WSX - 02/27/07
by Tanvir Raquib
Well, this was a new NEW episode of Wrestling Society X and it was a terrific example of pro wrestling that will be forgettable for all but the few souls out there, who will no doubt be waiting in line at their Best Buy/Walmart/Some Other Place to get the 25th Anniversary Edition of WSX’s First Season on MTV. I might be one of those people if I care about professional wrestling or do not have children that will be future wrestling C-show recappers for thecubsfansson.com.
WRESTLING SOCIETY X IS ON AND WILL BE COMPLETELY NOT MEMORABLE TO MOST, EXCEPT MESSAGEBOARD POSTERS WHO WILL TRY TO ONE-UP EACH OTHER ON USELESS PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING TRIVIATA.
The Clipse are the special guests and they perform "Wamp Wamp". Sorry, no Slim Thug in the house.
SCORPIO SKY vs. MATT SYDAL with LIZZY VALENTINE
Memories: Pusha T may be the second coming of Todd Pettingill as he gives insightful commentary throughout this five star affair between two men that I know hardly about. I like how he rooted for Sky because he’s black. I always root for blacks in wrestling matches. Adrian Byrd, especially.
Outcome: The black man won in the end, which will certainly lead to change like Martin Luther King Jr. wanted. The dreams of a national hero were so powerful; you can not doubt that his dreams of black wrestlers defeating the white ones were definitely one thing that the Good Doctor would have wanted. A great step in the road to civil rights in the year 2007. Sky is someone that WSX fans will regard in the same light as Bobo Brazil, JYD and Hardbody Harrison. Sydal’s losing comes at a huge price for upper-middle-class Caucasian suburbanites with Latina anglophile girlfriends everywhere.
Hopes: A second part to this would be Thunderbolt Patterson finally pinning Father of the Year, Fritz Von Erich.
KEEPIN IT GANGSTA vs. THAT 70’S TEAM
Question: Do angry black men from the hood really kick the shit out of a team with a dude named Disco Machine?
Answer 1: Yeah, Babi Slymm is nice with it. Also, that dude Ruckus did a cool flippy move that people would like if they watched CZW.
Answer 2: No, I do not watch CZW.
Answer 3: There was definitely usage of the ill-fated disco ball on Machine’s crotch area, which was not shown on television – to the outcry of children throughout the gold. Ethiopian Gradeschoolers – the one with their ribs showing and the flies on their faces, honestly.
HUMAN TORNADO vs. EL HOMBRE
A Social Lesson: El Hombre is a white guy under the guise of a luchador. This is tremendous. Many years ago, a man named Blitzkrieg made people think he was really cool. Hey, here’s a guy who flipped his way into the hearts of WCW agents with his athleticism and whatnot. A man who wrestled Juventud Guerrera in one of the greatest matches in the world of greatest matches that no one remembers but will make it onto a Best of WCW in 1999 DVD. Just remember that a Best of 1999 DVD would make us remember Owen Hart plummeting to his death and Limp Bizkit. Whoa, eight years ago. Yeah, man. So, this Hombre dude is following in his footsteps. Mighty footsteps to fill for a guy that will be remembered by half the people that shed a tear for Battle Kat’s tremendous run on Superstars.
Unfortunate Circumstances: My main man Human Tornado never had his match and he was laying on the hotel room floor.
Rest in Peace: H. Tornado (2007-2007)
Oh Yeah.
Rest in Peace: Bam Bam Bigelow (1961-2007)
Syxx Pac Speaks: And sounds very angry at Vampiro!
Vampiro: Walks to the ring as the crowd shows Pee Wee Moore with his jaw to the ground.
…and right behind that dude Syxx Pac, comes a MYSTERIOUS HISPANIC FARMHAND WITH A BURNT SIDE OF HIS FACE. HOLY SHIT.
Dave Meltzer Says: His name is Ricky Banderas.
FireBall Thrown: No bullshit, he threw it. And they edited it with zig-zag lines and graphics or something.
MY REALLY IMPORTANT THOUGHTS:
A fantastic episode that your children’s children will be telling their grandchildren while tucking them into bed at night.
The spirit of Andre the Giant hangs his head in shame after watching the performances of clearly more memorable athletes in their prime.
I suspect a 0.43 rating.
Tanvir Raquib
t.raquib@gmail.com