Earlier today - William Regal and Tajiri (wearing a "I heart NY" T-Shirt) show up in a limo.

Open.

Live! Times Square! Don't Care! your hosts are Al Snow and Michael Cole and we have lots of action tonight. Al's added a snow man to his collection of stuffed mini-mascots. 

Hugh Morrus vs Albert - Shockingly, the Heat arena set has changed - looks like that Smackdown set. Two people start a "Hugh Morrus Sucks" chant GOD NO NOT THIS MATCH AGAIN. I can't take it any more. Hugh takes off his WCW shirt midway down the ramp, and Albert kicks it on the way down. Cole: "There's gonna be a lot of banging going around in this ring...a lot of meat in there" Al: "What I like to call to big meat slapping mastodons." I really can't take much more. Teddy Long is your referee. Lockup, headlock by Hugh, Albert can't escape, Hugh pushed off the ropes, shoulderblock but no one's going down. Hugh yells for Albert to go off the ropes and try to take him down, Albert asks him if he really means it, Hugh wants it, so Albert backs up - then quickly runs forward and clotheslines Hugh. Albert's a thinking man's wrestler. Stomp. Right, whip, scissors kick. Cover, one two kickout. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Albert: "C'mon big Hugh! (repeat)" Whip, scissors kick misses and Hugh lands the powerslam. Forearm. Corner whip, Hugh sandwiches him form behind, then slowly loads him up into the back suplex. Cover one two kickout. Push in the corner, open hand slap. Corner whip, reversed, Albert charge but Hugh gets a boot up. Hugh waits for him to charge again, back elbow, Hugh's clothesline misses, Albert's cocks his arm for a right, Hugh ducks on instinct, but Albert never actually threw the punch - he just waits for Hugh to turn back around - BALDO BOMB. One two three. (1:58) Hugh shouldn't be pulling stunts like that.

Wasn't Excess great last night? NO. Al and Michael talk about how "unbelievable great" it was - they got 14,000 e-mails (and answered five) - and coming up later, we'll have clips from the clip show.

JVC Sing-a-long and Milk Attack of Last Monday.

Tajiri is reading RAW Magazine. Regal thinks he's checking out the article on Tajiri, but of course Tajiri is checking out the photo shoot of Stacy Keibler. Regal shoes him away and warns him he'll go blind if he keeps it up, before getting distracted by the photo spread himself.

Crash & Hardcore Holly vs Sean O'Haire & Chuck Palumbo - Cole makes a English slang joke and then congratulates himself for it. Hardcore and Chuck will start this off. More hype for the RAW magazine - this time Hardcore's racing. Lockup.  Hardcore pushes Chuck in the corner, right from Chuck, right, spinning right. It hurts when he punches! Armbar, shoulder to the joint, shoulder to the joint, push in the face, push in the face, push in the face, twist on the armbar but Holly reverses and hits the clothesline. Right right right right and now slapping Palumbo in the face. Right. Tag to Crash, right from Hardcore, top rope cross body for one two by Crash. Whip, reversed, Sean with a knee, Crash with a right for Sean, ducks a clothesline, 'rana for Palumbo but it's turned into a powerbomb. Al's been reading joke books for kids again. Facelock, tag to Sean, turnbuckle smash. Double beal across the ring, cover one two Hardcore breaks it up. Sean with a kick for Crash, Crash is crawling for his corner but O'Haire pushes him away. Cole tells us that RVD is a good person (now, more or less.) Crash with a kick, Sean with a kick and a right. Armbar, tag, Palumbo with a kick to the ribs. Hanging vertical suplex for one two kickout. Crash crawls for a tag but Palumbo pulls him back with an armbar. We still don't know if Raven and RVD will fight on RAW. Tag to Sean, kick to the gut. That's a camel clutch but I don't know if O'Haire is meaning to do one. Hardcore gets the crowd going, but Crash is still stuck. O'Haire lets go of the hold, but drags Crash by his leg into the corner. Tag to Palumbo. Kick to the leg. Whip, clothesline. Cover one two Hardcore breaks it up again. Turnbuckle smash. Right. Palumbo to the apron - oh, I guess there was a tag there I didn't see (and still don't see watching it again), because Chuck goes out and Sean pauses before going in. Snap suplex, float over one two kickout. Armbar, tag to Palumbo. Sean turns it to a hammerlock and Chuck gets a right. Corner whip, Chuck charges in, kick by Crash. Crash quickly to the second rope - swinging DDT!  Everyone needs a tag but no one's moving all that much. Tag to O'Haire, that to Hardcore. Clothesline for Sean, clothesline for Chuck, clothesline for Sean. Whip, no reversed, no Holly falls behind, waistlock, Chuck grabs on to the ropes tightly and is happy with himself for doing so, but that just lets Hardcore pick him up by his legs and hit the super low blow. The Best Dropkick In The Business (Al remembers to say it) cover one two Palumbo breaks it up. Right for Palumbo by Hardcore, Sean grabbed by the head and Crash is tagged in - off the rope 'rana! Now the Hollys are working over the others in opposite corners - double corner whip, Sean reverses his and there's a (very slow) Jungle Kick for Hardcore. Crash charges at Palumbo and there's a (very slow) flapjack on to the top rope. Crash stumbles right into an O'Haire clothesline. One two shoulder up. Sean has a hard time believing that. Palumbo and Hardcore fight at ringside while Sean and Crash go at in the ring - suplex, no Crash falls behind, turns Sean around, off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, kick, faceslam. (Why did Crash bother going of the ropes?) Palumbo's back up on the apron, Crash charges him but gets clocked and stumbles back into an inside cradle. Mike Sparks is arguing with Hardcore Holly - now he notices the pin, one two three. Oh. (6:02) I think O'Haire had the tights - Al thinks so too. Hardcore didn't break it up because Palumbo was holding him, Cole says.

Segue to Tough Enough Clips - wait, someone needs to hit unpause. There you go. (2:23) Al says people got to see a totally different side of him that episode, Maven and his mom are still dealing with the bone marrow cancer so Al wishes them well, and he really doesn't miss Chris because he wasn't Tough Enough.

Slim Jim Booker T DQ of Last Monday

Booker T was sending a message, if you couldn't tell from the sound bit where they just said Booker T is sending a message. Since we just showed a clip of Tajiri, why not have Commissioner Regal and Tajiri spontaneously show up?

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Spike Dudley (w/Molly) - Back to SummerSlam and the last time we saw Spike - Al pronounces him a human Crash Test Dummy. Canadians aren't really humans, you see. There's a match here but we're too busy watching these four practicing their comedy routine and it's more interesting to show cut ins of them then the match, so I'll just wonder how Tajiri can understand a lot more English then he can say and point out the lip service to the Light Heavyweight/Cruiserweight Division, paid by Cole and Regal. Cole realizes there's a match going on just in time to call the Dudley Dog. (3:30)

Up next, highlights of Triple H.

Lance Storm vs Scotty 2 Hotty - If you're annoyed about me not doing play by play for the last match, I promise I'll make it up to you next time around - and since we just got this match two weeks ago (and that Albert/Hugh Morrus match two times one week), that'll be rather soon. Lance tries to slide out of the ring to punk out Scotty in the aisle, but Scotty sees him coming (since it happened last time) and decks him. Scotty throws Lance in and the match starts. Scotty on the apron, shoulder to Lance's gut, flip over in, off the ropes and there's the flying headscissors. Lance up, clothesline misses, Scotty hits the Superkick! One two no Lance kicks out of his own move. Scotty's shirt come off (squeals), right, corner whip, kip up, Lance's punch is blocked, Scotty is not, Lance tries a dropkick but Scotty catches him, slingshot, and Scotty sunset flips him down for a pin attempt one two kickout. Lance is up quick and sharply dropkick Scotty in the face. Corner smash. Right, Right. Right. Lance's punches look awkward. Whip, high dropkick. Cover one two kickout. Crowd chants for Scotty. Stomp. Stomp. Push in the corner, corner whip, charge in, Scotty with his boot up - off the second rope and another dropkick. Both down. They're going for the world record of dropkicks in a match. Lance's right is blocked, left is ducked, Scotty's right hits. Right again. Right again. Whip, backdrop. Scotty of the ropes, two hand bulldog. W - O - R - M. It connects, but this time Lance is smart enough to roll out. Scotty follows him out and throws him back in. Scotty to the apron - right blocked, Scotty's jawbreaker is not. Going all the way up now - off the top rope sunset flip but Lance rolls through - half crab, and Scotty has no chance. Tap out. Charles Robinson calls for the bell. (3:08) No one (except for Lance) is happy with that outcome. 2-1 Alliance.

Excess debuted. This all the Triple H stuff - I guess I was the only who thought this part was really slow and boring (not really Triple H's fault.) (1:47) Al and Michael talk about Triple H. 

Backstage, Regal is reading his favorite book on the Queen and setting up for some tea and cookies, but Tajiri comes racing in and saves Regal from the cookies. He thinks they're Debra's cookies, but Regal insists he's not that dumb. Oh well, it's time for their interview segment anyway.

Time for the interview. The crowd chants for Tajiri. And then Regal. Weird. Talk about Regal's lessened power, only having control of Federation wrestlers and Federation Titles, but we need to pause for another Regal chant. Regal thinks that Angle should've been the champion at SummerSlam and this was his way of showing Steve Austin that things wouldn't be always that easy, though Austin cheated everyone. Al asks Tajiri about the Rock, and Tajiri does his Rock impersonation. They try to ask about the Tajiri and Regal relationship but Tajiri is too busy feeling around. Regal says he knew that Tajiri had could be a WWF superstar and is very proud of him. Regal says that the WWF made some progress getting back in total control with the Rock winning the WCW title and that's it. 

Wind Beneath Our Ring. This is a Very Special Video Package, enough so we cut out the guest singers and the Tazz bit. (3:29)  

Tomorrow night is RAW. No lie. Then.