Bengali Metal
Posted: 02/17/02
This is my recap. Check it out!
WLNY TV 55! RIVERHEAD, NY!
ONE WORLD GOD VINCE
Theme song. JUST A COUPLE OF CHORDS. SOME MUSICAL COMPOSITION YOU GOT THERE.
We're inundated with the voice of KEVIN KELLY. I don't remember what he was saying. Ho ho ho, here's
COACH. Blah blah blah HHH who cares blah blah blah. They talk about this for the majority of the next match…
Hey, it's LANCE STORM. Yep.
Well, hello there, FUNAKI.
They circle and lockup. Storm with a push, but Funaki circles around him and pushes him into the corner. Referee with a break, but Storm with an eyepoke. Storm walks into a couple of JAPANESE armdrags. Some other stuff on the other side of the ring. Yep. It all leads up to Funaki hitting a seated dropkick. Storm leaves the ring, but he doesn't stay outside for too long. Storm with forearms. Funaki hits a Russian legsweep. Now, he's stomping him in the corner. Cross corner whip, Funaki runs in for an avalanche, but Storm lifts himself up and over him. Storm with a keen enziguri. I say "keen" because the whole sequence seemed real fluid on Storm's part. Chop. There's another. Whip and a clothesline. Cover, 2, no. Side headlock, with Storm using a forearm, as well. Nice camera work. Bread basket elbows by Funaki, but Storm with a knee lift. Storm tries a tilt a whirl back breaker, but Funaki slips out. Storm turns around and levels him with a nice clothesline.
Both men are down.
Funaki gets up first and goes crazy. It's a lot of crap that leads up to a bulldog. Cover, 2, no. Storm might be going for a power slam, but Funaki gets a victory roll. Cover, 2, NO. Storm with a knee and whip to the corner. Storm with a powerslam for 2. Funaki gets in some weak kicks from his back. Storm with a fireman's carry into a forward roll. 1, 2, nope. Storm with AN ANKLE LOCK. FUNAKI TAPS OUT. Yes.
Chris Leary's chin hair stripe is fucking nasty. I think Dok Hendrix was cooler at this stuff.
nWo
Kevin likes talking about curling. I did not know it was shuffleboard, Coach.
OH MY…BOSS MAN is wearing khakis. I used to wear those. Now, I wear the same black jeans EVERY SINGLE DAY. Oh yeah, he sure knows how to bang that baton on the ring steps.
SATURN's tattoos are even more extensive this week. His arms have an insane amount of ink on them. And the back of his neck has a LOT more.
They circle and lockup, no Boss Man with a quick knee. Saturn with punches. A lot of them. Whip and a hard clothesline. Elbowdrop - 1, 2, nope. Boss Man is mastering the art of the palm thrust, apparently. He needs to stop stealing Glacier's STEEZ. A choke on the ropes by Boss Man. Here are some punches. Whip and uhh…something for 1 and 2. Saturn fights back - there's your cross corner whip, but Saturn runs into a back elbow. Saturn with boots, another cross corner whip, JUDO legsweep. Springboard dropkick! Boss Man with punches. I don't know, but the ending is Boss Man winning with the freaking BOSS MAN SLAM.
Now, I don't know about you, but I'm sick of seeing the fucking Boss Man on television. Can someone PLEASE call up Chavo Guerrero Jr.? Hell, I think a Ron Waterman squash would have be more entertaining.
M&M makes me REWIND and ho ho JERICHO ASSAULTS AUSTIN ON RAW. No dildos were involved.
Oh, Austin got revenge on SmackDOWN!
nWo
VAL VENIS is back. He fucks another girl before wrestling.
CRASH is angry and stomping. Yep.
They circle, then Crash just walks up to him and sticks his finger at his chest. Whoa, Crash shoves him, as well. What the hell is his problem? Venis is pissed and here's your COLLAR! AND! ELBOW! But heres a cross corner Irish whip by Crash. Crash with stomps. Venis hits a running clothesline. Punch punch whip there's a back elbow elbowdrop kneedrop suplex no Crash slips out there's a boot and DDT from him both men down. That might be the best sentence I've ever typed out in my life.
Boots and a neckbreaker - there's a lazy cover - 1, 2, no. Crash with an elbow to the neck. Another lazy cover - 1, 2, nope. Venis fights back, but Crash climbs on his back and has a sleeper hold on him. Venis does the smart thing and backs off into the corner. Venis with a sitdown powerbomb. I haven't seen that in a long long time. I will read Cubs' recap to find out what that was. [I miss WCW.] Punches and here's the whip into the ropes/ kneelift spot that Venis is in love with. And there's your legsweep. Crash gets in a kick to the crotch, though. But Venis hits the drop toe hold and HEY BABY HEY BABY HEY INVERTED FIGURE FOUR. Crash taps. Someone give it a name, please.
A big recap of this whole HHH issue. SHE'S NOT PREGNANT! A NO GOOD LYING BITCH! And yeah, Steph gets some revenge on SmackDOWN.
Hey it's Lonely Road of Faith nope it's nWo
STACKER 2 BLOWJOB OF THE WEEK is Taker beating the shit out of the Rock.
BILLY AND CHUCK have this odd ring music. I don't know, man.
But hey, SCOTTY 2 HOTTY and ALBERT seem to be having a great time to dancing to their's. Albert with an orange skully, though. Ugh.
Albert and Billy start. They circle and lockup. Billy with a headlock, but Albert just gets like, really frustrated and throws him like a million feet. Billy is kinda stunned, but he gets in a boot and punches. Cross corner whip haha no way. Gunn with more boots and another cross corner whip? Ha ha no, Albert just levels him with a clothesline. And hey, it's…it's…it's…THE GIANT SWIIIIIIIIIIING. I don't know how many revolutions that was. But I know they were televised. Once Billy falls down, Kevin or Coach bring up "blood rushing to Billy's head" and well, it leads to a whole lot more of that homosexual innuendo.
Palumbo runs in for a clothesline, but eventually, Albert clotheslines HIM out of the ring. Now, Chuck is trying to uhh…console Billy outside, but here comes Albert and he makes their heads hit each other. Yes, that was intentionally horrific in execution, my reader[s]. Albert pulls Palumbo back in the ring and OH LORD NO CHUCK HAS A WEDGIE. It's all "thongy" looking. And like everybody can see his butt. [IT'S REALLY MUSCULAR!] Uhh…tag to Scotty and he smacks that ass. Err…at least, the ladies like it. But the ladies like Val Venis. Yeah.
I think I had just given up on recapping this match right about here. Like it was really affecting my homophobic tendencies right about here. But yeah, eventually, Chuck gets his undies in check. He gets in some stomps and he introduces Scotty to the turnbuckle and everything! This all leads to a cover for 2. Powerslam no Scotty slips out. I don't know what happens, but both men are down. And like they have to tag their partner. Billy does and heeeeeeeeere's Albert. Albert kills people. Scotty wants to hit the Worm, but I think Billy interferes. And here's Albert gorilla pressing him - now, he's doing reps of lifting him. But he does not see Palumbo…AND THERE'S THE JUNGLE KICK. Billy just falls on top of Albert. And there's the ref and oh no 1, 2, 3.
I am sad, but Albert is pissed and hits Palumbo with a scissor kick. AND THERE'S THE WORM ON BILLY. And now, they dance like the sore losers that they are. Hyah.
Tanvir Raquib
grandhassan@yahoo.com