Bengali Metal
Posted: 04/20/02
WHO ARE MY FAVORITE WUTANG MEMBERS FIND OUT AT THE END OF THE RECAP.
I've decided to recap a wonderful episode of WWF syndicated television, because Vince decided to put some better wrestlers on this show. Let us watch this show and savor it for oh, two months, before the NEXT ridiculous change that will save the World Wrestling Federation! [rolls eyes]
Bengali METAL
We start with CHRISTIAN walking out and boy, these fans really don't like him! Fireworks and he weighs a whole 225 pounds! Golly. And here's HUGH MORRUS, who is like one of my favorite wrestlers ever. He has no hair on his head. This is awkward.
They circle and boy, this crowd hates Christian. I don't know what they're chanting but it might be something derogatory. Okay, lockup - Hugh powers Christian to the ropes - break - Christian with a pieface and he runs out of the ring. Oooh. Everyone hates Christian. Christian back in the ring slowly - he doesn't want to lockup but he does - Morrus powering Christian to the turnbuckle - break - Morrus messes up Christian's hair! Some stuff happens where Morrus gets the upper hand - including, an armdrag and shoulderblock. Morrus tries a back bodydrop, but Christian with a swift kick. Morrus tries a gorilla press, but Christian slips out and hits his kneeling slopdrop. Punches and chokes from the Canadian. Christian with a pose. Hear the boos. Morrus tries some punches, but bah he's tired. Christian chokes Morrus on the ropes.
Somewhere under the rainbow, Christian slips off Morrus' back and hits a neat snapmare. SIDE HEAD LOCK TIME! Ah yes, Morrus with the breadbasket elbows, but Christian with a kneelift. Cover, 2, no. Christian is upset! The crowd thinks he "sucks." Christian with a cross corner whip, but Morrus with an Irish, Morrus runs into a back elbow. Christian goes up top and looks away from the ring, which gives Morrus the opportunity to gorilla press him. Morrus is ragin' with the punches. We get some wacky sequence where Christian tries to hit a Tomikaze, but fails. Morrus hits uhh…some move for a 2 count. Morrus with a powerslam for 2. One of the commentators notes that Morrus' left eye is bleeding. Running powerslam goes awry; it leads to a Christian slop drop for 2 count. Oh boy, he's pissed. OH NO OH BOY IT'S A TANTRUM. TANTRUM. TANVIR. Morrus goes up top and OH BOY he hits the No Laughing Matter for good ole ichi ni san.
Chris Leary is a homo.
Tough Enough 2 clips.
Fergie sells Weight Watchers. She's still fat and unappealing. Go away.
WWF REWIND is Kidman winning the skinny man belt.
CHAVO GUERRERO comes out to awesome Eddy heel music. This rules. Chavo can never do a real scowl for his life, though.
KIDMAN walks out and hey, there's his belt.
Ladies and Gentleman, this match is for the WWF LIGHTHEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPIONSHIP. Prepare to be awed.
Circle and lockup. Chavo with a waistlock - Kidman with a reverse - Chavo with elbows and uhh Kidman does stuff, which leads to a flying headscissors. This is slightly less recappable than my battles with constipation. Please continue. Oh man they have this wacky running thing where Kidman lands outside the canvas and then, he launches himself INTO the ring and hits another flying headscissors. THIS RULES. Chavo fights back by introducing Kidman to a turnbuckle, but alas, Kidman hits what might be the greatest sunset flip of all time. Chavo somehow is able to slingshot Kidman over the top rope. Amazing. And then, Chavo hits a baseball slide and a pescado. This rocks. Chavo throws him in the ring and a quick cover for 2. DOUBLE FEATURE. Chop and European uppercut from Chavo. Another cover for 2. Chavo with a sitting crucifix type move. Kidman doesn't give up.
There's your standard side headlock and your standard breadbasket elbows from Kidman. You would think the wrestling world could find another way to make a transition that actually looked less "fake" by now. Kidman hits a nice rana. BETTER THAN KEN SHAMROCKS EVEN. Chavo looks to be hitting an OUTSIDER'S EDGE, but man he just dumps Kidman out of the ring from that position. Like, he didn't hit the move - just threw him off his back to further behind him, which would be outside the ring. That makes no sense please forgive me no fuck you.
Kidman takes a while coming in. Chavo tries a crossbody but Kidman hits a dropkick! Kidman with punches! Whip and a back body drop. Cross corner whip leads to an attempt of a uhh…DIAGONAL CLOTHESLINE by Kidman. Is it diagonal? I think it is! But Chavo ducked it and hits a RUDE DDT for a 2 count. Man oh man. Chavo setting up for the Tornado DDT but Kidman elbows out and hits this really dorky powerbomb that me and Cubs talked about in email for ages. I mean, really this discussion was really just…great. All my emails with him are gone and now, I am sad.
L Those were cool emails!
Oh yeah right the match. The powerbomb was this thingy where Kidman grabs the other guy's biceps and pulls him down. It kinda ends like a crazy sitting powerbomb - only the guy behind Kidman is facing his back; think of an inverted Outsider's Edge or something of that nature. I hope Cubs will help me. CUBS HELP ME.
[The best way to picture it is"super flapjack"; BBoM says Reverse
Crucfix Face First Powerbomb, it's the face first variation of the move
sometimes known as the Iconclasm - TCF] I'm just trying to help the reader, that's all.
But oh man that doesn't put Chavo down for long cuz he hits the GERMAN SUPLEX. He tries to hit a side suplex, but Kidman hits a powerbomb! HOLY SHIT HE IS SETTING HIM UP. KIDMAN GOES UP TOP. You should just see the reaction of this crowd. Like half the people were on their feet. YOU CAN PROMOTE KIDMAN!? FUCK YOU WWF. Kidman looks to be hitting the SHOOTING STAR PRESS but no, that asshole Chavo crotches him! Chavo tries a suplex, but Kidman hits a swinging slop drop! COVER ONE TWO THREE. That match was so cool. If this was WCWSN, this match would've gotten five more minutes. Think about it.
AFTER THE MATCH: Chavo attacks Kidman! THE MATCH IS OVER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING CHAVO?! Chavo with a suplex! PLAY THAT MOTHERFUCKING MUSIC OF HIS. Nice to see cruiserweight HEELS actually you know, be HEELS. YES.
HOGAN SUCKS.
SmackDOWN was a show I watched of quite a bit - before I fell asleep on my couch during the main event. My father was yelling at my brother, so I just wanted to sleep. But hell, this Jericho/Edge had a very good finish - not great on the quality scale as RVD/UT, but both matches were booked beautifully.
SHUT UP ROCK WITH YOUR GAY MOVIE. I won't watch it. HAKUNA MASHANTAY.
HOGAN SUCKS.
DDP walks out and looks like a retard. HARDCORE HOLLY is a big meanie. HE RULES. I'd make him champion!
They circle - Page poses and gets a pop, so Holly goes to the top rope and poses in his asshole manner. Okay, let's wrestle. Lockup - Holly with a quick fireman's carry, Page with a shove and a headlock, Holly works on the arm, Page with a clothesline and a neckbreaker for 2. I'm tired sue me. Holly responds with a GREAT DROPKICK. The crowd sure does like that. HARDCORE HOLLY IS MINE CHAMPION. Holly, the aggressor with punches and stomps. Page tries to fight on his knees. Whatever! He tries some elbows, but no good. Holly places Page's torso on the ropes and hits his standard low blow. Chops in the corner. Punches and stomps, but once Holly turns away, Page pulls himself up.
Page attacks Holly with chops that don't hurt and punches that don't, either. Cross corner whip, but Holly kicks Page midway and hits a GREAT clothesline. Suplex! 1 2 no. Holly goes UP TOP FOR NO REASON so Page crotches him. Page with punches and he HITS a superplex. Page with punches and his roundabout punch. Why does he do that?! Page hits his rotation powerbomb. Somehow, they both get clotheslined out of the ring and they start fightin'. We hear the count from the ref.
1
2
3
4
5
I think Holly gets thrown into the steps right about here. But they still are uh fighting. THIS RULES.
678910
Cue the refs coming out and LOTS OF MAYHEM HAPPENING. THIS RULED IN ITS OWN WAY.
FIN.
P.S. My favorite Wutang members by order are:
1. GHOSTFACE KILLAH
2. GZA
3. RAEKWON
4. U GOD
5. METHOD MAN
6. INSPECTAH DECK
7. RZA
8. OL DIRTY BASTARD
9. MASTA KILLAH
10. AESOP ROCK
Tanvir Raquib
grandhassan@yahoo.com