Bengali Metal
Televised: 04/07/01
Umm…I really should write more stuff, but ya know – college has actually started to take a precedence over recaps and columns, but not posting, because that can be done in a jiffy, you see? Anyways, I just got rid of my midterms and apparently, I'm a pretty smart individual. 93 on my Constitutional Law, 100 on Physics, A- on Ethical Theories, and the possibility of me bustin' the same sorta move on my Sociology exam. I guess it's a fair bet to say that things are looking on the up and up for the first time since well, 12 months ago. IMAGINE THAT!
My Mets are going to become the greatest team in baseball ever. This is just great – we've got Piazza, Alfonso, Zeile and Ventura. I only live about 45 minutes from Shea, so god damn, I best be getting me some tickets because THIS WILL BE THE YEAR DAMNIT. Oh, don't poo poo me with "well, that's what you losers say every year" because well, umm…I dunno. Either way, my team is awesome and your team is not so there. Just discount that 2-3 record as malarkey, please.
Apparently, I did a guest commentary for my good friends at Rant Central. Poke at my horrible syntax errors! Trust me – it's FUNNY! Oh yeah – if you wanna hear my voice, this is "55 Stories" and I'm the dude playing bass and singing awkwardly.
Bengali Metal – I'm the son of a preacher man…he was….he was…OHHHHHHHH YES HE WAS
We get the same old musiq soulchild
HAKU vs. SHAWN HERNANDEZ
Haku wears a new vest/jacket thingy to the ring. It is so phat. We're joined by Tom Prichard and Kevin Kelly. Collar and elbow – waistlocks traded – Haku grabs the ropes. Collar and elbow – we get a Haku headlock, pushed to the ropes, Haku with a running shoulderblock. Okay, they run the ropes and here's a short-arm clothesline by Hernandez. Haku's double tough, though – he hits a flapjack backdrop that is very evil. He punches the back a lot. A vertical suplex and a cover for 2. In the corner, Haku with chops, crosscorner whip and an avalanche by Haku. HEE YAW
They trade punches – Hernandez hits a lot of chops in the corner. Haku is very unfazed and strong, though. He just WON'T BUDGE. Hernandez wants Haku to eat turnbuckle, but Haku does so willingly. An Irish CCW by Haku, Hernandez bounces off right into the Tongan Death Grip for the 1,2,3.
Coach says stuff. Benoit says "Technically!" a WHOLE lot. KOTR hype.
[commercials]
SLAM OF THE WEEK is OMG Edge SPEARING THE HOLY FUCK out of Jeff Hardy from the top of the fucking Empire State Building.
ESSA RIOS vs. VINNY VALENTINO
Collar and elbow – Essa with a headlock takeover – Valentino works the arm, some stuff happens, and covers to no avail. Essa with a chop and BLEH. Essa with a kneelift and a clothesline. Scoop slam. Slingshot legdrop, cover, 2. Boot, whip, Valentino with a neat drop toe hold onto the bottom rope. Valentino with punches, chops, CCW turns Irish, as Essa goes up and over; missing a dropkick. Essa also misses a Thesz press onto the ropes, as Valentino moves away. Valentino with a bridged Northern Lights suplex for 2. Elbowdrop also for 2. Some punches. Whip – a backdrop, but Essa lands on his feet, but Valentino with some punches. Essa with a kneelift and a double axehandle. He does that bouncing stuff into an armdrag. Chop, CCW turns Irish, someone goes up and over, Essa for a sunset flip, but somehow, Valentino with a backslide for 2. I don't know who goes for an inside cradle. Essa with a fireman's carry slam and HE'S GOING UP TOP OMG HE HIT THE SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!! Pin is muhfuckin academic, you punk BUSTAS.
[commercials]
Benoit/Angle stuff.
WWF Volume FIVE RULZ, but I hate my cousin.
BOOT OF THE WEEK: Chyna looks thinner and possibly weirder?
GET ROWDY K-KWIK vs. BRANDON I DON'T KNOW HIS LAST NAME
He might not even have a last name. Not if the WWF doesn't tell me. Aww, yeah – I got the STP playing and this is good typing music. Kwik raps…badly. Lockup – Brandon with stuff on the arm, Kwik switches. Headlock into a wristlock by Kwik. Blah blah they trade stuff. Kwik with a headlock takedown – Brandon headscissors. Later, Kwik an armdrag and a dropkick. Brandon with punches, whip, Kwik ducks clothesline, bounces off, flying forearm by Kwik. Kwik with Kanyon's finisher. Some slam, as well. Brandon with a belly to belly for 2. He's driving in them boots. Kwik to the outside. He comes back in – Brandon hits a dropkick and covers for 2. Brandon with a side headlock or whatever – Kwik down, but comes back with breadbasket elbows – Kwik hits his leg lariat thingy which is NOT the Hat Rack Cracked. He also hits the gayest shoulderblock ever. Kwik up top – missile dropkick. Cover, 2, no. Whip, reverse, Brandon ducks, Kwik with a kick and here's the HAT RACK CRACKED front suplex for 1,2 and umm…3.
[commercials]
LA LA LA LA
WMXY AUSTIN YOU SUMBITCH BYE BYE ROCKY THIS SUX
[commercials]
STEVE BLACKMAN/GRANDMASTER SEXAY vs. BIG DADDY and REDD DOGG
Well, lemme see. I was kinda watching Mississippi Masala on BET, which stars the lovely Sarita Choudhury, so I missed the intros…I think. Blackman with a shoulderblock on Big Daddy. There's a face first slam thing and a tag to Sexay. Sexay with an enziguri and some trash talk. Big Daddy with a cool eye rake. Redd Dogg in with punches, CCW, Dogg runs into a boot. Sexay to the second rope – missile dropkick for 2. Sexay gets whipped into Big Daddy, which leads to Dogg hitting a clothesline and a scoop slam. Tag to Big Daddy, who hits a neat slam and mocks the Sexay dancing. Sexay takes advantage with a rollup for 2. Sexay with some punches, but that's just not enough sadly. Tag to Dogg, who punches, whip leads to a clothesline. On the second rope, but he misses a splash. Sexay now HAS to go for the tag – reaching…reaching…TAGS BLACKMAN YES! Blackman with punches, a backelbow and a boot – TO BOOT. HA! Double backdrop by our somewhat funky duo. Umm…they hit a Hart Attack, I think. I think. Blackman with a snap suplex and like a wannabe Jackhammer type move. SEXAY UP TOP – IT IS TIME FOR THE HIP HOP DROP YES YES YES ONE TWO THREE! THIS SONG RULES! [The one I'm listening to, dumbass.] YES!
Blackman is about to leave, but Sexay won't let him. HE WANTS TO DANCE. Blackman is angry and SERIOUS – he SHOVES the Grandmaster down. WTF?! Sexay wants to dance, but Blackman says his back is hurt. COME ON STEVE DANCE! Steve takes a lot of prodding, but finally gets into the ring. Sexay puts on THE SHADES! But, OH WAIT, the SHADES only have ONE LENS HOLY SHIT! That's funny! Hahahahahahaha this is fucking GOLD. LIGHTS GO OFF…and they dance. DANCE STEVE DANCE YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES THIS IS FUCKING GOLDEN
Coach with KOTR hype blah blah blah. Taker proves to everyone that he's still the American Badass and everyone on his case should shut the fuck up because he's busted his ass for this company since the prehistoric ages and HIS CHARACTER AND ATTITUDE RULE!
Chinese people like Devry! Really!
VINCE and LINDA will FACEOFF on RAW Monday
Night!
WILLIAM REGAL will be on the HeAT!
Also, EDDY and TEST will settle their issues of
the European Title on the HeAT!
SPIKE and LITA will engage in various acts of
physicality with each other on the HeAT!
HeAT is will be LIVE at 7PM SUNDAY!
THANK YOU EVERYBODY GOODBYE N GOODNIGHT!
Tanvir
grandhassan@yahoo.com