Bengali Heat
Posted: 09/02/01
AALIYAH.
We get this montage in red tint showing how Austin stole Kurt Angle's medals during the tag match on RAW.
BENGALI HEAT.
Al Snow and Michael Cole talk. Snow wonders just how intelligent Steve Austin really is. Anyway, we've got Chuck Palumbo vs. Matt Hardy scheduled later on tonight. Of course. But FIRST…
CHAVO GUERRERO JR. vs. TAKA MICHINOKU with WWF short tights and Funaki
No mics for Kaientai. Chavo throws his tee shirt at TAKA. TAKA looks grumpy. Chavo works on the arm, then Taka does. Chavo with a standing crossface thing. Taka is able to do stuff with Chavo's arm. Chavo tries a monkey flip, but Taka still locks onto the arm. Taka lands a kick and a couple dropkicks. Chavo tries a German suplex, but NO - Taka lands on his feet, nails an armdrag and a standing armbar. Chavo gets up and lands some forearms. Taka hits a shoulder block. (As you can see, I don't note the bouncing off the ropes. Cubs does this waaaaay better than me. You should read him more often!) Chavo nails a back body and a nifty short powerbomb into a cover for 2.
Chavo with a kick. Meet the turnbuckle, Taka. Punch, many boots and a rake of the face, as well. Taka with punches, Chavo hits a high knee to the stomach, then throws Taka out. Chavo climbs out and slams Taka chest first onto the canvas. He nails a cheap shot on Funaki, as well. Both men back in the ring - with Funaki threatening DEATH towards Chavo. WATCH OUT FOR THE YAKUZA. Both men trade shots, leading to a Taka superkick. Both men down, clap clap. Taka lands a back body drop, a flying knee and a spinning heel kick off the top rope! Seated dropkick! Punches, cross corner whip, Chavo with a monkey flip. I dunno what happens here. Chavo gets onto the top rope - Taka with a punch, gets off, celebrates. Taka tries a superplex, BLOCKED, Chavo hits a Michinoku Driver/Falcon Arrow type of move off the second rope. It's elementary - 1 2 3.
Cole and Snow talk. TAZZ IS HERE! WHO CARES?! Snow sings the chorus to "My Boyfriend's Back." HEY NOW HEY NOW MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK!
We're back and Snow looks through Stacy pictures in this month's RAW MAGAZINE. He also cracks another Agent joke at Stasiak. I HEAR HE'S A SPY!
HUGH MORRUS vs. BOB HOLLY
Lockup and boy, they go at it for a while, until Holly gets to the ropes. BREAK. Morrus with a shove, Holly responds with a clothesline. Morrus with a shoulder block, Holly hits a body slam, armdrag, another, STANDING ARMBAR! Hugh fights out and hits a flapjack. Or a hotshot. I NEVER KNOW. I said this clothesline was "stiff" in my notes. I only know when it's really apparent - like when Rick Steiner killed Cassidy Riley and this other dude on an episode of Worldwide last year. I RECAPPED IT! (Somewhere.) Suplex for 2. Headlock, Holly out of it with bread basket elbows, but Hugh with a running back elbow - Holly goes out of the ring, because of it. Hugh whips Holly into a ring banister.
Back in the ring, Hugh lays Holly down and GOES UP TOP. But he gets crotched. Up top, Holly hits a superplex. Flying forearms, clotheslines and HOLY SHIT is that the best dropkick in the business or WHAT?! The crowd sure does think so. So does Yahweh and Rod Carew. Cover, 2. DAMNIT. That should've been a win right there. They go to a corner, Holly chops, but a cross corner whip later and Hugh hits a running avalanche. He tries another, but it misses! Holly with his patented kick to the nuts, while holding Morrus' legs. Let's TOTALLY disregard the fact that Morrus is grabbing onto the ropes. SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF! SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF! Oh, fuck that. I'm recapping FAKE wrestling during my four day weekend. What in the hell.
Holly tries an inside cradle for I dunno what reason. Gets a two count. Hugh hits a back elbow, but too little, too late - ALABAMA SLAMMA by BOB HOLLY makes him your winner in a matter of seconds.
TAZZ IS CAUSING PROBLEMS. LA LA LA LA.
SMACK OF THE NIGHT is Debra and milk.
SEAN STASIAK with Stacy Kiebler VS. THE ONE BILLY GUNN
Lockup, break. Repeat. Sean with a shove, stomps and a headlock. Shoulder block. Gunn with a dropkick for 2. Snow says it's not as good as Holly's. I obviously would not know which one was better because I am a fan and I obviously have no idea about what makes a good dropkick! But if I did, my list of those with best dropkicks would be like this:
1. Bob Holly
2. Lance Storm
3. Billy Gunn
4. Liam Gallagher of Oasis
Anyway. To the turnbuckle and punches. A cross corner whip and Stasiak runs into an elbow. Morrus runs into a hotshot. Or a flapjack. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?! Stasiak with boots and chokes away in the corner. Bah bah, black sheep, how do you do? Boot and trying for a suplex, but Gunn lands on his feet, Stasiak hits his stupid back elbow where he jumps out like a fucking fetus. 1,2. Headlock and Gunn elbows out. Stasiak with a fireman's carry into a FRANCHISER? I think so! Up top, but Stasiak misses a cross body. WRESTLING IS FAKE. "Mecca of Stupidity"
Both men up, Gunn punches and hits a powerslam for 2. Whip, Gunn cinches and HITS his sleeper slam for 2. Stasiak rolls out of the ring. Stacy gives some advice and gets onto the ring apron to LURE Gunn into some provocative sexual acts. Well, not really. Anyway, Stasiak runs into Kiebler and she falls off on her ass. Oh yeah - Gunn hits the FAMEASSER to bag this one.
Back from another break. LET'S INTERVIEW TAZZ. GRR HE IS A MEAN GUY FROM RED HOOK. I WON'T SHAKE YOUR FUCKIN HAND YOU FUCKIN FAGS. GRR BIG TOUGH GUY. (Who could kick my ass.) I'll give you the rundown in a short and painless way. He'll be on the live Smackdown. Al is taller, but he can kick his ass. He has no friends. Al kisses the crowd's ass. The only reason that Al is the star of TUF is because of Tazz' association with the Alliance - they took all his footage beating the crap of those kids out! Blah blah blah. Tazz asks for a HUG. HUG HIM SNOW. HUG HIM. Al says he was on TUF because Tazz' schedule prevented being there all the damn time. Tazz made a decision and he should like, deal with it. YEAH! Then, Al says a lot of stuff about Tazz being paranoid and stuff. Yep. Al walks away and then, Tazz calls him out as a "p****." And then, they stand off and say lots of stuff to each other. Tazz likes to say "hit me" a whole lot.
This is the time where I put on my smart mark cap and say that while it would be nice to see both these guys feud, I don't know if it is going to happen: unless Snow's back is 100% and they actually want Tazz to start wrestling regularly and not just spot-matches every once in a while. I'd doubt it, because I can.
WWF SLAM OF THE WEEK is HURRICANE HELMS BECOMING THE NEW WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPION ON RAW.
MATT HARDY vs. CHUCK PALUMBO
Matt's selling his ribs. Chuck is all business, even with that hair. Lockup and both guys were the arm. Matt with a wristlock. Chuck throws Matt outside of the ring, but this leads to Matt tripping Chuck by the ankle. Matt goes up top and hits a crossbody for 2. I don't know what happens here. My notes are very sloppy right now. VERY! They do brawl outside, though. Inside, Palumbo hits a nice overhead suplex. HE'S GOOD! Boot to the chest. Cover for 2. Matt fights back. Chuck tries a powerslam, but Matt does something to counter that. THIS RECAP SUCKS! I WILL NOT COVER UP FOR ERRONEOUS LACK OF DESCRIPTIVE PLAY BY PLAY WITH MANY NON-SEQUITORS! Both man are down, but eventually, get up. Matt with clotheslines, a boot and a neckbreaker. AHHHHHHHHH legdrop from the second rope - cover, 2. Up, AHHHHHH Twist of Fate, NO, Matt grabs onto Palumbo's boot, Palumbo shoves Matt into a corner, runs into Matt, who busts out a sunset flip for a COVER TWO TREY. Spectacular finish!
Let's watch Austin be an absurd individual.
Tanvir
grandhassan@yahoo.com