WWE SmackDown! - 07.08.04
by Tom Feely

I'VE UNCOVERED A CONSPIRACY. First Hardcore Holly concusses Matt Cappotelli, forcing Chavo Guerrero to lose to Jacqueline. THEN he makes Mordecai look like shit, causing the Eddy/Mordecai Summerslam match to be called off, thus resulting in JBL winning the belt. HARDCORE HOLLY IS OUT TO SABOTAGE THE GUERRERO TITLE REIGNS.

TV PG D L V W W E

hey yo it's my life my hey JBL with the belt match graphic poorly edited in

We are almost 48 hours from LIVE in the Winnipeg Arena in Winnipeg, Manitoba! Your announcers are MIGUEL COLE and EL TAZZ!

TONIGHT!: CENA! BOOKER! U.S. TITLE!

But first here's RENE DUPREE (w/Fifi), here to commentate during this next match. Let us take you back to last week, where he lost.

MARK JINDRAK (263, Atlanta, GA) vs. ROB VAN DAM (230, Battle Creek, MI)
Dupree refers to Jindrak as "The Reflection of Rejection". Cole mentions that Jindrak and Long have had "an amicable breakup", and Jindrak is now on his own. Maybe Long caught Jindrak cheating on him with Garrison Cade. RVD points to self, and gets hit in back and knocked outside of the ring. Rammed into the guard rail, then irish whipped into the steps. Breaks the count, big left to the face. Clubbing left to the back, another, thrown in and follows. Jindrak choking RVD against the second rope. Elbow across the back, stomp, stomp, choking him again against the second rope. Vertical suplex, kip up. What, no calisthenics? Boo. Irish whip to the corner, charge hits elbow. RVD leaps to the top, but Jindrak dropkicks him to the outside! Vertical leap blah blah blah. Jindrak throws RVD back in and covers for two. Picks him up, back suplex for two. Puts RVD on his stomach, puts a knee into his back and pulls back in a chinlock. RVD tries to fight out and gets Mike Enosed. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, cover for two. Now a rear chinlock. RVD elbows out thrice, but gets clubbed down with a left. To the corner, head to the turnbuckle blocked by RVD, who kicks Jindrak in the head. Both men slowly up, RVD up in the corner with a kick, right, right, springs off the second rope with a thrust kick. Right, right, irish whip into the corner, somersault, monkey flip. Off the ropes, unorthodox leg lariat. Rolling Thunder...HITS KNEES! Ow. Jindrak with a left to the back, left, sets him backwards on the top turnbuckle. Left, left, going for the back superplex, but RVD elbows him off. Split legged moonsault, that's three. (05'07") Dupree gives us his "disappointed and angry" face.

VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, JBL beat Spike, and Eddy came out to announce the cage match. GALLIANT IS NOT A WORD MICHAEL COLE

Here's JOSH MATHEWS with a mic. "Ladies and gentlemen (1), please welcome the new WWE Champion, JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD." "Hello Josh, how's your family?" "They're good, thanks! JBL, last week we all saw your reaction." hahaha JBL with the hand sanitizer "Is it safe to say that you're reluctant about facing Eddy Guerrero next week for the WWE Championship inside of a steel cage?" "Lemme ask you a question, Josh. You've interviewed Eddy Guerrero. Has Eddy Guerrero ever offered to shake your hand? Has Eddy Guerrero ever offered so graciously to come to our great neighbor, Canada, from the North, a place that loves me, and a place that I love, to wrestle in front of his fans? The answer is no. Because Eddy Guerrero has never been a gentleman like I am. Eddy Guerrero has never wrestled all over the world just for the sake of his fans. I really doubt that Eddy Guerrero ever graduated high school, much less been offered the opportunity to speak at commencements and motivational seminars for our youth, our future." Not true, as Scott Christ pointed out to me, he got his GED and took Chyna to the prom "That's not character assassination, Josh, that's just fact. The fact is, am I concerned about facing Eddy Guerrero in a steel cage match next Thursday? The answer is yes. Because I am a champion's champion. I am a man's man. I do not deserve nor should I have to defend my title in such a barbaric fashion, in a steel cage. But I know the one thing that will pull me through, Josh. And that is my indominatable heart. And the ever-growing JBL fan club. Oh you'll hear 'em tonight. You'll hear 'em tonight chantin' my name. And it will inspire me. And you'll hear 'em next week, chanting my name, in fact...if you'll listen close, Josh, you can hear them right now. J B L J B L J B L J B L J B L J B L. When my fans get to know me, I am gonna become the most popular WWE Champion of ALL TIME! And tonight, right here in Winnipeg, I am gonna wrestle another popular champion. C'mere, son." It's SHANNON MOORE IN A MASK. "How ya doin' litle fella? How's your family?" "Bien." "This is El Gran Luchadore, the champion of Mexico. From Mejico City, Mejico. Now we've met before, and I know it didn't turn out so well for you before, but this time is different. For the first time ever, it is gonna be Champion vs. Champion. El Campion contra El Campion. And I promise you this, outta my own personal pocket, I'll pay all your medical bills. Because, the outcome of this match, just like next week against Eddy Guerrero in a steel cage, the outcome is certain. A massacre. You do your best, amigo."

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WWE Tag Team Champions THE DUDLEYS (543, New York, NY) vs. PAUL LONDON and BILLY KIDMAN (450) for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Hey, minor name change. Flashback to Velocity, where Kidman and London had a non-title match won when Bubba Ray caused the DQ. The challengers run to the ring and get beaten down, and London gets thrown out by D-Von. Bubba with a right to the grounded Kidman, then in a full nelson. D-Von goes for the low blow kick but Kidman dropkicks him in the face. Bubba with a right, going for a back suplex, but Kidman backflips out and shoves Bubba into a London missile dropkick. D-Von double clothesline ducked, double kick to the gut, double suplex. Kidman grabs London's leg and flips him backwards into a moonsault for two. London with the arm wringer, tag to Kidman. Double irish whip, double hiptoss, and a double fistdrop for two. Arm wringer, tag to London. Double irish whip, Kidman ducks, London gets a dropkick for two. London right, right, right, right, right, right, irish whip reversed, OH Bubba pulls the top rope down and London goes splat. London thrown into the steps behind the ref's back and thrown back in. D-Von picks London up and takes his head into the turnbuckle. Right, right, right, right, right. London right to the gut has no effect, elbow by D-Von. Snapmare, off the ropes, Hennig necksnap gets two. Bubba puts his boot on the top turnbuckle, London gets his head thrown into it. D-Von tags Bubba then holds London for a right to the gut. Right, Bubba puts London's head between his legs and jumps up and then down. Sits London up, knee to the back followed up with a hard kick to the spine. London gets a right to the gut, another, another, and gets clubbed down. Bubba grabs London's leg and slams the knee into the mat. And again. He holds the leg up, tags to D-Von who kicks him in the knee. D-Von with an elbowdrop on the knee, another, and now a standing anklelock. London punches out of it, but gets clotheslined down as he tries to crawl to the corner. 1, 2, broken up by Kidman. D-Von unceremoniously throws London out, and distracts the ref as Bubba legdrops him from the apron. Bubba throws him in, and D-Von gets a...one-shouldered camel clutch with a chinlock, I guess you'd call it. Kidman does the American Males clap to get the crowd behind him and London. London fights out with rights to the gut but again gets clubbed down. Bubba tagged in, right to the head, elbowdrop for two. London with a right to the gut, another, Bubba with a right to the head and a stomp to put him down. D-Von tagged in, bodyslam. Second rope headbutt misses! Both men slowly over to their corners, and both gets the tags. Bubba clothesline ducked, Kidman takes out D-Von on the apron, Kidman right right right irish whip reversed, but Kidman hits a flying forearm and a clothesline. Back body drop on D-Von, dropkick on Bubba, cover broken up by D-Von. London in with a forearm on D-Von, another, another, another, clotheslines him out. Bubba up behind him with a HARD open hand slap, so Paul London just screams "AHHHHH" and comes back with a right, right, forearm, forearm, now grabbed by the hair and thrown out of the ring. Kidman rolls up Bubba for two, but Bubba gets up soon enough to just take Kidman's head and throw him into the mat. Bodyslam, setting up for the Whassup. D-Von gets knocked off by London! Kidman rolls through to reverse positions with Bubba! London off the top with the headbutt! Both men slowly up, London superkicks Bubba right in the face. Kidman's up top, he's the legal man, SHOOTING STAR PRESS! 1, 2, oh no way, 3!!!! (08'07") Here are your winners and the NEEEEEWWWW WWE Tag Team Champions, PAUL LONDON AND BILLY KIDMAN!!!!! Both men are suitably elated, jumping around and being shocked and celebrating. Man. The announcers are shocked, and so am I. Paul London holds a WWE title! Replay of London shoving D-Von off and the Shooting Star. Wow.

TONIGHT!: Champion vs. Champion! JBL vs. EGL!

TONIGHT!: Cena vs. Booker! U.S. Title!

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MOMENTS AGO: holy shit

Backstage, London and Kidman are walking to the backstage area with belts. PARTY DOWN, here's REY MYSTERIO with champagne, along with FUNAKI, TORRIE WILSON, SCOTTY II HOTTY, THE BASHAM BROTHERS, NUNZIO, JOHNNY THE BULL, BILLY GUNN, HARDCORE HOLLY and SOME DUDE IN A BANDANA THAT I DON'T RECOGNIZE. And...the Dudleys, untaping their wrists. Paul London gets his belt ready for hittin' people with. Staredown, and Bubba extends a hand to Kidman. He looks at D-Von, who eventually extends one to London. Both champions seem skeptical, look at each other. They shake hands and...nothing happens. Everyone applauds. I note that both times Torrie Wilson only grabbed and congratulated Paul London. OH NO MAYBE SHE MARRIED KIDMAN ONLY FOR HIS HAIR.

Josh Mathews works double duty tonight: "Congratulations to the new WWE Tag Team Champions, Billy Kidman and Paul London! But now I'm standing by with the Japanese superstar, KENZO SUZUKI. Kenzo, you asked for this interview, what do you have to say?" He turns to Hiroko, who SPEAKS: "Excuse me, he canna speak Engliush, so I translate, okay?" She asks him stuff, he says stuff, and does the "You can't see me" hand motion in the middle, awesome. "Okay, Kenzo Suzuki say that last week on SmackDown, John Sina dishonored Kenzosuzukisan. He lose face to John Cee-a. He seek revenge." Kenzo says more stuff, this time holding his hand to his heart. "Okay, Kenzo also say he is misunderstood. He, Kenzo Suzuki has gweeeat appresiation foh America. The America is a land of free and a home of brave. America is the land of oppoh-tunity." Kenzo yells at her. "Kenzo want to say himself." Kenzo scowls, then changes his expression to an overstated smile. "GOD BRESS OF AMERICA." That was awesome.

UP NEXT!: John Cena vs. Booker T for the U.S. Title!

WWE United States Champion JOHN CENA (248, West Newbury, MA) vs. BOOKER T (256, Houston, TX) for the WWE United States Championship
Cena's out first, and he has a mic: "Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo!" Cena chants "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" YAAAAAY "I SAID THE CHAMP IS HERE!" YAAAAAY "THE CHAMP IS HERE IN WINNIPEG, MANITOBA!" YAAAAAY "Booker T, Booker T, Booker T Booker T Booker T Booker T. I'm gonna rip his dreadlocks out, and I'm not givin' his wig back. I'll keep my title tonight, sucka can you dig that? I am FIVE TIMES betta plus I got five times the groupies. He needs a bike with no seat so he can sit and spinaroonie. Yo I been the franchise since the first time I took the mic," THE REWIND PROMO ON TEST WAS GOLD "I ain't gon' lose tonight to no Whoopi Goldberg lookalike." more Cena chants "He can't see--" why that's the music of Kenzo Suzuki with Hiroko! He throws off the robe and charges. Clothesline ducked, Cena with one of his own. Irish whip, Kenzo palm thrust ducked, back suplex! You can't see me, chop ducked, right, irish whip, hiptoss. And clotheslines him out of the ring! Now mock karate stances, and here's LUTHER REIGNS! Inverted swinging neckbreaker, and now standing over Cena. And he didn't even have to adjust his tie, I'm impressed. What effect will this have on the U.S. Title match tonight?

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MOMENTS AGO: The above

WWE Champion JOHN BRAD$HAW LAYFIELD (297, New York, NY) vs. Champion of Mexico EL GRAN LUCHADORE (230, Mexico City, Mexico)
JBL shakes hands down the aisle, of course. And BREAKS OUT THE HAND SANITIZER YES. EGL has his music and TitanTron as before. Circle, JBL goes for a lockup, but EGL rolls out of the way and does a crazy strut. JBL goes for another lockup, repeat. Tries it again, but gets caught and clubbed down. Right, big chop against the ropes, and another right. Irish whip, back body drop telgraphed, and EGL backflips off of him. He strikes a pose, and...gets punched in the face. Head to the turnbuckle, knee, and a right in the corner. Pulled to the center, and JBL throws EGL's head into the mat. Picks him up, irish whip, big boot ducked, dropkick and a kip-up. JBL charges and gets thrown into the ropes and bounces off. Up top, moonsault bodyblock for two! JBL right back up with a forearm, and throwing EGL out. JBL follows and throws El Gran into the announce table. Bodyslam on the floor, and throws EGL back in. Picks El Gran up, delaaaaaaayed vertical suplex. Brings him up by the arm, short arm clothesline! Again, aaaand another. Ow. Picking him up AGAIN, hanging him in the proverbial Tree of Woe. Now rolling outside and pulling back on the neck. The referee props him right side up, and JBL just clubs EGL in the back and hits a back superplex. El Gran slowly up, and JBL boots him out. And from under the opposite side of the ring, here's...EL GRAN LUCHADOR II! And he comes up behind JBL and throws him out of the ring, and then...pulls a banana peel out of his boot and throws it in the middle of the ring. Hahahaha. JBL is confused and the referee explains about the banana peel. Meanwhile, Los Gran Luchadores switch places, and now II is outside on the floor. II gets thrown in, JBL goes to cover, and EL GRAN LUCHADOR KICKS OUT!!!! JBL gives the Hook 'Em Horns, goes for the powerbomb, and gets back bodydropped! II off the ropes, flying clothesline. Right, right, right, right, LATINO HEAT SHIMMY, big right! More shimmying, irish whip reversed, flying headscissors! Los Tres Suplejes! Shimmy! JBL rolls out and scurries down the aisle, and El Gran Luchador win by countout at let's say (07'54"). El Gran Luchadore speaks and sounds strangely familiar! "You may be able to run right now, esse, but I promise you, next week you're not gonna be able to run...from Eddy Guerrero. You see, me and Latino Heat, homes, we're like [crosses fingers] this. And if I know Eddy, next week he's gonna climb up that steel cage way up high, and he's gonna give you THE BIGGEST FROG SPLASH YOU'VE EVER SEEN, homes, and become THE NEW WWE CHAMPION. ORALE! Let's play Eddy's music, VIVA LA RASA, VATO!" They do so.

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THE JOSH TRIFECTA! "BOOKER T, we've already seen the tag team titles change hands tonight. Will we see the United States Championship change hands as well?" "You damn skippy you gonna see the title change hands, man. You know WHY? Because BOOKER T is gonna make SURE that the title change hands, man. But you know what, on a serious tip, I think it was a shame what happened to John Cena earlier. I think it's a real shame because John Cena is gonna use the fact that he got his punk (ass) beat DOWN earlier as the reason WHY I won the title. But you know what, that's another story. The fact is, I AM going to win the U.S. Title tonight. Because I'm a bigger star than John Cena, I'm a better wrestler than John Cena, I'm BADDER...than John Cena. Now can you dig that, sucka."

RAW REBOUND: Musical chairs, Orton cheats to win, Eugene is a tard conflicted

Rey, Scotty, and SPIKE DUDLEY are backstage. Rey is shining his belt. "Shine it up, Rey." "Eventually, we're all gonna be fighting for this title." "Not tonight." There's a coughing off-camera, and coming on-camera, it's the Dudleys. "Your boys are here." "Got a minute?" "Yeah." "Good. In private." "Yeah, it's family business." exeunt Rey and Scotty "Hangin' around wit your little buddies, huh?" "Yeah, they're cool." "Good, that's nice, listen, um, I don't know if you been watchin' or not, but, uh, this hasn't exactly been the best night for our family. We lost our tag team championship." "I saw." "Good. We don't want you to lose too." "Concerned?" "Very." "You know, Spike, we offered to come out there and help you out last week on SmackDown! against Bradshaw, and you refused. Now you might've been the new WWE champion if you'da taken us up on that offer." "He's damn right. But whaddyou have now little brother? Nothin'. You got NOTHIN'. Y'see, you shouldn't go against this family. If you had any active brain cells in that little head of yours, you'd take our advice. We gotcha back tonight. We'll be there in your little six-man tag, don't cut me off--" "Wait waitwaitwaitwait, timeout. Last week, I didn't want your advice, and you WERE tag team champions. What makes ya think I want your advice now?" Spike leaves and the other two Dudleys are angry as we go to

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LATER TONIGHT!: Cena vs. Booker!

WWE Cruiserweight Champion REY MYSTERIO, SPIKE DUDLEY and SCOTTY II HOTTY (543) vs. CHAVO GUERRERO, AKIO and JAMIE NOBLE (613)
The faces come out all bouncing, or in Scotty's case dancing, and the heels just walk to the ring. Nice contrast. Akio and Rey start, circle and lockup. Akio with a headlock, Rey punches out and whips him into the ropes, which Akio comes off with a shoulderblock. Akio off the ropes, Rey ducks so Akio cartwheels over him, Akio clothesline ducked, Rey off the ropes with Gail Kim's satellite submission, which Noble breaks up. Akio with a stomp, tag to Chavo. Chavo circling, kick to the gut, kick to the gut, in the corner punch punch punch stomp stomp stomp stomp, now choking Rey with his boot. In the middle of the ring, snapmare and now a half nelson chinlock. Rey elbows out, right, off the ropes into a shoulderblock. Noble tagged in, kick to the ribs, takes Rey's head into the corner. Short arm clothesline for two. Picks him up, thrown into Chavo's boot, tag to Chavo. Noble holds Rey for a Chavo right. Tazz: "I like Noble's General Lee tights." Cole: "1980 wants its show back." Chavo and Rey trading rights in the heel corner, Rey gets the advantage and elbows the other two off the apron. Rey charges and gets an ocean cyclone armdrag, but then runs into a clothesline. Chavo pulls Rey back into the heel corner and tags Noble, then knocks Spike off the apron. Scotty runs in, distracting the ref, and Noble irish whips Rey into a Chavo clothesline, which is ducked. Rey off the ropes, flying headscissors on Chavo, but he catches Noble in a front facelock. Chavo then throws Rey off, and Rey DDTs Noble. Chavo charges Rey and gets thrown out. Rey tags Scotty, Akio runs in and gets a back elbow. Right to Noble, clothesline to Akio, clothesline to Noble, Akio ducks a clothesline, irish whip, reversed, baaack body drop. And here's Noble with a Chris Benoit running forearm. Irish whip, Scotty reverses, Noble reversed THAT and throws him into the corner. Noble charge eats elbow, and Spike tags himself in to come off the top rope with a double stomp to the fallen Noble. Spike then charges and gets a flying headscissors on Akio, sending him out of the ring. Spike ducks a Chavo clothesline, then comes off the ropes with a shoulder ram, followed up with a rana. Dropkick on Noble, now stepping on Chavo in the corner repeatedly. Spike turns around into a Noble clothesline, then backflips out of a Noble back suplex. Kick to the gut, Dudley Dog off of Chavo! 1, 2, broken up by Chavo. Chavo with an over-the-shoulder backbreaker on Spike, but taunt the crowd and gets hit with a Scotty bulldog. AHHHH HE'S GETTIN CRAZY W O R M HOO HOO HOO YA the chop hits! So does an Akio enziguiri, knocking Scotty out of the ring. Akio runs off the ropes and uses Chavo as a springboard for a NO-HANDS PLANCHA, taking out Scotty and himself in the process. What a crazy man. Meanwhile Rey dropkicks Chavo upside the head, knocking him into the second rope. 619, but Chavo moves out of the way, though Rey still slingshots back in. Rey charges, gets back body dropped onto the apron, then brings Chavo out with a bodyscissors. Rey up on the apron, Akio grabs his leg and gets kicked off. Rey grabs the ropes, ASAI MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR! A beauty, too. Spike and Noble are in the ring and legal, Spike goes for the Dudley Dog, and Noble grabs his head and takes him down with a neckbreaker. Ouch. Double underhook, TIGER DRIVER! Absolutely spiked him, almost like a Liger Bomb. And that'll do it at (05'13"). Awesome.

PAUL HEYMAN is backstage. If you want more Josh, this is your lucky night: "Excuse me, Paul? Paul, excuse me. You must be devastated about the fact that the Dudley Boyz lost the tag team titles tonight." "I couldn't care less about the Dudleys losing the tag team titles tonight. I have problems...with the Undertaker. And that puts me in a very compromising position bec--why am I telling you any of this? What I need to say, I need to say to the Undertaker. And I need to do it in public, in the ring. And I need to do it now." He gets up and heads to the ring as we head to

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Shots of beautiful Winnipeg

Last week, the Undertaker developed a taste for blood. A taste for the blood...of PAULS.

Here's Heyman, in the ring with urn: "I have something that I need to say from the bottom of my heart, and Undertaker, this pertains to you." He pulls out a written statement. "I stand before you tonight a humbled man. A man who after deep introspection realizes that I've made a few mistakes in my life. But no mistake as grand as the one I made when I decided to take on you, the Undertaker. And I accept responsibility for my abhorrable behavior, even though it was all Bubba and D-Von's fault. It was Bubba and D-Von who took my simple motivation out of context and abducted Paul Bearer. It was Bubba and D-Von who came up with the idea of putting Paul Bearer in a concrete crypt. And it was Bubba and D-Von who came up with the idea of making you, the Undertaker, bow down to me while I held this urn. Hold on, I lost my place...urn...oh, excuse me...tonight, not only did the Dudleys get exactly what they deserved, but as a gesture of good faith, I want to return this urn to you, sir. And even though I'm not the one who pried this urn out of Paul Bearer's hands, that was Bubba and D-Von too, I would like you, I would ask you to take into consideration that I am the one, sir, who made the conscious decision to return your property to you." He sets the urn down on the mat. "I'm not askin' for absolution, I'm not asking for benediction, I'm not even asking for forgiveness. I'm begging you for a pass. Just, just let this one slide. Because, Undertaker, sir, if you would just ignore the content of my character, and please, sir, pay attention to the context of my apology, I think you'd realize that no one is gonna back me up on this one. I'm all alone. I'm like a little lamb lost in the wilderness. And I'm begging the Grim Reaper to just pass on by. Just please, please, please, please, please, please, please, Undertaker, please, I beg you, take pity on my wretched soul and I promise you I will cross your path no more."

Okay.

UP NEXT! CENA! BOOKER! U.S. TITLE!

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NEXT WEEK! STEEL CAGE! EDDY! JBL!

BOOKER T (256, Houston, TX) vs. WWE United States Champion JOHN CENA (248, West Newbury, MA) for the WWE United States Championship
Cole hypes Luther vs. Haas for next week, though the segment setting that up was apparently cut. Earlier tonight, Luther attacked Cena. Throwback of the night: Winnipeg Jets, #7 Keith Tkachuk. But wait, that's the music of MR. KURT ANGLE, crippled, with Luther Reigns and a cane. Cena is distracted, so Booker attacks. Right, right, right, irish whip, back elbow. Booker picks Cena up, right, chop. To the corner, right, boot, stomp, stomp, stomp, shot of Angle. Booker right blocked, Cena with two of his own, but he gets a knee to the gut. Bodyslam, Cena slips out, tries a rollup off the ropes but Booker holds on and gets a superkick. Angle approves. Cover, two count. Booker gets a wristlock on the mat as the crowd chants for Cena. Booker wrings the arm, back kick to the face. Picks him up, chop. Now in the corner, chop. To another corner, right to the ribs, now a left, and another right. Cena staggering, blatant choke against the ropes. Irish whip, Booker clothesline ducked, Cena's isn't. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Sidewalk slam gets two. Cena with an irish whip, hiptoss for two. Looks around, you can't see me. Off the ropes, Five Knuckle Shuffle gets two. Pumping up the sneakers. Tazz: "Pumpin' em' up, I don't know what it does, but it does somethin' for him, Cole." It gets him kneed in the gut, that's what. Scissors kick dodged, Cena goes for the F U but Booker grabs the top rope. So Cena drops him onto it. Booker to the other side of the ring, Cena charges and gets back body dropped to the floor. Angle stands up and hobbles over, CANE TO THE NECK! AND AGAIN! AGAIN! Angle hobbles back to his wheelchair, and we go to commercial at (04'00").

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We're back as Booker hits a kneedrop and covers for two. And we hit the chinlock. Replay of the cane shots. Cena fights out, elbow, elbow, right to the gut, off the ropes...into a spinebuster. Two count. Irish whip, Harlem Side Kick! Booker walks around, rolls him over, and covers for two. Another chinlock. Cena again elbows out, right, right, in the corner right, right, irish whip to the opposite corner. Charge meets boot, and Cena is down. Cover, two count. Another cover, another two. Third cover, third two. Chinlock. Cena knees out of this one, and Booker forearms him in the face. Irish whip, back body drop telegraphed, Cena with a sunset flip for two. Both men up, Booker with a big clothesline to take Cena down. Booker staring at his hand, Harlem Side Kick ducked, Cena with a kick to the gut and a DDT! Both men down. Cena crawls over and covers for two. Both men up, Booker rakes the eyes and gets a vertical suplex for two. Mounting him and punching away. Irish whip, clothesline ducked, Cena with a crossbody for two. Kick to the gut, small package for two. Irish whip, Booker hangs onto the ropes, but Cena clotheslines both men out of the ring. Both men slowly up, Cena kicks Booker in the gut and rams him into the apron. Cena clothesline ducked by Booker, and instead hits Angle! Cena grabs Angle's cane and whacks Luther in the head with it, as any rational person would after knocking over a cripple. Booker knees Cena in the gut and throws him into the ring. Kick to the gut, scissors kick dodged, F U! And here's Luther attacking for the DQ at (07'11", 11"11" total aired). Stomping away, and finally taking off his tie. Picks Cena up, there's that powerslam->sideslam. Angle has a mic: "LUTHER! LUTHER, GET OVER HERE! GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME UP! AND BRING THAT TITLE WITH YOU!" He does so." "GET OVER HERE, LUTHER! I WARNED YOU, CENA! I'M A CRIPPLE, DAMMIT! I told you that the members of the board said that if you ever touched me again, there would be severe consequences. I warned you, Cena. Help me up, dammit. I warned you, Cena, and you didn't listen. So let it be known, by authority of the members of the board of the WWE, that I, KURT ANGLE, General Manager of SmackDown! hereby STRIP John Cena of the United States Championship!" Luther wheels Angle and the belt out as Cena is anguished. And on a shot of Cena, as the crowd chants both "Cena" and "bullshit", we fade to black.

Wow, a good show! They're turning things around. Maybe. Even Kenzo Suzuki was funny. And Cena seems to have gotten better in the ring. Not that he's that GOOD, and not that that finisher isn't awful, but baby steps. 'til next week, same Feely time, same Feely UPN affiliate. Or same Feely website. Whatever.

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