Funniest Part of RAW: Raven not being on it.

those wacky TiVos: Somehow, I got no sound on this show. You could say that's a vast improvement, though probably preferred more for that other B-Show. (All times more approximate than usual.)

TV PG LV entertainment open fireworks whatever I say here when MTV doesn't start early

Steven Richards (Philly, 235 pounds, w/WWE Women's Champion Victoria) vs Spike Dudley (150 pounds) - Your announcers are Lita and Coach and that's probably all you'll hear about them tonight. Actually, captioning fills me in - we're only one week away from the "rubble rubble", wow. Steven and Victoria did something typically freaky that I missed - make up what happened yourself for fun. Circle to start - Steven with a kick, forearm to the back. Slaaaam. Yelling. Slam - no Spike behind rollup one two no. Clothesline misses inside cradle one two no. Small package one two NO Steven rolls out to safety. Victoria consoles him with the knowledge that Spike probably is out of rollups by this point, and the match isn't a minute over. Steven back in - he's calling for a test of strength. (Hi Crash.) Spike is reluctant - and then does the roaring lion pose. Bicep pose for Victoria - she doesn't appreciate it. Here's the double wristlock, and of course Steven kicks on the test of strength. Taunting leads to a Spike headbutt to the gut - he rolls through the wristlock and gets the leverage against Steven. Steven's hands forced down to the mat for Spike to stomp, and follow with a dropkick to the chest. Steven retreats to the corner, so Spike just does his running in place stomps on him. Steven out again, this time Spike's after him. The chase is on, Steven in and Victoria getting the sneaky clothesline in on Spike. Spike thrown back in. Steven tries to follow up, Spike pushes him away. Steven with a forearm, choke over the middle rope. Neckbreaker. Announcers going with a "Spike is less than 100% because of what Batista did to him" and I can't remember what exactly Batista did to him. Well I assume beat him in a match of some sort, but nothing noteworthy. Choke and face grab on the ropes. Steven pulls him up - yelling suplex is blocked blocked blocked thrice. Spike with knees, corner whip is reversed and Spike goes in hard chest first one two NO. Snap mare. There's the full nelson - and there's the Rat Trap. I think Steven is yelling it out - if no one else is gonna call his moves, I guess he figures he might as well. Crowd seems to be getting on Steven and Victoria. Spike starting his rally back - to his feet, back elbow, back elbow, jawbreaker. Both men down - Spike crawls to a corner, Steven charges and jumps, crotching himself in the corner when Spike moves. Now both men are doing again but Spike's doing better. Inverted atomic drop, clothesline combo. Spike with a neckbreaker of his own one two NO. Steven begging off but Spike having none of it. Forearms in the corner, corner whip, reversed, Steven charges into a double boot. Spike to the second rope quick - quarter turn double legdrop one two no. Spike calling for it - Dudley Dog is blocked but I have no idea how. Spike really didn't get pushed off, but Steven hooked the top rope at the very last second and Spike went solo on the move. Steven goes to pick up Spike but there's another small package (guess I was wrong) one two NO. Steven's had enough - SteeVeeTee is blocked when Spike pushes him back first into the corner. Corner whip, reversed with Steven throwing Spike shoudler first hard into the post. SteeVeeTee one two three. (5:41) Spike was grabbing the shoulder before (back around the neckbreaker) but I couldn't figure out why because Steven was working on the head - I guess that's the Batista injury? That's what the announcers say.

MUCH LATER TONIGHT - Jeff Hardy vs the Hurricane. Next, Tommy Dreamer.

Here's Tommy with thoughts about being in the Royal Rumble - his first ever. The great part is the captioning says "Royal Rumble" this time but then corrects itself to "Rubble Rubble." Being in WrestleMania would be a dream come true.

JVC Heatless Tag Team Title Change of Last Monday - this is where you'd ask "hey, if Eric wanted the titles on Storm/Regal SO BAD, why didn't he just make Morley the referee to start?" if you cared.

Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, NY) vs Aaron Aguilera (neither Hardcore nor wearing a gold suit at the moment, already in the ring) - Aaron pushes Tommy before the match, as if to say "hey, you may be in the [Rubble Rubble] but I've got the better chance of main eventing WM this year." Dreamer, offended, shoves back. Circle. Lockup. Dreamer armbar. Crank crank, shorten. Aaron throws him down by the hair, off the ropes, nice legdrop but no one's home. Dreamer back to the armbar, throwing down Aaron by the hair. Armbar, but Aaron forces him into the corner and throws many shoulders. Corner whip reversed, Aaron rebounds out into the hiptoss. Aaron's got some shiny pants, let me tell you. Corner whip, reversed, Dreamer goes in hard and down. Whip, slowly turning and then turning a little bit more and then the sidewalk slam. One two no. What was with that? Surfboard to discuss. At least Aaron's working a logical body part. Dreamer doesn't seem in any particular pain at first here. Getting back up and turning it around. Actually, Aaron keep turning with him to prevent him. Bearhug! Dreamer trying to punch out but Aaron cinches it back up every time. Facebite will work. Off the ropes, sunset flip almost doesn't work right one two no. Aaron up first and nailing Dreamer with a clothesline. SurfBOARD. Why did I pick this match to do? The fun part about no sound is that you're not drawn away from Dreamer "yelping in pain [and calling spots]" Slam. Aaron going up. Aaron could use a belt - not a title belt, just something to hold his pants up right now. Off the second rope and right into a clothesline - what what he going for there? Dreamer gets the best of Aaron with punches. Leg is caught, Dreamer turns him for a reverse neckbreaker one two NO. Whip, reversed, Aaron puts his head down, Dreamer goes for the DDT, Aaron turns out, Aaron's short clothesline misses, Dreamer waits for him to turn around and loads him up - DVD 1 2 3. (3:25)

Undertaker returns. This is the Dead Man version. Maybe they'll be two of 'em? That'd be neato.

Tough Enough Recap. (2:12) Lita ('ccording to the captioning): "No doubt about it - Matt got his first taste of what it's means to be a WWE superstar." 

Next - D'Lo Brown vs Maven.

Maven talks about the Rubble Rubble. He reminds us he eliminated the Undertaker last year, but fails to tell us how the popcorn tasted.

WWE RAW Retro. Nitro/RAW. 3/26/01.

you betta recognize D'Lo Brown (Chicago, IL, 268 pounds, w/last Monday) vs Maven (Charlottesville, Virginia, 237 pounds, w/Last Year's Royal Rumble) - The vote count is at 1.5million for the RAW X show - got a feeling that just might become a nice even 2mil before the show. Coach says Maven's music is his favorite. We only get the elimination, not the people who helped set it up (which is odd, because one is sitting right there) nor the post-elimination fun. They do talk about the later part. D'Lo has many many words for Maven before the match, though you'd think he'd be happy here. SLAP. Maven charges - into a lockup. D'Lo headlock, cranking it in, Marvn turning out into a wristlock, D'Lo going behind in a hammerlock, Marvin into a hammerlock, D"lo turns back into a headlock. Wow - not only is Coach remembering that Maven never really got eliminated last year, Lita is mentions Team Extreme's involvement in that elimination. For her next trick, she'll explain how they all got back together in the first place. Maven pushes D'Lo into the ropes, D'Lo back with a shoulderblock and some trash talking. Off the ropes, over, drop toe hold by Maven. Wheel kick! D'Lo ain't talking to Coach anymore, apparently. Maven with forearms in the corner. Corner whip, reversed, Maven rebounds out into the spinebuster. Forearm. Coach makes lame joke. Lita: "Shut up Coach." D'Lo with gut punches. Talking trash. Forearm to the back. Kick to the ribs. Yelling at the ref. Slaaaaaam. Cover one two no. Stomp. BEARHUG - what the heck. This one last longer than the last one. What's that tattoo on Maven's back supposed to be. Maven hiptosses his way out (he's got more technical skill than Dreamer) one two no. Suplex - no, Maven's back huts to much. D'Lo takes advantage by ramming another forearm into Maven's back. Tying the legs - that's a pinning combination but I don't think it's what D'Lo wants - hey, Texas Cloverleaf! Maven's moving though and got the rope, but I guess D'Lo doesn't hate all white men if he's borrowing from Malenko. D'Lo having a long and stressful conversation with the ref while Maven recovers. Suplex - no Maven small package one two no. D'Lo jumping side kick to the jaw one two NO. D'Lo, the ref. Talking. Again. D'Lo taking his time on shots to the head. Off the ropes, clothesline misses and Maven hits the reverse neckbreaker. Both men slow up - Maven's gonna win this punch battle. There's the nice high dropkick. Whip, running jumping forearm. Maven waiting for D'Lo to get up so he can hit his move (he's got a move?) - flapjack one two NO. I guess that's not his move. Maven with a whip, head down too soon, D'Lo whips him, Ski High one two three. (4:55) They're calling it the Lo Down this week but that's wrong. D'Lo won't let the referee raise his arm - and ask for the mic. D'Lo explains that the only reason Chad Patten counted three here is because he had to - and he was slow on a couple other counts shows that he's still a racist.

Next, I fast forward.

RAW Live
Monday - Mohegan Sun [RAW]
Sunday - Boston, MA [Rumble]
Next Monday - Providence, RI [RAW]

What a bunch of posers. (4:34) That's funny every time I use that joke - trust me.

Coming up next, Jeff Hardy vs the Hurricane

Earlier Today, Jeff theoretically talked about the Rubble Rubble. Or perhaps read poetry. Or sang. I don't know, it didn't make a lick of sense. I wish I had sound so I could properly commit the nonsense to posterity, but perhaps it's better that way.

PS2 Main Even win of Last Monday

Jeff Hardy (Cameron, NC) vs the Hurricane (w/WWE Anthology) - Lita and Coach have no idea what Jeff said either. Hurricane gives his mask out. Circle. Handshake. Lockup, no Hurricane ducks underneath, waistlock, standing switch, snap mare and Hurricane goes to the chinlock. Jeff up to his feet quickly, turns it into a hammerlock but Hurricane keeps turning and armdrags him down. Jeff with a single leg cover zero Hurricane with a single leg cover for zero Jeff with an armdrag, pose off. Circle. Lockup. Wristlock - reaching for the other, no, Hurricane spins and takes down Jeff with an armdrag like move. Hurricane with an armbar and leans away from the headscissors reversal, but Jeff is able to break free anyway. Jeff with a whip - wheel kick. Jeff is bouncing from foot to foot as Hurricane gets back to his feet, rubbing his face. Lockup, Headlock, Hurricane takes him down, Jeff manages the leg scissors reversal this time, Hurricane kips out, snap mare and Hurricane holds him down with a full nelson. Jeff up and back elbowing out. Off the ropes, right into a jumping clothesline one two no. Hurricane kinda mocking Jeff's bouncing from before, Jeff is displeased, and now they go face to face. Jeff with a shove, Hurricane back with a slap and now they're trading punches. Whip, reversed, Jeff goes over, off the ropes and both hit clotheslines. Double cover one two shoulders up. Both are slow up, Hurricane grabs Jeff's hair but Jeff punches his way back. Corner whip, reversed, Jeff goes in chest first and Hurricane hits the jumping neckbreaker on the rebound. Hurricane with a kick to the midsection, straight jacket Edge-O-Matic one two NO. Setting up for it - Eye of the Hurricane is reversed right into the reverse Twist of Fate. (Lita: "Reverse Of Fate" - that works.) Compactor one two NO. Kick to the midsection, off the ropes, right into the goozle! Jeff desperately kicks out of the hold, corner whip, reversed, Whisper in the Wind Seems to completely miss but Hurricane sells it anyway and the camera tries to hide it. One two NO. That's a horrible move if Jeff keeps doing it like that but he's been doing it like that for months and no one's stopped him. Front slam and he's going up - Swanton MISSES, Hurricane moved out of the way! Hurricane calling it for it - Eye of the Hurricane no Jeff turns and pushes him into the ropes. Hurricane gets the ropes and Jeff is rebounded back - Hurricane turns and charges, Shining Wizard one two three! (5:04) I'm pretty sure that'd be an upset. Fan with Hurricane mask is happy. Hurricane checks on Jeff and helps him back up. Hey, it's Raven and he's punking out Hurricane for no particular reason except maybe it had something to do with whatever they were talking about last week? Anyway, Jeff's thrown out of the ring - Raven Effect for Hurricane! Raven's still wearing no skirt - Jeff back in, double leg takedown, double legdrop to the midsection! Hurricane and Jeff team up - double clothesline takes Raven out. Well whatever that was about is over now. Jeff and Hurricane shake.

Tomorrow - Regal vs Lawler and McMahon returns.