Bengali Metal
Televised: 07/07/01
I think the time has come for me to bust out another recap. Because the wait has been long and overwhelming. The desire of the TCF.com audience for more "urban knowledge" from one person - ME - is such that I must give the people what they want. Why? Because obviously, my benevolence shines through all of my writing. Of course. I'll also be using my paychecks to buy clothes from the Salvation Army for the next school year. Because I'm benevolent! I also saw some not-so-faded black tee shirts there. And one Taz 6:32 shirt with many holes in it! Hilarious, yet trivial! You can thank me in the morning.
Bengali Metal
This theme music! It makes my head bob!
KAW KAW KAW RAVEN and JERRY LYNN walk on out and this is quite the mismatched team and BOY they sure as hell must be binded by being WWF dudes fighting to keep their "turf" legit and what not. BRING IT PALUMBO! BRING IT STASIAK! BRING IT KWEE WEE! Raven's got braids cuz he's obviously quite hip to all the latest trends. KAIENTAI comes out next and uhh…here's Taka to say stuff in that oh so Anglo-riffic voice of his. He called Raven "Robin" and his Lord is SPLOTTIF and he is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL and HAHAAHHAAHAHAA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA and that is weird. InDEED, Funaki! Oh yeah, the match. Taka and Raven to start off this week - Taka with the sumo squat and OMG THE CRANE and a chop to the chest. Both men chop each other with Raven winning - Taka goes for an eyepoke and blocked! A punch and Taka bounces away and gets something from Lynn, as well. Tag out and here's Funaki. Raven with a quick drop toe hold as now Lynn and him make a complete mockery of the camel clutch/seated dropkick combo that has been a TRADEMARK of Metal broadcasts for the past 18 months or so! BOO. Now, Lynn runs the ropes, Taka pulls down the top, so Lynn falls out. Taka with heelish beatdown before throwing him back in. Funaki covers a whole buncha times to no avail. Lynn with a punch, Funaki whips and Lynn bounces off into a high knee. Double stomp by Funaki! There's the tag to Taka and he's chopped him and THERE'S the drop toe hold. CAMEL CLUTCH SEATED DROPKICK YES. Taka with a snapmare and stomps now on Lynn's eyes. Side headlock, stops, Taka with another snapmare and a punch to a laid-out Lynn. Taka up top and says in perfect (for a migrant worker) English - "That's iiiiiiiiiiiiiit!," but alas, he misses the splash and Lynn hits him with a dropkick. Lynn tags out to Raven, who is a HOUSE and SOMEONE CALL 911 CUZ THIS WHITE BOY IS OFF THE HOOK. Kidman clothesline and an avalanche and a bulldog on Funaki. Now, here's all four men! Lynn hits a Tornado DDT off the rop rope on TAKA, while Raven hits his regular DDT on Funaki - stereo pins count'em ref - 1 2 3.
Blah blah blah Rhyno says stuff I don't care
Scotty doesn't hit the WORM on Tajiri cuz he's smart and GREEN MIST is always a great deterrent to pepper spray.
Benoit gets surgery.
APA kicks WCWs ass.
WHO IS THE MOLE?
IS IT TEST?
(who cares?!)
Rhyno/Test
Yawwwwwwwwwwn.
Slaughter says it ain't Test.
I need to watch more Foxy Brown movies cuz I want to see black people get EXPLOITED on film. I should really get my learner's permit, as well.
Lots of clips on this show. Shane sucks, but I only like his NEGRO MUSIC. I'm happy Austin and Kurt killed the match cuz I don't think the reaction for Booker's win would've been very good at ALL and that's like the moment where I think the whole audience is going to want to register in on. Booker got sexually harassed on SmackDOWN. Page runs away like an old man. WCW fights BACK and stuff and I really don't care right now. But will Taker make Chavo Guerrero famous? TUNE IN NEXT MONDAY!
TOUGH ENOUGH IS TOUGH HHH IS MEAN GRRR ARRGH SELL HIS PUNCHES DAMNIT DAMNIT TAKE JASON'S CHAIR AWAY
K-KWIK IS BLACK versus BILLY GUNN IS WHITE in a match that no one in their right fucking mind wants to see or hear about. So that means I get to slack it off in my thankfully shortest recap EVER. Billy has a gay belly ring. Nice finish, as Billy spinebusters Kwik after catching him halfway through the Hat Rack Cracked. Billy might be able to become a decent midcard heel. He'll always suck, though.
The APA doesn't look into the camera when acting badass. Maybe there were two cameras and they were just looking into the wrong one. That happens a lot, but really - can some dude tell them to shoot it over again and THIS TIME into the right camera? But again, this is Metal and if the show is busting less than a friggin 0.7 cable rating than why the fuck should production care if they should keep their values so up to snuff? Hmm.
A lot of Vince related bullshit goes here.
This Road Rules Ten is going to be SOMETHING, guys! And the Real World people were filming and I didn't even know and that's nice. I hope they all OD'd on E at Club Exit. I know someone who took crystal meth by mistake outside there! I need some better friends.
tanvir
grandhassan@yahoo.com