WWE Raw - 08/02/04
by Scott Christ


This is late! But only by days. I'm trying to get it done before Smackdown airs with the Raw Rebound.

CC - TV-14-DLV - SmackDown!/WWE Experience/Bottom Line/Velocity/Heat/Afterburn/Tough Enough - RAW - Attitude - Entertainment - Bischoff

Last Monday, we had a "WWE Sixty-Minute Iron Man Match" in Pittsburgh.

LIVE! on August 2, 2004 from the SBC Center in San Antonio, Texas.

We have intro, but it gets cut off midway through. I am thoroughly surprised what with the crowd noise over the music, which never happens any other time. I thought, "Wow, is this just a production foul-up?" But nope - it's TRIPLE H, and he's NOT the world heavyweight champion. "Enough! I'm (?) this show down! I'm (?) this show down!" HHH makes his way down to the ring. "(heavy breathing) (heavy breathing) (heavy breathing)" You tapped out! "Last week, I was supposed to become the world heavyweight champion for a ninth time! Something few men ever have or ever will do! I wrestled Chris Benoit in this ring for sixty minutes! Again - something few men in the world could even DO. I fought until I needed an IV to replace what I had lost!" The match? You tapped out! "I scratched, I clawed, I fought my heart out! I fought my soul out! I fought as if MY LIFE depended on it! Because it did. Because this IS my life, that championship IS my life. And it was taken away from me. It was all ... taken ... away from me ... by a moron. By a dolt. By an idiot! By a simpleton! He took it from me, it was taken by a man that can't even comprehend what he has done to me! Eugene. A man who cannot even comprehend what I am about to do to him. Eugene, it is time for me to make you understand. I am not leaving this ring, Eugene, until you come down here, and you pay that price. Eugeeeeene. Eugeeeeeene! EUGENE! EUGENE! EUGENE! EUGENE! EUGENE! GET OUT HERE NOW!"

"Dear dear dear dear." It's WILLIAM REGAL. "Someone has lost their temper, haven't they? I hate to be the one to inform you, lad, but, Eugene isn't here this week. You honestly don't think that I would lead that lamb to slaughter, no no no no. What kind of a man do you think would let Eugene into the building last week? Rather perplexing question, isn't it? What kind of a diabolical villain do you think would tell Eugene to get involved in your match? It was me, sunshine! You see, me and you know each other very well indeed, don't we? Let me give you people a little history lesson. Eleven years ago, me and you were a tag team in WCW. In fact, I was your mentor, wasn't I? Yes indeed I was. What can I say? I mean, let's face facts - some people, people like us, we're just born naughty, we are. That's why we gravitated toward each other. And if you would have used and abused anyone else except for that poor, dear boy Eugene, I would have applauded your cunning. But for a clever man like yourself...it was very foolish to take advantage of a disadvantaged boy. Because now, you've made an enemy out of me! And if you want to fight, look no bloody further! Because I will quite gladly now, go and change into my ring attire, and I will join you back in that ring, and I will BATTLE YOU with EVERY OUNCE of VILE AND VENOM that RUNS THROUGH MY VEINS!" Regal chant. Man. I think I just peed a little.

TONIGHT - Benoit/Edge/Jericho v. Orton/Flair/Batista. Ugh, I hate summer reruns.

HHH continues to stew in the ring.

Backstage, THE DIVAS.

Commercials

Back - COACH is with the Divas. Eliminated: Camille. Later tonight they'll have 20 seconds to plead their case to me, the viewer.

NON-TITLE MATCH - RHYNO & TAJIRI (combined 481) v. LA RESISTANCE (World Tag Team Champions, combined 477, Province of Quebec): Your referee is Chris Kay. La Resistance wave the flags at ringside, so Tajiri and Rhyno dump them. Tajiri dropkicks Grenier into the barricade outside, and Rhyno and Conway are in the ring. Rhyno with a shoulderblock, off the ropes, clothesline puts Conway down again. Slam, camel clutch and Tajiri comes in with a dropkick to the face. Grenier gets flapjacked. Conway is knocked to the floor. This is ASSAULT. Rhyno and Tajiri beat Grenier down with chops and Kay tries to get control of the match. Grenier is kicked by Tajiri, handspring elbow connects. Grenier leapfrogs a gore, but Conway eats it instead. Sunset flip by Tajiri on Grenier - 1, 2, 3. (1'39") Wow. All that time spent building Conway and Grenier as a TAG TEAM that works together, and now they just get squashed to death to build new contenders. That's sort of like one bird with two stones.

TONIGHT - HHH v. Regal

Commercials

SummerSlam: Chris Benoit v. Randy Orton

TODD GRISHAM is with RANDY ORTON. "You know what, Todd? Let me ask YOU a question. Do you believe in destiny? Well I - well I do. And I believe the reason that I lost the intercontinental championship to Edge last month is I am DESTINED to become the youngest world heavyweight champion in history. Now I know what you're thinkin' - Brock Lesnar. Heh heh. Brock Lesnar defeated the Rock in 2002 at SummerSlam for the world title at the young age of 25. But at SummerSlam this year, Randy Orton will be a very young 24. And just think, I'll have accomplished more at the age of 24 than most people accomplish in their entire life. Now Chris Benoit, he's the world champion. He is the toughest, he is the best...right now. But y'see Todd, at SummerSlam this year, Chris Benoit's gonna be like Mick Foley, Harley Race, Shawn Michaels (yay!) and Stone Cold Steve Austin (yay!) - they're all the same. All, that whole list, they've all been laid down by the Legend Killer. They've all been killed off by the hands of the Legend Killer, and the next - AND YOUNGEST - world heavyweight champion, Randy Orton."

Smackdown Rebound feat. YOUR - NEW - GENERAL MANAGER, THEODORE LONG

Oh heavens, LITA talks to STACY KEIBLER backstage. You're kidding yourself if you think I'm going into this too far. Stacy excuses herself and Matt says he wants to marry Lita. What a fucking dopey idiot. I was really hoping he was going to come into the room and be like, "Yeah hey Lita. Hey Stacy, wanna go on a date?"

Hard Knocks: The Chris Benoit Story

Commercials

Rewind! Rosey saves Stacy from Tomko, brought to you by Wrangler. TYSON TOMKO (275?????????????????!!!!!!, Jacksonville, FL, with Trish Stratus) v. ROSEY (365, with Stacy Keibler): Okay, WHAT THE FUCK? 275?? 275??? King spends his time questioning Matt Hardy's decision to marry a trashy whore. Referee is Jack Doan. Collar-and-elbow, Tomko with a side headlock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock, Rosey doesn't budge but Tomko goes down. Tomko with some crappy forearms and rights to the gut. Rosey tosses Tomko to the floor, but he comes back. Foolish Tomko, you're clotheslined back out! Stacy shows her approval by...lifting her leg. What a strange young woman. We're back in and Tomko has just decided falling on the floor is cool by him, so he'll punch Rosey bunches. Boot choke. Rosey won't be whipped, but nevermind, yes he will. Rosey with a legdrop from the second rope, Stacy showers her approval by...cartwheeling. Tomko doesn't seem to mind that second-rope legdrop from the 365-pound man, either. Rosey with a scoop aaand a slam, off the ropes, he twists in mid-air (wow! agility!) and drops the leg again. Two count. Spinebuster from Rosey, he goes to the corner again, Trish distracts. Big boot - 1, 2, 3. (4'00")

Last Monday, Jericho eliminated Edge from a battle royal.

NEXT - Highlight Reel w/Edge

SummerSlam spot with Tajiri playing table tennis and misting his opposition. Nowhere near as funny as it should've been.

Commercials

It's time for the Highlight Reel! It's time for CHRIS JERICHO. Y2J Y2J. "Wow, this is the Highlight Reel - yeeeeah!" What the. "We're gonna cut right to the chase, get right down to business, because tonight, my guest requested to be out here on the Highlight Reel - and it's also a coincidence that my guest is also one of my tag team partners in the big six-man extravaganza in the main event on Raw tonight, he is also the current, reigning intercontinental champion. Ladies and gentlemen and Jerichoholics of all ages - EEEEDGE!" It's EEEEDGE. Jericho extends his hand and Edge...hesitates. "Y'know, I, I know you requested to be out here, and, I'm glad that you did because on the way to the ring, I received some late-breaking news that involves you. I found out at SummerSlam, you're going to be defending the intercontinental championship in a triple threat match - oh yeah. The match is going to be Edge versus Batista versus Y! 2! J! Y! 2! J!" Edge isn't amused at all. "You don't look very thrilled about that match, as a matter of fact you don't look very thrilled at all. Which leads me to believe maybe you came out here to talk about the battle royal last week on Raw. The battle royal when I eliminated you. If that's the case, Edge, it's, it's nothing personal. The rules state it's every man for himself, that's the nature of the beast, I was just doin' what I had to do to win." "That's true. That's true, Chris. And maybe I was bein' a little bit naive, because we eliminated five guys together. And it came down to you, and me, and Randy Orton. But'cha couldn't put that big ego aside, couldja? Ya got that big ol' head of yours, you couldn't put it aside, couldja? So instead of you and me, you eliminated me. And now, it's not you, it's not me, instead it's Randy Orton wrestling for the world title at SummerSlam." "Believe me when I tell ya I didn't want Randy Orton to win that match either, but let's look at the facts, EDGE. You ended up on the apron side on the other side of the ropes, and when I saw that, I was faced with a decision. I was faced with a choice - either make sure you get back into the ring, or make sure that you don't. I chose option B, and I made sure that you didn't come back into the ring, because I dumped your ass to the floor. And I know if you would've had the chance, you would've done the exact same thing." "Yeah, you know what, you're probably right. I probably would've. But because of your decision, I had to go to the back, and watch Randy Orton eliminate you from the battle royal." Some fat girls LOVE Orton. "But it brought another thought to mind, Chris - I haven't seen you dumped that badly since Trish Stratus." That got a reaction. Staredown. Jericho's hurt. "Okay, I see I see I see how you're doin', I see what you're doin' here, I see where you're goin', I see the real Edge. Your ring song poses the question, you think you know me - well I think I do know you, Edge, I know you just fine, I know you just perfectly. And I know that in two weeks at SummerSlam, you're going to be the assclown that loses his intercontinental championship to ME, Chris Jericho! What do you think about that, PARTY MAN?" Yeah, PARTY MAN. ASSCLOWN. Staredown and jawing. Mics are dropped. Edge iwth a right! Right! Jericho fires back. Boots to the face, SPEAR! Big boos and Edge freaks out destroying the set. Edge goes out to ringside - and retrieves a steel chair. Edge thinks about it...thinks about it...and decides against it. Edge helps Jericho up apologetically, but Jericho sucker-punches him. That was fun!

TONIGHT - Benoit/Jericho/Edge v. Orton/Flair/Batista

Voting begins at 10pm eastern

NEXT - HHH v. Regal

When you think of Divas, do YOU think of their beauty, style and charm? I think of their titties. Let's be serious.

Commercials

Last Monday, Eugene hit HHH with a chair. This is brought to you by Anacondas, the sequel to the acclaimed Anaconda, starring everyone's boyfriend Owen Wilson.

HHH is out for the match, but he's jumped from behind by Regal. Regal beats the hell out of Helmsley on top of the ramp, throwing hard straight lefts, bouncing him off the set and going over to the commentary table. Regal with more lefts and a right jab to the midsection. He kicks HHH down the ramp, picks him up, left and down he goes further. They're at ringside, and Chad Patton is in the ring. HHH tries to whip Regal into the steps, but it's reversed. Regal with knees to the face and into the ring - bell rings.

TRIPLE H v. WILLIAM REGAL: Necro Butcher sign from the guy that had the Ian Rotten 4 Pres sign earlier. What a big fan. HHH with a big right, Regal goes down. HHH falls - and he has brass knux on. Bell rings. (DQ - 0'14") What a gyp. Replay shows that HHH clearly did not have the knux ON, just in his hand. Good job. Helmsley goes to the floor, goes under the ring, and he's got the sledgehammer. He hits the steps twice. Regal is busted the F open. HHH raises the hammer, but Regal nails him with a left to the gut. Regal crawls over and has the knux, and screams in bloody fury - sledgehammer to the head. Regal's out. Jack Doan and Chris Kay are out, here's Earl Hebner too. Earl calls for help as HHH drops a knee on Regal's nads. That is a gusher. Hammer to the head again. They've finally backed him off and they've got EMTs with a backboard out. Regal's put into a neckbrace and loaded onto the gurney. Retard Helmsley plays to the crowd on his way up the ramp because he can't stop himself from such things. HHH comes back and gets into Regal's face and tells him to inform Eugene he's going to be hurt. Regal is bleeding all over. HHH leaves and comes back AGAIN and turns the stretcher over. That is fucking dangerous and disgusting. Helmsley throws his hammer up the ramp and tries to channel Austin's rage and intensity. This was good but HHH really needs to stop with the cheap anti-hero face stuff.

Commercials

Moments Ago, it was moments ago

Backstage, Helmsley washes the blood off his hands and such. ERIC BISCHOFF wants him to do the same thing at SummerSlam - against Eugene.

Tonight we're the guests of our hosts, JIM ROSS and JERRY THE KING LAWLER. Great segue as Ross goes from yelling about the inhumanity and vileness of it all into "changing our pace a little bit" - here's the Coach with his whores. They all give 20-second speeches. Did anyone say, "Hey, Joy, honey, those are a little big. They're like pillows on your shoulders." Christy the feisty redhead is GOING BALD.

In the boiler room, KANE threatens Lita. For whatever reason, she accepts the stipulation of Kane v. Matt Hardy at SummerSlam, Lita marries the winner. That's so stupid it can only mean she's turning.

Commercials

The Lone Star waves, and here's a shot of the beautiful SBC Center in beautiful San Antonio, Texas

TONIGHT - Benoit/Jericho/Edge v. Orton/Flair/Batista

KANE (320) v. MAVEN (235): Folks, William Regal has been taken to a medical facility. Refree is Chris Kay. Maven attempts to use his speed, ducking a clothesline and hitting a shitty spinning heel kick. Dropkick sends Kane to the floor. Maven attempts a suicide dive. Mickie Knuckles' elbow suicida is better than that. Anyway, it does not work, he gets kicked on his fast plummet back to earth. Kane breaks the count and drops Maven on the steps. Yadda yadda yadda - chokeslam 123. (2'37") Kane wants to speak on this: "Lita...I hope you saw this. Because this is exactly what I'm going to do to Matt. At SummerSlam. It will be the FIRST...everrr 'Til Death Do Us Part Match." Exciting!

LIVE!
08/07 - Sovereign Bank Center - Trenton, NJ
08/08 - Seagate Convention Center - Toledo, OH
08/09 - RAW - Gund Arena - Cleveland, OH
08/15 - SummerSlam - Air Canada Centre - Toronto, ON
08/16 - RAW - John Labatt Centre - London, ON

Commercials

Stacker 2's YJ Stinger presents WWE SummerSlam from the sold-out Air Canada Centre in Toronto on August 15. JBL v. Undertaker for the WWE title, Eddie Guerrero v. Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit v. Randy Orton for the world heavyweight championship, Batista v. Chris Jericho v. Edge for the intercontinental title, Matt Hardy v. Kane in a stupid match and Triple H v. Eugene.

Coach introduces divas - IN BIKINIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEXT - Benoit/Jericho/Edge v. Orton/Flair/Batista

Commercials

RANDY ORTON, BATISTA & THE NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR (combined 810) v. CHRIS JERICHO (230, Manhasset, NY), CHRIS BENOIT (World Heavyweight Champion, 229, now residing in Atlanta, GA) & EDGE (Intercontinental Champion, 250, Toronto, ON): Batista really needs to trim the back of his hair. And lay off the bronzer. Referee is Earl Hebner, and Edge blows off his partners to slide into the ring and attack Randy Orton, choking him with his silly pleather coat and all. Standing dropkick and Edge is just ON FIRE. Edge tags Jericho in with some 'TUDE behind it. Jericho with a hiptoss and Orton is reeling. Front facelock and a vertical suplex - cover, 2. Orton up, kick, European uppercut, tag to Flair - wooooo! Flair styles and profiles a little too much and eats chops for it. To the corner, out, backdrop. Benoit headbutts Flair, Jericho chop, Benoit headbutt, Jericho chop, Benoit chop, flop. Big pop for that as Benoit shakes his chopping hand in the background. Flair spits at Benoit twice and Benoit tags in. Tight collar-and-elbow, into the corner and Flair unloads with three chops. Benoit fires back with five - no, six. Flair pokes him in the eye. Crowd is WAY into Flair and Benoit. Flair: "Backslide." Benoit with a backslide for two. Batista tags in and stomps away. Into the corner, Batista adds some flava to his shoulderblocks, kicking his leg up before moving in. Chop, chop, off the ropes, caught with a Batista sidewalk slam. Cover, 2, shoulder up. Into the Evolution corner and Orton tags in. HA-DOUCHE! HA-DOUCHE! HA-DOUCHE! - three kicks from Orton. Orton stomps the bread basket and grinds his boot, then tags Flair in mid-grind. Another trade of chops, won by Benoit. To the corner, charge, Flair gets an elbow up. Figure-four leglock! I'll be damned, he just put it right on. Flair humps the air and everything. Shoulders down, one-count. Flair slaps at Benoit, Benoit tries to slap back but his arms are too short. Benoit turns the hold over, so Batista comes in with an elbowdrop. Edge is mad. Batista tags in, forearm to the lower back. And again. Scoop aaand a slam. Off the ropes, elbowdrop misses. Benoit with a dropkick low that Batista just doesn't pay any mind to. Batista gets posted trying to shoulderblock Benoit in the corner, and both are struggling. Tag to Jericho! Whip reversed, back elbow ducked, crossbody caught, powerslam slid down, chop block succeeds! Jericho tries the Walls but haha, you're dumb Jericho. He gets his revenge with a running rope-assisted Mike Enos. "Bulldog" from Jericho, lionsault connects! Cover, 2, Flair and Orton are both in. This calls the babyfaces in, and I check my watch as we're sure to head to a break with the heels sent packing. Yep - (7'56")

Commercials

We're back and Orton is work work working the chinlock on Edge. Edge elbows out, Orton tries to hairpull him down, but Edge hits a forearm. Orton turns his back on the apron for no reason, other than to get speared in the back and hit sternum-first on the barricade. Orton's sell is good at least. Back in, cover, 2. "Y2J" chant. Flair tags in and works jabs in a headlock with Hebner's back turned. Flair with rights and lefts, rights and lefts and a strut when Edge hits the canvas. Strut -> kneedrop, WOOOO! WOOO! Chop. Edge with a right. Chop, Edge with a right. Chop, right, side headlock by Edge. HARD collision on the shoulderblock, and retard Flair goes up top. Take a guess. Both men down but moving and crawling. Tag to Orton, tag to Jericho. Kick, kick, chop, chop, off the ropes, back elbow by Jericho. Snapmare and a kick to the back. Shot to Batista - he wasn't DOING anything to you! Back suplex from Jericho, off the ropes, elbowdrop. Elbowdrop. Jog-in-place, elbowdrop. Cover, 2. Orton fires a shot and hits the 3.0. Flair tags in and tries the figure four and the crowd just starts going nuts with a "We Want Benoit" chant. So they get him. Is San Antonio Benoit country? Chops and Flair flips to the apron, then takes a shot and hits the floor. Flair pulls Benoit out, eyepoke. Flair just walks into a backdrop for some reason. Tag to Batista and thank God because Flair's mindlessness is amazing tonight. SUCK DICK BATISTA you're in the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Man that was awesome. Just out of nowhere. Orton saves the day and Jericho is furious. Benoit forearm, chop, tag to Jericho. Batista sends him in, telegraphs a backdrop and gets kicked and forearmed down. Jericho into the wrong corner, tag to Flair. Chop! Off the ropes, Jericho gets a clothesline. Walls of Jericho is on. Batista interrupts but is dropkicked out. Orton walks down the apron and gets springboard dropkicked. Batista's back - SPINE ON THE PINE. Batista tags in, cover, 2. Knee driven into the back, up, scoop to the shoulder, tag to Orton, powerslam. Orton follows with a jumping kneedrop. Knee choke and Orton forearms the chest all to hell and work work works another chinlock. Orton's breathing like freaking Kane. Benoit leads a clapping routine but it dies out before Jericho makes the rally. Elbow, elbow, elbow, forearm from Orton. Off the ropes, Jericho sidesteps the running nothing and gets the sleeper drop. Batista tags in and cuts off Jericho's potential tag. Backbreaker, cover, shoulder up at two. Batista holds Jericho over the knee, working the back in theory but just allowing him to take an awkward breather in reality. That really looks like shit. Jericho tries to knee his way out but Batista doesn't care. Batista knocks Edge off the apron for no reason. Jericho manages the enzuigiri and he has only one man available to tag now.

Tag to Orton, tag to Benoit, and they saved that for well into this match. Benoit takes out everyone and chops the hell out of Orton. Flair is backdropped again, chopped again, chopped, chopped, chopped, chopped, chopped, chopped, chopped, and Orton tries to come up from behind, only to eat three exaggerated German suplexes. Cut da t'roat! The end is by God near. Up top - diving headbutt connects to the bicep area. Cover, 2, Flair breaks. Finally Edge is back with a weak spear on Flair. Batista jumps Edge, Jericho jumps Batista. Let's work in some more friction - Jericho accidentally forearms Edge when Batista ducks. Lariat for Jericho! Lariat misses Benoit, German suplex for Batista! German suplex on Orton. Flair tries a figure-four on Benoit again, but it's countered with a roll into the sharpshooter - WHAM RKO! 1, 2, 3! Orton pins Benoit! (13'18" - 21'14" aired) Orton poses on the turnbuckle and we'll see you next week.


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