This week, I went back to college. And nothing changed, but I think this semester will be more manageable. That’s like the greatest thing ever. I mean, now I feel much more able to juggle things that I wasn’t able to do a few months ago. For YOU, that means more Bengali recaps. And we all know that’s of the utmost importance. No doubt, because for all three of you, this here MEANS SOMETHING.

Oh, BTW, that’s MY logo design on the front page. Don’t let Cubs fool you – I made that out in 20 minutes. I deserve full credit for it. GIVE ME MAH CREDIT CUBS. [Editors Note: Yea yea yea just put a link to the page in your sig already.]

And I think the Hitmen are gonna be the most horrible team since the New York Saints, our local lacrosse team. They used to play in the Meadowlands, I think. Oh, you didn't know about the Saints?! Well, NOW YA KNOW.

That’s ‘bout it ‘bout it. Let’s start this here third rate recap – my EIGHTH contribution to the greatness that is…TCF.com.

BENGALI METAL – take a zeppelin riff and you alter it a bit you make lots of money it’s called plagerism

I always miss the first 2 minutes of the show, but I got to see enough to realize that this was a SQUASH. Rudy got some offense in, though – after a crosscorner whip, Rudy gets in a droptoe hold, a hotshot that doesn’t hit the ropes (whatever that’s called) and a neckbreaker. He can’t get in the snapmare, though…and this is where the fun starts.

Saturn gets in a hotshot and BOOM there’s the superkick. Rudy fights back, but falls victim to a neckbreaker. Saturn might be working a sleeper, but I don’t know – it looks like he’s working the elbow, as well. Regardless, Rudy fights out. Saturn gets in his MANLY Exploder suplex and scoop slam. He misses a moonsault, sadly. Rudy takes advantage with a clothesline…and a spinkick…and a he tries to hit rolling suplexes, but eh eh. Saturn does stuff and hits the DVD for the win.

Coach makes me sick with his shilling. OK, maybe not. Test gives a funny promo – it’s funny because he isn’t looking at the camera while delivering it, but probably another one. But don’t look down on him. No, don’t.

I wanna be the next Erik Estrada.

Capone and Noreaga sucks. GIVE ME ALLMAN BROTHERS.

I’ve seen Ryder before in this WWF special on MTV – with Foley doing some shit. All I know is the Hungarian Barbarian won. Yeah. Ryder punches early and gets in some chops. Albert with a chop to the throat. He gets in a clothesline, but misses a powerbomb. He does get in the scissor kick, which sent a CHILL down my spine. What really scares me is that BIG FUCKING hiptoss or whatever the hell it was that sent Ryder SOARIN’.

Really. Albert with a double underhook, lifting Ryder upside down in that positon and coming down on him in a powerslam fashion, I’d gather. Ryder with an eyepoke, but it does nothing. Ryder’s a fucking moron – going for a Sunset Flip. Sorry. Albert ends this with his SITDOWN DOUBLE CHOKESLAM BABY.

Raven/Crash Hardcore Highlights from RAW. Some chick does stuff and she might or might not be Tori. Maybe it’s the return of Marianna Komlos. Oh, you don’t remember her? Mark.

I think your sister’s pretty.

Weider means we get to see Rock/Angle/HHH or whatever.

Lockup – some wristy and arm stuff that means nothing to me. Hahaha. Destiny with a shoulderblock and a hiptoss gets countered into a hiptoss that works. I’m really vague with the note taking this week as someone hits a dropkick and a standing armbar, I think. Whatever. There’s a ref break and stuff. Destiny chops and punches and here’s the BOOT. Kwick fights back, but Destiny hits a sidewalk slam for 2.

Destiny with a nifty choke with his knee. Yep, Kwick with a flying headscissors. Kwick with a crossbody that might be interpreted as a flying forearm, but not really. There’s a lariat for 2. I take a break from recapping for whatever reason. I wait for the finish. Kwick is up top – Destiny’s about to go for a superplex, I’d believe, but Kwick’s nifty. He hits a front suplex off the second rope, but it looks kinda sloppy and maybe he should go to the Ohio Valley for another year.

Hector Camacho just hit the white guy in the back of the head. CLASS!

We see this contract nonsense between HHH and Austin. Whatever. Angles. GIVE ME FUNAKI MUHFUCKAS. HHH is smarter than Austin. Ha ha. On Smackdown, Stephanie’s nipples were erect talking to Vince. Oh, the Rock/Angle/HHH match seems OK for what they showed, but that was a shitty ending with Austin coming in. But you knew that already, because you’re a smart mark like MEEEEE.

PUSH JEW COOL. Essa makes Sexay laugh. I, however, am quite unflustered. If that’s a word. CLAP FANS CLAP. Side headlock by Scotty on Essa – shoulderblock. Scotty trying for a german suplex – standing switch – whatever happens and Scotty hits a neckbreaker. Sexay comes in with a clothesline as Scotty holds him up. Think Harlem Hangover – and Sexay is Booker T, even though he’s the less talented one. Okay, just forget about everything.

Sexay misses a crossbody from the 2^nd rope. Essa punches and HERE’S CHAD COLLYER. Chad with a headlock and a shoulderblock, but Sexay hits a powerslam. Tag to Scotty. Too Cool does a tag move that makes Collyer fall on his ass. It’s comical. Scotty with a sitdown dropkick and MAN OH MAN I think Too Cool might have this match in the proverbial bag. Scotty’s getting angry – recalling the years of racial discrimination that he faced working in the ECWA.

Scotty takes out his anger on Collyer - crotching him on the ring post. Essa senses the mental anguish of Scotty and TAKES ADVANTAGE – hitting his springboard thingy. Cubs knows the name, but not me. Essa gets back in the ring and Chad smartly tags him in. Essa hits a back body drop. Essa with a leg lariat. Chad must have gotten tagged in cuz he’s hitting kicks. Scotty fights back with something. Chad’s Tough Enough so he hits a powerslam for 2. Chad also hits a double underhook vertical suplex for 2. Here’s a SMACK and a tag to Essa, who hits a scoop slam. Going up top leads no where – Essa misses the moonsault.

Scotty crawling towards Sexay.

COME ON, SCOTTY!

HURRY!

OH NO CHAD’S TAGGED IN!

YES! SEXAY’S TAGGED!

Sexay does everything – all those moves he only does when he’s a House of Fire. Essa about to go for another moonsault, but he lands on his feet. He doesn’t wanna turn around to see Sexay behind…so we have a few seconds of oddness as the crowd is REALLY digging this. Once he turns around, Sexay does something and Scotty hits that wonderfully bad faceplant. Here’s the G-A-Y, but Chad’s in now and SEXAY MUST HIT THE HIP HOP DROP. That’s it.

Uh oh…here come the SHADES. They call Referee Chad Patton back into the ring. Chad resists but even he can not resist the power, the strength, the full on funkdaphonic power that is…THE SHADES.

TURN OFF THOSE LIGHTS AND TURN IT UP!

Chad is a white man, but this does not necessarily make him a horrible dancer. However, Chad’s performance showed the funkiness - the funkiness of Ben Stein in Compton. I must reiterate – MELANIN MEANS NOTHING. John Travolta’s descendants are from Europe and he could get down – so THERE.

Coach says what a game that Hitmen game was. I liked hearing that, because it just showed that maybe the WWF doesn’t think all that much of their audience at all…or something more profound that would thus, make me into the ignoramus that I have already initially stated myself as being. Indeed, you bourgouise intellectuals.

WWF nWo! HHH! AUSTIN! HOSTILITY! SMELL IT! BUY IT! LIVE! PPV!

HeAT! 7PM! MTV! LIVE!