TNA Wresting Impact #7
by Tom Feely

Hi! Scott's off watching Foreigner or something so here I go. Again. On my own.

Video Package: Jeff Jarrett leads his troops into battle! AMW gets The Naturals in a cage on PPV, but this week face Kazarian and Shane! What was Jeff Hardy's decision!

>From Stage 21 at blah blah blah IMPACT

This Week!: AMW vs. Shane/Kazarian!

TEAM JAPAN (MIYAMOTO and NOSAWA) vs. TRIPLE X (CHRISTOPHER DANIELS and PRIMETIME)
I'll be referring to the Fox Box clock for this, instead of my VCR timer. Daniels and Miyamoto start, circle, Daniels goes for the lockup but Miyamoto rolls out of the way and spits red mist into the air. Daniels has his shoulder bandages. Lockup, Daniels with a headlock, whipped into the ropes and Daniels gets a shoulderblock. Daniels off the ropes, Miyamoto ducks and Daniels somersaults off of him. Daniels with an armdrag, holding on with an armbar. Standing up, Miyamoto rakes the eyes and irish whips Daniels. Miyamoto leapfrogs the first time around, and a kick is caught the second time. Daniels spins Miyamoto around and goes for a clothesline, but Miyamoto again rolls out of the way and hits a dropkick. Miyamoto with a dragon screw, tag to Nosawa. Nosawa stomping the leg in the corner. This week's judge is DUSTY RHODES. Daniels with a right and a snapmare, roll over to his corner where he tags to Primetime. Primetime with some clubbing rights and a spinkick to the gut. Picks him up, irish whip, spinkick ducked. Skipper charges Nosawa near the ropes and gets back body dropped onto the apron. Skipper blocks a Nosawa right and follow up with the dreaded....slip off of the apron hahahahahaha. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So...Skipper kicks Nosawa in the head. Comes back in, kicks him in the back, cover for two. Picks him up, head to the turnbuckle, tag to Daniels. Skipper kicks away, Daniels tags in and does the same. Daniels tags Skipper, Skipper keeps it going. Some more kicks, and Skipper tags out to Daniels. Daniels with a scoop aaand a slam. Then goes to the apron and jumps back in with an elbowdrop for two. Irish whip to the corner, Daniel charge eats boot. Nosawa with a Shining-Wizard like manuever that I think Kenzo was trying to do last night and a tag to Miyamoto. Miyamoto picks him up and brings him down with a throat thrust. Throat thrust on the ground, and a stomp. Picks him up, eye poke, punch to the head. Chop to the neck, another, and a third. These aren't so great. Tag to Nosawa, kick, right, right, irish whip, unorthodox leg lariat for two. Tag to Miyamoto, Nosawa with a stomp, double irish whip, Miyamoto with a drop toe hold, Nosawa with a legdrop, Miyamoto with a camel clutch as Nosawa comes off the ropes and dropkicks him in the face. Miyamoto with a stomp, picks him up. Chop, kick, Daniels blocks another kick and hits an STO. Both men crawling over, Nosawa and Skipper in. Skipper charges with a clothesline, another. Spinkick gets two. Nosawa pops up with a kick to the gut and throws Skipper out, but Skipper hangs on to the top rope and lands on the apron. Both Japanese in, Skipper somersaults in and clotheslines them both down. Nosawa kick caught, spinebuster, cover broken up by Miyamoto. Daniels clotheslines Miyamoto down, and the referee is occupied with Daniels now. Miyamoto gets up and tries the green mist on Skipper, but Skipper ducks and Nosawa gets the mist instead. Oh, cruel fate. Miyamoto is like "Whaaaa" as Skipper tags in Daniels, who comes in with a running enziguiri. Powerplex (Skipper suplex/Daniels powerbomb) on Nosawa, goodnight. (05'39") But wait, here's TEAM CANADA coming to ringside, but they get stopped by security. Apparently there's some controversy or some crap about last Wednesday, whatever.

UP NEXT: THE UNPREDICTABLE SABU

WEDNESDAY!: SIX SIDES OF STEEL! XXX vs. AGUILA/ABISMO NEGRO! BIG VITO vs. PAT KENNEY SICILIAN STREET FIGHT! KID KASH INTERVIEW! NYC/DAVID YOUNG vs. SHARK BOY/D-RAY 3000/MIKE POSEY! KAZARIAN/SHANE vs. STYLES/LYNN! ABYSS vs. SABU NO DQ! JEFF HARDY APPEARANCE! THE NATURALS vs. AMW IN A SIX-SIDED STEEL CAGE! SIX SIDES OF STEEL!

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Video Package: Raven wants to wrestle Sabu and a bunch of crap about the Sheik

ALASTAIR RALPHS vs. SABU
Ralphs is some muscular blond dude. Circle, Sabu points to the sky. Ralphs clothesline ducked, Sabu tripes Ralphs and gets an elbowdrop for one. Circle again, Ralphs charge misses and Sabu springboards off the ropes with a leg lariat for two. Springboard moonsault, two count. Sabu now with the camel clutch. Ralphs electric chairs out of it and drops him for two. Tenay says Ralphs is 27-years old, a 3-year pro, and from Windsor, Ontario, so there you go. Thank you, Mike Tenay! Ralphs with a stomp, a right, a right, another right blocked, Sabu with a right, right, right ducked and now Ralphs has Sabu in a full nelson. Lifts him up, and brings him down with the Uncle Slam for two. Ralphs signals for...something and climbs to the top rope. Sabu comes off the ropes to crotch him, however. Sabu with a right, right, hooking him now, and double-arm DDTing him down for two. Sabu springboards off the ropes with a legdrop, and goes outside to get a chair. Points to the sky, comes to the apron as Ralphs kicks Sabu to the floor. Ralphs with a clubbing right, another, and he throws the chair into the ring, along with Sabu soon after. Ralphs climbimg in, Sabu witha right, right, right, irish whip to the corner. Sabu stands up the chair and uses it as a springboard to rana Ralphs for two. Stomp, sets up the chair again, sets up Ralph, bad-looking triple jump moonsault gets three at (03'24"). Sabu with the Raven/Jesus pose and point to the sky.

UP NEXT: GOLDYLOCKS'S BABY BEAR ALEX SHELLEY

SIX SIDES OF STEEL

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ALEX SHELLEY (w/Goldylocks & Abyss) vs. RODERICK STRONG
Hey, Alex Shelley with the funky music. Get down with the get down. Scott tells me these two guys rule. Lockup, Shelley gets the armwringer, Strong flips out of it and reversed. Shelley flips out of THAT and reverses. Shelley with some weird hold where he bends Strong over, puts his leg over his head and chokes him with his own arm. Now just to a simple headlock, back to the armwringer. Strong cartwheels out and runs up Shelley and reverses. Shelley reverses into a hammerlock, and then a snapmare. Knee to the gut, Shelley grabs Strong's head and throws him into the mat. Shelley jawing to the audience, and he gets kneed in the back by Strong. The baby bear the baby bear the baby bear the baby bear. Strong picks him up, chop, back suplex for two. Strong with a right, irish whip held on to, Shelley ducks a Strong clothesline, grabs Strong's neck, then drops him backwards onto his knee. Shelley throws Strong down, now blatantly choking him, stop him ref. Double stomp on the face, snapmare, Shelley walks over Strong on the way to the apron. Slingshots in with a legdrop for two. Shelley with a kick to the spine, picks him up, but Strong comes back with a chop, chop. Third one is ducked, Shelley straightjackets Strong and drops him backwards to the mat. Shelley prodding Strong with his foot, and as Shelley picks him up, Strong comes back with a jawbreaker. Shelley clothesline caught, Strong takes Shelley up with a half-nelson and drops him across the knee. Shelley right blocked, Strong right right, irish whip, big dropkick. Shelley up, SWEET leg lariat. Shelley catches a Strong right, kick to the gut, going for a fisherman suplex, Strong blocks it. Strong takes Shelley up into a fireman's carry, kind of a gutbuster but Strong drops to the ground and puts his knees up for the actual gutbusting. That gets two. THE BABY BEAR. Strong charges Shelley in the corner, Shelley moves outside to the apron and it misses. Shelley up top, knee to the side of the head. Picks him up, fisherman buster except he hooks the opposite leg, and that's three. (04'15") Goldylocks again has her attention on Shelley, again frustrating Abyss.

UP NEXT: THE ALPHA MALE MONTY BROWN

SIX SIDES OF STEEL

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Video Package: Monty Brown wants the belt

LEX LOVETT vs. "THE ALPHA MALE" MONTY BROWN
Scott said that Lovett is from Florida and is supposed to be pretty good. Lockup, Brown shoves Lovett to the ropes, kick, right, kick, kick, right, clubbing right. In the corner, big right. Clubbing right, another, another, now a big chop. Big right to the chest. Yep. Irish whip, Lovett leaps over in the corner and gets a kick, right, right, right, right, kick, irish whip reversed, Brown catches Lovett. Backbreaker, holds on and gives Lovett a fallaway slam. Irish whip, oh shit THE POUNCE!!!!!!!!!! That'll do it. (01'33)

Hey, he has a mic: "JEFF JARRETT. AS YOU CAN SEE, THE SERENGETI IS A VERY DANGEROUS PLACE. AND THERE ARE NO MOUNTAINS ON IT. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE ALPHA MALE. AND YOU ARE LOOKING AT HIM." ooh wah ah ah ah

UP NEXT: JEFF HAMMOND TALKS TO JEFF JARRETT

WEDNESDAY JEFF HARDY

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Hammond and Jarrett are in directors' chairs in the empty arena for the "Six Points of Impact". Which is apparently six questions. Let's paraphrase:

1. Why King of the Mountain? Because Jeff Jarrett won that match.

2. Why the Asylum? It's his domain.

3. Is Vince Russo a puppet for Zbyszko and Rhodes? Uhhhh Russo is a desperate man or something.

4. Stuff about the NWA belt being prestigious.

5. Monty Brown? He is not in Jeff Jarrett's league.

6. Jeff Hardy? Jarrett might take him out like he did with Hogan and Sting.

Hey it's Tenay and West BUY THE PPV BUY THE PPV BUY THE PPV

SHANE DOUGLAS is speaking with KAZARIAN and MICHAEL SHANE. They took AJ Styles out. Jerry Lynn is old. They're the coolest. They'll beat AMW.

UP NEXT: That match

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KAZARIAN and MICHAEL SHANE (w/Traci) vs. AMERICA'S MOST WANTED
Shane and Storm start. Storm with an armwringer, Shane reverses. Storm reverses THAT, so Shane pulls him down by the hair. Storm with a shove, Shane retaliates with a knee to the gut. Chop in the corner, right, chop, right, taunt to the crowd. Storm throws Shane into the corner, chop, to another corner, chop, to the middle fo the ring, chop. Shane rakes the eyes and throws Storm out, but Storm skins the cat back in. Storm with a DOUBLE chop, and a tag to Harris. Storm irish whips Shane to the corner, and Harris whips Storm into Harris. Storm irish whips Shane as he leaves, and Harris gets a bulldog. Delaaaaayed vertical suplex, two count. As we cut to Traci, Shane gets something that allows him to tag Kazarian. Kazarian runs into an armdrag, and another. Harris with a right, irish whip reversed, Kazarian tries a dropkick but Harris holds onto the ropes. Shane tries to clothesline Harris, but he ducks and clotheslines Shane. Harris with a right to Kazarian, which allows Shane to reverse guillotine him over the top rope into a Kazarian spinning neckbreaker for two. Front headlock, tag to Shane as he kicks Harris in the gut. Shane with a right, and we go to commercial at (03'01").

SIX SIDES OF STEEL

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We're back at (05'40") in, with Shane still in control. Stomp, stomp, picks him up, head to the turnbuckle. Replay of...a Harris flying clothesline. Okay. Shane with the corner punches, only gets four before he gets shoved off. Shane charges with a big right, mounts with two more punches. Shoved off again, this time the charge eats nothing but boot. Shane right caught, Harris with a full nelson slam. Harris tags Storm, Shane tags in Kazarian. Kazarian right caught, Storm with a right. Storm right, irish whip, baaaack body drop. Shane right ducked, big spinebuster. Storm with a right to Kazarian, irish whip, powerslam for two. Irish whip to the corner, charge eats boot. Shane with a kick to the gut and a god-awful fisherman implant DDTfor...two even though he's not legal. Kazarian charges Harris and gets thrown out. Shane puts Storm up top, but Harris gets him from behind. Harris with Shane on his shoulders, and Storm comes off with an inverted tornado DDT! That didn't look so great, but an E for effort. Cover, 1, 2, Kazarian pulls Storm out of the ring. Harris brings Kazarian up by the hair and tries to suplex him in, but Kazarian gets the waistlock. Harris reversed, but Kazarian elbows out and springboards off with a crossbody, that unfortunately for him gets caught. Catatonic! Shane picks him up, tries a bodyslam but Harris slips out. Waistlock, Shane gets an elbow, elbow, third elbow is ducked, Harris picks Shane up and tries for the Catatonic again. Shane lands on his feet, superkick caught, Harris clothesline ducked, and THAT superkick connects. Shane then turns around into a superkick himself, this one by Storm. Kazarian takes out Storm with a jumping thrust kick to the face, and now all four men are down. Kazarian is the first one up, now Storm is up. Kazarian tries the Wave of the Future, which gets blocked, Storm tries a back suplex, but Kazarian flips out. Kazarian kick caught, Storm has Kazarian in place for the Death Sentence! Harris up top, Traci grabs his leg but gets piefaced off. This allows Shane to crotch him, however, and Harris falls into the ring. Kazarian rolls up Storm, two count. SPEAR by Harris on Shane, 1, 2, ohhhhh that's (10'00")! Gee, I wonder if Dusty pill pick the team that was about to win a second later. AND HE DOES! YAAAAAAAAAY! But WAIT! Here's THE NATURALS, beating AMW down. And here's XXX to save them! Hey, let's abruptly cut to

Closing PPV promo: Soundbites from Triple X, Vito, Shane and Kazarian, Pat Kenney, The Naturals ("America's Least Needed" OHHHHH SNAP), Dusty Rhodes, the NYC, The Alpha Male Monty Brown, Jeff Jarrett, AMW

Well, there's only one way that I think I can end this

THE POOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUNCE

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