bengali METAL – this is where I try to say something remotely clever.

K-Kwik walks on down to the ring "rapping." The funny and oh, do I mean FUNNY part is when they cue in on the audience and there’s like one white lady grooving in a SEA OF CAUCASIA. That’s right – CAUCASIA!

Inferno Kid’s in the ring wearing a black singlet and blond hair. This is relevant for some reason.

Collar and Elbow to start – Inferno workin’ all up on dat wrist. After some of that wrist stuff, Kwik’s shoulders are pinned, but he kips up and deftly cinches in a headlock. After some bouncing off the ropes by Kwik and maybe even Inferno, Inferno gets in a powerbomb. Here’s some boots, as well.

Both men trading punches and Inferno hits a dropkick for dos. See – if this was Hardcore Holly, that would probably be enough to put away this Mystikal wannabe. Inferno covers again for deux. Inferno working Kwik back; placing his knee on it, while pulling back his arms. Kwik with the face comeback. We have a fight for a backslide that Kwik eventually wins, but gets only 2.

Inferno with a powerslam for 2. Boot choke stuff by Inferno. My back hurts. I believe I might be a potential victim of OSTEOPOROSIS. Inferno plays to the crowd, which provides the impetus for Kwik to hit a missile dropkick. Both men are down. Now Inferno gets up, but he misses a clothesline.

Kwik hitting some rowdy punches as I think of something POLITICALLY INCORRECT. Want me to say it?

OK – I will! This is the portion of the match where Kwik recognizes the eternal struggle that he has had to face as a Black Man In America. Indeed – and it is because of this reason that K-KWIK, holding a flag for Black America and most importantly, THE CONTINENT OF AFRICA, is…

UNSTOPPABLE.

Kwik hits the flying forearm, flying headscissors, and a leg lariat. Inferno tries to perform some chicanery but EH EH Kwik hits the Hat Rack Crack front suplex as a WIN FOR BLACK AMERICA if I ever saw one.

Random Thought: I’m hoping we get some good wrestling from whatever it is that I’m recapping this week – WOW or Metal or hell, something else. All I know is that I want something to chew on because writing about something you want to chew on is something that can not be underestimated.

We see Albert walk down as I say to myself one way or another, "This should be fun."

Bell, sensing DOOM and DESTRUCTION and all sorts of bad things, decides to SUCK IT UP and attack. Bad move. Albert tosses him outside the ring. After about 15-20 seconds, Bell gets back on the apron and manages to get a hangman. Bell hits a clothesline that Albert promptly no sells. After something else, Albert hits a bicycle kick.

Albert places Bell’s head outside the ring, leaves the ring and punches him. Whether it actually hit or not is none of my concern. My notes say "Unique boot", so I’ll note that Albert did something WEIRD with his boot. And he hits a nice catapult that has Bell’s neck hitting the second rope. Albert hits a headbutt.

Albert hits his COOL stalling vertical double underhook suplex that ends in a psuedo-powerslam. That’s about as good as THIS RECAPPER can explain it. That only gets TWO for Albert, who punches. There’s a boot, scoop slam, but he misses the darn elbow. He also misses an avalanche, as Bell was resting in the corner.

Bell does stuff here – the most worthy being an enziguiri, which makes my stupid brother say "hey, he looks like Owen Hart!" The fun stops as Albert hits a cross corner Irish whip and HITS HIS AVALANCE. Not too later, he hits his HOLY SHIT OH HELL YEAH SITDOWN DOUBLE CHOKE MIRACLE ECSTACY POWERBOMB. That does it.

Foley shills.

CLIPS OF RAW TAG TEAM TURMOIL AND HOSTILITY. Dudleys, UT/Kane and Christian/Edge face off at WWF nWo.

Random Thought #2: This is my 10^th contribution to this site and I’m amazed I’ve lasted this long. Maybe it’s my teen heartthrob looks and rapier wit that has made me such a literary success of the highest rank.

Slam of the Week is Big Show doing something BIG to Raven.

Loki is supposedly the INDY SHIT. Lockup – Crash with some wristiness, headlock to the floor, which Loki counters with a headscissors. Both men up – standing switches galore – Loki pushes Crash to the corner. Clean break? No, a punch. Later on, a crosscorner whip by Crash leads to him hitting a drop toe hold after Loki bounces off.

Crash with a weird submission – Loki is seated on the mat, while Crash sits on his neck, with his legs pressing on Loki’s shoulders. It’s hard to describe. After that’s over and done with [Loki is TOO LEGIT TO QUIT], they do some bouncing off the ropes foolishness, which leads to both men trying for a backslide, but Crash, being crafty, sneaks in a punch and neckbreaker for 2.

Somewhere later, both men punch each other and Loki gets in a kick. Then he hits a nice handspring spin kick thing that’s REALLY CUTE – like the Care Bears. We also get treated to a couple nice rollups for 2 by Crash. Loki cinches in a headlock, but Crash counters into a jawbreaker. There’s a backelbow ‘n a clothesline as well.

Loki with a droptoe hold – Crash lands on the second turnbuckle. Tries for a Tornado DDT, but NO – Crash reverses into an atomic drop. ACID DROP by Crash seals this muhfucka.

Random Thought #3: I think I’m gonna start buying puro stuff sometime in the next gazillion years or so, because I wanna know what all these other muhfuckas are talkin’ ‘bout. GIMME WHITE HOT BIG JAPAN DEATHMATCH OH HELL YEAH.

RAW/SmackDOWN package shows us more of the HHH/Austin HOSTILITY. 2 out of 3 falls means nothing if I DON’T GET TO SEE IT. Benoit shows off a Crossface and Angle shows us SHADES OF SHAMROCK with an anklelock.

The RTC guys are funny. Bull’s tie is very thin and rednecky.

Kaientai comes out to THE POP OF THE SHOW. They’re HUGE, man. Really huge. Like Man Mountain Rock was supposed to be. To hear a crowd chant inDEED before Funaki executes it is a joy. RTC tries to respond to these evil Chinese guys, but THEY end up getting the funny voice, too. Bull gets the redneck voice, while GF gets a ghetto "inDEED."

This was so funny that I’m gonna have to laugh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.