Bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay – where my DAWGS AT? Bark wit’ me now – bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay. I must be the only Lil’ Bow Wow mark on the Net. Or at least, the only recapper who just so happens to be a mark for the little hoodlum. WERD.

I watched that Thug/Selina match on WOW this week. Good stuff with an ending that I couldn’t have predicted. That was some good booking, but yeah, I wished Thug went over instead. That Lana sure looks ugly – I’m sorry. But the fans want more ROIT and less Lana. And was I the only one to notice Bronco Billie not wearing a bra or is this a usual occurance? BROWN NIPPLES!

Yeah, I could go on and on and oh yeah, on, but damnit, it would make no difference.

Okay, so I seem to forget to start watching the show a minute earlier or so. Sue me. But we see LO DOWN on the stage, with Tiger being the spokesperson and all. He calls the fans inbred. And he notes that Lo Down and him are well conditioned athletes. He brings up all those wonderful stereotypes – that they’re gas station attendants, taxi cab drivers and oh, yeah – 7-11 attendants. But he says – the audience are the ones who use these establishments. And they’re the ones who payed to see THEM tonight! Tiger thanks the crowd…and they PRAAAAAAAAAAY to the cow.

Okay, so Lo Down attacks after the whole prayer thing. Chaz hits a powerslam and a boot on Lee. Crosscorner whip results in a Lee crossbody for 1. A tag by one team leads to a double flapjack. Hey, my notes are terrible this week – let’s guess that Lo Down hit it. D’lo hits a nice spinebuster on Michaels. Up top, though, he misses the moonsault and there’s the tag to Lee. Lee hits a flying forearm among the chaos. In the corners, the faces get whipped into each other – and Lo Down hits their spots: Chaz with the atomic drop, D’lo with the Rydeen Bomb. And hallelujah, there’s the double powerbomb for the pin, win and Krishna.

Post Match, Lo Down hits their double powerbomb on the other guy. Hey, it’s the first match – I reserve the right not to be descriptive. YEAH!

Tazz and Kevin Kelly talk while I think about my wonderful memories of curry and the immense poverty in my country while this Lo Down music plays. I *so* need to get this song. My mother will think I have finally embraced my roots. That would be scaaaary.

Coach shills! SHOCKING! Even more shocking – Undertaker gives an interview while chewing SKOAL in his mouth. He’s making whoever he’s talking about FAMOUS, ya dig?

The LUGZ Boot of the week just happens to be when Blackman suplexes Hardcore Holly onto the car to keep the Hardcore title in a three way, BUT a 2X4 to the back by Raven a few moments later gives us a NEW Hardcore champ. Yes, you would be well within your rights to say it was Raven. Of course.

I feel so "ghetto" singing along to this song. Someone break out the Crazy Horse and we can play dice on the street corner. Slash attacks, but Kwick ducks and hits a huracanrana. There’s the Flatliner by Kwick. And a scissor kick. And a leg lariat for 2. Slash hits an inverted swinging something. It’s all weird – Cubs will explain it a whole better than I can. He actually TAPES this. Slash with punches and headbutts and funny lookin’ boots. Vertical suplex by Slash. Slash panders to the crowd and goes up top – it’s a shame that Kwick DROPKICKED HIS ASS TO THE FUCKING FLOOR. Kwick jumps OVER the top rope onto Slash. Back in the ring, Kwick hits the front suplex for the win. This is truly a monumental victory in the civil rights movement.

OK, let me have my feelings be known: I don’t watch a lot of football. In fact, once I got cable, I got myself hooked in wrestling for GOOD. Before then, it was all about those Sundays watching the Pro, because it really was the only way I could watch wrestling on regular TV. So tell me why I should give a DAMN about Jesse Ventura and the XFL. TELL ME.

A few weeks ago on RAW, Chyna suffered a neck injury off a spiked piledriver. I cried. So she gets an MRI – only they STICK HER LEGS IN FIRST. Now, I’m not some expert or something, but isn’t it supposed to be the head in first? I’m majorly confused by that. Nevertheless, Chyna can take her Destiny’s Child act and go to hell. You know why? Because she THREATENS my male superiority. How DARE a woman believe she has a RIGHT to survive in my wonderful misogynistic society! HAH! Wait a second, she’s white…and rich. And she’s somewhat of a woman, judging from those Playboy pics. Regardless, that’s enough reason to hate this woman. Why do they pump in the cheers in JR’s sitdown interview with her when he mentions Playboy? It must be a real BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT to pose in the buff. Of course. Awwww…she’s crying now. Hey, Chyna – I hope you DROWN IN A RIVER OF YOUR FUCKING TEARS. Don’t have any of you assume a thing – I am very much a kind, sensitive and gentle human being. Let’s hug.

On SMACKdown, we see the HUMOROUS parody of the Chyna interview. Ivory’s funny because damnit, she DOES look like her here. Val’s funny as JR. It’s all very funny. Kelly calls this "sick" – you make your own judgement.

DIVAS! Postcards of the Carribean! Call Chris Jones! $9.95!

FLASHBACK~! ROYAL RUMBLE~! Mick Foley participating in RR ’98 THREE TIMES.

Terri looks the way she does. I think she dresses so slutty because she’s older and realizes she needs to attract more attention away from these young women. Either that or she LIKES dressing like that, which would be interesting. Lockup – trading hammerlocks, Saturn uses a fireman’s carry within this sequence, but King hits an armdrag. Saturn with a shoulderblock. King hits a dropkick, but misses a clothesline. Saturn takes advantage by pushing the much smaller King into the turnbuckle. Saturn ramming that shoulder in a few times. Saturn hits a Northern Lights using the hammerlock.

Saturn with an odd armbarish type thing while standing and grabbing the top rope. I like this man’s offense. King tries fighting, but Saturn hits a boot. Back suplex with get this – A HAMMERLOCK. Saturn’s hurtin’ that arm – look, there’s the cross armbreaker from the snapmare. He holds that on for a while. Scoop slam by Saturn, but he misses a moonsault. King with a flying headscissors and a clothesline. Saturn takes quick advantage and takes the time to introduce King to the steps. Saturn goes for a chair, but the ref stops him. Back in the ring, TERRI hits a crossbody on King from the top rope. Not bad, but not a lot of distance, I think. Hoo wah, there’s Saturn hitting a superkick and a Death Valley Driver for 3.

Kurt Angle: It’s True, It’s True – buy it or something.

Dial 1-800-COLLECT because the SLAM OF THE WEEK just so happens to be Rikishi squashing Rock and Taker.

On SMACKdown, Stephanie acted like a bitch, as usual. Go figure. She tells JR some stuff while I think she should be IN THE KITCHEN barefoot and pregnant. Kane/Regal/Rikishi vs. Rock/UT was FUN FUN FUN. The production values were really good – especially when Rock sees Rikishi leaving the match. DEFINITELY. My dad and me were like "there’s no WAY Taker’s getting him that high for the chokeslam", and damnit, we were right. Got Rikishi about 2 feet off the ground. Bleh. Regal rules in this match as a cheapshit heel, but that neckbreaker on Rock was kinda fucked-up looking. Rikishi sitting on people like that SCARES me, though. I’m all like "DAYUM!" when the full force of his buttocks hit their chests.

The Japanese say stuff in English. I’m not offended. Taka waves his flag. So does Funaki. Lockup – waistlock – standing switch – Crash rolls up for 1. Lockup – Crash with a side headlock. After going into the ropes, Crash hits a shoulderblock. After Taka gets his hiptoss blocked, Crash hits his. And there’s a dropkick from him, as well. Taka to the floor. He comes back in and hits a boot. There’s a dropkick and a funny lookin’ scoopslam from him. Taka with those funny Asian slap/chops to the throat. Fucking foreigners. YEAH!

Taka with a snapmare – SNAPPY KICK. Couple of boots and the Asian throat chop. Both men trade punches – crosscorner whip – Crash looks for the headscissors while holding the ropes but NO, Taka drops him face first. Taka celebrates and covers for 2. Crash rolls up for 2. Taka with the leg lariat – arrogant "when Jericho was COOL" cover for 2. Or was it 1? Taka whipped to the ropes, but Crash misses the dropkick – EVIL ASIAN SITDOWN DROPKICK and there’s a scoopslam as well. Up top, Crash dropkicks Taka off. Clotheslines by Crash – backelbow! Funaki up on the apron, but Molly pulls him off. Crash with this funky rollup by pulling on the arms and some other gimmickry to boot for the WIN.

POST-MATCH: Kaientai says more non-offensive stuff.

XFL XFL XFL

PPV shillery. Bah.

Don’t forget: WWF EXPOSED 2000! MTV! SUNDAY! HeAT~! 7PM! (I think.)

Any thoughts, Tanvir? I’m tired. What a year. I think Tazz managed to offend me during the Lo Down match. Regardless, that was fun for what was worth – but I dug their old finisher A LOT better. C’mon – do not FRONT with a superplex/frog splash combo. That looks fucking AWESOME. K-Kwick’s match was just as entertaining, as he busted out some athletic move, but DAMN IT – I wanna see the 450. Saturn was himself – uncharismatic, but pretty sound. He’s got a good, unique moveset, which is fun for me to watch. And the Crash/TAKA match deserved like 10 more minutes, I’m sorry. Yeah, this is paint-by-the-numbers, but I’m gonna PAAAAAARTY tonight. Oh wait, I’m not. Damn.

Thanks for reading.