WWE SmackDown - 09/02/04
by Scott Christ
I hope this week to be something of a bridge over troubled water, easing you out of Smackdown as we all remember Feely, who died last Friday at the senseless age of however old Feely was, I forgot. If the legacy of a man's life is measured by the lives he's touched and how many times he recapped Smackdown, then a big piece of Feely (ew) will live on - in ALL of us.
"Eddie Guerrero. Kurt Angle. A rivalry born over the WWE Champion Ship. Fueled by their quest for glory. The war that began at WrestleMania XX raged on through SummerSlam. Tonight - these two proud men collide one more time, two-out-of-three falls. Tonight! They answer the burning question: Who is the better wrestler?"
My rights my rhymes
The Arco Arena in Sacramento, CA is home to this week's Smackdown, and we are TAPED! from August 31 and airing on September 2 as Smackdown spans TWO MONTHS.
TONIGHT - Eddie Guerrero v. Kurt Angle 2/3 Falls
But first, it's BOOKER T, in plainclothes, so I guess he's just talking. "Cut the music! You know, it seems that everywhere I go, airports, arenas, hell, even in traffic, people go out of their way to chant CE NA. CE NA. (the crowd responds) Go ahead and chant. But I tell ya - see THIS. Last week, Booker T, down one-oh against John Cena, and look what happened. (we look at Booker with a backslide and the feet on the ropes for the pin) That's right! Clean in the middle! But it didn't stop there, just this past weekend, down under, in Australia - you wanna know what happened? Check it out. (we check out Cena with a crossbody, Booker rolls through, Booker grabs the tights for the pin) Yeah! That's right! I'm gettin' ready to wrap this thing up, man! You know what, I know how important it is to close a series out, unlike...some teams around here. But you know what, I'm real excited, I'm real excited right now, and I got my own rap! You wanna hear it? Check it out!
The name is Booker T I'm havin' FUN I'm gonna beat John Cena Three-to-one
And when you see me walkin' Your lips better pucker So you can kiss my (bleep) Now - can - you - dig - that - SUCKAAAA"
Unfortunately for Booker, REY MYSTERIO is out to interrupt, notably wearing those wack "throwback" WWE logo armbands. Booker points at his belt. "Yo, Booker. Let me ask you somethin', dawg. Do you have a match tonight?" "No." "Okay. Do you WANT a match tonight?" "Look, man, I didn't come here to wrestle!" "I wanna wrestle Spike Dudley for the cruiserweight title, right here, right now! Okay, okay, if you don't wanna fight, I suggest you shut your mouth, and get the hell out of this ring!" "You know what, you musta forgot - you musta missed the sign in the back, man. Before you talk smack to me, you gotta be this big." "That's cute, Booker. You got me, dawg, that's very cute. I know how annoyed you are about those Cena chants. Maybe it's time that you hear a new chant. I dunno, maybe a little somethin' like this - 6. 1. 9. 6. 1. 9. (the crowd responds) So if these people in Sacramento wanna see the 619, I got no choice but to give it to 'em!"
They're going to fight, but instead we get...KENZO SUZUKI (with Hiroko)? Smackdown is stupid! "Rey! Mysterio! 619 is American area code! You are not America! That makes you a liyah. Liyah liyah panss on FIYAH! That makes me MAD! Because. Kenzo Suzuki. Loves. America! I have a big smile like. Tom Cruise. :-D" but here's ROB VAN DAM, goddamn it what the hell. Here's RENE DUPREE and it's a brawl. Booker T just gets out of the ring as RVD and Rey clean house.
Now here's THEODORE LONG. "Hold on a minute, playa! Now it's obvious to me, it seems like all you playas wanna fight! So let's make this official right now! We're gonna have ourselves a six-man tag match, right now! Booker T! Seems to me, that you don't wanna fight! Well lemme tell ya somethin' playa, you got no choice, 'cause it's gonna go down like this. It will beeee - Kenzo SUZUKI! Rene DuPREE, and YOU, Booker T! You gentlemen will be facing Rey MYSTERIO! r v D! And you know somethin', we gotta make this thing real even, 'cause I'm gonna add one more man, and that man, will be this man"
So. You think you're untouchable? Word life, it's basic JOHN CENA. That match is next. This is stupid!!!
Commercials
BOOKER T (United States Champion), KENZO SUZUKI (with Hiroko) & RENE
DUPREE v. JOHN CENA, REY MYSTERIO & ROB VAN DAM
Referee: Nick Patrick
We join this match in progress, and Cena opens up with rights on Suzuki. Blue thunder bomb of sorts, and Cena is...calling for the chokeslam? Oh, u cant c him. Suzuki turns the momentum with shitty clotheslines. Booker tags in, in his dockers and dress shoes. Booker with chops and rights, but Cena comes back with rights. Tag to Dupree. Backdrop on Dupree. Forearm shots look MUCH better than Cena's crappy punches, stick with those! They're even LEGAL, you hood. Cena with a clothesline and a tag to Van Dam. Kick, right, right, right, scoop aaand a slam. Legdrop, cover, 2. Off the ropes, splits, back, monkey flip blocked, German from Dupree is blocked, Van Dam with an armdrag. Rob Van Dam has the gall - the GALL - to do a "whoa, we're on the same page" standoff with RENE DUPREE. To that I say piss on you, Rob Van Dam. R V punch to the nose, good for you, Rene. Van Dam with shoulders in the gut in the corner, but Dupree blocks another monkey flip with a hotshot. Tag to Suzuki. Clothesline. Delayed cover, 2, Mysterio breaks the pin. Booker tags in, Harlem sidekick gets a near-fall before Cena saves. Dupree comes in without a tag as Patrick deals with Cena. Chinlock. RVD gets out, Mysterio gets the tag and is afire. Springboard crossbody, reverse flying ass and a bulldog from Mysterio. Cover, 2. Right, right, off the ropes, Dupree with a "big" boot. Actually if you remember, his feet aren't big, so Nunzio boned Dawn Marie instead of him. French tickler, Mysterio gets away, 'rana into a 619 positon. Mexican-American tickler, Booker cuts off the 619. Cena cuts off the Booker T. Five star frog splash on Dupree. Kenzo gets kicked by RVD, whose ponytail has fallen out and as always he starts looking like the Ultimate Warrior, singlet era. 619 on Dupree! Droppin' the dime. 1, 2, 3. (6'26" aired)
6 Months Ago at WrestleMania, Eddie took his boot off and won
TONIGHT - Eddie v. Angle 2/3 falls
WWE Experience
Commercials
Smack of the Night brought to you by drunk driving: Heidenreich kills Josh
Backstage, PAUL HEYMAN locks a door, and he's met by Teddy Long. Heidenreich is behind the locked door for safety. Heidenreich is fined $5,000 for his assault on Josh. Since he doesn't have it, Heyman will have to pay it. "And you, with the reputation you got, I don't want any checks." Heyman patronizes Long. Long leaves, and Heyman unlocks the door.
Our generous hosts are MICHAEL COLE and TAZZ. Let's take you back to footage of Billy Kidman killing Chavo Guerrero.
Backstage, BILLY KIDMAN and PAUL LONDON get ready. "Hey boy!" It's JAMIE NOBLE. Noble isn't afraid of him. Fact of the matter is, Chavo's career might be over, and it's all Kidman's fault. Kidman...seems reluctant.
Commercials - HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG! MUSTARD MUSTARD MUSTARD
Oh shit it's CARLITO CARIBBEAN COOL. He spits in the face of those who don't want to be cool! This guy is COOL. I hope they aren't expecting me to boo this guy.
NON-TITLE MATCH PAUL LONDON & BILLY KIDMAN (combined 415, WWE Tag Team
Champions) v. THE FBI (combined 451)
Referee: Charles Robinson
London starts with Nunzio. Waistlock from Nunzio, London reverses and goes into a side headlock. Nunzio with the top wristlock, into his own side headlock. Nunzio reverses an arm wringer, London gets out and dropkicks him down. Nunzio walks into an elbow in the corner, and the double stomp to the back from the middle turnbuckle. Nunzio bails, comes back, and smacks London. All four men in as the tempers flare, but the referee settles it. Nunzio goes to the midsection, wristlock takeover, legdrop, 2. Tag to Stamboli. Off the ropes, backdrop. Stamboli picks him up - kneelift, cover, 2. Stamboli charges the ropes, London gets his boot up, but Stamboli presses him and slams him down. Tag to Nunzio, but London manages the tag to Kidman. Off the top with a crossbody, clothesline, off the ropes, back elbow. Off the ropes, reversed though, baseball slide under. Stamboli smacks Kidman on the back, so Kidman...well, he attempts to dropkick his legs. Not sure if he really did. Headscissors on Nunzio, fireman's carry into the knee (Welcome to Chicago, Motherfuckers!) and London comes in to dropkick Stamboli out. Dive to the floor. Nunzio with a Russian legsweep on Kidman for two. Off the ropes, Nunzio runs into a dropkick. Dragged to the corner, Kidman goes up - but he can't do it. London is confused as Kidman just stands there and stands there...and gets down, tagging London. London is distracted, backlside from Nunzio - 1, 2, 3. (4'05")
Kidman walks out and London remains - oh boy it's HEIDENREICH. Heidenreich assults London as they sacrifice a tag champion to get over some shitball that no one is ever going to care about. I guess they at least are using guys willing to die (Josh, London) instead of I dunno, Billy Gunn, who'd just make Heidenreich look retarded. Although Heidenreich does a good job of that anyway. Heidenreich goes after Cole, who runs away. Come on Tazz, get in there and stick up for your pal. Lawler beat YOUR ass for that. Heyman eventually comes down to stop the carnage.
Tough Enough
Commercials
THE BIG SHOW RETURNS - TO SMACKDOWN
Backstage, Theodore talks to BRIAN HEBNER and instructs him to tell Heyman and Heidenreich to suck it. Now he turns to TORRIE WILSON. She's neverous about Big Show's return. Don't worry, Torrie - he has to attend anger management. She's not impressed.
Here's a clip from Day of Reckoning
JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD will join us for commentary.
ORLANDO JORDAN (Miami, FL) v. CHARLIE HAAS (241, Edmund, OK, with Miss
Jackie)
Referee: Jimmy Korderis
Jordan and Haas grapple on their feet, and Haas rolls him in a waistlock. Haas over to the front facelock as JBL says if Haas beats Jordan, he'll defend against Haas at No Mercy. "Champ, no disrespect to Charlie Haas, but he is no Undertaker." Shut up Cole. Jordan with a spear to take Haas down on a clean break from the corner, and rams him head-first into the corner. Cole continues to blow Undertaker from a distance. Jordan works on the upper back. JBL doesn't know what city we're in. Neither does Tazz. Jordan goes up top - flying crossbody misses. Haas with a big right, down. Big right, down. T-bone suplex, cover, 2. Into the corner, kick, right, whip to the other side is reversed, Jordan's charge meets turnbuckle. Haas springs up with a twisting double-axhandle. Haas goes for a German suplex and Jordan rips a turnbuckle pad off, sending Haas in and he's out. Reverse neckbreaker - 1, 2, 3. (3'45") Post-match, JBL hits Haas with the clothesline from hell for no good reason.
IVORY, BIG SHOW and LINDA MCMAHON were at the Republican National Convention.
TONIGHT - Eddie v. Angle 2/3 falls
Commercials
Here's a shot of the beautiful Arco Arena in beautiful Sacramento
Here are some clips from Australia
THE DUDLEYS (combined 543, with Spike Dudley) v. BILLY GUNN & HARDCORE
HOLLY (combined 503)
Referee: Nick Patrick
Absolutely not. Match sucks, Spike hits Holly with the cruiserweight belt, Bubba covers for the win. (3'05")
Last Month at SummerSlam, Angle made Guerrero tap
TONIGHT - Eddie v. Angle 2/3 falls
Commercials
Carlito Caribbean Cool walks. "Look at these people. They disgust me. Look at the way they walk. They way they talk. They're not cool like me - Carlito. Caribbean Cool." He steals some old white nerd's phone. Nerd: "Hey!" "Cool it, man. Can't you see Carlito's on the phone?! And he's calling everyone in the WWE and he's warning them. 'Cause I'm coming. Carlito. Caribbean. Cool." This guy is awesome.
Raw Rebound feat. Eric Bischoff's foot
Eddie and Angle walk backstage - 2/3 falls - NEXT
Commercials
ThrowBack!: Brock Lesnar and Big Show BREAK THE FUCKEN RING (06/12/03)
TWO-OUT-OF-THREE FALLS
KURT ANGLE (237, Pittsburgh, PA) v. EDDIE GUERRERO (228, El Paso, TX)
Referee: Brian Hebner
Guerrero tries to trip the heel, but Angle takes the back. Fireman's carry by Eddie, Angle comes back into a front facelock. To the corner, clean break. Collar-and-elbow, Angle with a double-leg slam. Guerrero spins out and wags his finger. Knuckle lock, Angle has the advantage. Eddie turns it over, drop toe-hold and into a side headlock. Angle takes him over and looks for an americana. Wristlock, Guerrero trips him down and takes hold of the leg. Angle escapes, headlock takeover. Cover for one. Angle works the side headlock. Eddie with a top wristlock, Angle pulls the hair to bring him down. Staredown. Collar-and-elbow, side headlock from Angle, off the ropes, big shoulderblock puts Eddie down. Back up, headlock takeover, counter, up, headlock takeover from Guerrero. Angle tries to turn into the top wristlock, can't do it, and Angle pulls the hair again. Hebner didn't see it but questions Angle. Eddie's frustrated about it and says he'll play it that way. Battle over a top wristlock again, with Angle winning. Guerrero pulls Angle down by his singlet and they do some comedy with the referee. Eddie pisses Angle off using the singlet. Eddie with a side headlock and he's breaking out the comedy. Into the corner, clean break and Angle is getting frustrated now. Angle drops the straps so Eddie can't use the singlet. Angle with a roundhouse right. Off the ropes, Guerrero tries a sunset flip and pulls Angle's singlet down. Angle bails to the floor. Guerrero sits on the ropes with a smile as Angle walks out into the entranceway. Eddie tells him to kiss his ass. Angle pulls the straps back up before re-entering the ring. Angle smirks, charges, armdrag from Eddie, armdrag from Eddie. Clothesline attempt from Angle misses, Eddie grabs a waistlock but Angle gets a mule kick in. Angle with a right, right, Guerrero fights to his feet and unloads with big roundhouse rights and just kicks him squiy in the nuts. Hebner saw it. That's a DQ. (DQ - 8'29" - Angle 1, Guerrero 0) Let's take a break as Kurt holds his junk and smiles.
Commercials
We're back with Eddie unloading in the corner. Off the ropes, Angle catches him with a backdrop and follows up with a belly-to-belly. Right and another one puts Eddie down. Up, vertical suplex, cover, 2. Cover, 2. Angle with a waistlock and he sits it down to wear Eddie down. Guerrero powers up, elbow, elbow, break, release northern lights. Right hand, right, whip reversed, caught - belly-to-belly. Cover, 2. Angle scoops him and drops him with a backbreaker for another near-fall. Angle pulls in a camel clutch-like hold with his knee in Eddie's spine. Guerrero gets away, but can't catch a break and gets GERMAN'D! And again he is GERMAN'D! And a third time he is GERMAN'D! Angle sets - Angle slam is countered with a cradle, 1, 2, 3! (3'45" aired - Angle 1, Guerrero 1) Guerrero walks it off on the floor and we go to another break.
Orton v. HHH - Unforgiven - September 12
Commercials
Back and Guerrero is holding a waistlock. Eddie shimmies. Elbow, elbow, elbow but Angle with a forearm, forearm, forearm to counter. Angle slam is countered with a headscissors this time. Both men down, count, back up. Trade of rights. Guerrero's getting hyped up and Angle doesn't know what to do. Guerrero with a flurry, shimmy, clothesline. Spinning headscissors. Kick to the stomach, up for a vertical suplex, Angle slides down, and hits the release German. Angle Slam - countered AGAIN, this time with a DDT. Up top - Kurt springs and throws him. Scurry over, cover, 2. Angle Slam? Eddie misses a clothesline, this time the Angle Slam hits. Cover, 2, KICKOUT. Eddie sends Kurt into the turnbuckles, and he hits los tres amigos. LUTHER REIGNS is on the apron as Eddie goes for the frog splash, so Eddie axhandles him down. Back up, frog splash misses. Angle Slam hits again, drop the straps - ankle lock! Guerrero can't reach the ropes. He counters, and Angle hits the ref. Guerrero is up and all smiles. Reigns is up on his feet again, so Eddie hits a slingshot plancha onto him. Eddie grabs a chair. Shot to the gut, shot to the back. Reigns is back, same thing for him. Hebner's stirring so Eddie slides the chair over to Angle and plays dead. Angle grabs the chair - Hebner sees him. Guerrero fucks around behind Hebner's back. Angle gets rid of the chair and Hebner lets it go. While Angle begs Hebner, Reigns hits Eddie in the leg with a chair. Ankle lock is on again, and this time it's grapevined. Angle taps. (7'05" aired - Angle 2, Guerrero 1)
Luther takes Eddie out and Angle looks on a little confused. We end with Luther Reigns.
Wow that wasn't as good as I'd hoped. Eddie and Horshu? Shut up Smackdown.