike's waiting for him with a knee when he lands. Conway takes a low blow. Spike going for the Dudley Dog, except for some reason it ends up a headlock takeover instead one two no. Spike getting up with the headlock on again, shot off, Spike gets the ropes. Conway charges, Spike goes lo wand Rob goes out. Dupree is angry about that and jumps on the apron to try to get in and then argue with Jack Doan. He's warned - thrown out? No. Dupree helps Conway in before backing off. Conway begs off, but that just gets him dropkicked. Running on his chest stomps. Conway up and missing a clothesline, Spike tries Dudley Dog again but he's pushed off this time, hard into the corner. Al: "Mick's all about gas money." "Are you saying Mick Foley's cheap?" "Oh, cheap would be nice." Conway stomping, distracting so Rene can smash Spike's head into the apron. Conway quickly covers, one two no. Whip, back elbow, elbow drop, elbow drop one two NO. One two no. One two NO. Conway's needs to adjust the back of his pants. Snap mare, then a chinlock with an arm hooked in. Coach is 3-2, which he feels is a better record than Al. "You, the Brooklyn Brawler, legends!" "In the J.O.B. Squad Hall of Fame." Al gets his revenge by calling moves for Coach. Spike elbows out of the hold, off the ropes, under a clothesline, hitting the spinning headscissors. Rob ends up on the outside, and Rene helps him up while Spike climbs up - plancha! All three go down. Al and Coach talk about Coach's dives from the top almost second nature at this point. Spike collects the right pseudo French guy and throws him in, before climbing the ropes. Conway with a right hand to stop Spike from doing ore, and goes up for a superplex. Blocked, Spike punches and bites out of it. Top rope double stomps works, and Spike does his Tarzan yell. Dudley Dog? No, Spike lets go to chase Rene off the apron. Rob tries to take advantage with a clothesline, Spike ducks, rebound waistlock rollup one two no, and Spike is shot off into position for Rene to forearm. Rob grabs Spike, hangs him on the top rope, and uses a Roll of the Dice alike move, new for him. One two three. (4:19) Coach says Whiplash, but I think he meant it as "whiplash." Rob celebrates this big moment in French history.

Later: Steven Richards vs Scott Steiner
Next: Take your ticket, take your seat

Who's the real Hardcore Legend? (:48)
Randy vs RVD. (4:37) Al and Coach decide that this officially makes Randy the Hardcore Legend

JVC Victoria eats boot of Two Weeks Ago. Dig that crazy man pescado.

Scott Steiner (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) vs Heat GM Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 235 pounds) - Steiner is in the Rumble. Maybe they do Test/Steven on RAW for a spot? Steven is wearing white tape on his upper arm, with "Flower" on it. Victoria has a dislocated jaw and is still at home. Al notes how Coach and Victoria share injuries, though Victoria's more serious. Steven points to his armband and points to Steven. Scott wonders how he became the sane one in this match. Lockup, Steiner with an armbar, fireman's carry, flipping Steven over and slapping the back of his head. Scott riding Steven's back a little bit, but Steven gets the ropes. Scott takes as long as he can on the count to let go off Steven in the ropes. Big side belly to belly takedown, with Steiner staying on top of Steven and pounding him with forearms to the head and neck. Steiner backs up to take a look at his biceps. Kick to the ribs. Coach is bringing up WCW history between Goldberg/Steiner? Well, acknowledging it's existence. Right hand by Steiner. Whip, clothesline. Kiss the bicep elbow drop one two NO. Push ups by Steiner. Steiner loads up Steven on his shoulder and holds him there, Steven  slips behind and pushes Scott off, Scott rebounds off the ropes into a flapjack onto the top rope, Steven with an inside cradle one two NO. Steiner kicks and Novacaine already? One two three. (2:03) That wasn't close. Hey, Test is here, yelling at Steven but I think Steven is too out to hear him. Test raises Steiner's hand and gives his partner props. He's got a bicep. No, he's got a bicep. No, they both have 'em. Test points to his own muscles every time Steiner poses, but gives Steiner credit. Test and Scott decide to leave - wait, no, Test is staying? BIG BOOT TO STEVEN. Test celebrates this huge victory! I think it's not over between them.

RAW: Goldberg vs Scott Steiner. That's it.