Bengali HEAT
Posted: 03/11/01
Yeah. So I took a couple weeks off from Metal or WOW or whatever I usually do here. But hey, I did Bengali No Way Out and that turned out wonderfully. I was thinking recently of doing Thunder here, but then, I realized that it would be a bitch to pull off and would probably be most irresponsible, while I’m taking 16 credits this semester ANYWAY.
Man oh man – I shilled my "band" like a year ago on [slash] and NOW…we have our own site. www.thirdrateband.com is just another annoying link to another place, so you probably shouldn’t click on it…but hey, you might wanna check out my drawing ability! Yup, I draw a lot and stuff – usually in Ethical Theories class.
You know what sucks? That all you froot-booties have SPRING FUCKIN BREAK while I have classes and shit and MIDTERMS GALORE arriving. Maybe I should start studying more often. Maybe not.
Here’s "WWF HeAT" on the MTV – only I take out the "WWF" and insert "Bengali." Really!
Bengali Heat – irony is a bitch.
Last Monday – lots of stuff involving Al Snow happened. He got his ass kicked by Big Show. On Thursday, he lost his match for the commissionership against William Regal.
Theme song thingy.
Wow, an audience with PEOPLE. Yeah. Oh, here’s Al – he’s our host for this week. He sucks up to the crowd and umm…he let us down on SD. And he doesn’t wanna be a Superstar with a Commish Regal. A box arrives courtesy of the Germ and whaddaya know – it’s the MIDGETS. "Hi ho – Al won’t go!" Al tells us his decision will come within the hour, as to what he wants to do.
TAZZ and MICHEAL COLE say stuff.
WMX7 contest stuff. Now That’s What I Call Music 6 is what I want for my birthday. Oh, and there are 21 days left till WM.
Al and the midgets say stuff backstage. They’re trying to figure out career options for Snow.
KAIENTAI comes out. I see signs! TAKA stresses two things: CHEATING and EEEEEEEVIL! Funaki, ever the philosopher, says one word: inDEED. TAKA apparently challenged some sucka[s] to come fight them…
…and out comes STEVE BLACKMAN. We got ourselves a 2 on 1 handicap match.
BEGIN
Taka and Blackman to start. Taka shows off the CRANE. Blackman responds with a punch. Taka ducks a boot, but Blackman takes him down with a legwhip. Wheelbarrow suplex from Blackman. Funaki interferes, which leads to Taka taking the offensive with chops to the throat. Somehow, Blackman gets thrown out of the ring, but he whips Funaki into a guardrail and swings his head onto the steps. Cool. Taka hits a sweet plancha. Blackman thrown back in – Taka with a droptoe hold. Kaientai with the AWESOME camel clutch/seated dropkick combo that is AWESOME. AWESOME. Taka and Blackman trade kicks, with Blackman getting the advantage.
Funaki runs in with a running kneelift. Kaientai with boots and they hit a neat double dropkick spot from both sides of Blackman – meaning towards the shoulders, not front and back. Funaki holds Blackman, but Taka misses and hits Funaki with a spinning heel kick, I believe. Blackman kills everyone with unrecappable violence. That’s right – figure it out for yourself, biotch. Blackman hits a bicycle kick on Funaki and here’s a double grapevined dragon sleeper to end this. Blackman’s your winner, yes.
FIN
Snow tries to be a singer. No go.
I think I should buy the Def Jam recording thing, as well. The songs on it ROCK. And am I the only one noticing the Dirty South Cash Money "bounce" sound on the wCw GREED promos mixing in with the usual "Take It" from ICP?
Lugz Boot of the Week was Regal becoming our new commish.
Snow talks to midgets. He might just be an interviewer! Hyuk!
CRASH w/ Molly Holly vs. RAVEN w/ Ninja Chick
There’s some hostility in the ring between Holly and the Chick. Raven quickly with the punches and Crash meets turnbuckle. More punches – CCW – Crash raises himself up and somehow gets a CONFOUNDING schoolboy for 2. We get lots of reverses and stuff here. I WISH I COULD RECAP THIS FOR YOU! [OK – maybe not, assmunch.] Crash with a neat droptoe onto the second turnbuckle. Crash with a catapult, leading to a rollup for 2.
Whip, reverse, Crash bouncing off ropes, but Ninja trips him off. You know who Ninja reminds me of? Virgil, because he was VERY efficient at tripping guys. The subtlety that he was a black servant was also kinda weird. Hey, maybe it wasn’t so subtle.
I’m thinking too hard, damnit. Molly’s angry, so the ref tries to keep her away from Ninja. Crash with another rollup for 2. CCW by Raven leads to an avalanche which leads to a botched-in-the-beginning bulldog. Snapmare and WOOHOO the return of the neckbreaker submission! Crash is a tough feller. Raven whip – reverse – Crash with a sleeper, reversed into a jawbreaker. Crash tries again, but gets backed into a corner. Crash with punches, tho – whip – Raven bounces off – Crash with a backelbow, something and a scoop slam.
Top rope missle dropkick HITS. Ninja Chick on the apron and she hits Crash with a hangman. Raven, the opportunist, hits the DDT – cover, 2, win.
LALALALALALA
Molly’s angry, so she and Crash attack Raven and Ninja Chick. Molly manages to pull off Chick’s mask and OMG its Tori!
Tazz and Cole are SHOCKED. OK – somewhat, but whatever.
Snow interviews lots of people. I DO NOT CARE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING MORE ABOUT THIS GOD AWFUL SEGMENT.
I must also buy the Goin’ SOUTH CD, because I have an affinity for redneck culture, even though I am Bengali and have lived in NYC my whole life. Go fig.
WM FLASHBACK: LT with the shoulderblock from the second rope to BEAT BAM BAM BIGELOW.
IVORY comes out and GOD DAMN she says A LOT OF STUFF ABOUT CHYNA AND HOLLYWOOD. Do you wanna know what she said? Well, not from me, you won’t. Ha-HA.
Tazz wonders if Chyna’s ready. BLEH.
Backstage, Snow doesn’t wanna be an interviewer. The midgets whisper in his ear. DEAR GOD I HOPE HE DOESN’T BECOME THAT! AHHHHHHHHHH
ROCK AUSTIN OH HELL YEAH segment with the only drawback being Limp Bizkit in the background. USE PANTERA INSTEAD MAN.
Who is America’s greatest Rock n Roll band? It sure as hell ain’t Aerosmith. I’ll pick Journey instead! OH SHERRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIII I’M IN LOVE!
XPAC with JUSTIN CREDIBLE come out. ‘Pac looking bout it bout it. Credible looks credible.
BILLY GUNN doesn’t wanna be here. He doesn’t even smile at the fans. OMG DID HE LOSE HIS SMILE TOO? See, he’s just like HBK, smart marks!
BLACK VERSUS WHITE
Trash talking between the two. Xpac shows off his muscles, but Gunn will have none of that. I wouldn’t either! C&E – Gunn pushes off. Gunn with punches – whip – Xpac bounces off with a kick and punches. Some whipping and bouncing off and reversing leads to a Gunn gorilla press slam. Clothesline sends Xpac out the ring.
Xpac asks for timeout and walks away from the ring. Gunn’s just about had enough – he brings Xpac right back in the hard way. Credible manages to hit a superkick on Gunn outside, tho. In the ring now, and Xpac with some choking. Some boots and a good and pleasant heel kick for 2. Whip – Xpac with a sleeper. Gunn down, but comes back up with breadbasket elbows. Xpac with yet ANOTHER heel kick. Xpac brings Gunn over to the turnbuckle. 3 kick combo by Xpac. Foot choke on the ropes. This is elementary – BRONCO BUSTER.
Gunn no sells the Buster and he is ANGRY. He hits some running clotheslines. Whip – tilt a whirl slam. Shitty jackhammer. He hits the fameasser, but Credible puts Xpac’s foot on the ropes. Gunn walks over to Credible, who’s on the apron. Gunn thinks that’s over and done with and locks on the sleeper…oh is it gonna hit?!???!??!12211!!
NO! Credible back on the apron and Gunn LETS GO. Xpac just rolls his ass up for the 1-2-3 kid.
AFRICA TRIUMPHS!
Snow blah blah blah MIDGET HARDCORE yadda yadda Skaboom is my hero blah yadda ya
SLIM JIM AUSTIN PROTECTS HIS DEBRA FROM ASS
Snow is back and blah blah blah the Midgets give him head as in HEAD so Snow stays in the WWF for life yay I’m so happy lemme do the DANCE OF JOY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY HEY.
Thanks for reading and not skimming. Aww, I love you, too!
Tanvir Raquib
grandhassan@yahoo.com