TV PG DV entertainment CC open - Survivor Series is in the American Airlines Arena in Dallas, Texas, and so are your hosts - Coach [coughing and wearing the Vince special neckbrace] and Al. Wow, this is even more tragic then when the Dudleyz killed Beluah. Coach calls it deadly, yet he appears not to be a brain dead zombie. Well, maybe half of that - hey, Al's being funny: "And Coach, let me just say, you're an inspiration, a role model, to all the little Coachees out there." Coach is looking forward to only one thing - showing us this graphic of Austin's Team vs Bischoff's Team. Also the post match interview. Also, Goldberg (c) vs Triple H for the World Title. And, for the final time ever, Shane McMahon vs Kane in an ambulance match. Did Al change his facial hair? I guess that's why he looks different? Anyway, Kane/Shane video package, with the Tombstone and all that. (1:32) Al explains the rules - it's a like a coffin match where the ambulance is a coffin, which doesn't say much to the fine work of those EMTs. Coach throws it to

your Other pre-game hosts, Josh (3) and Rue nolastname (4). While Coach and Al are up in the seats as usual, the SmackDown B! show folks are at the interview set. They're all hyped about SmackDown! being better for RAW, which makes 2. Undertaker vs Vince, Buried Alive, Team Angle vs Team Lesnar, and in a "we just realized we don't have time for this on the PPV" special, Jamie Noble vs Tajiri for the Cruiserweight Title will take place on Heat, later tonight.

Wait a minute, didn't I just say we were in Dallas up there? And yet, no Jackie match on Heat? Someone must've screwed up..  

Raw Live
Monday - Beaumont, TX [RAW]
Friday - Detroit, MI
Saturday - Tacoma, WA
Sunday - Yakima, WA
next Monday - Salt Lake City, UT [RAW]

Look! It's a building! And some ads! 

Lillian Garcia (5) talks to Chris Jericho. ECHO Echo echo echo. How many times is Lillian going to trip over her words before she lets Chris talk? How happy is he that he gets his chance to get rid of Austin? Pretty happy. What if Austin wins, and he can beat people up. Chris assures us that that's not going to happen. "Bye Steve, buh-bye Steve! Bye Steve! Bye Steve! He's gone!"

Undertaker and Mark Cuban mutually suck up to each other. Fast forward please. (1:21) 

Josh talks about what a great honor it was for Mark Cuban to get one of those $100 replica belts they sell on Shopzone (in exchange for the $200 customized jersey Undertaker got.) Rue theorizes that Undertaker might have been looking like he had fun, but not really, because he's SO focused on Buried Alive. Please buy the PPV now. They'll finish each others sentences if only you order now.

Earlier today, Eddie and Chavo talk - Eddie is still ticked about what the Basham's tried last Thursday. Chavo is a lot more mellow - because it's all Eddie's fault for falling for it. Eddie's too gullible. I hope Eddie we keep doing these vignettes if it leads to Eddie just slapping the taste of Chavo's mouth at some point. Chavo: "He wasn't even a good actor, bro!" Eddie points out that Chavo didn't stop him from running out of the business. Eddie: "It's not about you and me against each other, Chavo, it's about kicking Basham ass tonight and becoming tag team champions again tonight!" Chavo's eventually fired up.

It would be a cheap joke to say Josh has never sounded been better than right now, when they forgot to turn on his microphone. So that's why I did that. Don't mess with Rue's family or you going down. Tag Team Title match. Angle/Lesnar. 

Survivor Series matchups video. They're really laying it on thick for Vince/Undertaker. (1:51)

Still to come: Jamie Noble vs Tajiri (c) for the Cruiserweight Title

During the break, Lita arrived and sign some books. Hey Lita, you've got a dog in your bag!

Coach thanks us for our support. That's awful nice of him. Goldberg vs Triple H hype - ah, video package. I hate Limp Bizkit now. I mean, more than ever. I'm so sick of this song. (3:42) ORDER THE PPV NOW! FOR GODSAKE BUY IT! I have no idea why this is coming off stronger to me than usual. Well, I have a little idea.

Still to come: Jamie Noble vs Tajiri (c) for the Cruiserweight Title

SmackDown! Live
11/27 - Hidalgo, TX
11/18 - Houston, TX [SD!]
11/22 - LA, CA
11/23 - Portland, OR
11/25 - Boise, ID [SD!]

The official theme song of Survivor Song is Limp Bizkit's "Build a Bridge" and it really blows.

Coach and Al think the RAW side of the PPV rules as much as they do. Can you really argue with that?

Hey, you want a second video package to hype up all the individual RAW matches? Here you go! (1:06) Coach: "Al, we've done all the damage we can do!" Oh, that means they're going to throw it to...

Your announcers are now Cole (6) and Tazz (7), who start another rundown by doing the "our brand is going to be better than your band" bit for the sixth or seventh time tonight. Team Angle/Team Lesnar. Los Guerreros vs Los Bashams (c) for the Tag Team Titles. Vince vs Undertaker, Buried Alive - did I hear a crowd reaction on that one? Let's look at the crowd - it looks pretty full. Ah, we're panning around to find our hosts aren't at the desk - they're showing us where the Buried Alive match will end - the grave. We pull out to see a big groundmover - it was used to put all the dirt out here today, and it doesn't take much to guess that's not the last action it'll see tonight.

Let's see that video package. If your ignore all the Vince wackyness, this IS a pretty straight forward feud - heel costs face the belt, face attempts to kill face. (1:45)

Up Next: Jamie Noble vs Tajiri (c) for the Cruiserweight Title

JVC Nidia gets blinded for the umpteenth time. I guess this is because this match isn't getting a video package?

Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200 pounds, by himself) vs Tajiri (anytown, Japan, 208 pounds, c, by himself) for the WWE Cruiserweight Title - there's a (normal) fire extingusher right in front of the ring. I have no idea if that's a mistake or plot point, so there you go. Nidia's undergone eye surgery, but still can't see. We take a look at the ambulance and the earthmover; they sure spent a bunch on props this time out. So is his name not really Yung and he didn't want to sign it over or something? Barely enough time to flash the belt on the screen before Jamie jumps Tajiri in the aisle. Forearms, thrown him in, Jamie in too, but Tajiri's up and stomping. Turnbuckle smash, kick, kick, chop, is Tajiri trying to get on the buckle there but can't?, Jamie reverse with kicks of his own before it gets too awkward looking. Short clothesline by Jamie. Whip, Tajiri with a handspring, Jamie side steps it, Tajiri stumbles on the landing (deduct .3), Jamie misses a clothesline, Tajiri nails the reverse heel kick. One two no. Crowd went from "Two" to "Boooo!" rather well there. Stomp. "Mui Thai" knees to the head - Tajiri's doing a lot of yelling while he's on offense today - suplex, dropping Noble chest first on the top rope. Cover one two no. Tajiri with more knees to the midsection - abdominal stretch! Tazz notes that Tajiri's working the midsection. Noble rallying out after about 15 seconds, hiptoss out, stomping, but Tajiri pops hi one with a kick from the mat. Tajiri tries to charge Nobel but meets a kick, Tajiri charges again and his clothesline is turned into a swinging neckbreaker by Noble,, but he landed to far away and has too little left (already) to cover. Both down, but Noble pops up at four. Blocks Tajiri's punch, lots of forearms, kicks to the leg to take Tajiri down, off the ropes, knee to the head. Off the ropes, running Tajiri over, one two no. Corner whip, charge in to a back elbow, Tajiri charges out into a powerslam one two NO. Noble grabbing Tajiri in a double underhook, but Tajiri is blocking going up. Noble stops because he sees people coming - Akio in, Akio thrown out. Sakoda stops at the apron and gets knocked to the floor. But they might have done their job - Tajiri up, Green Mist - blocked! Noble got his forearms up to cover his eyes in time! I don't know if we're pretending Korderas missed that (which would elevate him to new levels of Blind) or if misting forearms is just not a DQ-ible offense. In desperation, Tajiri tries a high swinging kick, but Noble ducks it, kick, Tiger Bomb! One two th-NO! I think, to Tazz, it's a Driver only if Tajiri lands on his neck (and I have no idea why he'd think that would actually happen in a WWE ring on purpose), but it's confusing when he calls a move two different names in three seconds. Tajiri pulling himself up in the corner, Noble charges, Tajiri leaps up for the Tarantula, but Noble was ready for and it and escapes. Knees, front facelock, going to the second rope - seated Tornado DDT is reversed because Tajiri keeps him spinning and puts Tajiri back on the top rope. Tajiri tries to slap Noble, but it's not even close. Noble punches Tajiri, then grabs him with his legs - Noble Tarantula! Noble (surprisingly) breaks before the five count, and he's going up now. Akio and Sakoda attempt an attack again and get kicked away - top rope flying axhandle unsurprisingly gets a kick to the ribs. Buzzsaw Kick, one two three. (4:16) Tajiri's buddies pull him to safety as Tazz wonders what Nidia thinks of this outcome. As we replay of the finish, Tazz reminds us how Tajiri worked on the rib early, which made that kick hurt that much more. Noble is distraught as he leaves.

Your announcers are NOW King (8) and JR (9) who talk about Austin/Bischoff and, with almost no warning, send us off that that video package. (4:25) We don't get a goodbye - credits and out

9 talking heads! I'm pretty sure I didn't need to meet that many people.