Bengali WWF The Music 5 Review
Televised/Written: 03/16/01
The fact that I got lynched at Virgin Megastore a couple days ago was one thing. The fact that I finally got a chance to hear some of my favorite WWF theme songs was another. So, in the end, I'm trying to figure out if this was a good purchase.
The last CD I bought was Outkast's "Stankonia," which was awesome and when it starts getting love for all kinds of audiences [read: stuffy caucasian music critics], then that's about as good of a reason to go buy it. Of course, I'd already heard 2 of the songs already, so it seemed like a good investment for future entertainment, and boy, was I right.
Buying this CD is coming from a different perspective, because I am a wrestling fan and really dig theme songs and whatnot. So I went in knowing what I wanted to hear, but I just wanted to have the songs with me in some permanent fashion. See - my computer is a raging homosexual and I can't download files anymore, so this is the only way I can get by.
I'm assuming that you know all the songs on this CD, so I'll just fill in with some little anecdotes about the songs that you maybe did not know or did know. Trust me - it'll be worth your while, if your day is boring and useless as IS.
"The Game" is by Motorhead and I thought it was them, but was not sure. Now I know and am now validated. Lemmy's got that distinct voice and I might have heard only one or two Motorhead songs ONCE in my life, but I knew it was Motorhead and IT WAS! GOLLY! The song is OK to me and it is good to hear if you want to be peppy. Your mother will not like it due to the screechiness of the guitar and the gruff manner of Lemmy's oh-so-tender voice.
"Rowdy" is very low. K-Kwik's voice is low and you can still hear his voice, but like - the chorus sucks and this is one of the more forgettable tracks on this CD. But he does say "hat rack cracked," which may mean any number of things to you.
Tazz' "If You Dare" is cool because the heartbeat dying out in the front WILL make you think of your barely alive grandparents. I know it made me think that! Yes, I am cold hearted and mean spirited, but fuck you \endash it's just FUNNY. The chorus goes on A MILLION TIMES, which makes it lose it's effectiveness after the first 2 minutes of DUR DUR DUR DURDUR DUR DUR DUR DURDUR EEP EEP EEP EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
"It Just Feels Right" is THE forgettable and mistakable theme on this CD. I mean, how many times have you heard this song? Do you even know whose theme it IS? Well, it's Lita's. Yeah. Her's. And it's just very hard and weird and you should probably skip this unless you are like a MAJOR fan of Lita and collect all her posters and have vidcaps of her back when she got springboard legdropped through a table by SABU~! at the end of an ECW Hardcore episode like a year and a half ago.
Kane's "Out of the Fire" is awesome and AWESOME SONGS LIKE THIS are what make Jim Johnston loved by so many people online. I mean - if you're looking for a song that immediately makes you think of a wrestler, then THIS IS IT. What's cool is that NOW you have the opportunity to TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS and wait for the first DOOOOOOOOOOM to hit and then YOU CAN TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON and OMG isn't that awesome?
"Latino Heat" comes off well, because it pushes the wonderful aspect of Latino-male dominance upon the unbecoming white trash that makes up that wonderful WWF audience. I could just imagine it now...
"Hey, COOTER - what's a LAHTEEEEEENO???"
"Hyuk, I dunno, Bubba!"
BILLY GUNN'S THEME. Jesus Christ - this song is mindnumbingly bad and worst part is, it's from the same dude who did ASS MAN. God, this is terrible. Absolutely terrible. Just forward through this. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
"What About Me" is a better-than-you-think song, because it's got a lot of freaky sounds that you probably don't catch on TV. Fine you probably just hear a lot of guitars and drums, but if you listen very carefully, you WILL hear an Arab dude in the background saying something. It's either a really neat sample or Arabic chanting or something equally awesome. Sure - it sounds a lot like Benoit's but the birds and the Arab and a whole wide variety of other influences make it just the most underrated piece of garbage ever.
But then, you've got DON'T TREAT ME LIKE A DONUT. Yeah. Chyna's theme about female empowerment through big breastesses and a decent job of globbing on enough makeup. Just try to act gay if you're forced to listen to this song. It'll make you feel better. Or maybe it's better to go take a shit and come back. It'll be over by then.
"Medal," which is Angle's song is one-dimensional and wonderful because of it. What you hear is what you get. It's simple and to the point: this wrestler is the greatest and you MUST accept him for it. The whole pretentious vibe of the song is ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL when you compare it to the actual dude. Course you already knew that. I think the chorus can get annoying after the third time, but hey, you can skip it after the first 2 minutes...
Rakishi's theme has to be just as underrated as Raven's, but for TOTALLY DIFFERENT REASONS. See - Raven's song has all these different elements coming into play, which makes it great and unique and wonderful. That song has got guitars and ARABS and I think that makes damn good theme music. THIS SONG is a horrible theme song. But like, in the aspect of a song, this isn't bad at all. It totally clashes with Raven's because it's basically the most simplest drum beat in the history of music ever with some black dude saying stuff about being bad. BUT IT'S GREAT BECAUSE IT'S SLOW. Kinda like a thugged out Will Smith with the voice of say, Shyne. Yeah. This song rules and fuck any of you who hate it as a song. I love it and all of you haters can perish. PERISH! BEGONE!
"Shooter" is GREAT and FITS BENOIT PERFECTLY. I put that shit on and BAM I'm bobbing my head up and down and damn, it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. The timing of everything is great and the heavy beat to the songs just brings out a lot of this testoserone-enflamed fury that seeps out of your balls and into just about every other place in your body. To get this song is wonderful and HEADBOBBIN' TO THIS IS AWESOME.
"Turn it Up" has weird samples from somewhere and the dude is saying something like "WE'RE NOT FOOLIN AROOOOOOOOOOOUND WE'RE NOT FOOOOOOOOOOLIN AROUND EEEEEGAGAGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and it's really dumb and will make you wanna raise your hands and wave them like you just don't care. It ain't great, but it's sure as hell better than...
PIE. It's HORRIBLE. If you're looking forward to this CD for the Rock track, then you will be disappointed. Apparently, you have an appearance by Slick Rick, but he doesn't even rap they're just talking in some dumbass monolouge thing about pies and whatever. And you have GOSPEL. Jesus Christ - if I wanted GOSPEL, I'd go buy a fucking Kirk Franklin CD. "GP ARE YOU WITH MEH?!" He makes fun of Asians, which kinda evens things out, but NOT ENOUGH. This song was bad and even worse than bad at some points. The gospel I could not take. NONE AT ALL WHATSOEVER.
And that's my review of everything. Make your own fucking decision if you wanna buy it or not.
Tanvir Raquib
grandhassan@yahoo.com