IWA Mid-South Simply the Best 6 - 04/09/05
by Scott Christ

I wasn't even going to do a road report deal for this one but Cubs insisted because he's a tyrant. Actually, he said something that made sense without making ANY sense, and I was swayed. (In an extra special twist, I've failed to come thru with my end of the deal! - thecubsfan.) Also, because I have nothing better to do right now.

Simply the Best is an annual show (as you might tell by the number!) and this year's was given a high-flying tournament, with eight of the best flippity floppers in the indies coming in. Matt Sydal was the home promotion favorite and seemed likely to win, but he hurt his knee and is out with a slight tear in his MCL or whatever the shit. They tried to get Mike Quackenbush and Jerrelle Clark, but neither could make it. Sydal wanted to work through it, but Ian wouldn't let him, so Emil Sitoci took Sydal's spot. Also, Jack Evans is out because of something to do with his parents. Also, B-Boy is not in the TLC match tonight because of airfare from San Diego, so Trik Davis takes his place.

ON WITH THE SHOW

HIGH-FLYERS TOURNAMENT
JIGSAW v. M-DOGG 20

I hate M-Dogg and have no real opinion on Jigsaw other than CHIKARA is somewhat unnecessarily goofy in my estimation, but whatever. Folk are calling out all of M-Dogg's blown spots!, which unfortunately weren't really happening. This was a little sloppy and pretty dull. M-Dogg also has the wankiest grandiose entrance in wrestling. M-Dogg wins on a shooting star or something, I don't remember. Pretty nothing match.

HIGH-FLYERS TOURNAMENT
JOSH ABERCROMBIE v. JONNY STORM

Josh is Evans' replacement. Storm isn't over at all because I don't think many people know who he is (I only know his name, for instance) and Josh is routinely crap in high-flying matches. This went eight minutes and was a lot like the first one, there were a few neat things but overall it just had nothing going on. Abercrombie finally hits his lungblower thing for the win.

HIGH-FLYERS TOURNAMENT
EMIL SITOCI v. EL GENERICO

Generico looked pretty good, I guess, but Emil really isn't impressive still. Generico won with the brainbustaaaaaaaa.

HONORING A CHICAGOLAND LEGEND

Dave Prazak presented Sonny Rogers with a plaque. No one gave a shit. Then it was on as "Sweet & Sour" Larry Sweeney (accompanied by Jade Chung) hit the ring to insult him. Sonny counters with some of the worst lines ever heard, as not a single person so much as chuckles at anything, and basically the reaction is "......what?" Sonny accepts Sweeney's open challenge. Dave oversells it.

SONNY ROGERS v. LARRY SWEENEY (with Jade Chung)

So bad you could barf for a minute or two, but the last part of the match wasn't quite as bad! Sonny actually had some nice old timey babyface comeback offense. Sweeney isn't the guy to carry anyone in the ring anyway. Sweeney won by cheating.

HIGH-FLYERS TOURNAMENT
JAY FURY v. SONJAY DUTT

Fury was horrible in this match but overall it was a bit of fun. Dutt looked good. Fury almost broke himself on the ropes at one point. Dutt won with a phoenix splash I think.

Intermission. I was less than enthused so far.

CHANDLER MCCLURE (with Jim Fannin) v. MICKIE KNUCKLES

This is a match set up where if Chandler wins, Mickie is to be managed by Fannin for 30 days (I think), but if Mickie wins, she gets three minutes with Fannin. Not in a closet. Mickie is working with a hurt arm so not only is Chandler advantaged by having a penis, but she doesn't even have her left arm to swing for forearm momentum. She throws forearms and kicks and stuff, but Chandler eventually kicks her in the face and hits the touchdown after Fannin slaps him in the face and yells at him. Then, Chandler yells, "Fuck you and your family," lays down, and pulls Mickie on top for the three-count. The place exploded for this. Big "Chandler" chant. It was weird. After he left, Ryan Boz came out to assist Mickie in helping Fannin wear a dress, since she was in no shape to beat Jim up. He had to wear it the rest of the night. THAT WACKY FANNIN, WHAT WILL HE BE UP TO NEXT

NO. 1 CONTENDERS MATCH
CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI v. ARIK CANNON v. DANNY DANIELS

Here's where the show really got rolling. Cannon has new gear, a red trashbag. C'mon, man. The crowd forces a "let's go Cannon" v. "let's go Danny", and we try to help the one or two other guys with "let's go Claudio". Castagnoli looks awesome in this match again, and Cannon seems to be about 100%. This is the first time I've seen him since he came back. Daniels even looked better than usual in this one. Really fun match with lots of big Claudio european uppercuts and the two midgets teaming up to attack the abnormal. Danny hits a sick double-arm piledriver on Claudio, but Jimmy Jacobs, IWA champion, runs in to interfere. Daniels chases Jacobs away, and Cannon and Claudio do the Exhausted Forearm Exchange Spot. Glimmering warlock wins it for Cannon. I was really hoping Claudio would win but that would have been foolish of me to actually expect. Lots of fun in this one.

ADAM JACOBS & SHAWN TEMPERS v. TYLER BLACK & JOEY ENVY v. ERIC PRIEST & SILAS YOUNG v. EDDIE KINGSTON & BJ WHITMER

Outside of Kingston ruling the world and Whitmer being a totally OK tag wrestler, this was absolutely useless. I just had no interest whatsoever in this match. I think Silas won the match for his team.

TANK v. RYAN BOZ

Didn't meet my expectations at all, as the match didn't seem to make any sense really. Yeah, Boz hurt his leg. Now Boz is doing stuff. Hey, a leglock. Oh, he tapped. I get the intent but the execution was lacking. What can you do, I guess. I like Boz and I like Tank. Afterward, Tank taunts the nWo with a dance and hugs that one girl, and she freaks out because fat guys are groooooooooooooooss am I right.

NWA MIDWEST TITLE MATCH
CHRIS CANDIDO (champion, with Jim Fannin) v. IAN ROTTEN

Late addition to the card - Ian was supposed to be elsewhere, I believe, but that got mucked up and he was here, Candido was here, and they had nothing better to do. Ended up as a throwaway that really shouldn't have been, though. Just seemed like another match on the show when this is a match that was built to before cooling off. Now it serves as a minor preview of the War Games match. They did a funny tease of the Candido showing his ass spot, which never came to light in this match. I remember the wrestling was OK, and then Ian went for a tarantula and ended up banging his already-hurting leg on the ground or the apron (either way, he hurt his leg more), and Candido pinned him in a figure-four inside. Pretty decent match. Candido was then rushed by Chuman's NWA team afterward, until Whitmer and Kingston made the save. Then they did comedy on the way back. Come on.

DELIRIOUS v. CM PUNK

Delirious is still light heavy champ but this was non-title as Punk weighed in at 223, receiving a "you fat fuck" chant. This was 100% comedy for the first little bit, and really funny stuff involving the crowd including Shark Boy Guy and the girl that loves Punk that is known as Lizard. When you type these things out, you get a feel for how odd fans can really be. nWo Guys, Shotgun Yan, Lizard, Shark Boy Guy, Cookie Lady, Coach. They had a pretty good match in here too. Punk won with the anaconda vise. Afterward, he took the mic and said Delirious is "fuckin' awesome." Seemed kind of spontaneous, like Punk honestly just had a really good time wrestling him and wanted to say so. Delirious returned the compliments, I think.

BRAD BRADLEY v. SAMOA JOE

This one didn't quite get to the level I was hoping for, but it made its point. Short, hard-hitting, and Joe got rocked heavy by Bradley before winning on a sunset flip for the flash pin. Joe put Brad over on the mic, Brad left, and Joe cut a wicked promo on Necro Butcher for roughing up the ROH students at the CHIKARA tag tournament, saying he never paid any dues, is a bully, and an "untrained, pill-popping, drunk piece of shit," and that on June 11 at the ECW Arena, he's "fucking dead."

HIGH-FLYERS TOURNAMENT FINAL
JOSH ABERCROMBIE v. M-DOGG 20 v. EL GENERICO v. SONJAY DUTT

Bunch of wild flying and crazy bumps, but I missed the first few minutes. It was totally enjoyable and all four guys put on a show. Abercrombie was clearly the weak link, but won the match because he was the only IWA regular in the match. I'm not dissing Josh, I actually like him. Generico hit some wicked Yakuza kicks in here. Brawling around the ring, etc. I don't know how to describe this match. They did a bunch of stuff and Josh pinned someone and won. Sonjay put Josh over on the mic. So that was three straight matches with that. Punk started a silly trend, like boxing shorts.

TLC MATCH
THE IRON SAINTS v. BRANDON THOMASELLI & TRIK DAVIS

IWA tables don't break, and that was true again tonight. Trik and Brandon were a pretty good tag team here, and the Iron Saints actually brought some fire tonight. Vito ended up busted open after some brawling around the concession stand and whatnot. Trik got DVD'd through a bunch of chairs at ringside from the apron, and Brandon ate the double-team flying curbstomp from the ladder on a table inside. Didn't break, so he was dead and it was ugly. Then they powerbombed him "through" a table in the corner. Didn't really break, so he was dead and it was ugly. Much better match than I thought it would be, these guys were ready to go for this one and put their heads on the line.

IWA MID-SOUTH HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
CHRIS HERO v. JIMMY JACOBS (champion)

Probably my two favorite wrestlers. It was really cool to see Jimmy as the champion, plus when he did commentary earlier in the evening, he was in a suit and really looking like the man. Before they got going, Hero said he wanted to wrestle the Jimmy Jacobs he called a brother, and not Jimmy Jacobs the asshole. Jacobs responded that he's the champion and not Hero's little brother anymore. They had a really good match with Jacobs as the dominant heel. Visually, it was a bit of a problem, since Hero is roughly a foot taller than Jimmy, but it worked out because Hero wasn't afraid to sell for Jimmy's offense and especially his strikes. Hero got a nearfall on a Hero's Welcome, and did a one-count power kickout on the contra code, then had fighting spirit and took lots of shots to the head and all this. Bryce Remsburg got casually bumped into or something, so when Jacobs tapped to the Hangman's Clutch, no one was there. There was a chain involved at one point that didn't really come into play. So Jacobs' grand plan was to chloroform Hero until he passed out, then apply a cravate for the finish when Bryce woke up. Hated the stupid ass finish but the match was quite good. Since folk left and some relocated, we ended up watching this match in a section with just Joey Eastman and Jay Fury. Joey and I discussed the forced-ness of "let's go X!" "let's go Y!"

Cannon hit the ring to tell Jacobs he'd never lost the belt, then Jacobs said they didn't have to wait and he'd do the match right then because he's a fighting babyface champion. They rang the bell, but Jacobs left. Hero and Cannon got into a shoving match, and Cannon actually came off as the more likable of the two here, as Hero was just like, "ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! YOU ASSHOLE! IAN CAN I HAVE A MATCH WITH THIS ASSHOLE! GOD I ALWAYS LOSE" while Cannon was like "What's your problem, loser." So on 6/18 in Highland, it will be Cannon v. Hero again, and Cannon may be champion by then. No offense to Arik, but I hope not.

This was a good show, but I am almost totally burnt out on wrestling right now. Jacobs/Hero, TLC, Punk/Delirious, Joe/Bradley and the four-way tournament final made this one worthwhile. The rest was nothing special. I doubt I'll go to the War Games show, but we'll see.

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